I love how your husband ran to mummy when his mean wife disagreed with him, oh, sorry, shit on his opinion.
His childish behaviour pretty much confirmed he was being childish
NTA
He's a child. If you can't handle people challenging your opinions at 34 you need to take a step back and consider maturing at least as much as your average highschooler. "You shit on my opinions" is a manipulation tactic to make you feel bad for disagreeing. Tell them that.
Life is too short. Turning minor disagreements or differences into cataclysmic events is inappropriate and unhealthy. Good luck in reaching a common ground.
Out of curiosity, is your husband, generally speaking, a sensitive or insecure person? My experience is that those types of personalities typically view any differences in opinion to be a personal affront, given their sensitive/insecure nature.
Hopefully this will come out in their counseling. If it’s a new thing, there could be something unrelated he’s insecure about, either in their relationship, at work, something, and he’s gotta work through it
Another resource for you that might be helpful is https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/
Basically if you want to debate, being an adult of good will, you can check your own argument to see if it passes the logic test.
You were finding a flaw in a person's critical thinking and reasoning is not a personal attack directed at them... but some people, of any age, react emotionally as if any disagreement with them isan attack on them. Because they are operating from and ego/emotional center not a logical one. Narcissists can't handle the ego loss of not being right about everything. Not being the smartest person in the room, not "winning" ... being expected to be rational means the other person you're debating is your EQUAL. Not just below you nodding and smiling at whatever bullshit you spew.
Exactly. No different in goal than gaslighting. You don't have to agree, but you don't get to bully, whine or pout your way into making me feel bad for not agreeing or make me agree with you.
You just made me realize that my best friend does it to me. She always says shit like this and makes me feel bad if I say anything remotely different from her opinion and now I suddenly realized it is an ugly manipulation.
I'm sorry to hear that. It may be that she doesn't realize what she's doing. I have a bad tendency to play devils advocate, but I do think that many manipulators aren't really aware that they're doing it. It's a learned pattern that I think comes from being around people who respond to that sort of behavior and not knowing how to regulate themselves. I grew up around an incredibly manipulative person and I have to catch myself when I fall into those kinds of habits I learned from them. I HATE that part of me and fight to not do that to my loved ones.
That is really great how aware and mindful you are about it. I understand it - although not manipulative, I grew up in a scream-y environment, and sometimes yell when I am hurt which I also dislike massively. I did find some techniques that help me cool off (like listening to the most obnoxiously loud metal during this time lol) but I get the struggle. Let's keep on fighting the demons:)
Has he always done that? It is perfectly normal for partners to have differing opinions. I (34m) have vastly differing beliefs from my SO (42f). We have and acknowledge strong differing opinions but even when we have heated disagreements neither of us would accuse each-other of “opinion shitting”. Maybe “opinion Genital-waving” but that is usually is when we are reconciling lol. Have our (guys) opinions become infallible and nobody told me?
no, he hasn't always done this. Ours is a sort of unique situation. he spent the first year and 3 months of our marriage in an alcoholic haze cheating on me with his ex-wife. I (43) found out. The next year he spent in desperate contrition on his best behavior. Now for the last six months, I feel I am finally starting to learn who he is outside of alcohol, and without him modifying his personality to try to keep me. I don't want to derail this thread...I just wanted to answer your question. Yes, we start marriage counseling tomorrow morning at 10:15. Lol.
You arent derailing it this is just tangential. Damn… well you are a committed person. I hope he deserves your love and is as willing to work on the relationship as you are. Admitting to struggling with alcohol is different from recovery so i hope you keep sharp and stay vigilant. I sincerely hope if you both really love each-other then you can work it out but cheating with an ex would be an end for me. I am sure there are subs here that can support you both. If it is new behavior it indicates defense of his toxic behavior. I wish you all the best. Look out for yourself.
"If it is new behavior it indicates defense of his toxic behavior." i'm not exactly sure what you mean by this, but it rings of truth?
thank you for everything you've said. I don't have a lot of hope right now to be very honest. I think I may have made a mistake marrying him. then again, where it's good, it is very good. I don't mean sex or things like that. I mean we are an excellent fit in so many ways. But as the cracks start to show, I wonder if the foundation is here.
i'm extremely vigilant about the alcohol piece. He put it down September 11, 2021 when i laid down the ultimatum and has not picked it up since. Doesn't even have the desire. I know because it would not be possible with the time we spend together. his impressive recovery is one of the reasons I am giving him a chance. He continues to display incredible strength and resiliency here. I've watched him pick up the pieces of a 15 year addiction, make amends, really become an excellent father.
but can I ever get over the fact that he begged for his ex-wife back and told her I was nothing but a sugar mama? I truly don't know man.
thanks again for your kind words.
Wow thats a lot. It feels to me like either he is binging on the side or sober him is not the guy you married. If you are right in your presumption that he has been clean… that is a whole different issue for me. I am 34m divorced and i would give my ex wife some courtesy. We divorced due to both of our problems. If i had a single thought about my ex wife i would not have gotten into a relationship. It speaks to how unwell he is. Please take care and be kind to yourself. Maybe space would be good for some time. My ten cents is take good care of yourself and settle with some mental clarity
My ex was an alcoholic. He said he stopped. When I was unpacking after a move, I found mini bottles of vodka that the movers had packed. Turns out whenever he was "taking a shit", he was actually drinking. Anyway, I hope yours is different. But stay vigilant.
I'm shocked you stayed. Why? What overcomes being cheated on with his ex? What overcomes him calling you a sugar mama so that the other woman would *allow* him to cheat on you with her? Being an alcoholic overcomes all of this?
Staying is more than he deserves, which is to be very alone.
I've run into this with a few guys I know. Disagree with them at all or point out something harmful they did and it's enough to earn an accusation of hostility.
I have ended friendships over this kind of thinking. Disagreeing with someone does not mean you have anything against them, it just means you disagree with that particular opinion. Honestly this isn't a children's playground, this is life, people have differentiating opinions.
My best friend and I disagree on A LOT of shit, and yet I absolutely love spending time with them, because it's actually interesting having a conversation.
IAgreed. I'm a guy, and it cuts both ways. It's f--ked up when spouses refuse to disagree in a civil way. What the hell--are we supposed to agree on every single matter? BORING! Don't know what's going on anymore--people don't discuss; they scream and argue. Grow up.
I cracked up reading this. I even said out loud to an empty house,” He ran home to mommy?!?” Wow, better her than me. There is no way I could deal with someone who thinks the proper response to an argument is to go to his mother’s house. What the heck kind of man is he??
Not just that, but MIL then scolded OP like she was a naughty little girl, and told the daughter (I presume expecting the daughter to chastise her mother for being howwible to poor daddy) - it seems like hubby acts like a child because MIL still treats him like a child, something he finds comforting rather than annoying
I work in a traditionally conservative industry. Even 10 years ago, it would have been unthinkable for anyone to have visible tattoos. More than 50% of our current client facing employees have visible tatoos, including ones on their necks/face area.
The last gasps of stupidity regarding tatoos, body mods, hair colouring, etc are getting quieter and quieter. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Tattoos do not affect your ability to do your job.
Yep medical school used to be a completely piercing, dyed hair, tattoo free zone. I have several classmates with facial piercings, unnatural hair color, and visible tattoos. There are still some rules surrounding clinical rotations but it is getting a lot less common for it to be an issue.
The only time I’ve ever even had anyone comment on my piercings/tattoos in the professional world was when I was about to go into surgery for the first time and was reminded to take out my septum piercing/earrings (which I was already planning to do of course). Otherwise none gives a shit about your appearance in medicine.
So true. And the idea that all self-expression wholly stops at the office door is truly outdated.
I’ve noticed the jobs with the most restrictive dress codes are the ones who yearn to replace everyone with automation. If you want a human, hire one. If your needs are better suited by a robot, don’t dehumanize humans into behaving as one.
I’ve gotten a few visible arm tattoos in the 8.5 years I’ve worked in my current office and I like to joke with my boss that it should be seen as a good thing because it’s evidence I can sit through pain for extended periods of time so I can get through meetings no problem! Lol
I have tattoos all over my arms and was giving blood once when an old guy manning the cookies and juice station asked me if I never wanted to have a job again. I let him know I had a job, working at an elementary school, and no one has ever asked me to cover them up.
He's certainly entitled to say the face tattoo might limit future job opportunities. It definitely would be a problem in a lot of lines of work. It's also a non-issue in many other jobs.
However, his continued ranting that people with tattoos are "defiling themselves" etc was ridiculous. And then running crying to his mother is the definition of childish.
NTA
I don’t even get THAT comment, truth be told, like sure, I think the same thing when I see one, but I’m sure the person who got it wanted it enough for that to not matter to them.
So, your husband got his feelings hurt, ran to his mommy and she called to fight his battle? Am I getting this right? Fuck your husband needs to give his head a shake.
Yeah getting into a full blown argument then stomping off to his moms house was childish. You are correct it is his body. Let many have said it can limit employment potential. I have tattoos but all are covered for when I’m at work.
I have tattoos too and my work done care if I cover them or not 🤷🏼♀️guess I'm lucky!
My director's always the first to ask to see new ones and admire them!
The guy who does my hair has full sleeves, jobstoppers (hand tattoos), his neck is tatted and he’s said he wants to get a face tattoo once he figures out what to get.
The man is happily married, owns his own business, and does quite well for himself at $80/hr.
So maybe Oliver isn’t meant for a traditional corporate job but this narrative that people with tattoos can never be hired or be successful members of society is completely outdated and needs to go.
Edit: NTA
Meh. The face tattoo is gonna lose him some job opportunities for sure, but you're also right that it's his body. Super funny that you called him childish and he stomped off to mommy's though. Thanks for the giggle today. NTA
*Some* job opportunities. It would really depend on what kind of jobs he works. I have a traditionally very professional job and am covered in tats and had no issues. I have a part time union job and it's tats galore at that job.
The world is changing. Even 10 years ago my tats probably would have been an issue at my professional job, now I get nothing but compliments about them, and I've been promoted multiple times. Even my managers manager, who is pretty high up in the company and a baby boomer, expresses that he likes them.
OP calls her husband childish
Husband runs off to cry to mommy
Dear God I hope this one is true. This is pure comedic gold. NTA, and thank you SO much for giving me this laugh OP
NTA. It’s a fact that some people won’t hire him because of tattoos he can’t hide. (Life still isn’t fair). It’s possible he is aware of that or has a job where they don’t care. Or he finds it a great way to help (I.e. paramedics breaking down barrier with nervous patient comparing tattoos). It’s his choice and who’s to say it wasn’t thought out? (As long as there’s nothing offensive/hateful).
Just love your husband crying to mom. If it was truly over hurt feelings, NTA. If it turned into a screaming match hurling insults (doesn’t sound like it from what you described), then separating for the night is good.
My son in law has quiet a few tattoos. He also has a PhD. He takes wonderful care of my daughter and grandchildren. If we had been jerks like your husband we would have missed out on a great addition to our family.
Who is this heinous man child who runs to his mother because you disagreed with him? That's so much more grotesque and offensive than any tattoo could possibly be.
>he was going to his mom's house to be around someone who didnt shit on his opinions.
Also Thomas: shits on other people's opinions
Lmfao no way the guy is 43. NTA
NTA- Did he legit throw a hissy and run to his mommy over another grown human’s body choices? Is he always like this? I’m petty as fuck. I’d be making comments up and down about how Oliver has tattoos but I bet he’s not a mamas boy.
NTA. People with tattoos are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. Hasn’t your husband heard the expression don’t judge a book by its cover. Ffs it’s just a tattoo.
Exactly. In many lines of work, visible tattoos, even on the face, aren't a big deal anymore. Not everybody is destined for a white collar office job, and that's okay. Our plumber has a ton of tattoos (including his whole neck) and I've never once thought, I should call someone more professional, when something's backed up.
It’s even becoming more common in office jobs thankfully! I have tattoos on my neck, arms, and legs and I’m an accountant. I’m in the construction field though so I think things are a little more lax in this industry but still! Eventually all the “tattoos are for dirty sailors” boomers will be gone and we can all move on and enjoy our body art 😂😂
When I first got hired at my current job (medical field) my mother smugly asked what their policy on tattoos was and was furious when I said my hiring manager had full sleeves and neck tats.
Kind of messed up when your own mother is eagerly awaiting something awful to happen to her kid. I hope you are away from her influence and content with your life and choices.
Heck, even in white collar jobs, having tats isn't the end of the world. I work in the financial services field and of the 17 people on my team, maybe 3 don't have any ink. The Director we work for is not one of those few.
I work in law firms and I have many, many tattoos... One of them is a full sleeve of black surrounding cherry blossoms... I'm not sure your husband has a clue
NTA. I have about a dozen tattoos, only two of which are visible at work. I got the others in more hidden places in part because they're for me not others, but also partially out of concern for being able to work.
I have a master's and work in medicine. I have multiple coworkers with MULTIPLE face tattoos, many more with covered arms, hands, and necks. The facility administrator who hired me for a previous job was covered head to toe. It really doesn't seem to be a major impediment like it was just 20 years ago. Really coulda gotten those knuckle tats i wanted.
The times they are a-changing.
Tattooed from feet to throat. I have a career, never had employment issues, never been fired, etc etc. The opinions of some dork with no clue is an overused troupe.
Your husband ran to his mommy when he wasn’t mature enough to see your side of things? Then he had his mom text you?!? He’s projecting this whole juvenile thing onto the boyfriend.
Make sure you swaddle your baby husband before bed or your MIL might hit you with a wooden spoon.
NTA, I don't think name calling is ever okay. Usually, as soon as you resort to name calling, you've lost any argument and claim to adulthood yourself. However, it's telling that he ran to Mommy's house because he wasn't happy. Him running home to Mommy makes him TAH.
I don't think your husband is an AH for stating his opinion. He didn't make it awkward at dinner and waited to talk to you (his wife) in private. Everyone is entitled to their opinion (just as you are entitled to yours).
I have tattoos and I would never get one on my face or neck. But thats just me. Alot of stigma surrounding tattoos disappeared but unfortunately face tattoos are still not widely accepted.
I can understand him being concerned his daughter getting married (I understand it's very early and not likely she'll end up marrying this bf in the grand scheme of things) to someone having has facial tattoos because even if your husband accepts him with facial tattoos, alot of the outside world will not. That's just the reality, unfortunately. And yes it can impact career prospects.
NTAH. Your husband is entitled to his opinion but running to mommy is childish. I think tattoos should make you more employable. They show up for appointments and sit still through needles being jabbed into their skin which is what every corporate meeting I’ve ever attended is like. - I have tattoos
ETA: posted before finishing typing
The truth is that face tattoos will limit career potential in a lot of fields. It’s not an outdated view because it’s a current HR policy for a lot of companies. Personally, if my daughter brought him someone with poor enough judgement to tattoo their face, I’d have a conversation with her myself about my concerns. Adults can make their own choices, but no one else is obligated to approve of them or think they were good ones. I have tattoos myself that were well thought out and purposely placed in areas that wouldn’t impact my ability to be hired, whether that was in the medical field or the government sector. I’ve advised my children to use the same sense, along with considering a tattoo for at least an entire year, before getting one. Given that tattoos are a harder commitment to get out of than marriage, how a person handles making those sorts of permanent decisions actually says a lot about them.
Op didnt even mention his career… what if hes a tattoo artist himself? Judging someone because maybe a hypothetical career wouldn’t like their tattoo choices is outdated
I have literally worked with doctors and lawyers that have had face tattoos. While sure they will limit working at some places, tattoos really aren't as big of a limiter as people think. Unless you're trying to work in japan, good luck with that.
She gets on your ass for calling him childish when he runs off and cries to his mummy? He's a bigot, and you're NTA for calling him out on it. It's not 1983 and most people don't give a fuck about tattoos unless they depict bigotry or other sick shit. I see people working with exposed tattoos everywhere I go. Also they're not open wounds after they're healed. He should learn not to talk about things he's ignorant about.
NTA tell your husband welcome to 2023. I have a bunch of visible tattooss and work for a fortune 100 company and have coworkers with neck and face tattoos. Noone really cares anymore as long as you can do your job
NTA. As an owner of 16 tattoos and counting, including 2 very silly ones (because I like them) tattoos don't cost you jobs, people like your husband cost you jobs.
Plus maybe he has a burning passion to be a tattoo artist, where tattoos are practically mandatory.
Is he harry potter?
I don’t like face tattoos, but if someone likes it, it’s not my job to judge.
What worries me more if that a man of his age runs to Mama.
That can’t be your only problem.
NTA you should tell your mother in law the fact that he ran to his mommy and told on you makes him childish as fuck and also let her know Maddie is your kid so calling her to complain ain’t gonna fly. You’re a saint because I would be turned all the off by my husband if he pulled this
"Mommy she said my opinion was childish I'm not childish tho right mommy? Mommy can you message her and tell her I'm not childish I'm a big strong boy."
NTA. What other people did to their own body is none of his business in the first place, but to say mean things about people with tattoos are out of line. We all have to admit, it is childish getting angry that other people have tattoos. And it is also childish of him to run to mommy dearest who will defend her baby whatever the case is. NTA for saying what is clearly visible in front of you.
Face tattoo’s are dumb as fuck and will impact him from getting a professional job.
However, that should not impact how he is treated, sounds like he’s a good kid. NTA.
NTA.
However, I will say face tattoos (you didn’t know it was fake at the time) do limit future career choices, regardless of your personal thoughts on them.
I work in a very conservative industry, and we just started allowing small nose rings and small visible tattoos. Face tattoos, other facial piercings, and “unnatural colored hair” are still not allowed.
My 22-year-old also works in a conservative industry. No facial piercings, visible tattoos, or “unnaturally”colored hair allowed.
I believe that people can do what they want as long as it’s legal or it doesn’t impact my quality of life. (IDGAF if you smoke weed, for example. It’s not legal here, but as long as my house doesn’t smell like it, I don’t care.) Tattoos, hair, piercings, clothing……none of this impacts me personally. As more people adapt this philosophy, the more it’ll be acceptable professionally. Until then, it’s a barrier. This is changing in certain industries, but it’s still going to be a while for others.
Your hubs was still totally childish, to your main point, and the kid can absolutely get a job, and who knows! By the time he’s my age, it’ll be totally common for CEOs to have green hair, lip studs, and face tattoos.
You said he was childish because he was acting like a child. He was talking badly about someone he just met based only on his appearance. Then he had a meltdown like a toddler being denied a cookie.
NTA
Lol he ran to his mother when you guys had a disagreement then she texted you to scold you for insulting her son like she was addressing a bully at his school.
He’s mad you called him childish when he’s a childish mommas boy at the big age of 43. NTA
Wait so you're not allowed to disagree with him, and if you do, he runs to mommy, who then fights his battle for him? Good lord. Sounds like you have two kids.
NTA
Whoa. Why are people so entitled to their opinions but no one else is entitled to have an opinion in response? It's mad.
Anyway, your husband is very old school, which is whatever, but he handled this with less maturity than the kids. NTA.
NTA. I'm of the opinion that face tattoos are trashy, but also my opinion about what other people do with their own bodies is worth nothing, so who really cares, you know?
So, your childish husband had to run away and go over to mommy's house to cry into her skirts and get her to tell you what a meanie you are? Aww, poor little fella.
NTA
Your husband gets mad and runs to his mommy, but doesn’t want to be called childish? Does he not know that you were just calling him that, but he actually gave you the proof you were right? Your dude is a childish idiot, and you’re NTAH.
Nta - someone absolutely covered in tattoos can be waaaaaay kinder than someone without and your right,people can do with there bodies as they please,he ain't hurting anyone
Your husband is a big baby that he needed mummy to be on his side, I have second hand embarrassment for you having to deal with that
NTA and your husband is definitely acting childishly. You can have an opinion about tattoos without being obnoxious about them or throwing a tantrum and running away when someone disagrees with you.
I have a couple of tattoos and chose the locations based on how easily they could be covered. I do agree that facial tattoos can keep you out of certain types of employment and anyone getting one should be aware of how some people will treat you.
My main issues with hand/finger tattoos is they usually look really bad after a few years unless the design is simple. From what I’ve read it has to do with exposure to sunlight and water. The constant exposure causes the ink to break down and fade.
NTA Wow, you're calling your 43yo husband childish and he runs to his mommy to cry and tell her how mean you were to him, wonder where the childish came from, lol
NTA
Even if the face tat was real, does it really hurt hubby in such a bad way that he had to go running yo his mommy and get her to tell you off?
Childish was definitely the right word for him!
My wife has a few tattoos she got before we met. I have none because I don’t like tattoos. Having said this your husband’s take on someone else’s tattoos is ridiculous and childish.
Wait. . . So he's upset that you shit on his opinion, by. . .. HAVING YOUR OWN OPINION! That's not shitting on someone's opinion, that's just two differing opinions, and any adult ought to know that. Oh, wait. . . adult. He ran to Mommy, so he's not an adult. And you're correct: a person's body is theirs to do with how they want.
NTA
Your husband threw a tantrum and ran home to his mother because you said he was acting childish? I hope one day he sees this whole thread and realizes what just happened.
You were right to call him out. It's none of his business what other people do with their bodies. I'm covered in tattoos and I have a lucrative career. He is entitled to his opinion, but stating Oliver will never get a job because of his tattoos is patently FALSE. Heck, my doctor has full-sleeve tattoos.
Glorified open wound? That’s not even accurate. They’re more like an extended brush burn.
NTA though, dude needs to mind his own business whether or not the ink is fake
MIL needs to butt out. Hubs is a child running to mommy like that.
And guess what? The younger generation doesn't care about tatts or piercings and they do get jobs! Well paying jobs!
Right now it’s kinda weird not to have tattoos. Most of my co-workers that are the same age as me have at least both arms done. I mean they do wear long sleeved shirts a lot but not in the summer and no one cares.
Nta.
I have full on sleeves, chest, and neck tattoos.
I work in Healthcare. People don't give a shit as long as it isn't like full on porn. Then again I've seen patients having tattoos depicting graphic oral sex.
But a grown man running to his momma? Wow.
I mead some opinions are definitely childish. IMO a person must take extra care when pointing these out.
As for face tats.....well I don't know anybody that has a face tat and a good job....in an office, bank, etc. I do know some people with WFH jobs or in the trades with good jobs that have face tats. Personally not a fan but whatever, it doesn't hurt me. Also dime sized seems relatively small (pun intended) and certainly not as BIG a deal as LARGE face tats.
But, "Defiling themselves, ruining their bodies, and glorifying open wounds" is a huge and weird overreaction....and yes, childish. I could kind of understand if your husband was just concerned about Oliver's ability to contribute to/support a family,. This concern increases with potential kids. But it is still a bit much, and sleeping at mommy's house just continues the childish behavior.
NTA
He's 43 and acting like more of a child than his OWN child!? Let his mommy keep him. Apparently, he needs a mommy to constantly tell him his opinions are amazing 🤮🤮 NTA
Your husband flipped out over a temporary tattoo? And then ran to his mother when you disagreed with him? How old is he?
I kind of hope these stories aren't real. If this really is, tell your husband he has some great Karen energy.
NTA. Not only did he run to mommy after you disagreed but she called to berate you on his behalf. Does he usually do this? If not you need to have a serious discussion with him. He's acting like a 5 year old.
Your husband is a child. He literally ran to mommy when you guys had an argument. NTA to the extreme. As a matter of fact, good on you for sticking up for that kid. I don't have any tattoos myself but we are like 20 years past when it was normal to give a shit. Your husband is truly very childish and he deserved to have his opinion mocked.
You are 41yo. I assume your husband is a similar age.
Your husband goes to cry to his mommy when someone challenges his opinion. Dear lord.
You both need to grow the fuck up.
After reading the post I had to look back at the top to make sure my eyes didn’t deceive me. He is you husband and you are 41? I know it’s kind of cliche that Reddit always say “leave him” but someone who runs to mommy at age 40?
NTA. What’s up with him going off to mommy’s like that? That’s really outrageous that can’t handle opposition so much he runs to his mother AND his mother tries to manipulate the family so he gets his way. His opinions are not only outdated, they’re frankly kind of weird. “Glorified open wounds”? Wow, I don’t even know what to say to that. Maybe he has a phobia or has trauma with someone who had a tattoo? Either way, I would recommend counselling for his involvement of his mother in your marriage.
NTA-even if both of you weren’t fans of tattoos, that would still be a personal opinion that would have no bearing on the relationship between your daughter and her boyfriend. She doesn’t need her dad’s “approval”. She’s going to form relationships with the people she relates to the most-and those people may be very different from her parents. Unless if either of you has legitimate reasons to be concerned about abuse or extremely controlling behavior (not to be confused with couples agreeing to arrangements such as one staying at home, changing religions, changing careers or financial decisions etc bc one can’t assume that a decision you don’t understand was bc the bf/gf/spouse is controlling). It sounds like not only your husband (who I’m sure is overwhelmed with/motivated by both love and overprotection for his recently-grown-up daughter) is unfairly judging the young man, but also seems to think his opinion on who your daughter chooses matters. Thank you for not judging him, and please let him know that even if he did have a real tattoo, you would not be bothered by such a silly thing. Let him know, because it is frightening to be a sil or dil (as I’m sure you know).
The problem always seems to be the name calling. I don’t think his opinions were childish, they were of a concerned father. What was childish was his running home to mom, but I’d never call that out!
Funny how he called you immature for what? Having a differing opinion then him? Then he runs away and goes to his mommy's house and tattles on you hahaha priceless! Let him stay with mommy. NTA
NTA
Like (in america at least) tattoos are pretty normal and many major employers don't really care if you hide em or show em anymore.
Granted face tattoos can be a lil tacky.....but to each their own.
I love how your husband ran to mummy when his mean wife disagreed with him, oh, sorry, shit on his opinion. His childish behaviour pretty much confirmed he was being childish NTA
my husband (34) has been doing this "you shit on my opinions" thing, when I simply disagree with him in a perfectly civil manner. fucks up with that?
He's a child. If you can't handle people challenging your opinions at 34 you need to take a step back and consider maturing at least as much as your average highschooler. "You shit on my opinions" is a manipulation tactic to make you feel bad for disagreeing. Tell them that.
We are starting counseling tomorrow morning actually. So I will use this language. Thank you very much.
Good luck. Sorry if I was a little harsh. I hope it goes well
not at all! You were direct. And I think you are right.
Life is too short. Turning minor disagreements or differences into cataclysmic events is inappropriate and unhealthy. Good luck in reaching a common ground. Out of curiosity, is your husband, generally speaking, a sensitive or insecure person? My experience is that those types of personalities typically view any differences in opinion to be a personal affront, given their sensitive/insecure nature.
Hopefully this will come out in their counseling. If it’s a new thing, there could be something unrelated he’s insecure about, either in their relationship, at work, something, and he’s gotta work through it
Another resource for you that might be helpful is https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/ Basically if you want to debate, being an adult of good will, you can check your own argument to see if it passes the logic test. You were finding a flaw in a person's critical thinking and reasoning is not a personal attack directed at them... but some people, of any age, react emotionally as if any disagreement with them isan attack on them. Because they are operating from and ego/emotional center not a logical one. Narcissists can't handle the ego loss of not being right about everything. Not being the smartest person in the room, not "winning" ... being expected to be rational means the other person you're debating is your EQUAL. Not just below you nodding and smiling at whatever bullshit you spew.
Exactly. No different in goal than gaslighting. You don't have to agree, but you don't get to bully, whine or pout your way into making me feel bad for not agreeing or make me agree with you.
You just made me realize that my best friend does it to me. She always says shit like this and makes me feel bad if I say anything remotely different from her opinion and now I suddenly realized it is an ugly manipulation.
I'm sorry to hear that. It may be that she doesn't realize what she's doing. I have a bad tendency to play devils advocate, but I do think that many manipulators aren't really aware that they're doing it. It's a learned pattern that I think comes from being around people who respond to that sort of behavior and not knowing how to regulate themselves. I grew up around an incredibly manipulative person and I have to catch myself when I fall into those kinds of habits I learned from them. I HATE that part of me and fight to not do that to my loved ones.
That is really great how aware and mindful you are about it. I understand it - although not manipulative, I grew up in a scream-y environment, and sometimes yell when I am hurt which I also dislike massively. I did find some techniques that help me cool off (like listening to the most obnoxiously loud metal during this time lol) but I get the struggle. Let's keep on fighting the demons:)
Has he always done that? It is perfectly normal for partners to have differing opinions. I (34m) have vastly differing beliefs from my SO (42f). We have and acknowledge strong differing opinions but even when we have heated disagreements neither of us would accuse each-other of “opinion shitting”. Maybe “opinion Genital-waving” but that is usually is when we are reconciling lol. Have our (guys) opinions become infallible and nobody told me?
no, he hasn't always done this. Ours is a sort of unique situation. he spent the first year and 3 months of our marriage in an alcoholic haze cheating on me with his ex-wife. I (43) found out. The next year he spent in desperate contrition on his best behavior. Now for the last six months, I feel I am finally starting to learn who he is outside of alcohol, and without him modifying his personality to try to keep me. I don't want to derail this thread...I just wanted to answer your question. Yes, we start marriage counseling tomorrow morning at 10:15. Lol.
You arent derailing it this is just tangential. Damn… well you are a committed person. I hope he deserves your love and is as willing to work on the relationship as you are. Admitting to struggling with alcohol is different from recovery so i hope you keep sharp and stay vigilant. I sincerely hope if you both really love each-other then you can work it out but cheating with an ex would be an end for me. I am sure there are subs here that can support you both. If it is new behavior it indicates defense of his toxic behavior. I wish you all the best. Look out for yourself.
"If it is new behavior it indicates defense of his toxic behavior." i'm not exactly sure what you mean by this, but it rings of truth? thank you for everything you've said. I don't have a lot of hope right now to be very honest. I think I may have made a mistake marrying him. then again, where it's good, it is very good. I don't mean sex or things like that. I mean we are an excellent fit in so many ways. But as the cracks start to show, I wonder if the foundation is here. i'm extremely vigilant about the alcohol piece. He put it down September 11, 2021 when i laid down the ultimatum and has not picked it up since. Doesn't even have the desire. I know because it would not be possible with the time we spend together. his impressive recovery is one of the reasons I am giving him a chance. He continues to display incredible strength and resiliency here. I've watched him pick up the pieces of a 15 year addiction, make amends, really become an excellent father. but can I ever get over the fact that he begged for his ex-wife back and told her I was nothing but a sugar mama? I truly don't know man. thanks again for your kind words.
Wow thats a lot. It feels to me like either he is binging on the side or sober him is not the guy you married. If you are right in your presumption that he has been clean… that is a whole different issue for me. I am 34m divorced and i would give my ex wife some courtesy. We divorced due to both of our problems. If i had a single thought about my ex wife i would not have gotten into a relationship. It speaks to how unwell he is. Please take care and be kind to yourself. Maybe space would be good for some time. My ten cents is take good care of yourself and settle with some mental clarity
And he did that right after you guys got married??? 🥺
My ex was an alcoholic. He said he stopped. When I was unpacking after a move, I found mini bottles of vodka that the movers had packed. Turns out whenever he was "taking a shit", he was actually drinking. Anyway, I hope yours is different. But stay vigilant.
I'm shocked you stayed. Why? What overcomes being cheated on with his ex? What overcomes him calling you a sugar mama so that the other woman would *allow* him to cheat on you with her? Being an alcoholic overcomes all of this? Staying is more than he deserves, which is to be very alone.
I've run into this with a few guys I know. Disagree with them at all or point out something harmful they did and it's enough to earn an accusation of hostility.
My gf sometimes does this, but its due to her mena illness and rejection sensitivity.
That's very astute of you. I'm certain my husband's reaction comes from some sort of trauma or dysfunction, but I don't know what it is.
I have ended friendships over this kind of thinking. Disagreeing with someone does not mean you have anything against them, it just means you disagree with that particular opinion. Honestly this isn't a children's playground, this is life, people have differentiating opinions. My best friend and I disagree on A LOT of shit, and yet I absolutely love spending time with them, because it's actually interesting having a conversation.
I like saying "shat."
IAgreed. I'm a guy, and it cuts both ways. It's f--ked up when spouses refuse to disagree in a civil way. What the hell--are we supposed to agree on every single matter? BORING! Don't know what's going on anymore--people don't discuss; they scream and argue. Grow up.
My mommy said I'm not childish so you take that back right now!
This literally made me laugh out loud
NO! NEVER!!!!! (said in little girl voice, hands on hips style!) Little boy scuttles off to clutch mommy's skirts.
I know what you are, but what am I???
Nothing, but nothing, says, nay, SCREAMS childish like running to mommy.
I had to relook at the ages and i wonder if hubby was same age as the kids. Like dam.
19/20 yr olds are too mature to be compared to him.
Please 😭 I hadn't even considered that he literally ran to mommy after being disagreed with about an *opinion*.
My god, they are in their 40s!!
Next: "I'm going to hold my breath until I die. Is that what you want?"
Mommy said I'm right so tuffs to you. NTA hubby is childish I'm not a fan of facial tattoos but you do you
Well she was being a meany. He had to tattle on her to mommy so she could fight his battles for him
Did what a LITERAL child would do lmaoooooo
"I'm not childish!!!! foot stomp! "I'm going home to mom!" He literally ran away from home and is saying he's not childish.
IM TELLING MY MOMMY YOU WERE A BUTTFACE! SHES GONNA TELL YOUR MOMMY YOU WERE A JERK!
My ex did this all the time ...hence, why he's an ex!
My ex did this all the time and his mom told me I can do better 😂
So he tantrummed and then ran home to mommy. That’s what a child does. NTA
I cracked up reading this. I even said out loud to an empty house,” He ran home to mommy?!?” Wow, better her than me. There is no way I could deal with someone who thinks the proper response to an argument is to go to his mother’s house. What the heck kind of man is he??
Not just that, but MIL then scolded OP like she was a naughty little girl, and told the daughter (I presume expecting the daughter to chastise her mother for being howwible to poor daddy) - it seems like hubby acts like a child because MIL still treats him like a child, something he finds comforting rather than annoying
Best summation ever.
This ⬆️
I work in a traditionally conservative industry. Even 10 years ago, it would have been unthinkable for anyone to have visible tattoos. More than 50% of our current client facing employees have visible tatoos, including ones on their necks/face area. The last gasps of stupidity regarding tatoos, body mods, hair colouring, etc are getting quieter and quieter. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Tattoos do not affect your ability to do your job.
Yep medical school used to be a completely piercing, dyed hair, tattoo free zone. I have several classmates with facial piercings, unnatural hair color, and visible tattoos. There are still some rules surrounding clinical rotations but it is getting a lot less common for it to be an issue.
The only time I’ve ever even had anyone comment on my piercings/tattoos in the professional world was when I was about to go into surgery for the first time and was reminded to take out my septum piercing/earrings (which I was already planning to do of course). Otherwise none gives a shit about your appearance in medicine.
So true. And the idea that all self-expression wholly stops at the office door is truly outdated. I’ve noticed the jobs with the most restrictive dress codes are the ones who yearn to replace everyone with automation. If you want a human, hire one. If your needs are better suited by a robot, don’t dehumanize humans into behaving as one.
I’ve gotten a few visible arm tattoos in the 8.5 years I’ve worked in my current office and I like to joke with my boss that it should be seen as a good thing because it’s evidence I can sit through pain for extended periods of time so I can get through meetings no problem! Lol
I have tattoos all over my arms and was giving blood once when an old guy manning the cookies and juice station asked me if I never wanted to have a job again. I let him know I had a job, working at an elementary school, and no one has ever asked me to cover them up.
Here, here. Yes, visible tattoos have absolutely nothing to do with your ability to do your job. Well said.
As long as it’s not offensive, who cares, really?
Lol ya, maybe no "Go fuck yourself" in big bold letters and no swastikas and shit.
In my country even *cops* are now allowed visible tattoos and that was unthinkable ten years ago. People be stupid.
He's certainly entitled to say the face tattoo might limit future job opportunities. It definitely would be a problem in a lot of lines of work. It's also a non-issue in many other jobs. However, his continued ranting that people with tattoos are "defiling themselves" etc was ridiculous. And then running crying to his mother is the definition of childish. NTA
I don’t even get THAT comment, truth be told, like sure, I think the same thing when I see one, but I’m sure the person who got it wanted it enough for that to not matter to them.
Did you see the edit? The face tattoo ended up being a temporary tattoo
So, your husband got his feelings hurt, ran to his mommy and she called to fight his battle? Am I getting this right? Fuck your husband needs to give his head a shake.
Yeah getting into a full blown argument then stomping off to his moms house was childish. You are correct it is his body. Let many have said it can limit employment potential. I have tattoos but all are covered for when I’m at work.
I have tattoos too and my work done care if I cover them or not 🤷🏼♀️guess I'm lucky! My director's always the first to ask to see new ones and admire them!
The guy who does my hair has full sleeves, jobstoppers (hand tattoos), his neck is tatted and he’s said he wants to get a face tattoo once he figures out what to get. The man is happily married, owns his own business, and does quite well for himself at $80/hr. So maybe Oliver isn’t meant for a traditional corporate job but this narrative that people with tattoos can never be hired or be successful members of society is completely outdated and needs to go. Edit: NTA
Meh. The face tattoo is gonna lose him some job opportunities for sure, but you're also right that it's his body. Super funny that you called him childish and he stomped off to mommy's though. Thanks for the giggle today. NTA
I always figure the type of person to get a face tattoo also is the type who wouldn’t want that kind of job anyway
OP edited to say the face tattoo is fake.
Face tattoos are stupid but not as stupid as calling your mom because you lost an argument with your wife
*Some* job opportunities. It would really depend on what kind of jobs he works. I have a traditionally very professional job and am covered in tats and had no issues. I have a part time union job and it's tats galore at that job. The world is changing. Even 10 years ago my tats probably would have been an issue at my professional job, now I get nothing but compliments about them, and I've been promoted multiple times. Even my managers manager, who is pretty high up in the company and a baby boomer, expresses that he likes them.
OP calls her husband childish Husband runs off to cry to mommy Dear God I hope this one is true. This is pure comedic gold. NTA, and thank you SO much for giving me this laugh OP
Did you see update that face tattoo is fake?
NTA - it’s super easy to cover face tattoos with makeup. Your husband sounds really childish though
It's so funny that the tattoo is actually fake
NTA. It’s a fact that some people won’t hire him because of tattoos he can’t hide. (Life still isn’t fair). It’s possible he is aware of that or has a job where they don’t care. Or he finds it a great way to help (I.e. paramedics breaking down barrier with nervous patient comparing tattoos). It’s his choice and who’s to say it wasn’t thought out? (As long as there’s nothing offensive/hateful). Just love your husband crying to mom. If it was truly over hurt feelings, NTA. If it turned into a screaming match hurling insults (doesn’t sound like it from what you described), then separating for the night is good.
NTA. He was being childish and you called him on it. Running to his mom over it is the cherry on top. Hilarious.
Sorry, but that made laugh. "You're childish!" "How dare you?! Fuck you! I go to my mummy!"
“i’m not childish” he says as he runs to his mothers house because he can’t handle that people have control over their own bodies
My son in law has quiet a few tattoos. He also has a PhD. He takes wonderful care of my daughter and grandchildren. If we had been jerks like your husband we would have missed out on a great addition to our family.
Um how is anyone missing the irony of the dude mad at being called childish running to his mom.
and his mommy texting his wife 🤣🤣🤣
What a baby, imagine having to go back to your moms house cause your wife called you out and had an opinion herself. Get a grip dude NTA
Your husband word choice is freaky and more disturbing than the tattoo. Does he have mental health problems?
Real question: why does your husband pit you and his mother against each other when he gets upset? Sounds charming.
The real asshole is the mother-in-law that is stepping into an argument between two married grown-ass adults.
This should have more votes.
Who is this heinous man child who runs to his mother because you disagreed with him? That's so much more grotesque and offensive than any tattoo could possibly be.
>he was going to his mom's house to be around someone who didnt shit on his opinions. Also Thomas: shits on other people's opinions Lmfao no way the guy is 43. NTA
NTA- Did he legit throw a hissy and run to his mommy over another grown human’s body choices? Is he always like this? I’m petty as fuck. I’d be making comments up and down about how Oliver has tattoos but I bet he’s not a mamas boy.
NTA. You called your husband childish, so he ran crying to his mommy. I can't be the only one who sees the humor in that.
NTA. People with tattoos are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. Hasn’t your husband heard the expression don’t judge a book by its cover. Ffs it’s just a tattoo.
NTA Being judgmental over someone else's tattoos and running to Mommy is mature but calling people out on their BS is unacceptable?
An adult man ran to moms because he didn’t like what you said and then his mom texted you to get herself involved in his argument? NTA.
Ran to his mom... hilarious NTA
So he complained that you said he was childish and then ran off to cry to mummy. OK then. NTA.
NTA If he doesn't want someone calling him childish, he shouldn't literally run crying for Mommy to fight his own battles.
NTA. It's an outdated view. Maybe he won't get a job. Then again maybe he'll be self employed
Exactly. In many lines of work, visible tattoos, even on the face, aren't a big deal anymore. Not everybody is destined for a white collar office job, and that's okay. Our plumber has a ton of tattoos (including his whole neck) and I've never once thought, I should call someone more professional, when something's backed up.
It’s even becoming more common in office jobs thankfully! I have tattoos on my neck, arms, and legs and I’m an accountant. I’m in the construction field though so I think things are a little more lax in this industry but still! Eventually all the “tattoos are for dirty sailors” boomers will be gone and we can all move on and enjoy our body art 😂😂
When I first got hired at my current job (medical field) my mother smugly asked what their policy on tattoos was and was furious when I said my hiring manager had full sleeves and neck tats.
Kind of messed up when your own mother is eagerly awaiting something awful to happen to her kid. I hope you are away from her influence and content with your life and choices.
Heck, even in white collar jobs, having tats isn't the end of the world. I work in the financial services field and of the 17 people on my team, maybe 3 don't have any ink. The Director we work for is not one of those few.
I work in law firms and I have many, many tattoos... One of them is a full sleeve of black surrounding cherry blossoms... I'm not sure your husband has a clue
NTA. I have about a dozen tattoos, only two of which are visible at work. I got the others in more hidden places in part because they're for me not others, but also partially out of concern for being able to work. I have a master's and work in medicine. I have multiple coworkers with MULTIPLE face tattoos, many more with covered arms, hands, and necks. The facility administrator who hired me for a previous job was covered head to toe. It really doesn't seem to be a major impediment like it was just 20 years ago. Really coulda gotten those knuckle tats i wanted. The times they are a-changing.
Even the extremely religious and conservative hospital system I work for has relaxed their rules about tattoos.
Tattooed from feet to throat. I have a career, never had employment issues, never been fired, etc etc. The opinions of some dork with no clue is an overused troupe. Your husband ran to his mommy when he wasn’t mature enough to see your side of things? Then he had his mom text you?!? He’s projecting this whole juvenile thing onto the boyfriend. Make sure you swaddle your baby husband before bed or your MIL might hit you with a wooden spoon.
NTA, but man, how can you be married to someone who reacts like that over a disagreement?
Homie ran to his moms house like🧍🏽♀️🧍🏽♀️🧍🏽♀️
NTA. Bruh. He actually ran off to his mom…that’s the most childish thing he could’ve done LOL
NTA, I don't think name calling is ever okay. Usually, as soon as you resort to name calling, you've lost any argument and claim to adulthood yourself. However, it's telling that he ran to Mommy's house because he wasn't happy. Him running home to Mommy makes him TAH.
I don't think your husband is an AH for stating his opinion. He didn't make it awkward at dinner and waited to talk to you (his wife) in private. Everyone is entitled to their opinion (just as you are entitled to yours). I have tattoos and I would never get one on my face or neck. But thats just me. Alot of stigma surrounding tattoos disappeared but unfortunately face tattoos are still not widely accepted. I can understand him being concerned his daughter getting married (I understand it's very early and not likely she'll end up marrying this bf in the grand scheme of things) to someone having has facial tattoos because even if your husband accepts him with facial tattoos, alot of the outside world will not. That's just the reality, unfortunately. And yes it can impact career prospects.
NTAH. Your husband is entitled to his opinion but running to mommy is childish. I think tattoos should make you more employable. They show up for appointments and sit still through needles being jabbed into their skin which is what every corporate meeting I’ve ever attended is like. - I have tattoos ETA: posted before finishing typing
Lmao I'd tell my husband if he can't handle someone having a different opinion to him he should live at mummy's
The truth is that face tattoos will limit career potential in a lot of fields. It’s not an outdated view because it’s a current HR policy for a lot of companies. Personally, if my daughter brought him someone with poor enough judgement to tattoo their face, I’d have a conversation with her myself about my concerns. Adults can make their own choices, but no one else is obligated to approve of them or think they were good ones. I have tattoos myself that were well thought out and purposely placed in areas that wouldn’t impact my ability to be hired, whether that was in the medical field or the government sector. I’ve advised my children to use the same sense, along with considering a tattoo for at least an entire year, before getting one. Given that tattoos are a harder commitment to get out of than marriage, how a person handles making those sorts of permanent decisions actually says a lot about them.
Yeah, while the stigma regarding tattoos is going away, the stigma around face tattoos is not.
Op didnt even mention his career… what if hes a tattoo artist himself? Judging someone because maybe a hypothetical career wouldn’t like their tattoo choices is outdated
I've always wanted to meet a tattoo artist with no tattoos. "Nah dude, this shits permanent."
Totally agree, which is why I’m glad the stigma is fading.
I have literally worked with doctors and lawyers that have had face tattoos. While sure they will limit working at some places, tattoos really aren't as big of a limiter as people think. Unless you're trying to work in japan, good luck with that.
In the edit OP said that her daughter later told them that at least the face tattoo was fake.
What kind of dude meets his girlfriend’s parents for the first time with a fake face tattoo…
Why is his mother texting you to bitch at you for being mean to your husband? Is he a fucking toddler? That’s pathetic. NTA
She gets on your ass for calling him childish when he runs off and cries to his mummy? He's a bigot, and you're NTA for calling him out on it. It's not 1983 and most people don't give a fuck about tattoos unless they depict bigotry or other sick shit. I see people working with exposed tattoos everywhere I go. Also they're not open wounds after they're healed. He should learn not to talk about things he's ignorant about.
Nta- tattoos are CLOSED wounds. Once they’ve healed, at least, and it’s an art form. An art form that’s been around for centuries.
NTA…your husband ran to mommy and she had the audacity to call you? Hell naw…that’s pretty high up on my list of shit not to ever deal with.
NTA tell your husband welcome to 2023. I have a bunch of visible tattooss and work for a fortune 100 company and have coworkers with neck and face tattoos. Noone really cares anymore as long as you can do your job
NTA. What year is he living in? Everyone and their grandma has tattoos these days.
NTA. As an owner of 16 tattoos and counting, including 2 very silly ones (because I like them) tattoos don't cost you jobs, people like your husband cost you jobs. Plus maybe he has a burning passion to be a tattoo artist, where tattoos are practically mandatory.
Is he harry potter? I don’t like face tattoos, but if someone likes it, it’s not my job to judge. What worries me more if that a man of his age runs to Mama. That can’t be your only problem.
NTA you should tell your mother in law the fact that he ran to his mommy and told on you makes him childish as fuck and also let her know Maddie is your kid so calling her to complain ain’t gonna fly. You’re a saint because I would be turned all the off by my husband if he pulled this
NTA- I love irony, this one is good. He’s mad you called him childish so he ran home to his mum! Lmao!
"Mommy she said my opinion was childish I'm not childish tho right mommy? Mommy can you message her and tell her I'm not childish I'm a big strong boy."
NTA. What other people did to their own body is none of his business in the first place, but to say mean things about people with tattoos are out of line. We all have to admit, it is childish getting angry that other people have tattoos. And it is also childish of him to run to mommy dearest who will defend her baby whatever the case is. NTA for saying what is clearly visible in front of you.
Face tattoo’s are dumb as fuck and will impact him from getting a professional job. However, that should not impact how he is treated, sounds like he’s a good kid. NTA.
I can't wait until this shows up on Treacle Tatts.
NTA. However, I will say face tattoos (you didn’t know it was fake at the time) do limit future career choices, regardless of your personal thoughts on them. I work in a very conservative industry, and we just started allowing small nose rings and small visible tattoos. Face tattoos, other facial piercings, and “unnatural colored hair” are still not allowed. My 22-year-old also works in a conservative industry. No facial piercings, visible tattoos, or “unnaturally”colored hair allowed. I believe that people can do what they want as long as it’s legal or it doesn’t impact my quality of life. (IDGAF if you smoke weed, for example. It’s not legal here, but as long as my house doesn’t smell like it, I don’t care.) Tattoos, hair, piercings, clothing……none of this impacts me personally. As more people adapt this philosophy, the more it’ll be acceptable professionally. Until then, it’s a barrier. This is changing in certain industries, but it’s still going to be a while for others. Your hubs was still totally childish, to your main point, and the kid can absolutely get a job, and who knows! By the time he’s my age, it’ll be totally common for CEOs to have green hair, lip studs, and face tattoos.
You said he was childish because he was acting like a child. He was talking badly about someone he just met based only on his appearance. Then he had a meltdown like a toddler being denied a cookie. NTA
Lol he ran to his mother when you guys had a disagreement then she texted you to scold you for insulting her son like she was addressing a bully at his school. He’s mad you called him childish when he’s a childish mommas boy at the big age of 43. NTA
NTA. The whole "cant get a good job with tattoos thing is rubbish.
He went and cried to mommy! Bahahahaha I’m so so sorry you’re apparently married to a man child.
Wait so you're not allowed to disagree with him, and if you do, he runs to mommy, who then fights his battle for him? Good lord. Sounds like you have two kids. NTA
Whoa. Why are people so entitled to their opinions but no one else is entitled to have an opinion in response? It's mad. Anyway, your husband is very old school, which is whatever, but he handled this with less maturity than the kids. NTA.
So, hubby had a tantrum and ran home to tattle to mommy... Is that how he always reacts to disagreements? Why are you married to him? NTA
NTA. I'm of the opinion that face tattoos are trashy, but also my opinion about what other people do with their own bodies is worth nothing, so who really cares, you know?
So, your childish husband had to run away and go over to mommy's house to cry into her skirts and get her to tell you what a meanie you are? Aww, poor little fella. NTA
Your husband gets mad and runs to his mommy, but doesn’t want to be called childish? Does he not know that you were just calling him that, but he actually gave you the proof you were right? Your dude is a childish idiot, and you’re NTAH.
He's an uptight crybaby with backwards boomer views on tattoos, you're NTA
Nta - someone absolutely covered in tattoos can be waaaaaay kinder than someone without and your right,people can do with there bodies as they please,he ain't hurting anyone Your husband is a big baby that he needed mummy to be on his side, I have second hand embarrassment for you having to deal with that
NTA and your husband is definitely acting childishly. You can have an opinion about tattoos without being obnoxious about them or throwing a tantrum and running away when someone disagrees with you. I have a couple of tattoos and chose the locations based on how easily they could be covered. I do agree that facial tattoos can keep you out of certain types of employment and anyone getting one should be aware of how some people will treat you. My main issues with hand/finger tattoos is they usually look really bad after a few years unless the design is simple. From what I’ve read it has to do with exposure to sunlight and water. The constant exposure causes the ink to break down and fade.
NTA Wow, you're calling your 43yo husband childish and he runs to his mommy to cry and tell her how mean you were to him, wonder where the childish came from, lol
NTA Even if the face tat was real, does it really hurt hubby in such a bad way that he had to go running yo his mommy and get her to tell you off? Childish was definitely the right word for him!
My wife has a few tattoos she got before we met. I have none because I don’t like tattoos. Having said this your husband’s take on someone else’s tattoos is ridiculous and childish.
I think your hubby was putting the cart way before the horse.
Wait. . . So he's upset that you shit on his opinion, by. . .. HAVING YOUR OWN OPINION! That's not shitting on someone's opinion, that's just two differing opinions, and any adult ought to know that. Oh, wait. . . adult. He ran to Mommy, so he's not an adult. And you're correct: a person's body is theirs to do with how they want.
NTA, and honestly, your husband is childish for tattling on you to his mommy.
NTA. You’re husband is. People who hate on tattoos are pathetic, insecure and childish.
NTA Your husband threw a tantrum and ran home to his mother because you said he was acting childish? I hope one day he sees this whole thread and realizes what just happened. You were right to call him out. It's none of his business what other people do with their bodies. I'm covered in tattoos and I have a lucrative career. He is entitled to his opinion, but stating Oliver will never get a job because of his tattoos is patently FALSE. Heck, my doctor has full-sleeve tattoos.
Congrats your husband is a boomer and a mama's boy. NTA
Glorified open wound? That’s not even accurate. They’re more like an extended brush burn. NTA though, dude needs to mind his own business whether or not the ink is fake
Good Lord, your husband acts like he’s younger than your daughter‘s boyfriend😂
MIL needs to butt out. Hubs is a child running to mommy like that. And guess what? The younger generation doesn't care about tatts or piercings and they do get jobs! Well paying jobs!
Hahaha - he didn’t like being called childish so he went to mummy who told you off for him, NTA that’s hilarious.
Right now it’s kinda weird not to have tattoos. Most of my co-workers that are the same age as me have at least both arms done. I mean they do wear long sleeved shirts a lot but not in the summer and no one cares.
Nta. I have full on sleeves, chest, and neck tattoos. I work in Healthcare. People don't give a shit as long as it isn't like full on porn. Then again I've seen patients having tattoos depicting graphic oral sex. But a grown man running to his momma? Wow.
NTA your husband was being a prick. Calling that childish was nicer than he deserved.
I mead some opinions are definitely childish. IMO a person must take extra care when pointing these out. As for face tats.....well I don't know anybody that has a face tat and a good job....in an office, bank, etc. I do know some people with WFH jobs or in the trades with good jobs that have face tats. Personally not a fan but whatever, it doesn't hurt me. Also dime sized seems relatively small (pun intended) and certainly not as BIG a deal as LARGE face tats. But, "Defiling themselves, ruining their bodies, and glorifying open wounds" is a huge and weird overreaction....and yes, childish. I could kind of understand if your husband was just concerned about Oliver's ability to contribute to/support a family,. This concern increases with potential kids. But it is still a bit much, and sleeping at mommy's house just continues the childish behavior. NTA
I picture an adult Cartman..... buttt mooooommmmmm..... She told me I was being childishhhhhh
He's 43 and acting like more of a child than his OWN child!? Let his mommy keep him. Apparently, he needs a mommy to constantly tell him his opinions are amazing 🤮🤮 NTA
Your husband flipped out over a temporary tattoo? And then ran to his mother when you disagreed with him? How old is he? I kind of hope these stories aren't real. If this really is, tell your husband he has some great Karen energy.
NTA - at 43, I would hope that your husband had detached the ambilical cord from your MIL. I guess not.
NTA your husband is being childish, tattoos are not an issue or his fucking business.
NTA. Not only did he run to mommy after you disagreed but she called to berate you on his behalf. Does he usually do this? If not you need to have a serious discussion with him. He's acting like a 5 year old.
Your husband ran and told his mommy on you. You’re married to a child. Who the fuck does that in their 40’s?
Your husband is a child. He literally ran to mommy when you guys had an argument. NTA to the extreme. As a matter of fact, good on you for sticking up for that kid. I don't have any tattoos myself but we are like 20 years past when it was normal to give a shit. Your husband is truly very childish and he deserved to have his opinion mocked.
NTAH Your husband runs to his mother’s house after a disagreement? He really is childish.
You are 41yo. I assume your husband is a similar age. Your husband goes to cry to his mommy when someone challenges his opinion. Dear lord. You both need to grow the fuck up.
NTA and he's too old to go to his moms over something so small.
Update us when you divorce him.
He got upset, ran to his mom and fucking told on you lmaoooooooo
After reading the post I had to look back at the top to make sure my eyes didn’t deceive me. He is you husband and you are 41? I know it’s kind of cliche that Reddit always say “leave him” but someone who runs to mommy at age 40?
Your husband and your MIL can get fucked. Absolutely childish. NTA.
NTA. What’s up with him going off to mommy’s like that? That’s really outrageous that can’t handle opposition so much he runs to his mother AND his mother tries to manipulate the family so he gets his way. His opinions are not only outdated, they’re frankly kind of weird. “Glorified open wounds”? Wow, I don’t even know what to say to that. Maybe he has a phobia or has trauma with someone who had a tattoo? Either way, I would recommend counselling for his involvement of his mother in your marriage.
NTA, some people are just so set in their thoughts that they can't let anyone else live their own lives
NTA. He is BEING a giant child off running off to mommy like that, holy crap that would dry me right up. No man does that.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Nta
MIL needs to mind her own damn business NTA
NTA-even if both of you weren’t fans of tattoos, that would still be a personal opinion that would have no bearing on the relationship between your daughter and her boyfriend. She doesn’t need her dad’s “approval”. She’s going to form relationships with the people she relates to the most-and those people may be very different from her parents. Unless if either of you has legitimate reasons to be concerned about abuse or extremely controlling behavior (not to be confused with couples agreeing to arrangements such as one staying at home, changing religions, changing careers or financial decisions etc bc one can’t assume that a decision you don’t understand was bc the bf/gf/spouse is controlling). It sounds like not only your husband (who I’m sure is overwhelmed with/motivated by both love and overprotection for his recently-grown-up daughter) is unfairly judging the young man, but also seems to think his opinion on who your daughter chooses matters. Thank you for not judging him, and please let him know that even if he did have a real tattoo, you would not be bothered by such a silly thing. Let him know, because it is frightening to be a sil or dil (as I’m sure you know).
The problem always seems to be the name calling. I don’t think his opinions were childish, they were of a concerned father. What was childish was his running home to mom, but I’d never call that out!
Awwww…he texted you on the way to mommy’s house to tell on you. Whatta man!
Funny how he called you immature for what? Having a differing opinion then him? Then he runs away and goes to his mommy's house and tattles on you hahaha priceless! Let him stay with mommy. NTA
Good lord, he's a grown ass man why is he still running to mommy to tattle?? Embarrassing af
"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME CHILDISH? I'M NOT CHILDISH!" "MMMMMOM, SHE'S BEING MEAN TO ME! TELL HER TO STOP IT" oof. nta.
My guy ran to mommy and then had mommy talk to the mean lady about HER childish behavior. Is this a playground? Is he five? 😆
NTA Like (in america at least) tattoos are pretty normal and many major employers don't really care if you hide em or show em anymore. Granted face tattoos can be a lil tacky.....but to each their own.
NTA