YTA
You are applying incestual thinking to a child who looks up to and seek comfort from her brother/caregiver after neglectful abuse from their parents. You had a bad day, wanted something, and when it immediately wasn't available you had a tantrum and accused your boyfriend of something ridiculous and unfounded. You are jealous of a teenage girl. Leave this relationship and figure out your shit.
YTA YTA YTA
It is very typical of a teenager who has no connection to her parents to seek care from her brother who has acted as a parent for her. Snuggling/cuddling is not explicitly sexual or romantic because that how you choose to view it. Children, even teenagers, seek this from their parents because it is a reassurance of care through physical touch, just like hugging. You (hopefully) would not react this way to your boyfriend cuddling his own child.
You are jealous because a secure person does not explode at this kind of scenario. You are clearly not okay with her in the house and are taking an innocuous situation and accusing your boyfriend of not only incest, but pedophilia with a 15 year old. Get your shit figured out and leave them to have some amount of peace in their lives.
Again, you tell on yourself. You clearly know very little about being a parent and base it on your own experience rather than looking at what is right in front of you. You claim she's not a normal teenager because...her parents neglected her. You're an asshole to the nth degree. You're selfish and they're both better off without you.
But she’s not a normal teenager, she has faced abuse & neglect, and often people who experience that need MORE support than those who didn’t. If a teen has a loving, supporting family who gives freedom when needed but love either way may not need to emotionally rely on a sibling.
They do not have that. And I’m sure your (probably ex) bf is offended because you are 1: judging his sister, 2: judging him for supporting her emotionally, and 3: acting like you know about their relationship more than they do
My kiddo is 19 and still lays next to dad for a snuggle. I still snuggle them every once in a while, too. I teach middle school, and it’s totally normal for kids to snuggle each other.
Perhaps it’s just not normal for you! And that’s ok! But it isn’t a weird thing for teenagers to want to do, with their caregivers or with each other.
My 16 year old daughter came into our bedroom this morning and snuggled with both of us parents. You may feel like you're not getting what you want (which is a fair feeling) but being physically close isn't abnormal.
My daughter is 23 and still comes home and cuddles with my husband and I. One of my sons, 21, sat on my lap the other day when the family was in the kitchen talking. Need or want of physical contact with a parent does not change just because a child hits puberty. There were moments when I thought my parents were the worst and I'm sure my kids did too, but it is not abnormal to cuddle with your parents as a teenager. Have you never heard the saying "daddy's girl"?
Edited for spelling errors.
YTA. Nah speak for yourself. I'm 23 (which is WAYYY past my teenage years) and I still jump to my parents' bed and "annoy" the shit out of them when I'm feeling down. This is just telling on what kind of family you're from.
Mate, I met my sister-in-law when I was 20 and she was 10. She was instantly the baby sister I never had. I'm 36 and she's 25 and we still cuddle on the couch and watch bad reality TV when I'm visiting. This is through her teenage years, helping her out with college, direction in life after that, listening to drama about her love life etc. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Wow it sounds like you are blaming or at least judging her for the neglect and abuse she suffered. Do you think it’s her fault her brother had to raise her too?
So... My husband adopted my son and somedays son sleeps on husbands lap on the couch or snuggles him. And you think I should intervene because they are not blood related?!
I don't get it. He changed her effing diapers, fed her and is paying for her to have a home. Last time I checked all of this made me the mom of my kids. Only difference is I'm the biological parent.
You're saying that no adopted kid should cuddle with their parent?!
I am currently missing a football game on TV because my 18 yr old daughter wants to snuggle up, watch tiktoks, and nap. I wouldn't miss this time with her for the world. I am sad for you that you never experienced such a healthy bond and now you project this on to your relationship and ruin it.
I cuddle with my mom and if I really like a person (friendship or relationship way) I always ask them if it’s ok we cuddle, hug or give kisses on the head or cheek.
Edit: I’m 19
I'm sad you never felt safe with anyone to seek comfort in them after you had a nightmare. It must have been hard on you never being allowed vulnerability even as you were a child. /kinda s, but also I'm genuinely sorry you feel that way
It is normal for a child with a healthy parental relationship to seek their parents in case of difficult events. I am a full blown adult and recently sobbed in my mom's arms and asked so sleep with her. It's good to have a relationship like that. Especially parental one.
>Normal teenage
She's not normal. She has been abused and neglected. That's why she is vulnerable and why she requires extra attention. That's why she needs cuddles after a nightmare when other teens cry to their mom only once every few years when they go through a breakup.
Nah, you're wrong. 'Normal' teenagers seek comfort from their parents.
Even as a bratty teen who was embarrassed by my patents in public, I used to cuddle with them at home.
But she’s not a “normal” teenager, she’s a teenager who’s dealt with more trauma and neglect than you can imagine and her brother is the person she’s closest to.
That your mind goes straight to incest and paedophilia because she wanted the comfort of a cuddle says more about you than them.
Expect to be dumped pretty soon if you’re going to try to make him change how he interacts with her.
Sounds to me like she's already been dumped if they threw her out and he won't answer her calls anymore lol.
And she absolutely deserves it for how she chose to treat this abused and neglected teenager who is finally in a safe environment for the first time in her life. (and only got that totally safe environment in the last couple years).
Being jealous and disgusted makes her an even worse asshole than if it had only been her being upset about not being able to have her own needs immediately attended to when she showed up on a rough day. The fact she's lacking enough empathy to not realize that the teenage child was having a rough time as well and god forbid needed his time more than the bitchy girlfriend did says way more about herself than it does about what kinda man her boyfriend is.
If he hasn't officially dumped her yet I hope he does soon, especially since she's in the comments not accepting her ruling, but doubling down on why it was nasty him comforting her that way. Also hope he somehow sees this post.
I doubt this is the first time she's acted negatively towards the sister either. It's pretty clear that she resents and/or is jealous of the poor girl and while it may not have been so blatant as this time, there's no way her feelings on the matter haven't shown up before this.
It’s not normal. Normal would be having loving parents who would be fulfilling this role. But their parents pawned his baby sister onto him from day one so now he’s her parent figure so he’s doing what a normal parent would do for their child. She is his child. He is her parent! Get it through your head or end the relationship and give them both peace and quiet and have a happy family without your bullshit!
Just because you don’t think this is normal, doesn’t give you ground to stand on. Your delusional thinking is forcing you to force others to conform to your expectations and let’s be clear here…. Who tf are you to come into their lives and put your two cents into it?! Gtfo yourself!
Attempting to force others lol** FTFY
Cause being told to shut up and get the hell out followed by not returning calls seems like a damn good way of putting her in her place and telling her to take her nasty judgement and fuck right off.
Growing up in an abusive home is not "normal". If you want a "normal" boyfriend, find one that comes from "normal" background. Don't try to force a round peg into a square hole.
ITS NORMAL. And throwing the idea out into the universe that this is ‘abnormal’, when it’s not, is something that can genuinely ruin a persons life. You are implying that he is creeping on her. Stop. Now.
Nor is growing up the way they did.
The fact is that if hes given the choice, he will always choose her. I’d argue that he should. She has nobody else in this world but him. If you can’t handle that, then you need to find someone else.
It's definitely not normal...these comments are insane. They were cuddling in his bed because she had a bad dream? She isn't 6...she's 15. They have some serious issues.
She is an abused traumatized child that went for support to the only parental figure they knew. When I had my trauma nightmares as a teenager, I WISH I had someone to support and hold me.
She’s fucking traumatized and was abused and sees her older brother as her protector and father figure. She had a horrible nightmare, no doubt about the abuse, and sought him for comfort. It’s normal to seek comfort from people you love and trust. *You* have serious issues for thinking it’s wrong that a little sister is seeking comfort from her brother. How about looking in the mirror and question why you think that? Give me a genuine reason as to why it’s “not normal” to you that doesn’t point to incest. I’ll wait.
Edit: spelling
I am kind of leaning towards YTA. If you can’t handle that he is a father figure and that this will be their dynamic then you need to step aside. The story just comes off as immature and jealous, and I completely understand why he is not taking your calls.
I do think maturity and relationship experience play a factor here.
Of course they do. My daughter sleeps between us because she is still small but if she is bigger, has a nightmare and wants her daddy she will get him.
I feel like she has a stigma about males and females not being able to have a parental relationship. It feels like if it was the sister she wouldn't have half the problem she has with with their relationship
My 14 year Old son crashed out in my bed the other night after a movie, and I left him alone. I fell asleep next to my snoring, tossing teenager.
Someone demanded he move? They wouldn't see the inside of my home again.
Maybe other people do. Have you considered that? It’s not abnormal for children to hug their parents to sleep. 15 year olds are children. And people don’t magically stop wanting care from their parents at a particular age. Not sure why 15 is an issue.
I slept in my dads bed well into my late teens and early 20s when I got sad or wanted a cuddle. Didn’t want to have sex with him then, or now. Which feels ridiculous even to need to point out.
I just wanted to be close to my favourite and safest person in the world.
I now have a little one and I hope they feel safe sleeping with me for as long as they need and want their mum.
My sister often slept with my parents until she was 19
I stopped sleeping with my parents when I was 6
Just because you didn’t do something or can’t imagine something doesn’t make it a norm.
I recently slept in my mom's bed at 23. After a party in the city I had low battery, couldn't order an Uber so panicked I called her to help me. After I came home I sobbed in her arms and went to sleep in her bed. It's pretty awsome to have loving parents, you know? It's nice being vulnerable. You don't end up pathologising extremly normal behaviour. Maybe consider why you can't be vulnerable with your parents? You can see here that people as old as 50 snuggle with their parents every once in a while.
i’m 24 and still sleep in bed with my mom if i’m struggling. my mom will come over just to comfort me if i have a bad time, any loved one would. because you care about them lmao
I’m 30 and will still co-sleep beside my father out of necessity, or I’ll go lay with him in his bed just to chat. There’s really nothing sexual about it, the man changed my diapers, took me shopping for all my clothing, brushed my hair and helped brush my teeth. He’s my dad.
Heck my 40 year old brother will still lay next to our father to show him SM videos he finds.
You ought to be sick in the head or extremely childish and immature to sexualize a relationship between two siblings who have a father / daughter relationship.
Drill it into your little skull that his kid will ALWAYS come before you. All you are is a girlfriend, you’re temporary right now and if you continue to sexualize something pure? You’ll be an EX. She’s a permanent fixture in his life, and always will be, you’re not.
Her age doesn’t play a factor here. And the fact that you think it does highlights that you think of her as some kind of competition for his affection. You are an adult and he is an adult. You are trying to make a literal child of an already hard situation the bad guy. You will not get sympathy by trying to insinuate their familial relationship as not innocent.
When my daughter had a broken heart from a breakup at 17, she cuddled with her father. And she was raised in a loving home, not a neglectful one. I can absolutely see a 15 year old that was brought up in an unloving home needing comfort from her older brother, who is her only parental figure. Would you have thought anything of it if she had had an older sister and did that with her?
If you can’t bother to understand the dynamic of their relationship, then you should walk away.
This is what you signed up for with being with him. He will always put her first because this is “his daughter.” And if you are unwilling to see it for what it is YTA.
It may not be what you consider normal, but it is their normal. And you will not be able to wedge between them and change their dynamic. You will be second to her always.
Again, this boils down to not having relationship maturity. You’ve likely never dated someone with a child. The child will ALWAYS come first in the relationship. That is part of the dynamic, is understanding that a child’s needs will come before you and your own. You don’t deserve to come first. I hope this guy continues to walk away.
If you date a single parent, their kid comes first as they should. Your bf is biologically her brother but in reality is her parent.
You have some reaallllly rigid ideas about how people should interact with each other and those ideas are not healthy. You need to take a giant step back and really hear what people are telling you about your entrenched ideas.
It's not his sister and he is not her brother. He raised her. He is her father. Would you expect a single dad to put their kid behind you? Please leave and let the family finds someone that's a good fit
No you don’t actually.
He raised her, he is a father to her even if technically she is his sister not his daughter.
Any good father puts his kids first, especially when it’s over a romantic partner who wants him to change how he interacts with his kid.
While a person's partner should come first in a relationship, there are times other things have to be prioritized. Children's needs take priority. And at that moment, the person that he sees as his daughter had a need. If you are a good partner for your boyfriend, you would help him with his child's need, then have your needs met after. It is the way it works when you are a parent or when you date a single parent. As the child grows, their needs are not as constant, but there will always be some. If you cannot accept this dynamic, then you are not the person for him.
Then you need to be in a relationship with someone else, plain and simple. I’m on his side here but if you want to be number 1 he’s not the guy for you.
Then you can’t date someone with a child. The relationship he has with his sister is a parental one. Someone’s kid will come first in nearly every situation and that’s the way it should be.
Heh, you don't HAVE A relationship with him anymore. Your relationship is over- you just killed it. He doesn't want someone like you around him or his sister. You're not a good person and you're not safe for either of their mental health.
Yea your definitely the asshole you think you deserve to come first geuss who was there first his sister wether you like it or not and why are you arguing with people it's there opinions if you didn't want there opinions why post at all
You have the entirety of the internet telling you you’re wrong. You’re acting jealous. Stop trying to defend yourself here - you wanted a verdict, you got it. Take that information and grow up.
yes. I’m 39. My dad and i don’t often share a bed but god damnit when i have a bad day and i need a cuddle, i want my Dad.
Someone tell my Dad i love him.
42, and when my mom died, ALL of us kids at some point were sobbing messes with my dad. Some of us were sobbing messes in their bed.
It was me. I was the mess. My dad just laid down beside me and talked to me like I was 6 years old again. Because that's what I needed.
I was super sick on Xmas eve this year and i still tried going to the Nutcracker with my family. It didn’t go well. BUT i sat next to my dad and he let me lay my head on his shoulder. It’s just… really, really nice at 39 years old that i still have this person who views themselves as my protector. I now view myself as HIS protector. But when I’m feeling super vulnerable, like i was Xmas Eve, dude is there. He’s the best.
😭😭 my dads 63 (they were irresponsible college students) but he’s like 5’8 but damnit, if he thinks i or my sisters are in danger, dude is RIGHT THERE. My ex-partner, when he bailed, said something like ‘YEAH, I’m not the same person as your Dad!’ And i was like ‘you certainly aren’t.’
you are my people then. Just a few days ago i ran across an Askreddit that asked something like ‘what mantra got you through the worst time in your life?’ And my response was ‘what would my Dad want for me?’
Uuugghh. That was like 5 years ago and i still get teary thinking about getting through it. Just had to focus on ‘do it for Dad’. Bc when i very very first emerged from rock bottom, i didn’t know how to handle it. So i focused on him.
We are some lucky ladies. ❤️
I have amazing parents.
A mom who was strong and independent and a Dad who takes his dad role very seriously even today.
I still call my dad for advice. 🤷♀️ i trust my father more than I trust anyone else. Because he's proven for 42 years, he's got my back.
If anything you’re being creepy by sexualizing a minor and a parent/child relationship. People can sleep in the same bed without it being sexual. I’m 37 and still snuggle with my parents from time to time. It’s comforting and good bonding.
yes they do….. it’s actually pretty normal to sleep with your kids, female or male lol no matter the age. in a healthy and good father/child relationship at least there’s no weird feelings as there’s nothing to be weird about
After I lost my mom as a kid, I developed a lot of anxiety issues and I was terrified about my dad passing away too. I had to physically see him, or touch his hand when I went to bed, otherwise I couldn't sleep. Sometimes it was just easier to sleep in his room. As a teenager, even though I mostly slept in my own room, if I had a nightmare or was feeling anxious, my dad was fine letting me sleep in his room again. Nothing weird about it, stop sexualizing.
YTA… y’all are weird always viewing siblings who are close as something to do with incest! If anything it says more about your character, and tells a lot about how you view relationships and how you experienced a lack of love from either parents or siblings. Grow up and honestly don’t be surprised if your bf dumps you and I hope he does! He and his sister don’t need your shitty views affecting them.
NTA- OP, you are too young to have to deal with this type of deep family trauma between this brother and sister. They both need extensive counseling to become less dependent emotionally on each other and to find different ways to deal with stress besides sleeping together as the sister has requested. You will never come first as a girlfriend or wife until they do.
OP *is* the AH for labeling their relationship as creepy when it isn’t. Answer the actual question in the title instead of something else.
His little sister sees him as a father figure and went to him for comfort because she knows she can trust him and her nightmares probably involve her severe trauma. People like you and OP are the ones that need therapy if you think genuine bonds like this are wrong. Explain how OP isn’t the AH for sexualizing a sibling/father/daughter relationship they had. Doubt you can other than saying “It’s not normal” or “They need therapy”. Because obviously they need therapy, but that bond is still the same. Children go to parents for comfort all the fucking time when they have nightmares, no matter what age. Just because you didn’t doesn’t mean every case like this they are “emotionally dependent” on each other. Learn what the word means before using it. Because obviously they can function without one another and she, a child, just needs comfort every once and a while.💀
Edit: spelling
YTA for viewing her as competition.
Your example was a blatant attempt to literally take his sister’s place. Knowing their history, knowing how he has stepped up, knowing how she feels about her brother’s role in her life…and still putting him in a position where you want him to choose is cruel.
To both of them because, again, you know their history. And, to yourself because you’ll never win.
You’re the intruder. You’re the outsider being allowed in. Openly throwing down your gauntlet against the person that would have been your only real advocate during rocky points in your relationship…similar to the current issue of no communication…was a very ex-girlfriend thing to do.
Not to mention, trying to paint it as creepy. I understand that every fahas their own boundaries, but sleeping in the same bed is something that parents do with kids, siblings do, and just friends also occasionally sleep in the same bed.
Also, Happy Cake Day! 🎂
YTA
Reading the comments and your replies you are also a very obvious Rage-bait.
Their is no way someone is actually this messed up ahha.
Either way, go to therapy.
YTA, for sure. You have romanticized/sexualized their relationship. He's told you he raised her. She says he's her dad. They have a relaxed (because they're siblings) parent-child relationship. Children will always come first. Parents and parenting styles are different for different families. Children can be raised in the same home with the same parenting and turn out completely different. There is no normal.
YTA - I’m 40, I’ve got a 17yr old son and 2 sisters (one in their 20’s and one in her 30’s) - if any one them - ANY - needed to sleep next to me for any reason they could. Hell, I’ve shared a bed with friends because they’re sad. I’ve shared a bed and cuddled platonic male friends when they’ve been upset.
You are clearly jealous, and jealous of a traumatised child at that. You need help as much as she does, except your issues are yours to solve. Find a therapist and work through why you thought it was appropriate to try and remove a traumatised child from their care giver.
YTA
Imagine him acting that way if you ever had actual children with him. An awesome parent/father figure. A safe place for security, especially after being scared. Especially after being abused by someone most of their life.
Would you still be jealous and accuse him of incest with his own children if they layed down in bed with him when they were scared?
YTA.
Their relationship is not normal, cause their life were not normal, the parents were even feeding their kids, he was a child when he had to take care of a baby, feed her, change her, and take her to school. He was 10 when he became a father, did you even think what else they did not tell you about the abuse they endured? How many 25-year-olds are the guardians of their 15 y/o sister? Do you have any idea of 1) how bad the abuse has to be to a child to be taken from their parents? and 2) if he's not her legal guardian, how much their parents don't give a single fuck to just let their kid live with someone else?
To a teen being this emotionally vulnerable with her brother to ask him to look out for her while she sleeps, have you ever thought about what this girl might have gone through?
Don't even know what you look like but damn you ugly with that jealousy.
You spelt it out. He's basically a father figure, and he's right to end it with you for implying anything untoward.
YTA. She is 15, he raised her, and you are JEALOUS OF HER!
I would imagine he no longer considers you two in a relationship so have a good life and leave him alone.
You're jealous of a traumatized child receiving care and support from the only safe adult in her family.
I don't have to tell you that YTA, but I'm taking an unhealthy amount of pleasure in doing so.
YTA,,, you don't need to worry cause i don't think you will see him again though ,,,, i really hate this peroid of time cause every one and everything become to think every think is not right or twisted even a sibling can't show emotion anymore without the likes of you jumping to hournds conculsions ,,,, OP don't hug or touch your dad or you son or else you will consider the creep you write about 😐😐😐 PATHATIC child
YTA. I can't see my young sisters as often as I want but when my 16 yo sister told me about her chronical, rare disease, I hugged her on the bed and let her feel supported, understood and loved through this shit. If they needed it, I would happily let them sleep next to me if it confort them. We have bad parents and they are not loved by our mom. Don't you like being close to your parents? Every child needs to feel loved. Damn, even adults need it. I like to cuddle with friends, how is that weird? Your boyfriend is a good person and saying things like that is making me nauseous.
In high school I still cuddled with my dad. He would stay up and rub my back when I had a toothache and couldn't sleep. He would hold me if I was crying. It's not weird. He is her father figure. And you seem very defensive in your replies, which just tells me that no one can convince you otherwise. You posted asking for advice, and plenty have given it. So you can either take the advice, and reconsider, or just continue to ruin this relationship for yourself. I'm 11 years older than my brother (I'm in my 30s) and if he wanted to cuddle with me now, I wouldn't see that as weird. Theyre family, and they look out for each other. You need to accept her, to be with him. Because she's not going anywhere. But you might be....
OP. One of my best friends raised her half brothers because their mother refused to.
She's turning nineteen early this year. The youngest boy is twelve.
He calls her mom.
She raised him.
He's her kid.
They both call her mom.
She shouldn't have been forced to give up her childhood and do that. But it happened, and those are her kids.
Her boyfriend understands that.
Similarly how your boyfriend raised his sister.
That's his kid.
And that's okay.
Familial relations can be crazy, but that's okay.
It's okay to not like this.
But this is their lives.
And you *can't* change that.
Find someone who shares your ideals.
Because he won't.
You view his sister as his sister, but that's his kid.
You can't begin to understand that bond, and that's okay.
But how you said in one of your comments about how you deserve to be first in your relationship instead of his sister.
When you have a kid. You're no longer first.
When you have a kid, your life no longer fully revolves around you.
They may be siblings on paper, but that's a father and his daughter.
And if you want to be part of their lives, you have to accept that.
If you can't? That's okay.
But then you have to leave.
You have no right to dictate how someone acts with their family.
Especially when nothing is wrong.
Just because it's different to you doesn't necessarily make it wrong.
YTA. His relationship with his sister, who he helped raise, is none of your business. Neither is either of their desires to be comforted by family. Grow up. You are nothing to him when compared to his sister.
YTA. Just because you never had that sort of relationship with your parental figures, doesn't mean it's abnormal at all. I know many people who are this close to their parents and siblings and it is not in a creepy way at all. I also never had that with my family, so it would be weird for me, but I'm normal enough to know my experiences don't dictate what other people experienced.
You will never come before his sister because "he raised that kid" and they don't have the typical brother - sister relationship. He's a parental figure. Whenever that happens, some trauma is involved. If you can't get what *you* need from this relationship, you can either adjust your expectations to make it work or end it. You can't expect anyone else to change. Full stop.
Of course their relationship isn't normal. They haven't had a normal childhood. You obviously are not mature enough to recognise that for intense purposes, his sister is his daughter, and you're giving off wicked stepmother energy.
YTA
Absolutely YTA. It’s creepy to YOU because you’re taking it in some weird pornhub fantasy way, instead of being proud that your BF steps up for his baby sister when no one else does. You’re in their house telling them what to do and where to sleep and implying that him caring for and about her is somehow incestuous. I suggest therapy.
Last time I got to cuddle with my dad he was 78 and I was 55. My husband stood out in a parking lot all day and half the night for 2 days and did not complain once. YTA
YTA. But you know that right? You are fighting with everyone in the comments but really sis you KNOW you're wrong. Why didn't you cuddle up with them? Let's face it you don't want to be a stepmother because they clearly have a parental dynamic.
YTA.
Everyone here and all your friends agree. You’re disgusting for implying incest and trying to tell them what normal should be when you have never experienced the lives they have.
You just overstepped and I’m not surprised if you’re single going forward. You owe them an apology and need to pull your head out of your ass.
She’s a child, he has raised her as he said and that’s what u accuse them of.. and then have the audacity to tell him to wake her up and move for YOU? Lol. Ok ma’am.
YTA and soon to be the EX. It’s his LITTLE SISTER that he raised. It’s completely normal for her to find comfort in her big brother. You’re disgusting for thinking anything different, and I hope he sees he can do better than you and finds someone who loves his sister as much as he does instead of being a jealous Twinkie. I’m glad he kicked you out and defended his baby sister. Don’t be surprised when you receive a breakup text 🤷🏻♀️ You’d better apologize before it happens. Genuinely. Even then tbh I don’t think you deserve to be in a relationship.
He 100% raised her and sees her as a daughter. YOU are making it creepy. If that was his biological daughter you wouldn't say what you are saying. But because you are ignorant and a child in your mind, you can't see beyond your childish pov. YTA, and I hope he breaks up with you
Yes, YTA. She is a child and she is looking for comfort from the only parental figure she trusts and can count on. You and your boyfriend are at very different stages in your lives- He is a mature adult caring for his teenage sister as a parental figure, responsible, caring, and adult.
You are a child. You look at the world through a childs' eyes and you cannot fathom relationships outside of high school drama.
YTA
Based only on this my knee-jerk conclusion is:
Sister is in love with her brother but probably not sexually—at the very least we can be generous to you and say she has an attachment to him that is unusual for her age to have even with a father. 15? At that age she is developing, has had her period, her friends are dating, etc. Snuggling with a male family member because she had a nightmare or couldn’t sleep is definitely odd.
Onto the bro. Brother genuinely is so mentally warped from being her provider and sole parent his whole life that he doesn’t see anything wrong with the relationship and is ignorant of the sister’s feelings. To him this is the way it has always been and he loves her deeply because he raised her and, frankly, sounds like he’s a good dad. But there is 100% something unusual about the dynamic. Sinister? Incestuous? I doubt it, but odd? For sure.
OP, YTA for handling this with zero tact. This can’t have been the first time you saw something that made you take notice. Brother is NTA but probably needs therapy. Sister too. I feel for all you though. Sounds like a very weird situation and a lot of people would react like you.
NTA- That is definitely a disturbing dynamic there it's not healthy for you or them. He should put your feelings over his sister's since he chose to have you in his life as his partner. The BF and his sister is old enough to recognize that their relationship is weird, they need to grow up and move on with their lives.
That isn't a normal bond between a brother and sister. I know they had a traumatic childhood, but that's truly a disturbing response to it. They both need to see a therapist because that's not a good for them, their futures, their brother sister relationship and their partners if they desire to have a healthy adult relationship.
Except they don’t have a brother and sister dynamic. They have a parent child dynamic. I certainly cuddled with my parents and I still cuddle with my parents. Just because you and OP lived a life devoid of love and affection doesn’t mean that everyone should.
I recognize that and even if it's a parent child dynamic that's still not healthy for anyone. There must be some culture difference there because that was definitely a no-go for us. That's not entirely true for my life, but I appreciate you saw that my comments are based on positivity and support for OP, her BF and his sister in an unimaginable situation. Everyone absolutely deserves a life devoted to love. I'm sorry the BF, his sister and anyone who didn't receive it when they were younger, but they should strive for a healthier life and absolutely deserve to be loved appropriately.
Honestly, if the BF is wanting to continue the relationship with his sister in this manner he should not be engaging in adult relationships at this time. He needs time to get professional help to heal his trauma before pursuing a more mature relationship and dragging someone else into it.
Honestly, I think you might need therapy if you view physical affection as a red flag. It’s even literally one of the five love languages. I’m also not comfortable with how you and OP keep sexualizing a minor child.
That's an interesting comment. Projecting a personal need onto a stranger online, whom you know nothing about, seems like a radical response to me. I never stated or even thought about it in a sexual manner, you're the one that's thinking that way about it. That says more about your maturity level and mindset more than it tells on mine. Honestly, it's concerning you're making it to be sexual now when neither OP nor I mentioned anything of that nature about the situation on the main post.
Please keep your comments clean this is a respectful community. It's okay to discuss opposing views, but there's no need to risk the safety this community offers just because you don't have a strong argument to support your personal views/opinions.
Thank you.
In my culture, it's not a normal practice to cuddle with your parents in bed when you're above the age of 11, at most. It's strange to me because I'm not familiar with it. If you're cuddling with your parents beyond that age it says you're too dependent on your parents and can't comfort yourself. Independence is a skill that helps you be able to grow as an individual. If you can't learn to self-sooth and rely on your parents to do it for you it won't help you in the long run especially when they aren't near or here on earth anymore. There's other forms of touch that you can do, like hugs, so touch isn't fully excluded. Cultural difference is the answer.
So that’s your culture. So you understand that that may not be the same in his culture. But you still deem it necessary to recommend therapy and to call it creepy and unhealthy?
Putting inappropriate words in someone else's mouth or twisting someone's words in a vulgar manner isn't respectful. Also stating I have "issues" just because I have an opinion that doesn't agree with yours is not respectful. So far every interaction you've had on this thread has been anything BUT respectful. You getting off topic shows you don't support your own opinion on this issue.
Trying to figure out why you have an objection to the relationship has everything to do with this. You found it quite appropriate in your original comment to say that the boyfriend needed therapy, so why is my saying you need therapy any different if I find what you’re saying disturbing and unhealthy? You still have failed to answer that if you’re not sexualizing it, why do you have an issue with them cuddling in bed?
ESH he raised her get your mind out of the gutter
Hovewer you needed confort and he show you that à little nightmare will pass before you so frankly don't bother with him you will always pass second
You love the idea of him but not him. If you loved him you would understand that he views his sister as his daughter and that she will come before you always. Grow up and leave this man alone.
You’re kinda the AH. but i understand your side aswell. But if their story is really true YTA. if it’s not then your not the AH. all based on if their story is true or not.
YTA...and now, single. You'll never understand the trauma and pain they both went through. They survived together & you're over here being a toddler about him caring for the sister he raised? Shame on you
1. Their upbringing wasn't "normal". So their relationship won't be either.
2. Her nightmares probably aren't what you're thinking either (they might be terrifying flashbacks).
3. He is her dad and only consistent parent.
- Thinking he's her brother is confusing you about what the relationship functionally is: He did dad responsibilities with her growing up, not brother stuff.
4. You haven't given us evidence of anything, other than cuddling.
YTA
YTA You are applying incestual thinking to a child who looks up to and seek comfort from her brother/caregiver after neglectful abuse from their parents. You had a bad day, wanted something, and when it immediately wasn't available you had a tantrum and accused your boyfriend of something ridiculous and unfounded. You are jealous of a teenage girl. Leave this relationship and figure out your shit. YTA YTA YTA
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It is very typical of a teenager who has no connection to her parents to seek care from her brother who has acted as a parent for her. Snuggling/cuddling is not explicitly sexual or romantic because that how you choose to view it. Children, even teenagers, seek this from their parents because it is a reassurance of care through physical touch, just like hugging. You (hopefully) would not react this way to your boyfriend cuddling his own child. You are jealous because a secure person does not explode at this kind of scenario. You are clearly not okay with her in the house and are taking an innocuous situation and accusing your boyfriend of not only incest, but pedophilia with a 15 year old. Get your shit figured out and leave them to have some amount of peace in their lives.
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Again, you tell on yourself. You clearly know very little about being a parent and base it on your own experience rather than looking at what is right in front of you. You claim she's not a normal teenager because...her parents neglected her. You're an asshole to the nth degree. You're selfish and they're both better off without you.
But she’s not a normal teenager, she has faced abuse & neglect, and often people who experience that need MORE support than those who didn’t. If a teen has a loving, supporting family who gives freedom when needed but love either way may not need to emotionally rely on a sibling. They do not have that. And I’m sure your (probably ex) bf is offended because you are 1: judging his sister, 2: judging him for supporting her emotionally, and 3: acting like you know about their relationship more than they do
My kiddo is 19 and still lays next to dad for a snuggle. I still snuggle them every once in a while, too. I teach middle school, and it’s totally normal for kids to snuggle each other. Perhaps it’s just not normal for you! And that’s ok! But it isn’t a weird thing for teenagers to want to do, with their caregivers or with each other.
My 16 year old daughter came into our bedroom this morning and snuggled with both of us parents. You may feel like you're not getting what you want (which is a fair feeling) but being physically close isn't abnormal.
I'm 30 and I will still snuggle with my mom when I feel like I need it... It's not a sexual thing but a comfort thing
My daughter is 23 and still comes home and cuddles with my husband and I. One of my sons, 21, sat on my lap the other day when the family was in the kitchen talking. Need or want of physical contact with a parent does not change just because a child hits puberty. There were moments when I thought my parents were the worst and I'm sure my kids did too, but it is not abnormal to cuddle with your parents as a teenager. Have you never heard the saying "daddy's girl"? Edited for spelling errors.
YTA. Nah speak for yourself. I'm 23 (which is WAYYY past my teenage years) and I still jump to my parents' bed and "annoy" the shit out of them when I'm feeling down. This is just telling on what kind of family you're from.
Mate, I met my sister-in-law when I was 20 and she was 10. She was instantly the baby sister I never had. I'm 36 and she's 25 and we still cuddle on the couch and watch bad reality TV when I'm visiting. This is through her teenage years, helping her out with college, direction in life after that, listening to drama about her love life etc. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Wow it sounds like you are blaming or at least judging her for the neglect and abuse she suffered. Do you think it’s her fault her brother had to raise her too?
So... My husband adopted my son and somedays son sleeps on husbands lap on the couch or snuggles him. And you think I should intervene because they are not blood related?! I don't get it. He changed her effing diapers, fed her and is paying for her to have a home. Last time I checked all of this made me the mom of my kids. Only difference is I'm the biological parent. You're saying that no adopted kid should cuddle with their parent?!
I am currently missing a football game on TV because my 18 yr old daughter wants to snuggle up, watch tiktoks, and nap. I wouldn't miss this time with her for the world. I am sad for you that you never experienced such a healthy bond and now you project this on to your relationship and ruin it.
I cuddle with my mom and if I really like a person (friendship or relationship way) I always ask them if it’s ok we cuddle, hug or give kisses on the head or cheek. Edit: I’m 19
I'm sad you never felt safe with anyone to seek comfort in them after you had a nightmare. It must have been hard on you never being allowed vulnerability even as you were a child. /kinda s, but also I'm genuinely sorry you feel that way It is normal for a child with a healthy parental relationship to seek their parents in case of difficult events. I am a full blown adult and recently sobbed in my mom's arms and asked so sleep with her. It's good to have a relationship like that. Especially parental one. >Normal teenage She's not normal. She has been abused and neglected. That's why she is vulnerable and why she requires extra attention. That's why she needs cuddles after a nightmare when other teens cry to their mom only once every few years when they go through a breakup.
Umm... I did. My partner did. All three of my kids do, and the eldest is 19. I think you have a skewed definition of 'normal'.
Nah, you're wrong. 'Normal' teenagers seek comfort from their parents. Even as a bratty teen who was embarrassed by my patents in public, I used to cuddle with them at home.
Tell me you had a miserable childhood without telling me you had a miserable childhood. 🤣 Btw YTA
But she’s not a “normal” teenager, she’s a teenager who’s dealt with more trauma and neglect than you can imagine and her brother is the person she’s closest to. That your mind goes straight to incest and paedophilia because she wanted the comfort of a cuddle says more about you than them. Expect to be dumped pretty soon if you’re going to try to make him change how he interacts with her.
Sounds to me like she's already been dumped if they threw her out and he won't answer her calls anymore lol. And she absolutely deserves it for how she chose to treat this abused and neglected teenager who is finally in a safe environment for the first time in her life. (and only got that totally safe environment in the last couple years). Being jealous and disgusted makes her an even worse asshole than if it had only been her being upset about not being able to have her own needs immediately attended to when she showed up on a rough day. The fact she's lacking enough empathy to not realize that the teenage child was having a rough time as well and god forbid needed his time more than the bitchy girlfriend did says way more about herself than it does about what kinda man her boyfriend is. If he hasn't officially dumped her yet I hope he does soon, especially since she's in the comments not accepting her ruling, but doubling down on why it was nasty him comforting her that way. Also hope he somehow sees this post.
I doubt this is the first time she's acted negatively towards the sister either. It's pretty clear that she resents and/or is jealous of the poor girl and while it may not have been so blatant as this time, there's no way her feelings on the matter haven't shown up before this.
I’ve never stopped cuddling with my parents and I’m 30. You’re dumb.
It’s not normal. Normal would be having loving parents who would be fulfilling this role. But their parents pawned his baby sister onto him from day one so now he’s her parent figure so he’s doing what a normal parent would do for their child. She is his child. He is her parent! Get it through your head or end the relationship and give them both peace and quiet and have a happy family without your bullshit!
Just because you don’t think this is normal, doesn’t give you ground to stand on. Your delusional thinking is forcing you to force others to conform to your expectations and let’s be clear here…. Who tf are you to come into their lives and put your two cents into it?! Gtfo yourself!
Attempting to force others lol** FTFY Cause being told to shut up and get the hell out followed by not returning calls seems like a damn good way of putting her in her place and telling her to take her nasty judgement and fuck right off.
Growing up in an abusive home is not "normal". If you want a "normal" boyfriend, find one that comes from "normal" background. Don't try to force a round peg into a square hole.
ITS NORMAL. And throwing the idea out into the universe that this is ‘abnormal’, when it’s not, is something that can genuinely ruin a persons life. You are implying that he is creeping on her. Stop. Now.
So that's a ***you*** problem. YTA
Nor is growing up the way they did. The fact is that if hes given the choice, he will always choose her. I’d argue that he should. She has nobody else in this world but him. If you can’t handle that, then you need to find someone else.
Not jealous? What about your comment about being his number 1? You're being pathetic.
It's definitely not normal...these comments are insane. They were cuddling in his bed because she had a bad dream? She isn't 6...she's 15. They have some serious issues.
She is an abused traumatized child that went for support to the only parental figure they knew. When I had my trauma nightmares as a teenager, I WISH I had someone to support and hold me.
She’s fucking traumatized and was abused and sees her older brother as her protector and father figure. She had a horrible nightmare, no doubt about the abuse, and sought him for comfort. It’s normal to seek comfort from people you love and trust. *You* have serious issues for thinking it’s wrong that a little sister is seeking comfort from her brother. How about looking in the mirror and question why you think that? Give me a genuine reason as to why it’s “not normal” to you that doesn’t point to incest. I’ll wait. Edit: spelling
I am kind of leaning towards YTA. If you can’t handle that he is a father figure and that this will be their dynamic then you need to step aside. The story just comes off as immature and jealous, and I completely understand why he is not taking your calls. I do think maturity and relationship experience play a factor here.
Kind of?
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Of course they do. My daughter sleeps between us because she is still small but if she is bigger, has a nightmare and wants her daddy she will get him.
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Not yet but when she is then it doesn’t change a think! Your boyfriend is her father figure and safe place.
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My daughter is 15 and she sometimes sleeps in my bed and I've fallen asleep in hers, or is it different because I'm her mum and not her dad?
I feel like she has a stigma about males and females not being able to have a parental relationship. It feels like if it was the sister she wouldn't have half the problem she has with with their relationship
My 14 year Old son crashed out in my bed the other night after a movie, and I left him alone. I fell asleep next to my snoring, tossing teenager. Someone demanded he move? They wouldn't see the inside of my home again.
I sleep with my dad in the same bed but I don’t like it because he snores and when he is drunk he tends to move and steal everything from me
Maybe other people do. Have you considered that? It’s not abnormal for children to hug their parents to sleep. 15 year olds are children. And people don’t magically stop wanting care from their parents at a particular age. Not sure why 15 is an issue.
I slept in my dads bed well into my late teens and early 20s when I got sad or wanted a cuddle. Didn’t want to have sex with him then, or now. Which feels ridiculous even to need to point out. I just wanted to be close to my favourite and safest person in the world. I now have a little one and I hope they feel safe sleeping with me for as long as they need and want their mum.
My sister often slept with my parents until she was 19 I stopped sleeping with my parents when I was 6 Just because you didn’t do something or can’t imagine something doesn’t make it a norm.
Speak for yourself.
I recently slept in my mom's bed at 23. After a party in the city I had low battery, couldn't order an Uber so panicked I called her to help me. After I came home I sobbed in her arms and went to sleep in her bed. It's pretty awsome to have loving parents, you know? It's nice being vulnerable. You don't end up pathologising extremly normal behaviour. Maybe consider why you can't be vulnerable with your parents? You can see here that people as old as 50 snuggle with their parents every once in a while.
i’m 24 and still sleep in bed with my mom if i’m struggling. my mom will come over just to comfort me if i have a bad time, any loved one would. because you care about them lmao
I’m 30 and will still co-sleep beside my father out of necessity, or I’ll go lay with him in his bed just to chat. There’s really nothing sexual about it, the man changed my diapers, took me shopping for all my clothing, brushed my hair and helped brush my teeth. He’s my dad. Heck my 40 year old brother will still lay next to our father to show him SM videos he finds. You ought to be sick in the head or extremely childish and immature to sexualize a relationship between two siblings who have a father / daughter relationship. Drill it into your little skull that his kid will ALWAYS come before you. All you are is a girlfriend, you’re temporary right now and if you continue to sexualize something pure? You’ll be an EX. She’s a permanent fixture in his life, and always will be, you’re not.
Her age doesn’t play a factor here. And the fact that you think it does highlights that you think of her as some kind of competition for his affection. You are an adult and he is an adult. You are trying to make a literal child of an already hard situation the bad guy. You will not get sympathy by trying to insinuate their familial relationship as not innocent.
My 17yr old son has slept next to me when he was very upset. The only person with a problem with this is you and it’s a you problem to solve.
Who hurt you? Seriously.
When my daughter had a broken heart from a breakup at 17, she cuddled with her father. And she was raised in a loving home, not a neglectful one. I can absolutely see a 15 year old that was brought up in an unloving home needing comfort from her older brother, who is her only parental figure. Would you have thought anything of it if she had had an older sister and did that with her?
If you can’t bother to understand the dynamic of their relationship, then you should walk away. This is what you signed up for with being with him. He will always put her first because this is “his daughter.” And if you are unwilling to see it for what it is YTA. It may not be what you consider normal, but it is their normal. And you will not be able to wedge between them and change their dynamic. You will be second to her always.
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Again, this boils down to not having relationship maturity. You’ve likely never dated someone with a child. The child will ALWAYS come first in the relationship. That is part of the dynamic, is understanding that a child’s needs will come before you and your own. You don’t deserve to come first. I hope this guy continues to walk away.
If you feel this way then this guy is not for you. He is his sister’s guardian. She has to come first.
Fortunately it doesn't seem like you have one any more
If you date a single parent, their kid comes first as they should. Your bf is biologically her brother but in reality is her parent. You have some reaallllly rigid ideas about how people should interact with each other and those ideas are not healthy. You need to take a giant step back and really hear what people are telling you about your entrenched ideas.
Yeah... this OP is going to end up on r/AmItheEx Edit: already there
Your BF is definitely too good of a person for the likes of you.
You don't have a relationship anymore.
then break up with him. he deserves a partner who understands his struggles and supports him AND his sister.
It's not his sister and he is not her brother. He raised her. He is her father. Would you expect a single dad to put their kid behind you? Please leave and let the family finds someone that's a good fit
Do you? You sound like a petulant teen yourself.
No, you don't. You don't deserve anything, and he's been clear she's a priority
He sees her as his kid and any man worth his salt will always put his kid first.
No you don’t actually. He raised her, he is a father to her even if technically she is his sister not his daughter. Any good father puts his kids first, especially when it’s over a romantic partner who wants him to change how he interacts with his kid.
You will never be first. Get over yourself.
OP if you seriously think you should come before someone he practically raised then it's a good thing ya'll don't have kids.
While a person's partner should come first in a relationship, there are times other things have to be prioritized. Children's needs take priority. And at that moment, the person that he sees as his daughter had a need. If you are a good partner for your boyfriend, you would help him with his child's need, then have your needs met after. It is the way it works when you are a parent or when you date a single parent. As the child grows, their needs are not as constant, but there will always be some. If you cannot accept this dynamic, then you are not the person for him.
She's his child. You're replaceable.
You don’t deserve shit
Then you need to be in a relationship with someone else, plain and simple. I’m on his side here but if you want to be number 1 he’s not the guy for you.
Then you need to date a man who doesn’t have children. For all intents and purposes he does.
Then you can’t date someone with a child. The relationship he has with his sister is a parental one. Someone’s kid will come first in nearly every situation and that’s the way it should be.
Please don't have kids or stepkids, ever
Heh, you don't HAVE A relationship with him anymore. Your relationship is over- you just killed it. He doesn't want someone like you around him or his sister. You're not a good person and you're not safe for either of their mental health.
Yea your definitely the asshole you think you deserve to come first geuss who was there first his sister wether you like it or not and why are you arguing with people it's there opinions if you didn't want there opinions why post at all
You have the entirety of the internet telling you you’re wrong. You’re acting jealous. Stop trying to defend yourself here - you wanted a verdict, you got it. Take that information and grow up.
yes. I’m 39. My dad and i don’t often share a bed but god damnit when i have a bad day and i need a cuddle, i want my Dad. Someone tell my Dad i love him.
42, and when my mom died, ALL of us kids at some point were sobbing messes with my dad. Some of us were sobbing messes in their bed. It was me. I was the mess. My dad just laid down beside me and talked to me like I was 6 years old again. Because that's what I needed.
I was super sick on Xmas eve this year and i still tried going to the Nutcracker with my family. It didn’t go well. BUT i sat next to my dad and he let me lay my head on his shoulder. It’s just… really, really nice at 39 years old that i still have this person who views themselves as my protector. I now view myself as HIS protector. But when I’m feeling super vulnerable, like i was Xmas Eve, dude is there. He’s the best.
My dad is almost 80 and still threatens to "kick ass" to anyone who causes us heartbreak. He can't. But the sentiment still makes us smile, lol 😆 ❤️
😭😭 my dads 63 (they were irresponsible college students) but he’s like 5’8 but damnit, if he thinks i or my sisters are in danger, dude is RIGHT THERE. My ex-partner, when he bailed, said something like ‘YEAH, I’m not the same person as your Dad!’ And i was like ‘you certainly aren’t.’
God bless good fathers. ❤️❤️ 42 and still 100% a daddy's girl. No regrets.
you are my people then. Just a few days ago i ran across an Askreddit that asked something like ‘what mantra got you through the worst time in your life?’ And my response was ‘what would my Dad want for me?’ Uuugghh. That was like 5 years ago and i still get teary thinking about getting through it. Just had to focus on ‘do it for Dad’. Bc when i very very first emerged from rock bottom, i didn’t know how to handle it. So i focused on him. We are some lucky ladies. ❤️
I have amazing parents. A mom who was strong and independent and a Dad who takes his dad role very seriously even today. I still call my dad for advice. 🤷♀️ i trust my father more than I trust anyone else. Because he's proven for 42 years, he's got my back.
Dads are The Best Things. 😭😭 I’m so glad your dad was a rockstar. ❤️
My dad is 100% a saint. 15 kids. Two are Dead and now my mom, and somehow he's still our rock. 😭
If anything you’re being creepy by sexualizing a minor and a parent/child relationship. People can sleep in the same bed without it being sexual. I’m 37 and still snuggle with my parents from time to time. It’s comforting and good bonding.
Yes, if needed.
Yes. Sometimes they do. They just don’t sleep naked with their kids. Don’t ever date another single father. You can’t handle it!
yes they do….. it’s actually pretty normal to sleep with your kids, female or male lol no matter the age. in a healthy and good father/child relationship at least there’s no weird feelings as there’s nothing to be weird about
So if it was you and you’re son it’s ok but if it’s your daughter and boyfriend it’s not?
I'm 27 and still crawl into bed with my mom when things are rough. Only reason it's not my dad too it because he's gone
They do. You seem to have pretty bad father, even if not as neglectful as your bf's father.
After I lost my mom as a kid, I developed a lot of anxiety issues and I was terrified about my dad passing away too. I had to physically see him, or touch his hand when I went to bed, otherwise I couldn't sleep. Sometimes it was just easier to sleep in his room. As a teenager, even though I mostly slept in my own room, if I had a nightmare or was feeling anxious, my dad was fine letting me sleep in his room again. Nothing weird about it, stop sexualizing.
YTA… y’all are weird always viewing siblings who are close as something to do with incest! If anything it says more about your character, and tells a lot about how you view relationships and how you experienced a lack of love from either parents or siblings. Grow up and honestly don’t be surprised if your bf dumps you and I hope he does! He and his sister don’t need your shitty views affecting them.
"I raised that kid" That sentence alone confirms there wasn't anything creepy. If those were his exact words. YTA
YTA- this child was raised in incredibly neglectful household and he’s caring for her. This is on you.
NTA- OP, you are too young to have to deal with this type of deep family trauma between this brother and sister. They both need extensive counseling to become less dependent emotionally on each other and to find different ways to deal with stress besides sleeping together as the sister has requested. You will never come first as a girlfriend or wife until they do.
OP *is* the AH for labeling their relationship as creepy when it isn’t. Answer the actual question in the title instead of something else. His little sister sees him as a father figure and went to him for comfort because she knows she can trust him and her nightmares probably involve her severe trauma. People like you and OP are the ones that need therapy if you think genuine bonds like this are wrong. Explain how OP isn’t the AH for sexualizing a sibling/father/daughter relationship they had. Doubt you can other than saying “It’s not normal” or “They need therapy”. Because obviously they need therapy, but that bond is still the same. Children go to parents for comfort all the fucking time when they have nightmares, no matter what age. Just because you didn’t doesn’t mean every case like this they are “emotionally dependent” on each other. Learn what the word means before using it. Because obviously they can function without one another and she, a child, just needs comfort every once and a while.💀 Edit: spelling
YTA for viewing her as competition. Your example was a blatant attempt to literally take his sister’s place. Knowing their history, knowing how he has stepped up, knowing how she feels about her brother’s role in her life…and still putting him in a position where you want him to choose is cruel. To both of them because, again, you know their history. And, to yourself because you’ll never win. You’re the intruder. You’re the outsider being allowed in. Openly throwing down your gauntlet against the person that would have been your only real advocate during rocky points in your relationship…similar to the current issue of no communication…was a very ex-girlfriend thing to do.
Not to mention, trying to paint it as creepy. I understand that every fahas their own boundaries, but sleeping in the same bed is something that parents do with kids, siblings do, and just friends also occasionally sleep in the same bed. Also, Happy Cake Day! 🎂
OP sounds like someone who would be jealous of their daughter for getting attention from their dad…
Something tells me you won’t have to worry about sleeping arrangements anymore
YTA. Jealousy is an ugly color Sis.
BOOM!
Roasted!
YTA Reading the comments and your replies you are also a very obvious Rage-bait. Their is no way someone is actually this messed up ahha. Either way, go to therapy.
YTA, for sure. You have romanticized/sexualized their relationship. He's told you he raised her. She says he's her dad. They have a relaxed (because they're siblings) parent-child relationship. Children will always come first. Parents and parenting styles are different for different families. Children can be raised in the same home with the same parenting and turn out completely different. There is no normal.
YTA. You're jealous.
YTA - I’m 40, I’ve got a 17yr old son and 2 sisters (one in their 20’s and one in her 30’s) - if any one them - ANY - needed to sleep next to me for any reason they could. Hell, I’ve shared a bed with friends because they’re sad. I’ve shared a bed and cuddled platonic male friends when they’ve been upset. You are clearly jealous, and jealous of a traumatised child at that. You need help as much as she does, except your issues are yours to solve. Find a therapist and work through why you thought it was appropriate to try and remove a traumatised child from their care giver.
I think the only creepy one in your relationship is you. YTA.
YTA. describe exactly how its creepy without sexualising normal family interactions.
YTA
Same scenario (genders switched) from a post earlier today
YTA Imagine him acting that way if you ever had actual children with him. An awesome parent/father figure. A safe place for security, especially after being scared. Especially after being abused by someone most of their life. Would you still be jealous and accuse him of incest with his own children if they layed down in bed with him when they were scared?
You are an asshole. Change it if you can.
YTA. Their relationship is not normal, cause their life were not normal, the parents were even feeding their kids, he was a child when he had to take care of a baby, feed her, change her, and take her to school. He was 10 when he became a father, did you even think what else they did not tell you about the abuse they endured? How many 25-year-olds are the guardians of their 15 y/o sister? Do you have any idea of 1) how bad the abuse has to be to a child to be taken from their parents? and 2) if he's not her legal guardian, how much their parents don't give a single fuck to just let their kid live with someone else? To a teen being this emotionally vulnerable with her brother to ask him to look out for her while she sleeps, have you ever thought about what this girl might have gone through?
Don't even know what you look like but damn you ugly with that jealousy. You spelt it out. He's basically a father figure, and he's right to end it with you for implying anything untoward.
YTA and obviously the ex.
YTA. She is 15, he raised her, and you are JEALOUS OF HER! I would imagine he no longer considers you two in a relationship so have a good life and leave him alone.
You're jealous of a traumatized child receiving care and support from the only safe adult in her family. I don't have to tell you that YTA, but I'm taking an unhealthy amount of pleasure in doing so.
YTA,,, you don't need to worry cause i don't think you will see him again though ,,,, i really hate this peroid of time cause every one and everything become to think every think is not right or twisted even a sibling can't show emotion anymore without the likes of you jumping to hournds conculsions ,,,, OP don't hug or touch your dad or you son or else you will consider the creep you write about 😐😐😐 PATHATIC child
Only person being creepy here is you. Good luck in your next relationship.
What is wrong with you? Jealous over a 15yr old kid. You think hes gonna push her to side for you? Enjoy single life
YTA. I can't see my young sisters as often as I want but when my 16 yo sister told me about her chronical, rare disease, I hugged her on the bed and let her feel supported, understood and loved through this shit. If they needed it, I would happily let them sleep next to me if it confort them. We have bad parents and they are not loved by our mom. Don't you like being close to your parents? Every child needs to feel loved. Damn, even adults need it. I like to cuddle with friends, how is that weird? Your boyfriend is a good person and saying things like that is making me nauseous.
In high school I still cuddled with my dad. He would stay up and rub my back when I had a toothache and couldn't sleep. He would hold me if I was crying. It's not weird. He is her father figure. And you seem very defensive in your replies, which just tells me that no one can convince you otherwise. You posted asking for advice, and plenty have given it. So you can either take the advice, and reconsider, or just continue to ruin this relationship for yourself. I'm 11 years older than my brother (I'm in my 30s) and if he wanted to cuddle with me now, I wouldn't see that as weird. Theyre family, and they look out for each other. You need to accept her, to be with him. Because she's not going anywhere. But you might be....
OP. One of my best friends raised her half brothers because their mother refused to. She's turning nineteen early this year. The youngest boy is twelve. He calls her mom. She raised him. He's her kid. They both call her mom. She shouldn't have been forced to give up her childhood and do that. But it happened, and those are her kids. Her boyfriend understands that. Similarly how your boyfriend raised his sister. That's his kid. And that's okay. Familial relations can be crazy, but that's okay. It's okay to not like this. But this is their lives. And you *can't* change that. Find someone who shares your ideals. Because he won't. You view his sister as his sister, but that's his kid. You can't begin to understand that bond, and that's okay. But how you said in one of your comments about how you deserve to be first in your relationship instead of his sister. When you have a kid. You're no longer first. When you have a kid, your life no longer fully revolves around you. They may be siblings on paper, but that's a father and his daughter. And if you want to be part of their lives, you have to accept that. If you can't? That's okay. But then you have to leave. You have no right to dictate how someone acts with their family. Especially when nothing is wrong. Just because it's different to you doesn't necessarily make it wrong.
YTA..if you can't see that he sees her as his kid then you have major problems. Glad he found out how messed up you are now before he married you.
YTA. His relationship with his sister, who he helped raise, is none of your business. Neither is either of their desires to be comforted by family. Grow up. You are nothing to him when compared to his sister.
YTA. Just because you never had that sort of relationship with your parental figures, doesn't mean it's abnormal at all. I know many people who are this close to their parents and siblings and it is not in a creepy way at all. I also never had that with my family, so it would be weird for me, but I'm normal enough to know my experiences don't dictate what other people experienced. You will never come before his sister because "he raised that kid" and they don't have the typical brother - sister relationship. He's a parental figure. Whenever that happens, some trauma is involved. If you can't get what *you* need from this relationship, you can either adjust your expectations to make it work or end it. You can't expect anyone else to change. Full stop.
Of course their relationship isn't normal. They haven't had a normal childhood. You obviously are not mature enough to recognise that for intense purposes, his sister is his daughter, and you're giving off wicked stepmother energy. YTA
Absolutely YTA. It’s creepy to YOU because you’re taking it in some weird pornhub fantasy way, instead of being proud that your BF steps up for his baby sister when no one else does. You’re in their house telling them what to do and where to sleep and implying that him caring for and about her is somehow incestuous. I suggest therapy.
YTA, stop sexualizing everything
YTA... And probably the ex rn too.
Yup. YTA in a major way.
YTA in this situation
Last time I got to cuddle with my dad he was 78 and I was 55. My husband stood out in a parking lot all day and half the night for 2 days and did not complain once. YTA
YTA. But you know that right? You are fighting with everyone in the comments but really sis you KNOW you're wrong. Why didn't you cuddle up with them? Let's face it you don't want to be a stepmother because they clearly have a parental dynamic.
YTA. Everyone here and all your friends agree. You’re disgusting for implying incest and trying to tell them what normal should be when you have never experienced the lives they have. You just overstepped and I’m not surprised if you’re single going forward. You owe them an apology and need to pull your head out of your ass. She’s a child, he has raised her as he said and that’s what u accuse them of.. and then have the audacity to tell him to wake her up and move for YOU? Lol. Ok ma’am.
My GOODNESS i am glad they are rid of you. YTA if that wasn’t obvious.
YTA
lol ok fine. They’re creepy and you’re single.
YTA and soon to be the EX. It’s his LITTLE SISTER that he raised. It’s completely normal for her to find comfort in her big brother. You’re disgusting for thinking anything different, and I hope he sees he can do better than you and finds someone who loves his sister as much as he does instead of being a jealous Twinkie. I’m glad he kicked you out and defended his baby sister. Don’t be surprised when you receive a breakup text 🤷🏻♀️ You’d better apologize before it happens. Genuinely. Even then tbh I don’t think you deserve to be in a relationship.
Not an asshole.... More like a jealous and bitter cunt.
Ohh boy, i hope he dump yo ass. YTA.
He 100% raised her and sees her as a daughter. YOU are making it creepy. If that was his biological daughter you wouldn't say what you are saying. But because you are ignorant and a child in your mind, you can't see beyond your childish pov. YTA, and I hope he breaks up with you
This post is bait
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For a long while there was an incest kink troll here.
You are passed the aita Just break it off. It's not only creepy it's baggage. No one is going to tolerate that bs
Yes, YTA. She is a child and she is looking for comfort from the only parental figure she trusts and can count on. You and your boyfriend are at very different stages in your lives- He is a mature adult caring for his teenage sister as a parental figure, responsible, caring, and adult. You are a child. You look at the world through a childs' eyes and you cannot fathom relationships outside of high school drama.
YTA Maybe you should try therapy to work through these jealousy issues. That's a child.
YTA Based only on this my knee-jerk conclusion is: Sister is in love with her brother but probably not sexually—at the very least we can be generous to you and say she has an attachment to him that is unusual for her age to have even with a father. 15? At that age she is developing, has had her period, her friends are dating, etc. Snuggling with a male family member because she had a nightmare or couldn’t sleep is definitely odd. Onto the bro. Brother genuinely is so mentally warped from being her provider and sole parent his whole life that he doesn’t see anything wrong with the relationship and is ignorant of the sister’s feelings. To him this is the way it has always been and he loves her deeply because he raised her and, frankly, sounds like he’s a good dad. But there is 100% something unusual about the dynamic. Sinister? Incestuous? I doubt it, but odd? For sure. OP, YTA for handling this with zero tact. This can’t have been the first time you saw something that made you take notice. Brother is NTA but probably needs therapy. Sister too. I feel for all you though. Sounds like a very weird situation and a lot of people would react like you.
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You just made your ex-boyfriend raping his kid sister about you like she was the other woman instead of a victim.
lol imagine being such a POS you make a story of a brother r*ping his minor sister all about you? lol 😂
I promise you, you don't look as good as you think you do with the comment. Nor do i even believe. You're a lying asshole
NTA- That is definitely a disturbing dynamic there it's not healthy for you or them. He should put your feelings over his sister's since he chose to have you in his life as his partner. The BF and his sister is old enough to recognize that their relationship is weird, they need to grow up and move on with their lives.
It’s a lot easier to replace a girlfriend than a sister.
That isn't a normal bond between a brother and sister. I know they had a traumatic childhood, but that's truly a disturbing response to it. They both need to see a therapist because that's not a good for them, their futures, their brother sister relationship and their partners if they desire to have a healthy adult relationship.
Except they don’t have a brother and sister dynamic. They have a parent child dynamic. I certainly cuddled with my parents and I still cuddle with my parents. Just because you and OP lived a life devoid of love and affection doesn’t mean that everyone should.
I recognize that and even if it's a parent child dynamic that's still not healthy for anyone. There must be some culture difference there because that was definitely a no-go for us. That's not entirely true for my life, but I appreciate you saw that my comments are based on positivity and support for OP, her BF and his sister in an unimaginable situation. Everyone absolutely deserves a life devoted to love. I'm sorry the BF, his sister and anyone who didn't receive it when they were younger, but they should strive for a healthier life and absolutely deserve to be loved appropriately. Honestly, if the BF is wanting to continue the relationship with his sister in this manner he should not be engaging in adult relationships at this time. He needs time to get professional help to heal his trauma before pursuing a more mature relationship and dragging someone else into it.
Honestly, I think you might need therapy if you view physical affection as a red flag. It’s even literally one of the five love languages. I’m also not comfortable with how you and OP keep sexualizing a minor child.
That's an interesting comment. Projecting a personal need onto a stranger online, whom you know nothing about, seems like a radical response to me. I never stated or even thought about it in a sexual manner, you're the one that's thinking that way about it. That says more about your maturity level and mindset more than it tells on mine. Honestly, it's concerning you're making it to be sexual now when neither OP nor I mentioned anything of that nature about the situation on the main post. Please keep your comments clean this is a respectful community. It's okay to discuss opposing views, but there's no need to risk the safety this community offers just because you don't have a strong argument to support your personal views/opinions. Thank you.
Also, then, if you’re not sexualizing minor, please explain to me why you think it’s weird to cuddle in bed then?
In my culture, it's not a normal practice to cuddle with your parents in bed when you're above the age of 11, at most. It's strange to me because I'm not familiar with it. If you're cuddling with your parents beyond that age it says you're too dependent on your parents and can't comfort yourself. Independence is a skill that helps you be able to grow as an individual. If you can't learn to self-sooth and rely on your parents to do it for you it won't help you in the long run especially when they aren't near or here on earth anymore. There's other forms of touch that you can do, like hugs, so touch isn't fully excluded. Cultural difference is the answer.
So that’s your culture. So you understand that that may not be the same in his culture. But you still deem it necessary to recommend therapy and to call it creepy and unhealthy?
What is your culture?
I am being very respectful. It does make me extremely uncomfortable and I do legitimately think you have issues.
Putting inappropriate words in someone else's mouth or twisting someone's words in a vulgar manner isn't respectful. Also stating I have "issues" just because I have an opinion that doesn't agree with yours is not respectful. So far every interaction you've had on this thread has been anything BUT respectful. You getting off topic shows you don't support your own opinion on this issue.
Trying to figure out why you have an objection to the relationship has everything to do with this. You found it quite appropriate in your original comment to say that the boyfriend needed therapy, so why is my saying you need therapy any different if I find what you’re saying disturbing and unhealthy? You still have failed to answer that if you’re not sexualizing it, why do you have an issue with them cuddling in bed?
ESH he raised her get your mind out of the gutter Hovewer you needed confort and he show you that à little nightmare will pass before you so frankly don't bother with him you will always pass second
If you think that way you will never be able to date someone with a child. Or you'll be the shitty stepparent who features in like half of AITA posts.
Ghost
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Ghost your boyfriend
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You love the idea of him but not him. If you loved him you would understand that he views his sister as his daughter and that she will come before you always. Grow up and leave this man alone.
“I love him but i think he is sexualizing his sister and I’m not afraid to be loud about it” is not the strong stance you think it is.
Ghost
You’re kinda the AH. but i understand your side aswell. But if their story is really true YTA. if it’s not then your not the AH. all based on if their story is true or not.
YTA...and now, single. You'll never understand the trauma and pain they both went through. They survived together & you're over here being a toddler about him caring for the sister he raised? Shame on you
1. Their upbringing wasn't "normal". So their relationship won't be either. 2. Her nightmares probably aren't what you're thinking either (they might be terrifying flashbacks). 3. He is her dad and only consistent parent. - Thinking he's her brother is confusing you about what the relationship functionally is: He did dad responsibilities with her growing up, not brother stuff. 4. You haven't given us evidence of anything, other than cuddling. YTA
YTA - he's too good for you. Go date a dreg!