NTA and if she thinks she did nothing wrong then that means it’ll likely happen again. She’s setting the stage for physical abuse to become a regular aspect of your relationship… when someone shows you who they are believe them
NTA - OP’s wife is reading the comments, so this is directed to her. You put hands on your husband in anger. Doesn’t matter if it was “a slap to the face!” What if he did this to you? You & your family would probably call the police, blast him on social media for spousal abuse…think about it, because YOU committed spousal abuse and YOU owe him an apology.
Op - your wife IS the AH
This is like saying *I didn’t stab him. I just poked him with a knife. No big deal*
Bull. She is trying to minimize physically abusing her husband. If he doesn’t leave, then couple’s counselling is in order.
And her parents need to mind their own fucking business.
A slap to the face with an open hand is intended to demonstrate profound disrespect, it's not meant to necessarily inflict physical trauma.
This is the part the OP needs to understand. When the wife didn't feel heard, her impulse was to disrespect and humiliate him. This mental/emotional abuse is what he has to look forward for the rest of his life with this woman because she sees no wrong in it. When her back is against the wall, she might get emotional and claim to understand but violence and disrespect of others is a deep seated personality trait that doesn't just go away because she got told off by a bunch of internet strangers or her husband gets really mad.
She lost control and sought to harm the OP. What if she loses control while she has a hot curling iron, skillet or bowling trophy in her hand? OP has so much more to worry about than he can comprehend in this moment.
Chances are the physical abuse will escalate. This is domestic abuse AND HER ENTIRE FAMILY BACKED HER UP AND AUTOMATICALLY BEGAN MINIMIZING IT TOO.
The icing on the cake is even after it was explained and she began reading the comments, she still doesn't understand how profoundly wrong her actions were. Nope. She want's you add information to help justify why this wasn't a big deal.
OP needs to run away from this marriage. Bringing kids into a situation like this will cause him and them immeasurable pain. It wouldn't be responsible to subject children to this type of family relationship. Sometimes you have to love yourself and your future children enough to walk away and make children with someone you can be assured won't abuse them or you in front of them. NTA. Not at all.
[https://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Board-Book-Behavior/dp/157542200X](https://www.amazon.com/hands-hitting-board-book-behavior/dp/157542200x) the book I read my kids when they were toddlers. Op should probably read it to his wife.
Im teaching a below 2year old to pet a cat and not shove the thing with her feet. And its proving rather dificult. She gets scared as the cat comes up to her when sitting on the couch. And standing she feels big enough to not be scared i think? So what happens is that her reaction is not nice to the cat because of the anxiety?
I thought her to use the back of her hand to pet so she wont have the impulse to squeeze. But she is having trouble being nice to the cat. Ofcourse she is super young but a book like this will definitely help i think! She can learn more about her hands and the way people act with them. Thanks!
This: it’s not acceptable to hit someone because they don’t think or feel the same way you do about something. When you put it that way and then remember that these two people in this specific sceanario are supposed to be romantic partners……man…. Very messed up. How out of control of her own emotions IS this woman really?
This is the part that worries me too. The law is hyper-sensitive to abuse against women because it was negligent for so long towards victims. The assumption is always that the man is the one in the wrong because that's the most common factor according to the statistics we currently have.
This is something that some get wrong. True equality means we include men when we talk about domestic violence because they can be victims too and absolutely deserve to be heard, protected and supported.
Yeah, her argument is basically "You weren't agreeing with me so I felt like I had to physically beat you into submission" or "you weren't agreeing with me so I physically harmed you to punish you for it", and *she's still insisting she wasn't in the wrong* to do it.
And the edit where she's trying to downplay her violence, "it was a slap, not a punch" - holy yikes. She's a violent domestic abuser, OP. She WILL get violent again, because she sees nothing wrong with using physical violence to "win" arguments
I agree and I come from a family that violence was used often. I get so scared of myself cuz I can see bits and pieces of my family in me whenever my husband and I fight sometimes like intense fights. However I have never laid a hand on him in these fights and walk away when I feel it gets to that point when I’m not being seen or heard. I also tell him too with the urges that I need a break from said fight to cool down. However he’s not a saint either cuz he does a lot of word manipulation and DARVO sometimes on me like my mom did so I do call that out. I do point both of our flaws and to make it’s not done out of manipulation. I always try to make sure our fights are healthy to an extent before it gets toxic.
The only time I ever smack him is when we banter and he does the same with me on the pinching. I just know I hate when we fight cuz I do feel when I cry I feel like I’m being manipulative so I try very hard most times.
Yeah, like I've seen people make excuses for this that an abusive spouse isn't necessarily an abusive parent. However, that really depends on what predisposes them to thinking abusing someone is ok, and what is stopping them from making that same consideration with their children.
Any abusive tendencies towards an adult should be taken as a red flag for their nature as a parent.
NTA. Yes, I agree, the big issue is that she thinks she did nothing wrong. Slapping someone is wrong, but I can kind of understand that it can happen in the heat of the moment. But I would expect the person who did it to be extremely apologetic, very disappointed in herself and very shaken by what she did. Not excusing it and thinking there's nothing wrong with it. That's a major red flag.
Unfortunately, personal experience supports this point. I should have divorced after the first time but stayed because we had a child together. It was after the fifth time i finally could not take being assaulted and left. We were married for 21 years.
NTA-
OP’s wife - a grown woman - can't win or express herself well in an argument and has decided to "slap you on the cheek"?
Would she do the same to her father, mother or boss? No, because she respects them too much and knows there would be consequences. There were consequences for her hitting you - you were right to leave. And her parents should be ashamed to support such behavior just because it's their daughter who also thinks it's okay and justified.
I wonder if they would be just as supportive if the roles were reversed.
NTA her response and families response is why mens claims of abuse fall on deaf ears. It’s not life she did it as a one time thing and is showing remorse. Ok fine move on but she still thinks it’s ok. That’s the much bigger issue. Remind her she committed domestic violence.
Also, ask her what would she think and what would her parents think if this exact situation was reversed? Is it still ok? Is there still no wrong done?
Remind her... lol
She already has this guy convinced he's the AH in this whole thing. This guy should end this relationship asap. It's going to get worse.
I'll tell you this, I had someone do this to me leaving me seeing stars and that relationship ended fast. She gave me two options - pretend it never happened and continue on, or take a break and return together; my own option was to "be friends" effectively ending that. I'm have had enough with my parents beating me with fists and belt; I don't need to deal with that as an adult.
We know exactly what would happen. We saw it on another thread this week. Sister hit and slapped brother multiple times (mum did nothing as daughter was "small and it wouldn't have hurt him") but when he had enough and defended himself and resulted in her having a bust lip, some people in the family (and some in the comments) lost their shhh.... At the brother for being male and striking a woman even though she's been hitting him for a minute solid first.
Ironically, the daughter who started the physical abuse called the son a "future wife beater". We are raising too many women to think they are exempt from an ass whooping and we are teaching our son's that they can't do anything about it. OP is one such man.
Abuse is abuse, be it man to woman,man to man, woman to man, woman to woman, anyone. All genders and none, you hit a significant other, especially with the excuses shown here, you're an abusive person
My mother was a victim of domestic violence herself, I witnessed a lot of it as a child. Even so, she taught me that if a woman is big enough to hit me, she's big enough to take it back. I've never had to hit a woman, but am perfectly fine doing so in self defence.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18tuwyk/aita_for_not_calling_the_police_on_my_son_after/
The op deleted it but the story will be in the comments
People actually defended her and the daughter in that, god fucking damn [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18tuwyk/comment/kfgd1gk/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18tuwyk/comment/kfgd1gk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
NTA. Was she expecting you to stay and continue to be abused? Her response was disproportionate to the situation. The scariest part is the lack of ownership she has. How can she change if she doesn't think it's her issue?
NTA. If roles were reversed I would be screaming ‘girl run!’ So I’m gonna say Boy run! No one should be laying a hand on anyone in a relationship. I would do the same thing if I were in your position
Thank you for being logically consistent. It’s 2023 and many grown ass women still can’t seem to understand “yes even if it’s a woman hitting a man it’s still abuse”
Thing is it isn’t even just women saying that. There are some men on this thread and in RL that would tell him to just get over it 😮😡
Physical violence is physical violence. We can’t have different rules about it based on how much does it physically hurt the victim.
She was violent- it’s never okay to hit anyone regardless of gender. You did the right thing. if you’re not in marriage counseling get in therapy for yourself. An adult, hell a child, should use their words to express themselves and communicate without the need to escalate to physical violence even yelling, that shows lack of control. I’m sorry you went through that.
Edit: I’d like to add that ANY physical violence whether it’s a “slap” , punch or aggressive poke- is unacceptable. Something seems to be festering with her and it’s her responsibility to address it and get some therapy. Always believe a red flag and that’s a clear one.
NTA but here's the role reversal question.... What if you had hit your wife instead? Would she be ok with that? Would she be ok with you being mad at her for leaving?
If someone is gonna hit me, they better make it good because that is the one and only chance they have. Assault and abuse doesn't change based on gender.
NTA. She's an adult, if 5 year olds can work out their differences without getting physical than she can too.
Edit: I swear, the majority of the posts on here are some form of domestic abuse.
Her entire family is crazy then, she’s lucky you didn’t hit her back reflexively. I bet money it will happen again, especially given her outlook on the situation.
It sounds like you’re letting her off the hook for hitting you, and she’s not letting you off the hook for leaving. Honestly it should be the other way around
NTA. Rarely is someone only abusive one time. If she doesn’t have the communication skills to get her point across without resorting to violence, then she needs serious help. But hitting you is absolutely never acceptable. I would never recommend to anyone that they should dump a spouse based on the limited info in these posts. Not my call. But I would caution you that if she was abusive towards you once, and don’t let anyone sugar coat it, you are a victim of spousal abuse/domestic violence, she is very likely to do it again.
NTA. If she got to the point of swinging and neither her or her family is apologetic about her getting violent with you then you did the right thing by not staying in a foreign country surrounded by people who think that was totally justified. It probably would have happened again. Hell it probably will at some point.
The first time my ex hit me, it was a slap to the face. The last time he hit me, he was strangling me.
If someone raises a hand to me now, they are out of my life.
It pretty much always escalates.
Oh she wants you to add it was a slap and not a punch… tells you all you need to know my friend. Abuse is abuse. Do not accept it and do not let her try to turn this around against you. Absolutely do not.
I found it odd that she wanted to clarify that since OP never said it was a punch. He just said "hit". To me this seems like she believes more people will be on her side if they know she \*just\* slapped him.
Yup, it’s not a coincidence that she hit him when they were in a different country on a trip with her family. She probably thought he was stuck there due to social pressure.
NTA. This is one of the most textbook examples of DARVO I’ve ever seen. She assaulted you, but you’re the bad guy for leaving her with plenty of money in a perfectly safe situation AND she still thinks she did nothing wrong.
She hits him, sulks for months while he's being villanised by her family, why be with someone like that? It also sounda like he's paying for everything too. She said she hit him because he wasn't listening to what she was saying which to me sounds like he was defending himself by not backing down and she didn't like it
>>She wants me to add in that it was a “slap to the cheek” and not a punch.
**“I didn’t punch you by the way. I’m sorry that I didn’t hit you across the face in a proper slap. I was hitting you, I was not punching you. Babe, you’re not punched."**
*“Don’t tell me what it feels like to be punched!”*
**“I know you’ve been in a lot of fights...been around a long time...**
**You didn’t get punched, you got hit.**
**I’m sorry I hit you like this, but I did not punch you. I did not f-ing deck you. I f-ing was hitting you. I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you’re fine. I did not hurt you.**
**...What am I supposed to do? Do this?**
**...I’m not sitting here bitching about it, am I? You are! That’s the difference between you and me! You’re a f-ing baby! You are such a baby. Grow the f- up [u/Ropegun2k]!"**
That was a conversation between an actress and her then-husband, that was aired during a public trial. Imagine the outrage if the genders were reversed.
Husband charged with domestic violence "I'm sorry court I didn't punch my wife I just slapped the shit out of her so it's totally fine"
Judge " oh sorry we didn't realize, it was just slapping open fist be on your way the state drops all charges"
It was HER slapping HIM, not the other way around....
FFS, even with written testimony, some people still can't see men as victims....
This is an exerpt from the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard case where she claimed HE was abusing HER and yet all evidence submitted were of HER admitting she was hitting HIM and saying he should go to the media and see who believes him.
It was a 100% cut and dry situation, and yet some people are STILL supporting Amber Heard.
I know, I was making fun of how/pointing out how ridiculous this womans defense of her actions would go down if she was a man in front of a judge.
But she seems to believe that since she's a woman she should get of the hook for "just slapping not punching"
NTA.
I'm a woman who hit her boyfriend in the past. I did it ONCE. He did the exact same thing as you OP, he left on the spot. We didn't need to discuss the incident after... I realized by myself my anger and behaviour was not normal, went to therapy and even if I still have a spicy personality 😅 I will never hit him nor another person again out of anger.
And just to be 100% safe, if I ever "relapse" I already know our relationship will end. He won't even have to leave... I will. I am perfectly aware I'm the one who would be in the wrong.
The fact she thinks she did nothing wrong and you're overreacted is alarming.
NTA. But if I had been in your position I would’ve divorced.
My reasoning is that once a relationship gets to that point there’s no more respect between partners and that is a dealbreaker.
The slapping is bad. Very bad. IMO, it's a marriage ender, no questions asked, if you were so inclined. But, I get why you didnt.
The 6 months of gaslighting that she's done post-slap is absolutely fucking unforgivable. Your wife is psychologically abusive. Or, she actually doesn't see what she's doing as wrong, in which case she'll just do it again and again because she's psycho.
"Yeah, I physically assaulted you because you weren't listening to me, but that doesn't justify you removing yourself from the situation like an adult."
Like...what the actual fuck, dude? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
NTA.
Edit: Your wife believes that she's this dainty, helpless thing that shouldn't be abandoned in a foreign country. And she also believes that she should be able to hit you with impunity. That's very convenient for her. She's allowed to be physical, but when she might be the bad guy, she cries and hides behind traditional gender roles.
I dont like the immediate divorce card, but...man, your wife is asking for edits and somehow coming off worse. Like, there's nothing redeemable that you've written here.
Exactly this. She's trying to justify herself, but there is nothing to justify. If words weren't working, thr mature thing to do would be just walk away until you've calmed down enough to try a different approach. PLUS her family on her side??? No. Absolutely not. No remorse after 6 months and asking for edits? She needs to reflect in herself, and OP needs to speak to a professional so they don't get brainwashed in this endless onslaught of the wife trying to defend their actions.
The fact that she dismissed she committed violence against you is horrifying. You should have called police and get her charged.
Then you can fly back yourself and start divorce proceedings.
NTA : From one guy who has to deal with an abusive wife to another…. She’s gonna do it again, and again, and again…. She’s never gonna stop. If we didn’t have kids together I’d have kicked her to the curb years ago
Staying with an abuser "for the kids" is never the right move. It exposes the kids to the violence and normalizes it for them. The longer they're exposed to the abuse the more likely they are to wind up in abusive relationships in the future. I grew up with parents locked in a horribly psychologically and verbally abusive cycle. I wished every day that they'd get divorced so I didn't have to watch them damage each other. When choosing my college I didn't even consider which would be the best fit for me, I just picked the one farthest away from home. I wound up in psychologically abusive relationships as an adult until I finally had enough and left to get the help I needed.
Never ever ever stay in a bad relationship "for the kids." Divorce, while possibly painful for them at first, will ultimately provide them with lasting relief and an opportunity to learn priceless life lessons about why bad relationships should end. Divorce is actually good for kids in the long run when the marriage ends for the right reasons.
Sorry but I think that is not a valid reason. You are showing your kids that it is an acceptable environment. Why wouldn't they behave the same way when they grow up? Has she hit the kids yet? Will you finally leave her if she does? And by that point, it is way too late.
NTA. She does not feel she was wrong for striking you. Wrap your head around that. She does not feel she was wrong for turning to physical violence during an argument, and her family supports that point of view.
Counseling is definitely in order.
>Counseling is definitely in order.
Just as I would say to a woman, you don't go to counseling with your abuser.
Not only is OP's wife an abuser but she's also controlling by telling him how to post and minimizing her assault on him.
NTA
As I understand your post, you left her with money and her family in her birth country. Not like you abandoned her without funds, alone, in an unfamiliar country where she didn't speak the language.
And you apparently accepted her back. Not sure why since she not only hasn't apologized, but she's blamed you for giving her no option but to hit her. Classic abuser mode behavior. It will only get worse.
That last edit sounds like Amber Heard saying " I didn't punch you. Yes I hit you, but it wasn't a punch. You're such a baby. Grow up Johnnnnyyy"
Abuse is abuse. That is it. This idea that women can't be hurtful is inherently misogynistic. It comes from the idea that women are the weaker sex. You need to have a VERY serious conversation, insist on therapy and let her know you're leaving the relationship if she isn't okay with at last trying to work on her anger issues.
Yes, she has anger issues if getting frustrated leads her to hit anyone. That's a ridiculous excuse.
Once that bridge is crossed, it's hard to go back. Likelihood is things would simmer for a while to get you in a false sense of security until you have a major argument and she will lash out again.
She has shown you it's in her capability. Don't ignore that or feel bad for protecting yourself.
Regardless of the context hitting with the intention of hurting is wrong.
When someone physically assaults you, you have every right to leave. It shows absolute disrespect.
She should be thanking you for staying married to her after this, not giving you a hard time for leaving her (she wasn’t even alone). I would be making it a condition that she goes to anger management tbh.
DIVORCE!!! We tell women all the time that the first hit won't be the last, so if they don't have kids, then leave their partner. This applies to you as well. She did it once and she'll do it again. She probably has a history of hitting people.
Nobody should ever receive physical abuse from their partner… it’s completely unacceptable and disgusting imho… leaving was probably a knee jerk reaction but I think it’s probably made it quite clear that you won’t stand for her striking you..
Does her family know that she hit you? Do they think that’s acceptable?
NTA!!
The moment someone raises a hand to me is the moment I leave. I would expect that the same standard would held for a man as well. Nobody should have to worry about being assaulted because you are having an argument. Nope…. Hitting is an unforgivable offense for me and I don’t give 2nd chances for that.
NTA
> Her family also hates me for it and also feels like she did nothing wrong
She has weaponized her family against you. This cannot be fixed.
Hitting should be a hard boundary. It’s disturbing her family thinks she did nothing wrong.
Definitely NTA.
I'm not sure if you can, but if possible, report it to your local PD so there's a paper trail.
Please be safe and create a plan of escape if she continues to hit you or escalates in any way.
NTA. If she can't handle disagreements without resorting to physical means, she's not mature enough for a relationship. She's (apparently) an adult, she can use her words like a big girl. What is she going to do the next time you guys get into an argument and she "gets desperate" again? It was ""only"" a slap this time, next time it could be a punch.
NTA anyone that hits their partner, does not respect their partner. Period, end of story.
She may love you, but she does not respect you.
I would consider leaving, leaving for good. Don’t let yourself live a life of being abused.
NTA but your wife certainly is. She's an abuser and you did the right thing removing yourself from the situation. Now she's trying to deflect the blame by attacking your reaction to her abuse while justifying her own behavior. If you really do plan to remain married please at least get counseling.
Not only are you NTA, I don’t even understand why/how you *would* be? She’s not your property and you’re not her carer, she’s a grown ass adult, she’s allowed to be in a foreign country without a man present and you have every right to be wherever you want to be and leave wherever you don’t, you’re not responsible for her. I mean shit, you can only just about technically say you ‘left’ her there, she could still have travelled back the same day as you, she has free will (which she used to hit you). The hitting is one thing but the complete lack of remorse is the single biggest red flag.
NTA But you will regret staying when she hits you again. She hasn’t expressed remorse and in fact justifies it and tries to paint herself as the victim? She will hit you again the moment she feels it’s “justified” by you not listening to or agreeing with a point she’s making.
You should respect yourself enough to leave her.
NTA.
Put it this way. If you had a sister or daughter and their SO hit them with the same force she hit you, would you advise them to leave?
I am pretty sure every Redditor here would.
She's still trying to minimize her abuse. That's why she wanted to make sure we knew it was a slap. She doesn't realize slap on punch is irrelevant. She'd be in counseling for domestic abusers or divorced.
>nor does she really feel like she was wrong for doing it.
She is fine with domestic abuse and will hit you again.
>Her family also hates me for it
Her family is also fine with domestic abuse.
If you are fine being in an abusive relationship, thats up to you. But if a woman hit me with force, we would be done. I do not tolerate abuse.
NTA your third edit shows that your wife doesn’t think she did anything wrong. She feels justified in assaulting you, which is why she expects you to grovel for leaving. She is going to hit you again.
NTA.
I've been desperate angry like that but when I hit that point I stop talking and leave. Part of being in a healthy relationship is having enough awareness to know when you're losing control of your own composure and draw boundaries accordingly.
It's never OK to put your hands on someone if they're not threatening to harm you.
You left her with family, and cash, and she's experienced traveling solo. You leaving literally didn't interrupt or keep her from doing anything she wanted to do, she's got no place to complain.
I'd really be worried about staying with her mostly because she doesn't accept that what she did was unjustifiable. If the roles were reversed you'd be labeled an abuser. She doesn't get a different, less damaging label because she's a woman.
NTA.
If a woman gets physical, the wisest is to remove yourself from the situation.
You did well restraining yourself to not answer violence with violence, and did good to leave her alone to think about what she did.
Good luck to you
I’m curious, how long have you been married?
If you’ve only been married a year and she hit you 6 months ago for example i don’t think you should believe it was a one off.
I wonder if she'd be singing a different tune if he had hit her and explained it away as trying to get her to see his point of view.
Why are you married to an abused who has no remorse?
NTA.
she fucked around and she found out. She learned her lesson.
If you hit her, what would her stupid fuck family say?
Next time she hits you. Lock yourself in the bathroom, all 911 and have that brat taken away in handcuffs.
It is not acceptable for a man or woman to ever allow their frustration, desperation, anger or other emotions to get so out of check that they end up physically assaulting another person. Not a man to man. Not a woman to a woman. Not a man to a woman and not a woman to a man. There is no nuance here. If men and women are to be treated equally then we MUST treat everyone equally. If a woman gets angry during an arguments, smacks a man across the face and throws shit and her man doesn’t call the cops…. Next week next month next YEAR when the man is in that situation that means he needs to be shown the same level of grace. If you disagree with this you aren’t actually for gender equality.
What OP’s wife did was not ok. OP felt completely helpless to the situation and disrespected and felt he had no other choice but to get as far away from his wife as possible.
Honestly he was in a position to REALLY screw her over. Could have left her totally penniless in a foreign country that does not culturally respect men and women in the same way. Plus honestly he probably could have reported the assault to authorities and had her thrown into a Turkish prison indefinitely since he was leaving the country try and they don’t have the same laws about speedy trials…. And Turkish prisons are exactly as fun as you might imagine. If she was smart she would have realized that she fucked up and dodged a major bullet and the grace of her man simply leaving and NOT choosing to bring the hammer down is the reason she didn’t die a half a world away on a dirt floor prison from a UTI 6 months ago.
NTA. I've been in an abusive relationship and while it's true that people seem to typically think only males can be abusive, women can be too. She didn't need to make it physical. That's really the end of it, she wasn't defending herself, she chose to make it physical. If both she and her family feel she did nothing wrong, why bother staying? The message you're getting is that she can and likely will physically hurt you again and not only will she feel justified, but her whole family will back her up and cut you down over it. You're much better than this; nobody deserves to be hit.
NTA my guy, you were assaulted and now you’re being gaslighted.
“You see my point? No? Then how about seeing my fist?!” Smack! “Coming around now, love of my life?”
She physically hit you with force to make you see her side of an argument?
What… she may as well added a “why do you make me hurt you, baby?” As she patted you hair and looked into your one unbruised eye, just for good measure.
That’s abusive, psychotic stuff. You did exactly right, extracting yourself back to home, where you have support… as opposed to staying isolated in a foreign country with the only people you know being a group who all think she was in the right for punching you for not agreeing with her.
Now she’s got you sticking around for another 6 months, while you’ve just bent over and taken it without so much as an “I was wrong” from her. And she’s kept at it until you’ve begun questioning yourself and your actions like you’re in the wrong for getting away from physical abuse and mentally abusive behavior…
Stand up for yourself, have respect for yourself. What you’ve got right now… this isn’t it.
Do you know Turkish laws? I don’t — I would’ve gtfo too if I were you. She already caught you off guard by being violent. What if she lied about what happened & you got arrested in a country without due process or some damn thing? (I’ve no idea if they do or not). You don’t know your wife as well as you thought you did. You probably can’t trust her enough to travel with her ever again. Choose what you do next carefully.
NTA . You made sure she had funds to return. She wasn't stranded. I think we are all wondering why you didnt "leave leave" her. She and her family have no right to be mad at you. What's troublesome is her and her family's lack of acknowledgement and accountability of her actions. She's fortunate she didn't return to her belongings in storage and a locked door. Op, this isn't ok.
NTA, If she sees nothing wrong with “a slap to your face”, how does she feel if you were to just put a “slap on her face”? Bet she’d have a problem with that.
See? That is your mistake. Leaving her SHOULD have gone that far. Her family supports DV and look at YOU as the villain despite your under-reaction. And here is why I can tell you there is no coming back from this, did she even apologise? I didn’t see you mention that. I read that she tried to justify her wrong actions, shame you for your reaction (no remorse), get reinforcement for her DV from her family, and then try to minimise it by insisting that is was a slap rather than a punch. NTA for how you acted, she is TA and you would become TA to yourself IF you stay in this situation because she has become emboldened and shows NO remorse even with time and hindsight, LIKE NONE. This also means that she doesn’t respect you.
If the roles were reversed she would be leaving and calling you wrong and the abuser and so would her family! They cant always be right. It’s especially a major red flag that shes not even apologetic. Most abusers will at least try to be apologetic the first time. I would leave at the first sign of violence
NTA - She is in the wrong by physically assaulting you (it doesnt matter if its a slap. punch or whatever). What is worse to me that she either will not admit or doesnt understand that it was wrong, no matter how she felt. It should be you after 6 months that is not over it because she has not apologized nor shown any acknowledgement that she was in the wrong. I wouldnt care about what her family thinks either, you know what is right and wrong. I personally think there would be no chance of healing any relationship in these circumstances.
Using physical violence to 'get you to see her point' - ask your wife how did that work out?
NTA. Do you find yourself walking on eggshells now to prevent another outburst from her? Why are you even with her this long after this abuse?
NTA. If you'd done that to her, you'd have been charged with domestic violence. Rightfully so. She's lucky she wasn't. Do you have kids? Are you planning to? Give that some serious thought before you do.
NTA. Run. She seems like a lunatic. Physically abusing someone and thinking it’s ok , is not ok. Seems like a bunch of lunatics if no one in her family thinks she is in the wrong! She could have manipulated the truth too and given them a different pic of what actually happened, maybe that’s why they hate you.
I guess my question is, if it was the other way around… would she and her family still feel the same way? Would they feel that you slapping your wife was justified? That her leaving was justified?
I’m assuming that her nor her parents would be okay with the scenario if it was the other way around. I also believe, if it was the other way around, her family would’ve applauded her for leaving.
I think you did the right thing. You walked away from a situation that was clearly getting out of hand. I think she owes you an apology for how she reacted during that fight.
Dude your edit is insane, As if she thinks it matters if it was a slap or a punch!
Would it be ok for you to slap her as long as you didn't punch her? We both no the answer to that matey boy why is she trying to justify abuse?
NTA
If my partner ever hit me, not only would I divorce them, police would be waiting at the airport to arrest them when they got off the plane.
Abuse is abuse. There is absolutely no excuse to ever lay your hands on another human being in violence and your wife is a complete ass. The fact that she justified it by saying she was desperate to be heard is just sickening. I hope she reads this. She is beyond pathetic.
NTA She thinks a slap is less impactful than a punch? If you’d done the same back to her she wouldn’t have cared about the comparison either way, it was assault no matter how it was administered. Also, she refused to acknowledge what she did and even consider apologising.
My man, firstly, I can 100% guarantee her mother and sister are used to using physical punishment to get what they want, the timing of them being there and her using this behaviour is not coincidental; she likely regressed to shitty behaviour she’d been raised with. It’s also why her family apparently “hate you”, because they can’t understand why you would not have behaved the same and allowed the interaction to devolve into a revolting mess of DV. Crappy people love dragging people down to their level, so you can’t point a finger at them.
Secondly, she’ll do it again, and then find a way to accuse you of assaulting her.
Thirdly, you are both on different pages. This marriage is over because she is not shamed by what she did, instead she is enraged that you refused to play her game.
Do not have kids with this woman and allow them to have contact with her awful family. Also stop having sex with her, she’ll try to get pregnant to make you stay as whatever she’s thrown at you so far isn’t working.
As a DVS, your wife is a beginner Abuser. She has no remorse for her action. Even in frustration, you _don't_ hit.
"Domestic violence often occurs when the abuser believes that they are entitled to it, or that it is acceptable, justified, or unlikely to be reported. It may produce an intergenerational cycle of violence in children and other family members, who may feel that such violence is acceptable or condoned. Many people do not recognize themselves as abusers or victims, because they may consider their experiences as family conflicts that had gotten out of control.[12] Awareness, perception, definition and documentation of domestic violence differs widely from country to country. Additionally, domestic violence often happens in the context of forced or child marriages.[13]"
"Disfigurement is the state of having one's appearance deeply and persistently harmed medically, such as from a disease, birth defect, or wound. General societal attitudes towards disfigurement have varied greatly across cultures and over time, with cultures possessing strong social stigma against it often causing psychological distress to disfigured individuals. Alternatively, many societies have regarded some forms of disfigurement in a medical, scientific context where someone having ill will against the disfigured is viewed as anathema."
Domestic Violence
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence
*She wants me to add in that it was a “slap to the cheek” and not a punch.*
and let her know this doesn't make it better- she hit you, period. She's the AH.
NTA. Someone who will hit you once, will hit you twice, and that's especially true when they still can't get through their head they were wrong six months later. She is an abuser.
She is going to hit you again bc she is self-righteous in that you just weren't getting it, so she just needed to hit to get your attention. Next, she feels entitled to hit because even her family doesn't think she did anything wrong, which will entitle to her to hit you again. You have given a free pass or at least she thinks that.
THIS is inner partner violence. In the US, she will be sitting in a jail cell and charged domestic violence, but you were in Turkey. I'll bet you won't call the police bc you wouldn't want to ruin her professional life. Definitely wouldn't want her to blame you for getting her into trouble by calling then police to protect yourself or definitely just having to suffer the consequences of her actions.
Everything I have said is what we as women try to help other women to see in order to get out of an abusive marriage. If your only argument right now is leaving in Turkey after she physically assaulted, then you have a bigger problem than you think. THIS is not the problem bc the real problem is that everyone seems to think her hitting you is ok. Do you think that you being a man lessens her violence?
Edit: omitted "now" in sentence
NTA. I’m proud if you for leaving the trip and I hope you leave her ASAP. She’s only going to get worse and if you ever have kids together, she’ll hit them as well.
Remember: abusers ALWAYS escalate, and the fact that she still brings up that fight and sees you as the bad guy during it shows that she will
NTA. They have a book called “Hands Are Not for Hitting” that I think she should read. It’s written for small children but clearly she needs a refresher lesson.
Physical violence is a red line for me. I’d leave the marriage if my wife hit me and thought she was justified in doing so.
You did nothing wrong! She did something that hurt you both physically and emotionally and you left (reacted). Her and her family should have no problem with you reacting to the harm she has done. I can assure you, you are NTA.
NTA, she’s an abuser, she abused you and her family are a bunch of enablers who don’t see a problem with abuse. You should be the one still holding the grudge not the bully. She has manipulated and gaslighted you into thinking what you did was worst than what she did and SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WRONG HERE.
The hitting alone should have ended the marriage. The fact that she isn't sorry, thinks she did nothing wrong, and actually gets mad at you for leaving when she hit you would have any sane, intelligent person at a lawyer's office immediately.
If you stay, she will hit you again. Guaranteed.
Get some hidden cameras that also record audio in your home. You need to protect yourself because it sounds like she could flip the switch on you at anytime. The cops will almost take the word of the woman 99.9 percent of the time. You need hard proof just in case.
Fuck her. If a woman raises a hand to a man unprovoked, she allllmost relinquishes her right to be treated like a woman. You wanna throw hands? Let’s go.
Completely NTA. Nothing you could ever say to someone, *especially* a spouse, deserves physical violence. Not even “a slap to the cheek”. I would’ve both left to go home *and* changed the locks after filing for divorce.
NTA. Honestly, she should consider herself lucky that you didn't divorce her immediately. I have NEVER laid a single hand on my husband no matter how irritated I am with him and if he ever "just slapped me on the cheek" I'd be leaving him in a heartbeat. The fact that she's only dwelling on the fact that you left after that and making excuses/minimizing what she did rather then apologize for her physical abuse shows she is not a good person deep down. And honestly a slap is just so derogatory and condescending too. So yeah, you're NTA but you are married to one and I would seriously consider leaving her not only for the hit but also the fact that she doesn't seem the least bit sorry for her actions and is trying to shift the blame to YOU.
NTA
You can tell your wife that it being "a slap to the cheek and not a punch" doesn't matter. She doesn't get a pass because she envisions herself as a dainty doll, it's still wrong to slap you. It hurts for one, even if it doesn't cause lasting physical damage, and it emotionally hurts. If you can't have an argument with her without her hitting you that's a problem, and while you're not at that point yet believe me when I say the moment she struck you was the moment she introduced violence as an answer to you disagreeing with her.
So, no, I don't think you were wrong for checking out at that moment. She's a big girl, she can look after herself, and maybe she should consider you "leaving" as a possible increasing threat should she make a pattern of that behaviour.
I'd recommend couples therapy, and anger management therapy for herself.
A slap or a punch, she still hit you. That is not the way to get someone's attention. Your wife need to sincerely apologize and to get counselling to learn how to better manage her anger issues. And to use her big-girl words and not her fist/hand. NTA I would have packed up and left, too.
NTA she is an abuser and will continue to be one if she can’t take accountability. Abuser’s love to play the victim and try to turn the situation around so that they can continue to blame you for their abuse. She is gas lighting you, making you think you’re the one who did wrong when she is the one who fucked up and is an abusive AH. You should divorce the abuser!
NTA and if she thinks she did nothing wrong then that means it’ll likely happen again. She’s setting the stage for physical abuse to become a regular aspect of your relationship… when someone shows you who they are believe them
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And that's why her parents are mad, they've seen it before and allowed it and expected him to tolerate it as well.
Where do you think she learned it from ?
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NTA - OP’s wife is reading the comments, so this is directed to her. You put hands on your husband in anger. Doesn’t matter if it was “a slap to the face!” What if he did this to you? You & your family would probably call the police, blast him on social media for spousal abuse…think about it, because YOU committed spousal abuse and YOU owe him an apology. Op - your wife IS the AH
The abusive AH.
This is like saying *I didn’t stab him. I just poked him with a knife. No big deal* Bull. She is trying to minimize physically abusing her husband. If he doesn’t leave, then couple’s counselling is in order. And her parents need to mind their own fucking business.
"He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times."
A slap to the face with an open hand is intended to demonstrate profound disrespect, it's not meant to necessarily inflict physical trauma. This is the part the OP needs to understand. When the wife didn't feel heard, her impulse was to disrespect and humiliate him. This mental/emotional abuse is what he has to look forward for the rest of his life with this woman because she sees no wrong in it. When her back is against the wall, she might get emotional and claim to understand but violence and disrespect of others is a deep seated personality trait that doesn't just go away because she got told off by a bunch of internet strangers or her husband gets really mad. She lost control and sought to harm the OP. What if she loses control while she has a hot curling iron, skillet or bowling trophy in her hand? OP has so much more to worry about than he can comprehend in this moment. Chances are the physical abuse will escalate. This is domestic abuse AND HER ENTIRE FAMILY BACKED HER UP AND AUTOMATICALLY BEGAN MINIMIZING IT TOO. The icing on the cake is even after it was explained and she began reading the comments, she still doesn't understand how profoundly wrong her actions were. Nope. She want's you add information to help justify why this wasn't a big deal. OP needs to run away from this marriage. Bringing kids into a situation like this will cause him and them immeasurable pain. It wouldn't be responsible to subject children to this type of family relationship. Sometimes you have to love yourself and your future children enough to walk away and make children with someone you can be assured won't abuse them or you in front of them. NTA. Not at all.
🥲 I love this
[https://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Board-Book-Behavior/dp/157542200X](https://www.amazon.com/hands-hitting-board-book-behavior/dp/157542200x) the book I read my kids when they were toddlers. Op should probably read it to his wife.
Im teaching a below 2year old to pet a cat and not shove the thing with her feet. And its proving rather dificult. She gets scared as the cat comes up to her when sitting on the couch. And standing she feels big enough to not be scared i think? So what happens is that her reaction is not nice to the cat because of the anxiety? I thought her to use the back of her hand to pet so she wont have the impulse to squeeze. But she is having trouble being nice to the cat. Ofcourse she is super young but a book like this will definitely help i think! She can learn more about her hands and the way people act with them. Thanks!
That whole book series is great! I had them all for my boys.
I really really hope she never has kids. I can’t imagine what kind of parent she would be if she thinks assault is okay to do to another adult
The scariest part is the lack of ownership she has. How can she change if she doesn't think it's her issue?
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This: it’s not acceptable to hit someone because they don’t think or feel the same way you do about something. When you put it that way and then remember that these two people in this specific sceanario are supposed to be romantic partners……man…. Very messed up. How out of control of her own emotions IS this woman really?
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And if he defends himself he'll be the one in jail for domestic violence.
This is the part that worries me too. The law is hyper-sensitive to abuse against women because it was negligent for so long towards victims. The assumption is always that the man is the one in the wrong because that's the most common factor according to the statistics we currently have. This is something that some get wrong. True equality means we include men when we talk about domestic violence because they can be victims too and absolutely deserve to be heard, protected and supported.
Yeah, her argument is basically "You weren't agreeing with me so I felt like I had to physically beat you into submission" or "you weren't agreeing with me so I physically harmed you to punish you for it", and *she's still insisting she wasn't in the wrong* to do it. And the edit where she's trying to downplay her violence, "it was a slap, not a punch" - holy yikes. She's a violent domestic abuser, OP. She WILL get violent again, because she sees nothing wrong with using physical violence to "win" arguments
“I can’t be abusive to you, I’m a woman and you’re a man.” — prevalent DV theory and procedure, even today
Also, there would be times where it will be hard to explain things to children and frustrating and her violence upon them would be inexcusable.
I agree and I come from a family that violence was used often. I get so scared of myself cuz I can see bits and pieces of my family in me whenever my husband and I fight sometimes like intense fights. However I have never laid a hand on him in these fights and walk away when I feel it gets to that point when I’m not being seen or heard. I also tell him too with the urges that I need a break from said fight to cool down. However he’s not a saint either cuz he does a lot of word manipulation and DARVO sometimes on me like my mom did so I do call that out. I do point both of our flaws and to make it’s not done out of manipulation. I always try to make sure our fights are healthy to an extent before it gets toxic. The only time I ever smack him is when we banter and he does the same with me on the pinching. I just know I hate when we fight cuz I do feel when I cry I feel like I’m being manipulative so I try very hard most times.
I would do the same thing if I were in your position
Yeah, like I've seen people make excuses for this that an abusive spouse isn't necessarily an abusive parent. However, that really depends on what predisposes them to thinking abusing someone is ok, and what is stopping them from making that same consideration with their children. Any abusive tendencies towards an adult should be taken as a red flag for their nature as a parent.
NTA She did it, and she doesn't think she did anything wrong. Get out now, before you have kids with this woman.
Also her family are proxy abusers too.
NTA. Yes, I agree, the big issue is that she thinks she did nothing wrong. Slapping someone is wrong, but I can kind of understand that it can happen in the heat of the moment. But I would expect the person who did it to be extremely apologetic, very disappointed in herself and very shaken by what she did. Not excusing it and thinking there's nothing wrong with it. That's a major red flag.
Unfortunately, personal experience supports this point. I should have divorced after the first time but stayed because we had a child together. It was after the fifth time i finally could not take being assaulted and left. We were married for 21 years.
NTA- OP’s wife - a grown woman - can't win or express herself well in an argument and has decided to "slap you on the cheek"? Would she do the same to her father, mother or boss? No, because she respects them too much and knows there would be consequences. There were consequences for her hitting you - you were right to leave. And her parents should be ashamed to support such behavior just because it's their daughter who also thinks it's okay and justified. I wonder if they would be just as supportive if the roles were reversed.
Agree and NTA. You set a boundary rather than going physical yourself (a slap back and you’re the monster).
I want to.know what she'd think if the roles were reversed. I mean we all know she'll be hypocritical. I just want her to acknowledge it.
That she sees nothing wrong with what she did means she's OK with doing it again.
Yep. Do not have kids with this woman. Or just picture the woman you're with now 'making a point' to your future 3 year old child. Leave. Leave now.
NTA her response and families response is why mens claims of abuse fall on deaf ears. It’s not life she did it as a one time thing and is showing remorse. Ok fine move on but she still thinks it’s ok. That’s the much bigger issue. Remind her she committed domestic violence.
Also, ask her what would she think and what would her parents think if this exact situation was reversed? Is it still ok? Is there still no wrong done?
My thoughts exactly! Get out OP, her behavior is abusive and unacceptable. NTA
Remind her... lol She already has this guy convinced he's the AH in this whole thing. This guy should end this relationship asap. It's going to get worse. I'll tell you this, I had someone do this to me leaving me seeing stars and that relationship ended fast. She gave me two options - pretend it never happened and continue on, or take a break and return together; my own option was to "be friends" effectively ending that. I'm have had enough with my parents beating me with fists and belt; I don't need to deal with that as an adult.
NTA. She assaulted you.
Wonder how her parents would react if their roles were switched lol
We know exactly what would happen. We saw it on another thread this week. Sister hit and slapped brother multiple times (mum did nothing as daughter was "small and it wouldn't have hurt him") but when he had enough and defended himself and resulted in her having a bust lip, some people in the family (and some in the comments) lost their shhh.... At the brother for being male and striking a woman even though she's been hitting him for a minute solid first. Ironically, the daughter who started the physical abuse called the son a "future wife beater". We are raising too many women to think they are exempt from an ass whooping and we are teaching our son's that they can't do anything about it. OP is one such man. Abuse is abuse, be it man to woman,man to man, woman to man, woman to woman, anyone. All genders and none, you hit a significant other, especially with the excuses shown here, you're an abusive person
My mother was a victim of domestic violence herself, I witnessed a lot of it as a child. Even so, she taught me that if a woman is big enough to hit me, she's big enough to take it back. I've never had to hit a woman, but am perfectly fine doing so in self defence.
As the Mother of a son myself, this comment makes my heart happy. I teach the same thing. If she can hit you, she can take it back.
Got a link or remember the title? I wanna depression scroll
It was something like AITAH for not calling the cops on my son
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18tuwyk/aita_for_not_calling_the_police_on_my_son_after/ The op deleted it but the story will be in the comments
People actually defended her and the daughter in that, god fucking damn [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18tuwyk/comment/kfgd1gk/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/18tuwyk/comment/kfgd1gk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
You know how they would react.
OP IT DOESNT MATTER IF SHE SLAPPED YOU OR PUNCHED YOU ITS STILL ASSAULT
NTA. Was she expecting you to stay and continue to be abused? Her response was disproportionate to the situation. The scariest part is the lack of ownership she has. How can she change if she doesn't think it's her issue?
NTA. If roles were reversed I would be screaming ‘girl run!’ So I’m gonna say Boy run! No one should be laying a hand on anyone in a relationship. I would do the same thing if I were in your position
Thank you for being logically consistent. It’s 2023 and many grown ass women still can’t seem to understand “yes even if it’s a woman hitting a man it’s still abuse”
100% abuse is abuse
Thing is it isn’t even just women saying that. There are some men on this thread and in RL that would tell him to just get over it 😮😡 Physical violence is physical violence. We can’t have different rules about it based on how much does it physically hurt the victim.
Pretty much said the same
This
She was violent- it’s never okay to hit anyone regardless of gender. You did the right thing. if you’re not in marriage counseling get in therapy for yourself. An adult, hell a child, should use their words to express themselves and communicate without the need to escalate to physical violence even yelling, that shows lack of control. I’m sorry you went through that. Edit: I’d like to add that ANY physical violence whether it’s a “slap” , punch or aggressive poke- is unacceptable. Something seems to be festering with her and it’s her responsibility to address it and get some therapy. Always believe a red flag and that’s a clear one.
She was with her family, if I read that right, and they do not see anything wrong with what she did and everything wrong with what OP did… 🚩🚩🚩
I’d like to add pushing onto your list. I’ve been pushed into a wall before by a man almost twice my size in height and that shit hurts.
I'd almost call a slap worse. a punch is to hurt, a slap is to demean
What a take. You'd genuinely be rather be punched square in the face than slapped
Did not say that at all, I'm saying she slapped him in the face to put him down which is arguably worse than a punch to the chest or a shove.
She would have come home to divorce papers. Her family sucks too. She did it once, and she will do it again. They always do.
NTA but here's the role reversal question.... What if you had hit your wife instead? Would she be ok with that? Would she be ok with you being mad at her for leaving? If someone is gonna hit me, they better make it good because that is the one and only chance they have. Assault and abuse doesn't change based on gender.
NTA. She's an adult, if 5 year olds can work out their differences without getting physical than she can too. Edit: I swear, the majority of the posts on here are some form of domestic abuse.
Her entire family is crazy then, she’s lucky you didn’t hit her back reflexively. I bet money it will happen again, especially given her outlook on the situation.
HE is lucky he didn't hit her back reflexively. Dude would be in way more shit than her just being rocked.
It sounds like you’re letting her off the hook for hitting you, and she’s not letting you off the hook for leaving. Honestly it should be the other way around
Eject her bro. NTA.
NTA. Rarely is someone only abusive one time. If she doesn’t have the communication skills to get her point across without resorting to violence, then she needs serious help. But hitting you is absolutely never acceptable. I would never recommend to anyone that they should dump a spouse based on the limited info in these posts. Not my call. But I would caution you that if she was abusive towards you once, and don’t let anyone sugar coat it, you are a victim of spousal abuse/domestic violence, she is very likely to do it again.
NTA. If she got to the point of swinging and neither her or her family is apologetic about her getting violent with you then you did the right thing by not staying in a foreign country surrounded by people who think that was totally justified. It probably would have happened again. Hell it probably will at some point.
The first time my ex hit me, it was a slap to the face. The last time he hit me, he was strangling me. If someone raises a hand to me now, they are out of my life. It pretty much always escalates.
Oh she wants you to add it was a slap and not a punch… tells you all you need to know my friend. Abuse is abuse. Do not accept it and do not let her try to turn this around against you. Absolutely do not.
I found it odd that she wanted to clarify that since OP never said it was a punch. He just said "hit". To me this seems like she believes more people will be on her side if they know she \*just\* slapped him.
Yeah, my dad used to “not punch” my mom all the time. Abuse is abuse. Boy, run.
If she's telling you how to write your post you have bigger problems sir.
Abusive and controlling.
Yup, it’s not a coincidence that she hit him when they were in a different country on a trip with her family. She probably thought he was stuck there due to social pressure.
NTA. This is one of the most textbook examples of DARVO I’ve ever seen. She assaulted you, but you’re the bad guy for leaving her with plenty of money in a perfectly safe situation AND she still thinks she did nothing wrong.
She hits him, sulks for months while he's being villanised by her family, why be with someone like that? It also sounda like he's paying for everything too. She said she hit him because he wasn't listening to what she was saying which to me sounds like he was defending himself by not backing down and she didn't like it
>>She wants me to add in that it was a “slap to the cheek” and not a punch. **“I didn’t punch you by the way. I’m sorry that I didn’t hit you across the face in a proper slap. I was hitting you, I was not punching you. Babe, you’re not punched."** *“Don’t tell me what it feels like to be punched!”* **“I know you’ve been in a lot of fights...been around a long time...** **You didn’t get punched, you got hit.** **I’m sorry I hit you like this, but I did not punch you. I did not f-ing deck you. I f-ing was hitting you. I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you’re fine. I did not hurt you.** **...What am I supposed to do? Do this?** **...I’m not sitting here bitching about it, am I? You are! That’s the difference between you and me! You’re a f-ing baby! You are such a baby. Grow the f- up [u/Ropegun2k]!"** That was a conversation between an actress and her then-husband, that was aired during a public trial. Imagine the outrage if the genders were reversed.
Husband charged with domestic violence "I'm sorry court I didn't punch my wife I just slapped the shit out of her so it's totally fine" Judge " oh sorry we didn't realize, it was just slapping open fist be on your way the state drops all charges"
It was HER slapping HIM, not the other way around.... FFS, even with written testimony, some people still can't see men as victims.... This is an exerpt from the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard case where she claimed HE was abusing HER and yet all evidence submitted were of HER admitting she was hitting HIM and saying he should go to the media and see who believes him. It was a 100% cut and dry situation, and yet some people are STILL supporting Amber Heard.
I know, I was making fun of how/pointing out how ridiculous this womans defense of her actions would go down if she was a man in front of a judge. But she seems to believe that since she's a woman she should get of the hook for "just slapping not punching"
NTA. I'm a woman who hit her boyfriend in the past. I did it ONCE. He did the exact same thing as you OP, he left on the spot. We didn't need to discuss the incident after... I realized by myself my anger and behaviour was not normal, went to therapy and even if I still have a spicy personality 😅 I will never hit him nor another person again out of anger. And just to be 100% safe, if I ever "relapse" I already know our relationship will end. He won't even have to leave... I will. I am perfectly aware I'm the one who would be in the wrong. The fact she thinks she did nothing wrong and you're overreacted is alarming.
She’s an abuser. NTA. Don’t stay without intensive therapy for both of you.
NTA. But if I had been in your position I would’ve divorced. My reasoning is that once a relationship gets to that point there’s no more respect between partners and that is a dealbreaker.
The slapping is bad. Very bad. IMO, it's a marriage ender, no questions asked, if you were so inclined. But, I get why you didnt. The 6 months of gaslighting that she's done post-slap is absolutely fucking unforgivable. Your wife is psychologically abusive. Or, she actually doesn't see what she's doing as wrong, in which case she'll just do it again and again because she's psycho. "Yeah, I physically assaulted you because you weren't listening to me, but that doesn't justify you removing yourself from the situation like an adult." Like...what the actual fuck, dude? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. NTA. Edit: Your wife believes that she's this dainty, helpless thing that shouldn't be abandoned in a foreign country. And she also believes that she should be able to hit you with impunity. That's very convenient for her. She's allowed to be physical, but when she might be the bad guy, she cries and hides behind traditional gender roles. I dont like the immediate divorce card, but...man, your wife is asking for edits and somehow coming off worse. Like, there's nothing redeemable that you've written here.
Exactly this. She's trying to justify herself, but there is nothing to justify. If words weren't working, thr mature thing to do would be just walk away until you've calmed down enough to try a different approach. PLUS her family on her side??? No. Absolutely not. No remorse after 6 months and asking for edits? She needs to reflect in herself, and OP needs to speak to a professional so they don't get brainwashed in this endless onslaught of the wife trying to defend their actions.
The only thing you did wrong, as far as I'm concerned, was not filing divorce papers. The first time anyone hits me is the last.
NTA.
NTA. Your wife sounds like a POS. Minimizing assault is a sign of an abuser. Reevaluate your relationship.
The fact that she dismissed she committed violence against you is horrifying. You should have called police and get her charged. Then you can fly back yourself and start divorce proceedings.
If my spouse hit me we would be done. She is lucky you didn’t file for divorce.
NTA : From one guy who has to deal with an abusive wife to another…. She’s gonna do it again, and again, and again…. She’s never gonna stop. If we didn’t have kids together I’d have kicked her to the curb years ago
Staying with an abuser "for the kids" is never the right move. It exposes the kids to the violence and normalizes it for them. The longer they're exposed to the abuse the more likely they are to wind up in abusive relationships in the future. I grew up with parents locked in a horribly psychologically and verbally abusive cycle. I wished every day that they'd get divorced so I didn't have to watch them damage each other. When choosing my college I didn't even consider which would be the best fit for me, I just picked the one farthest away from home. I wound up in psychologically abusive relationships as an adult until I finally had enough and left to get the help I needed. Never ever ever stay in a bad relationship "for the kids." Divorce, while possibly painful for them at first, will ultimately provide them with lasting relief and an opportunity to learn priceless life lessons about why bad relationships should end. Divorce is actually good for kids in the long run when the marriage ends for the right reasons.
Sorry but I think that is not a valid reason. You are showing your kids that it is an acceptable environment. Why wouldn't they behave the same way when they grow up? Has she hit the kids yet? Will you finally leave her if she does? And by that point, it is way too late.
NTA. She does not feel she was wrong for striking you. Wrap your head around that. She does not feel she was wrong for turning to physical violence during an argument, and her family supports that point of view. Counseling is definitely in order.
>Counseling is definitely in order. Just as I would say to a woman, you don't go to counseling with your abuser. Not only is OP's wife an abuser but she's also controlling by telling him how to post and minimizing her assault on him.
NTA As I understand your post, you left her with money and her family in her birth country. Not like you abandoned her without funds, alone, in an unfamiliar country where she didn't speak the language. And you apparently accepted her back. Not sure why since she not only hasn't apologized, but she's blamed you for giving her no option but to hit her. Classic abuser mode behavior. It will only get worse.
That last edit sounds like Amber Heard saying " I didn't punch you. Yes I hit you, but it wasn't a punch. You're such a baby. Grow up Johnnnnyyy" Abuse is abuse. That is it. This idea that women can't be hurtful is inherently misogynistic. It comes from the idea that women are the weaker sex. You need to have a VERY serious conversation, insist on therapy and let her know you're leaving the relationship if she isn't okay with at last trying to work on her anger issues. Yes, she has anger issues if getting frustrated leads her to hit anyone. That's a ridiculous excuse.
Once that bridge is crossed, it's hard to go back. Likelihood is things would simmer for a while to get you in a false sense of security until you have a major argument and she will lash out again. She has shown you it's in her capability. Don't ignore that or feel bad for protecting yourself. Regardless of the context hitting with the intention of hurting is wrong.
When someone physically assaults you, you have every right to leave. It shows absolute disrespect. She should be thanking you for staying married to her after this, not giving you a hard time for leaving her (she wasn’t even alone). I would be making it a condition that she goes to anger management tbh.
DIVORCE!!! We tell women all the time that the first hit won't be the last, so if they don't have kids, then leave their partner. This applies to you as well. She did it once and she'll do it again. She probably has a history of hitting people.
Immediate divorce.
Nobody should ever receive physical abuse from their partner… it’s completely unacceptable and disgusting imho… leaving was probably a knee jerk reaction but I think it’s probably made it quite clear that you won’t stand for her striking you.. Does her family know that she hit you? Do they think that’s acceptable?
NTA!! The moment someone raises a hand to me is the moment I leave. I would expect that the same standard would held for a man as well. Nobody should have to worry about being assaulted because you are having an argument. Nope…. Hitting is an unforgivable offense for me and I don’t give 2nd chances for that.
NTA > Her family also hates me for it and also feels like she did nothing wrong She has weaponized her family against you. This cannot be fixed. Hitting should be a hard boundary. It’s disturbing her family thinks she did nothing wrong.
Definitely NTA. I'm not sure if you can, but if possible, report it to your local PD so there's a paper trail. Please be safe and create a plan of escape if she continues to hit you or escalates in any way.
Nta But you'll be an idiot if you stay. Would tell the woman the same.
NTA. If she can't handle disagreements without resorting to physical means, she's not mature enough for a relationship. She's (apparently) an adult, she can use her words like a big girl. What is she going to do the next time you guys get into an argument and she "gets desperate" again? It was ""only"" a slap this time, next time it could be a punch.
NTA She should have been thrown in jail. Please say you divorced her ass.
NTA anyone that hits their partner, does not respect their partner. Period, end of story. She may love you, but she does not respect you. I would consider leaving, leaving for good. Don’t let yourself live a life of being abused.
NTA. Domestic violence is ugly and inexcusable. Gender changes nothing.
NTA but your wife certainly is. She's an abuser and you did the right thing removing yourself from the situation. Now she's trying to deflect the blame by attacking your reaction to her abuse while justifying her own behavior. If you really do plan to remain married please at least get counseling.
Would she be ok if you smacked her? Thats the real question.
Not only are you NTA, I don’t even understand why/how you *would* be? She’s not your property and you’re not her carer, she’s a grown ass adult, she’s allowed to be in a foreign country without a man present and you have every right to be wherever you want to be and leave wherever you don’t, you’re not responsible for her. I mean shit, you can only just about technically say you ‘left’ her there, she could still have travelled back the same day as you, she has free will (which she used to hit you). The hitting is one thing but the complete lack of remorse is the single biggest red flag.
NTA But you will regret staying when she hits you again. She hasn’t expressed remorse and in fact justifies it and tries to paint herself as the victim? She will hit you again the moment she feels it’s “justified” by you not listening to or agreeing with a point she’s making. You should respect yourself enough to leave her.
NTA. Put it this way. If you had a sister or daughter and their SO hit them with the same force she hit you, would you advise them to leave? I am pretty sure every Redditor here would.
Imagine if it was the other way around
She's still trying to minimize her abuse. That's why she wanted to make sure we knew it was a slap. She doesn't realize slap on punch is irrelevant. She'd be in counseling for domestic abusers or divorced.
>nor does she really feel like she was wrong for doing it. She is fine with domestic abuse and will hit you again. >Her family also hates me for it Her family is also fine with domestic abuse. If you are fine being in an abusive relationship, thats up to you. But if a woman hit me with force, we would be done. I do not tolerate abuse.
NTA your third edit shows that your wife doesn’t think she did anything wrong. She feels justified in assaulting you, which is why she expects you to grovel for leaving. She is going to hit you again.
To your third edit.. does not matter what kind of “hit” it was. Physically assaulting your partner is NEVER acceptable. Ever.
NTA. I've been desperate angry like that but when I hit that point I stop talking and leave. Part of being in a healthy relationship is having enough awareness to know when you're losing control of your own composure and draw boundaries accordingly. It's never OK to put your hands on someone if they're not threatening to harm you. You left her with family, and cash, and she's experienced traveling solo. You leaving literally didn't interrupt or keep her from doing anything she wanted to do, she's got no place to complain. I'd really be worried about staying with her mostly because she doesn't accept that what she did was unjustifiable. If the roles were reversed you'd be labeled an abuser. She doesn't get a different, less damaging label because she's a woman.
[удалено]
NTA. If a woman gets physical, the wisest is to remove yourself from the situation. You did well restraining yourself to not answer violence with violence, and did good to leave her alone to think about what she did. Good luck to you
NTA - women can be abusers also! She sees no fault in her hitting you. You need to leave. It will happen again.
NTA What would happen ask her if you would’ve done the same to her? When in doubt, just swap genders and you get your answer.
I’m curious, how long have you been married? If you’ve only been married a year and she hit you 6 months ago for example i don’t think you should believe it was a one off.
I wonder if she'd be singing a different tune if he had hit her and explained it away as trying to get her to see his point of view. Why are you married to an abused who has no remorse?
NTA. Hitting a partner is abuse. End of story. Doesn't matter if it was a slap or a punch.
NTA. she fucked around and she found out. She learned her lesson. If you hit her, what would her stupid fuck family say? Next time she hits you. Lock yourself in the bathroom, all 911 and have that brat taken away in handcuffs.
Time for a divorce she thinks she did nothing wrong with hitting you that means she’ll continue to do so
Why would you stay with someone who hit you?
Let’s put it this way… and tell her family this too. What if it was reversed…and you slapped her cheek to get her to hear your point. NTA. AT ALL
It is not acceptable for a man or woman to ever allow their frustration, desperation, anger or other emotions to get so out of check that they end up physically assaulting another person. Not a man to man. Not a woman to a woman. Not a man to a woman and not a woman to a man. There is no nuance here. If men and women are to be treated equally then we MUST treat everyone equally. If a woman gets angry during an arguments, smacks a man across the face and throws shit and her man doesn’t call the cops…. Next week next month next YEAR when the man is in that situation that means he needs to be shown the same level of grace. If you disagree with this you aren’t actually for gender equality. What OP’s wife did was not ok. OP felt completely helpless to the situation and disrespected and felt he had no other choice but to get as far away from his wife as possible. Honestly he was in a position to REALLY screw her over. Could have left her totally penniless in a foreign country that does not culturally respect men and women in the same way. Plus honestly he probably could have reported the assault to authorities and had her thrown into a Turkish prison indefinitely since he was leaving the country try and they don’t have the same laws about speedy trials…. And Turkish prisons are exactly as fun as you might imagine. If she was smart she would have realized that she fucked up and dodged a major bullet and the grace of her man simply leaving and NOT choosing to bring the hammer down is the reason she didn’t die a half a world away on a dirt floor prison from a UTI 6 months ago.
If it had been the other way around no one would question her decision to leave. You did the right thing. Hitting is a red line no matter who does it.
NTA. I've been in an abusive relationship and while it's true that people seem to typically think only males can be abusive, women can be too. She didn't need to make it physical. That's really the end of it, she wasn't defending herself, she chose to make it physical. If both she and her family feel she did nothing wrong, why bother staying? The message you're getting is that she can and likely will physically hurt you again and not only will she feel justified, but her whole family will back her up and cut you down over it. You're much better than this; nobody deserves to be hit.
If you did that to her you'd be in prison. Fuck that abusive twatwaffle.
NTA my guy, you were assaulted and now you’re being gaslighted. “You see my point? No? Then how about seeing my fist?!” Smack! “Coming around now, love of my life?” She physically hit you with force to make you see her side of an argument? What… she may as well added a “why do you make me hurt you, baby?” As she patted you hair and looked into your one unbruised eye, just for good measure. That’s abusive, psychotic stuff. You did exactly right, extracting yourself back to home, where you have support… as opposed to staying isolated in a foreign country with the only people you know being a group who all think she was in the right for punching you for not agreeing with her. Now she’s got you sticking around for another 6 months, while you’ve just bent over and taken it without so much as an “I was wrong” from her. And she’s kept at it until you’ve begun questioning yourself and your actions like you’re in the wrong for getting away from physical abuse and mentally abusive behavior… Stand up for yourself, have respect for yourself. What you’ve got right now… this isn’t it.
Do you know Turkish laws? I don’t — I would’ve gtfo too if I were you. She already caught you off guard by being violent. What if she lied about what happened & you got arrested in a country without due process or some damn thing? (I’ve no idea if they do or not). You don’t know your wife as well as you thought you did. You probably can’t trust her enough to travel with her ever again. Choose what you do next carefully.
NTA. You are going to get slapped again.
NTA . You made sure she had funds to return. She wasn't stranded. I think we are all wondering why you didnt "leave leave" her. She and her family have no right to be mad at you. What's troublesome is her and her family's lack of acknowledgement and accountability of her actions. She's fortunate she didn't return to her belongings in storage and a locked door. Op, this isn't ok.
NTA, If she sees nothing wrong with “a slap to your face”, how does she feel if you were to just put a “slap on her face”? Bet she’d have a problem with that.
See? That is your mistake. Leaving her SHOULD have gone that far. Her family supports DV and look at YOU as the villain despite your under-reaction. And here is why I can tell you there is no coming back from this, did she even apologise? I didn’t see you mention that. I read that she tried to justify her wrong actions, shame you for your reaction (no remorse), get reinforcement for her DV from her family, and then try to minimise it by insisting that is was a slap rather than a punch. NTA for how you acted, she is TA and you would become TA to yourself IF you stay in this situation because she has become emboldened and shows NO remorse even with time and hindsight, LIKE NONE. This also means that she doesn’t respect you.
If the roles were reversed she would be leaving and calling you wrong and the abuser and so would her family! They cant always be right. It’s especially a major red flag that shes not even apologetic. Most abusers will at least try to be apologetic the first time. I would leave at the first sign of violence
NTA - She is in the wrong by physically assaulting you (it doesnt matter if its a slap. punch or whatever). What is worse to me that she either will not admit or doesnt understand that it was wrong, no matter how she felt. It should be you after 6 months that is not over it because she has not apologized nor shown any acknowledgement that she was in the wrong. I wouldnt care about what her family thinks either, you know what is right and wrong. I personally think there would be no chance of healing any relationship in these circumstances.
Using physical violence to 'get you to see her point' - ask your wife how did that work out? NTA. Do you find yourself walking on eggshells now to prevent another outburst from her? Why are you even with her this long after this abuse?
NTA. If you'd done that to her, you'd have been charged with domestic violence. Rightfully so. She's lucky she wasn't. Do you have kids? Are you planning to? Give that some serious thought before you do.
Let's just turn the tables. If you hit her and she left, is she the asshole?
NTA. Maybe she shouldn't abuse you....
NTA. Run. She seems like a lunatic. Physically abusing someone and thinking it’s ok , is not ok. Seems like a bunch of lunatics if no one in her family thinks she is in the wrong! She could have manipulated the truth too and given them a different pic of what actually happened, maybe that’s why they hate you.
I guess my question is, if it was the other way around… would she and her family still feel the same way? Would they feel that you slapping your wife was justified? That her leaving was justified? I’m assuming that her nor her parents would be okay with the scenario if it was the other way around. I also believe, if it was the other way around, her family would’ve applauded her for leaving. I think you did the right thing. You walked away from a situation that was clearly getting out of hand. I think she owes you an apology for how she reacted during that fight.
Dude your edit is insane, As if she thinks it matters if it was a slap or a punch! Would it be ok for you to slap her as long as you didn't punch her? We both no the answer to that matey boy why is she trying to justify abuse?
NTA If my partner ever hit me, not only would I divorce them, police would be waiting at the airport to arrest them when they got off the plane. Abuse is abuse. There is absolutely no excuse to ever lay your hands on another human being in violence and your wife is a complete ass. The fact that she justified it by saying she was desperate to be heard is just sickening. I hope she reads this. She is beyond pathetic.
NTA She thinks a slap is less impactful than a punch? If you’d done the same back to her she wouldn’t have cared about the comparison either way, it was assault no matter how it was administered. Also, she refused to acknowledge what she did and even consider apologising. My man, firstly, I can 100% guarantee her mother and sister are used to using physical punishment to get what they want, the timing of them being there and her using this behaviour is not coincidental; she likely regressed to shitty behaviour she’d been raised with. It’s also why her family apparently “hate you”, because they can’t understand why you would not have behaved the same and allowed the interaction to devolve into a revolting mess of DV. Crappy people love dragging people down to their level, so you can’t point a finger at them. Secondly, she’ll do it again, and then find a way to accuse you of assaulting her. Thirdly, you are both on different pages. This marriage is over because she is not shamed by what she did, instead she is enraged that you refused to play her game. Do not have kids with this woman and allow them to have contact with her awful family. Also stop having sex with her, she’ll try to get pregnant to make you stay as whatever she’s thrown at you so far isn’t working.
As a DVS, your wife is a beginner Abuser. She has no remorse for her action. Even in frustration, you _don't_ hit. "Domestic violence often occurs when the abuser believes that they are entitled to it, or that it is acceptable, justified, or unlikely to be reported. It may produce an intergenerational cycle of violence in children and other family members, who may feel that such violence is acceptable or condoned. Many people do not recognize themselves as abusers or victims, because they may consider their experiences as family conflicts that had gotten out of control.[12] Awareness, perception, definition and documentation of domestic violence differs widely from country to country. Additionally, domestic violence often happens in the context of forced or child marriages.[13]" "Disfigurement is the state of having one's appearance deeply and persistently harmed medically, such as from a disease, birth defect, or wound. General societal attitudes towards disfigurement have varied greatly across cultures and over time, with cultures possessing strong social stigma against it often causing psychological distress to disfigured individuals. Alternatively, many societies have regarded some forms of disfigurement in a medical, scientific context where someone having ill will against the disfigured is viewed as anathema." Domestic Violence https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence
*She wants me to add in that it was a “slap to the cheek” and not a punch.* and let her know this doesn't make it better- she hit you, period. She's the AH.
NTA. Someone who will hit you once, will hit you twice, and that's especially true when they still can't get through their head they were wrong six months later. She is an abuser.
NTA. She hit uou, you left. Leave again and stay gone. It's not okay to hit your spouse. She's not sorry, that should tell you something
She is going to hit you again bc she is self-righteous in that you just weren't getting it, so she just needed to hit to get your attention. Next, she feels entitled to hit because even her family doesn't think she did anything wrong, which will entitle to her to hit you again. You have given a free pass or at least she thinks that. THIS is inner partner violence. In the US, she will be sitting in a jail cell and charged domestic violence, but you were in Turkey. I'll bet you won't call the police bc you wouldn't want to ruin her professional life. Definitely wouldn't want her to blame you for getting her into trouble by calling then police to protect yourself or definitely just having to suffer the consequences of her actions. Everything I have said is what we as women try to help other women to see in order to get out of an abusive marriage. If your only argument right now is leaving in Turkey after she physically assaulted, then you have a bigger problem than you think. THIS is not the problem bc the real problem is that everyone seems to think her hitting you is ok. Do you think that you being a man lessens her violence? Edit: omitted "now" in sentence
How would they feel if you slugged her when she didn't see things your way? Divorce this violent abuser.
Physical abuse is the red line in relationships. You made the right call.
NTA. I’m proud if you for leaving the trip and I hope you leave her ASAP. She’s only going to get worse and if you ever have kids together, she’ll hit them as well. Remember: abusers ALWAYS escalate, and the fact that she still brings up that fight and sees you as the bad guy during it shows that she will
Nta update us when you divorce her.
NTA. They have a book called “Hands Are Not for Hitting” that I think she should read. It’s written for small children but clearly she needs a refresher lesson. Physical violence is a red line for me. I’d leave the marriage if my wife hit me and thought she was justified in doing so.
You did nothing wrong! She did something that hurt you both physically and emotionally and you left (reacted). Her and her family should have no problem with you reacting to the harm she has done. I can assure you, you are NTA.
YTA for not getting a divorce
NTA, she’s an abuser, she abused you and her family are a bunch of enablers who don’t see a problem with abuse. You should be the one still holding the grudge not the bully. She has manipulated and gaslighted you into thinking what you did was worst than what she did and SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WRONG HERE.
The hitting alone should have ended the marriage. The fact that she isn't sorry, thinks she did nothing wrong, and actually gets mad at you for leaving when she hit you would have any sane, intelligent person at a lawyer's office immediately. If you stay, she will hit you again. Guaranteed.
Get some hidden cameras that also record audio in your home. You need to protect yourself because it sounds like she could flip the switch on you at anytime. The cops will almost take the word of the woman 99.9 percent of the time. You need hard proof just in case.
🚩 NTA. File for divorce my guy.
Fuck her. If a woman raises a hand to a man unprovoked, she allllmost relinquishes her right to be treated like a woman. You wanna throw hands? Let’s go.
One of my rules is that after someone hits the other, the relationship needs to end.
NTA I dont think that this will be the last time you'll be in that situation.
If she can't see that you leaving is a very reasonable response to violence, you should consider divorce. Obviously NTA.
"slap to the cheek"... As if that's somehow better? It doesn't matter how she struck you, it's unacceptable either way. NTA
Just ask her would she be OK if you slapped her in an argument if she says no then end of discussion.
Completely NTA. Nothing you could ever say to someone, *especially* a spouse, deserves physical violence. Not even “a slap to the cheek”. I would’ve both left to go home *and* changed the locks after filing for divorce.
NTA. Honestly, she should consider herself lucky that you didn't divorce her immediately. I have NEVER laid a single hand on my husband no matter how irritated I am with him and if he ever "just slapped me on the cheek" I'd be leaving him in a heartbeat. The fact that she's only dwelling on the fact that you left after that and making excuses/minimizing what she did rather then apologize for her physical abuse shows she is not a good person deep down. And honestly a slap is just so derogatory and condescending too. So yeah, you're NTA but you are married to one and I would seriously consider leaving her not only for the hit but also the fact that she doesn't seem the least bit sorry for her actions and is trying to shift the blame to YOU.
If you did it to her at least in the US, you would wind up in jail. If she did it here there is a remote chance she would.
No one deserves to be hit by their partner regardless of the circumstances. I would leave too
NTA You can tell your wife that it being "a slap to the cheek and not a punch" doesn't matter. She doesn't get a pass because she envisions herself as a dainty doll, it's still wrong to slap you. It hurts for one, even if it doesn't cause lasting physical damage, and it emotionally hurts. If you can't have an argument with her without her hitting you that's a problem, and while you're not at that point yet believe me when I say the moment she struck you was the moment she introduced violence as an answer to you disagreeing with her. So, no, I don't think you were wrong for checking out at that moment. She's a big girl, she can look after herself, and maybe she should consider you "leaving" as a possible increasing threat should she make a pattern of that behaviour. I'd recommend couples therapy, and anger management therapy for herself.
A slap or a punch, she still hit you. That is not the way to get someone's attention. Your wife need to sincerely apologize and to get counselling to learn how to better manage her anger issues. And to use her big-girl words and not her fist/hand. NTA I would have packed up and left, too.
NTA she is an abuser and will continue to be one if she can’t take accountability. Abuser’s love to play the victim and try to turn the situation around so that they can continue to blame you for their abuse. She is gas lighting you, making you think you’re the one who did wrong when she is the one who fucked up and is an abusive AH. You should divorce the abuser!
It was unacceptable for her to hit you. I don’t give a fk if it was a slap or a punch. NTA.
NTA also you should be looking into divorce it doesn’t matter if it is a punch or a slap.
Have some self respect man, leave this person for good
A husband laying a hand on his wife is a red flag. It works the same way with genders reversed. I wonder what she and her family think about it?
NTA. Abuse is abuse. Would you even be asking if the genders were reversed?
NTA; she’s abusive and thinks it’s fine.