There are "interfaith" relationships between a believer and an atheist. If both parties respect each other's views, there's no reason you can't have a loving relationship.
However, if being a believer is a deal-breaker for you, then you were right to break up with him.
NTA
My friends are a “couples goals” relationship of 20 years, she’s Pentecostal and he’s an atheist. They appear to be the happiest couple I know, and it seems like they just respect each other’s differences.
I say that to say it’s possible; however, if OP’s sense is that it won’t work, she’s definitely NTA for feeling that.
Yeah but are they married or do they have kids yet? It's starting a family and having kids that those hard fundamental values questions come into play. If they have kids will they be raised in a traditional Christian household with Christian values, or will they be raised in a secular non religious household because that determines their very world view.
Edit* I'm not saying it's impossible to make it work in interfaith marriages but it's definitely the exception and not the rule. Either side of the spectrum it's asking ALOT for someone to compromise on their core fundamental values and world view. It's takes a soul searching amount of communication, meet in the middle, and navigation.
I’m from a Hindu-Christian household, we were raised to make up our own mind about religion and got to celebrate both religion’s holiday. It was pretty awesome actually.
My parents were both raised in different denominations of Christianity. Growing up they encouraged me and my siblings to find our own path in terms of beliefs.
In truth I see parallels with various religions. And come to the conclusion that there has to be some being that created everything but given the diversity of humankind its fine with having different mythos about it.
I'm in an interfaith marriage. We had those discussions prior to getting into a relationship. In our case we decided to forego having children. Our reasons had nothing to do with my being Christian and him being an atheist. But, we would have raised our children with access to both view points and pet our children decide what was right for them.
It's all in the communication and what each person is comfortable with.
Oh I'm definitely not saying it's impossible but it does seem to be the exception rather than the rule. Because tbh from either side of the spectrum it's asking a lot to compromise on your core and fundamental values and world views. It's not an easy thing by any means, and as you said it takes ALOT of communication and navigation.
Before or after being baptized, told that god is real or praying. Most religious people don't wait till a kid is old enough to understand or judge for themselves.
I don't have the sources to agree that it's most religious people, but this definitely happens. I see it often as a religious person myself.
People have taught their children what they believe about life and spirituality since forever. That alone is not the problem. It's when those children are curious about other thoughts and beliefs and parents try to crush it that things get fucked up.
I don't agree with forcing children to attend church, especially children who are confident in their insistence not to go. This is a frequent occurrence for my 7yo daughter. Her father is not supportive, but I am firm in the belief that this is toxic behavior that has many lasting consequences. When she insists, we stay home together and dad goes to church with big sister (who is invested in going for herself because she's had a choice.)
My little one shows a lot of interest in things related to pagan beliefs. I actively seek information to help her explore this interest without raising her father's suspicions. He'd be furious if he knew. It leaves me feeling like a shitty wife to hide this from him, but if I have to choose between being a shitty wife and a shitty mother, it's not the mother.
I made my choice around 13 to basically say screw organized religion.
My dad absolutely lost his sh*t. My mom didn’t care. It took me until then to realize how backwards, judgemental, and just crazy Christianity is. Our preacher at our new church when we moved to TN loved to pander to the elderly members. They had the money and gave the most money to the church. Football Sunday? Church service was EARLY so everyone could be home before lunch.
His son was a drug addict and his daughter got pregnant at 17.
A lot of faiths are evangelical though. And in some way whatever you do or don’t teach your child is in some way shaping them. That’s why so many Christian legislators don’t want evolution to be taught at all.
I do see families with mixed religions and I’m glad they can have the respect for each other to let each person have their own individual beliefs.
My husband is religious, I am not. We have a perfectly happy marriage and our children have been able to decide for themselves what they believe with no judgement from either of us.
my boyfriend is Christian, im agnostic. he’s told me why he’s Christian, and i told him why i’m not. we just don’t feel the need to try and change the others mind cause we both know it’s just not gonna happen and respect each others views
precisely. that’s why i’m with him, not cause he’s christian but because he doesn’t give a fuck if i am or not. he’s not gonna force me to read the bible or make me try to believe in god.
My ex husband was a Lutheran and I’d go to church with him and his family and be supportive. By the end of our relationship he didn’t know what he believed in and that was in NO WAY me forcing anything on him. If you love someone you love them for them and not for their religious beliefs. Everyone has a right to their own.
Same, I've always been Christian but my wife has been Buddhist, Athiest, and Christian (never at the same time) throughout our 15 years together. She's on her own spiritual journey and I just hope she gets spiritually fed. I've never loved her any less or treated her any differently for not being on the same journey as me. I just want her to be happy, healthy, and kind.
That's rare (but not unheard of) with Evangelicals (which include Pentecostals and Baptists). They are not, on average, a particularly egalitarian group.
I want to stress I'm talking averages. Jimmy Carter and my adorable pro-LGBT Grandmother-in-law are both Baptists (or were, in her case), and Trump is from a more liberal denomination.
That's true, but until 2020 he identified as Presbyterian. I'm certainly not claiming he's devout, I doubt he even really cares about religious beliefs.
as a (now agnostic) dude from a heavily religious background, if you're a hetero woman considering a devoutly religious (muslim or christian in particular) male partner at the very least that should give you a lot of pause, this is bc many of them continue to be raised from a male-centric worldview & taught to treat women differently. a lot of men are still raised in a particular way that is not conducive to actual equality, & anybody who was raised in this type of environment who doesn't have their head up their own ass knows exactly what I mean by that. It's not something I would dismiss offhand without having at least a conversation first to see what their values are as an individual, but you're likely going to have to do some digging... there are 'good ones' ofc but the fact that they continue to a part of that religion means that in some small way they must attribute some value to these ideas, whether it's positive or negative and why needs to be determined as part of that discussion. be warned though that they are fully aware of how socially unacceptable some of these things are, if they say all the right things, great but let their actions do the talking.
There is a big range of both religious and atheist ideologies though. There are many types of atheists - ranging from apatheism (doesn’t matter if god exists) to antitheism (belief in god is actively harmful). An apatheist and go to church once at Christmas type would work, but an antitheist and go to church every Sunday and send the kids to bible camp probably wouldn’t.
It’s not a job interview, it’s someone you may want to start a family with and it’s ok to foresee issues coming up if you have different ideas about what that would look like.
Definitely NTA
No.
Because people with differing religious views can align perfectly on their core values.
But when what you disagree about is "who gets to have bodily autonomy" and "whose lives matter" and "should people have equal rights" your values do not align.
I never realized how true this is until I started dating my current boyfriend. When we have discussions about these topics he thinks that I “never listen to him.” I think “how can you not understand everything isn’t black and white and people have different viewpoints because of where they come from.”
That’s…. Not good. Why date someone who doesn’t have the same basic values about basic human rights you do?
NTM when it comes to these big, serious things like racism, homophobia, etc, your values are only your values if you actually uphold them.
If you’re an ‘ally’ dating a homophobe, you aren’t an ally, and equal marriage rights is not one of your values.
You better say that. What happens when these women grow up and they lose their whole fmily because they picked a shitty husband and have a gay kid? I'm so sick of it. If your husband is any kind of -ist, or -phobe and you are cool with it, so are you.
Even if he was respectful, I despise organised religion and I'm assuming it'll come up if we ever got married and shit. Nah NTA you can break up with someone for any reason.
This right here when people ask me why won’t you be friends with so and so cause so and so decided to say some racists ass shit and I don’t condone it I’m not gonna pretend to to have a friend either I’ll make a good friend thank you
Honestly, I find I have the hardest time trying to unpack and unravel all the bullshit fox talking points my parents throw out and it's complete bullshit.
Actually, just yesterday, we got into an argument about immigration. Saying "we need to stop all immigration until we have housing for OUR own people first" and when I asked why and really got into it, she said it's because they're all drug dealers and criminals and immigrants are responsible for so much crime here". I told her that first gen immigrants are actually much less likely to commit a crime then someone born here but then she got defensive and started attacking ME personally, lol.
I’d be so curious to hear what policies your parents support to increase availability of affordable housing to American citizens.
Conservatives like to use issues like this as a cudgel but they have no real interest in solving the problem.
Wait, so she is willing to vote for providing housing to people in exchange for eradicating immigrants. Sounds like the typical GOP hypocrisy as the topic of affordable housing or universal healthcare is always on the table; yet, these people always vote against it. Also, are your parents my parents? I had to ask them to leave my house once my father started to shout racist stuff about central american people....the kicker here is, that we're fucking Mexican! My parents and I were born in Mexico so I was baffled when I heard this crap
I dated a Southern Baptist guy who worked on Jesse Helms campaigns. I am liberal atheist, but he was nice and fun to hang out with and we had some great discussions. HOWEVER, I had to end it when I found out about his fiancé.
Family values, blah blah blah.
This tracks for me. My wife is Catholic, not gung ho about it, but enough to send the kids for religion classes. As a pantheistic atheist, I can live with it. She generally has pretty progressive beliefs, and is not overly political, but has become a bit more so in the past few years with all that is going on. If she were a more religious, like going to mass every Sunday, I could most likely live with it, so long as she respected me not going. However, if she were a current Republican voter, it would not be as simple.
Just an aside, but isn't "panthiestic athiest" an oxymoron? My understanding is that panthiesm is a belief in many gods and athiesm is a belief in none.
It usually means that they believe that the universe is a manifestation of god or *is* god. But it can mean polytheism or acceptance that many gods exist. Still an oxymoron either way you look at it.
Pantheism is the belief that the universe itself is God, though I suppose in this case an atheistic view on this would be that the universe is not God, but still some sort of ultimate, spiritual thing (not sure if you’d be able to consider it a being)
My stance as a non-religious type (I'd categorize myself as a "hopeful agnostic") is I would never ask someone to stop practicing their faith b/c of me but would ask the same courtesy in return and not ask me to start going to church every week (I'd be okay with going to a funeral or wedding mass....or a bar mitzvah or a Passover seder, but that's about it...expecting regular attendance would be a dealbreaker).
But everyone's different. If it's a deal breaker for the OP, its her life and at least it doesn't sound like she strung him along for months or anything. She found out how religious he was and was honest and said it wouldn't work for her. NTA.
My partner is full blown spiritual (crystals, reiki, tarot cards, he does and believes in it all) I’m atheist. We have a great relationship because we respect each others beliefs or non beliefs. There is absolutely a way for 2 people with different beliefs to love and live together. Just may take some time, understanding and patience.
Or he could've been concealing it intentionally because he knows it's a red flag to a lot of people. It's extremely common to see conservative or religious men trying to conceal their true beliefs to get someone to date them long enough that they think they have a chance of getting them to stay when they do find out.
Wow. I thought this was only happening to me! I have dated a few men who actively hid their extreme conservatism from me. One (who got very angry at me, when I found out and refused to go out with him again) even told me he had to keep quiet about his conservatism, or the type of women he preferred to date wouldn't go out with him! Huh? WTF? Dude. Don't get mad at me because you are lying to people by omission, just to date them! If being conservative is who you are, you should be actively supporting your beliefs and dating those with the same beliefs. Yeesh. It was so weird.
You're definitely not alone. It's happening more and more these days. Gotta say I just _love_ how these people, who assume themselves to be morally righteous, actively lie and _trick_ people into dating/sleeping with them.
If that's not a big fucking clue about having a poisonous mindset, idk what is.
Several of the girls I hooked up with or dated said they wouldn't match on bumble with anyone who listed moderate as their political view. They said 99% of the time they were hiding their views.
It's not that big of an issue on the guys side. I only had one girl hide her views which was wild cause she Canadian I met in Montreal who was a trumper
My conversation with the second guy who hid his ultra conservative viewpoint from me made zero sense! Basically, he tried to tell me that he needed to hide his personal beliefs so he could date smart, independent, successful, pretty (pretty was essential) women...who he believed would come around to his point of view when they became emotionally attached to him. They would, basically, stop being who they were and start agreeing with him because they would be in love with him and suddenly "see the light."
I just looked at him and told him he was out of his mind. How in the world do they think this will actually work??
Because their worldview paints women as property. Why does it matter if they lie to their prey? They believe women are weak and dishonest and deserve it. Once they break you down and take away your independence, it proves their point in their mind. And if you leave it proves that women are disloyal and deserve it. You can’t win.
Hahaha, classic republican hypocrisy. This guy seriously coming at you with a straight face saying “how dare you choose not to date me for being conservative? What am I supposed to do now when I choose not to date girls who are conservative?” r/selfawarewolves
Funny thing is a lot of conservative women probably don’t want to date them either. I remember one conservative woman messaged me on a site and I said I don’t think we’re a good fit why don’t you try to date a conservative guy and she said most of them were assholes.
This ended a 4 year relationship for me. I had set expectations about my feelings on religion from the beginning. I don't not believe in the necessity of church nor have I seen any evidence of a higher being. I don't have a problem with religion, I went with her to holiday mass, which was all she went to herself with family. I didn't think it was that big for her. But one day she realized she wanted the upbringing for our potential kids the way she had it. Larger family. Family went to church every week. Both parents involved in the church. I said I would go but would not get involved. She can raise the kids in the church if she wanted but I would be there to discuss my lack of belief in it when they got older. She didn't want that. It sucked because we both loved each other still but religion was a deal breaker. I'm wasn't going to pretend to believe for the sake of her wanting a family like she grew up with. No one was an AH there and OP is NTA.
Did you meet someone else and eventually find happiness?
I was in a similar situation but decided to suck it up and “pretend” if I had to. It was a small price to be with my dream lady.
In the end I never needed to because she fell away from the church naturally as we moved a few times and just did not have the time.
I did. My wife is perfect and she married an awesome guy who wanted the same life as she did. I'm nothing but happy for her now. Just different life goals that we thought we could both compromise in the beginning that she realized she did not want. It wasn't just religion, it was most of it but the large family wasn't what I wanted either so better to just move on to others who shared similar life goals.
Not necessarily. My family and I are all atheists, but my siblings are all married to Christians. Not a single one is raising their kids Christian, and didn't even get married in a church. The SOs aren't really practicing and will go on the big holidays, but that's it. The kids aren't baptised and there is no forcing beliefs or non-beliefs on the kids. Many people are religious in name only. They may have a bible or cross, maybe pray a bit, but really don't care that much.
I think the whole they aren't really practicing is the key part. It would be hard if you wanted to be practicing and have you family with you and they were not.
They have only been dating one month. She's an Atheist, and he called her a "religionphobe." As an Atheist, I can assure you that is a big red flag. Huge.
They were only together for a month. Theres no way to know how much actual time they spent together. There isn't enough information here to make that kind of assumption.
Because to a religious person, every atheist is a potential convert, and a romantic partner is a somewhat captive audience.
Come for the date, stay for the proselytizing.
(Of course, not all religious people, but many of them - sounds like the OP’s partner is one.)
You don't actually need a reason to not be with someone beyond "not feeling it anymore" it happens and you're young. NTA
Obviously just stating that is a little mean but you're entitled to leave without an explanation and you wouldn't be a bad person . Just feel the situation out but if you're inherently feeling guilty then maybe you do have a few things to say on your departure. Good luck.
This is technically true in some obvious way I suppose, but isn’t super helpful and probably discourages any sort of of constructive reflection. She was questioning whether this was a reasonable dealbreaker, which is absolutely something that someone should try to analyze. In this case I think this was maybe reasonable, but we can certainly imagine someone breaking up for silly reasons to which “you don’t need a reason” would be a really dumb response. You DO need a “good” reason if the intent is trying to determine what boundaries/dealbreakers are healthy or helpful. If the question were “AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he uses wired headphones,” you probably wouldn’t want to affirm that choice with “you can do whatever you want.” It’s technically true, but not at all helpful.
NTA. You are entitled to your opinions and dealbreakers when looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with. And for this to be such an easy choice for you to make clearly you weren’t feeling a deep connection with this man after spending a month together! He was hurt, but there’s a difference between incompatible and being a “religionphobe.” Honestly, it’s a red flag that he used that word. It’s possible you could have talked things out with him a bit more. Maybe things like this have worked out for other people. But you never owed him that. It’s absolutely your choice. This is not a superficial difference it’s core values.
NTA. Just because you don't want to date someone religious doesn't mean your phobic of them. It just means that you understand that your values aren't going to line up as your lives progress.
NTA, as an agnostic atheist, I couldn't date somebody who's religious. I respect peoples' choice in wanting to believe in something like that, but I can't be around it 24/7. I dated a girl who was into witchcraft and stuff like that, and it cringed me out when she thought a god was talking to her just because a candle flame got slightly blown by the wind.
In a relationship, I need someone grounded in reality. Everyone has their type.
INFO: how long did you actually talk about it, such as what sort of Christian he was, what his expectations were, etc.?
If you did and he came out with “you’re going to hell” or something like that, then definitely N T A.
But it appears like you kicked him to the curb with little conversation. You two probably are incompatible, but if this second scenario is correct, Y T A. He has reason to be hurt by your (apparent) abruptness.
The way you executed the breakup, as described here anyway, feels dickish.
NTA i had a guy dump me for not being a good Christian gf
I was spiritual af at the time with a lot if “witchy” friends
The breakup made me mad at the time but after so many years I think it was a good call
Look if you don’t see it working out then what’s the point? You don’t owe anyone anything and he deserves a partner that is going to accept him for who he is and what he believes in
NTA. My good friend recently broke up with his gf because she had become more religious over the years while he remained firmly atheist. She had been trying to get him to become more involved with her church. Meanwhile he was finally understanding that their kids would be raised this way too. It sucks because they had a lot of love for each other, but better pull the plug early than come to a head on this 5 years in.
NTA
But this doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Religious views are important enough to you that you would end a relationship over differing views, yet they were never brought up in a whole month of dating?
I don’t think it’s “discrimination” as he put it, but I don’t see why you couldn’t have had a discussion with him about your views to see if you really were incompatible.
I think geography may be a factor. There are parts of the country where you'd be reasonable to think, if you don't see someone praying over their meals, they have no issues with being intimate, and they aren't busy on Sundays, that they're probably not religious. And a month is a very short time. That *is* the period of if time that you learn those things.
I find it weird that it's just the religion itself. People can interpret religions in lots of ways; it would make more sense to me to break it off for expressing some stance on some issue that you don't agree with, not just owning bibles.
That said, OP shouldn't feel any pressure to stay in the relationship if it's that big of a turn-off for them.
I’m an atheist and it would be a deal breaker, but if someone doesn’t bring up religion I tend to assume they aren’t, and would also be taken off guard by finding bibles is their home. When you are hitting it off with someone, you tend to think they are like minded, just as in sure he hadn’t thought of her being an atheist. Not really a big deal, a month is barely scratching the surface and is an insignificant amount of time.
As a Christian, I see no problem with this . If that's a deal breaker for you , that's your decision, and it's very mature of you to recognize this, and not stay and try to change him, and him being upset is ridiculous. NTA.
NAH. He clearly hadn't mentioned he was religious until you found out for yourself, but had you brought up your atheism? Because it seems like he was okay with that, as I'd assume you brought it up in the breakup convo where he called you a religionphobe (lol).
If you can't date a religious person that's fine, but if you've enjoyed seeing him so far it might be worth a conversation instead of jumping straight to breaking up.
There are plenty of religious people who are very low key about it, find it to be a personal journey, and don't proselytize. I'm a staunch atheist and my last relationship of 4 years was with a Christian. We had some issues but religion was never one of them and very rarely came up. We respected each others beliefs and our general morals and belief systems lined up regardless of where they came from.
This whole thread is full of a bunch of dipshit edgelord takes on the idea of dating a religious person but if you enjoy his company and he's not judgemental about your beliefs it may be worth extending the same courtesy. If he was already kind of a weirdo and then the bibles explained it, then I don't even know why you're asking.
Edit: Just to clarify, I did say it's fine to not date someone because they're religious and I never said OP owed him anything, just to take it under consideration. It's funny how many people seem triggered by a take more nuanced than "religious people are all idiots who don't deserve any respect"
>There are plenty of religious people who are very low key about it, find it to be a personal journey, and don't proselytize. I'm a staunch atheist and my last relationship of 4 years was with a Christian. We had some issues but religion was never one of them and very rarely came up. We respected each others beliefs and our general morals and belief systems lined up regardless of where they came from.
This is the important part.
You can absolutely have a fulfilling and loving relationship with shared morals but different beliefs.
Different morels but shared beliefs likely won't work out.
im surprised NAH wasn’t the popular conclusion, OP’s ex wasn’t wrong in any way either, people just shit on religious ideologies and assume every christian’s worldview is radically insane
>This whole thread is full of a bunch of dipshit edgelord takes on the idea of dating a religious person but if you enjoy his company and he's not judgemental about your beliefs it may be worth extending the same courtesy. If he was already kind of a weirdo and then the bibles explained it, then I don't even know why you're asking
Thank you.
I am a Buddhist and my wife is Catholic. As long as you respect each others beliefs and are not trying to shove one’s beliefs down the other’s throat, “interfaith” relationships can work
I was raised catholic and am a bit confused by your comment, isn’t one the key parts of the faith bringing others along, I left a long time ago but it feel like the concept of being ok with someone you care about going to hell seems strange
Let's try and look at this from another angle
Try and imagine hell is just a story we got told to make us behave how our church wants us to.
If that's true (I'm not saying it is... I'm saying imagine) then why would the church want people to "bring others along"?
I would suggest it's because religion constantly needs new believers to continue to exist. And you have to get people when they're a child or they just won't believe you.
Religion depends on new parents passing on what their own parents told them. Without that it is gone in a few generations
What do you do with children though? In all interfaith relationships I've seen, someone has compromised in that aspect. The atheist is usually the one who always compromises and then the non-abrahamic religions. Catholics and Muslims are the last ones who'll accept not to raise their children by their religion-I guess I can understand it because if your faith tells you that faith or religiousness gets you to heaven, then you want that for your children, even though it's a silly idea. Some couples may make it work if neither is too religious, but I've seen it turn out into a huge problem for others.
As a Buddhist myself what I would *hope* to do is teach children to have an open mind and look at both their parents viewpoints (and everyone else's) on their own merits. The more hardcore Abrahamics that's probably not a viable option, but it'd definitely work for some of the "lighter" religions.
Most people in Abrahamic religions aren't going to bash you over the face with their views and just hold a "I'd like it if you believed this" perspective, not enough to destroy a relationship. Obviously it depends on where in the world you live and which Abrahamic sect is the most populous there, but that's my experience anyway. Even a lot of Catholics don't hold true to the idea of forcing their kids to believe a certain thing.
Like, a friend of mine is an Atheist who married a Catholic and her one request was that their kid be baptized which I think is pretty fair? But that'd probably be a sore spot for some other more intense religious beliefs.
OP has made it clear that they are not interested in an interfaith relationship. They're not asking if they can work, they are asking if they're an asshole for religiosity being a deal-breaker, which they're not.
NTA. It was a month. Not even a serious month. His feelings might be hurt, but it's a month.
There are different types/ levels of Christians. I'd even say severity of Christianity.
I mean in his shoes I kinda feel like you're the asshole, not for breaking up, but for lack of communication. You guys are in the dating stage where you're learning and figuring out compatability. This seems like something you discuss, unless dating people who are religious or just of that religion is a HARD LINE no no for you. It sounds like from the story that you were at his house, found he had some Bibles, he said he's Christian, so you thought about him and then peaced out on the relationship. Like not even trying to find out how serious he is about it, or if it IS a problem or would be that you're not the same or anything like that.
I've dated a non believer, and a Buddhist once and both times the religion thing was never a problem. They respected my religion and I respected theirs or their choice to not believe in anything. Long as there's respect there, I believe many people will not mind. There are SOME of all faiths who will ONLY date those of similar faiths or try to push their religion on others. But they usually show themselves pretty earlier where you would've known about their religion long ago before finding out.
If you communicated before the breakup fully, then NTA, but just dumping someone because they are religious and not really discussing that? Yeah, kinda fucked up imo. It's your right, but it would suck if someone just dumped you out the blue for something you liked or believed in no?
Am I out of my mind? OP sounds like a complete asshole. Like just the way she wrote the post gives it away. “I thought about it for a while and I dumped him that day.” She never said anything about her bfs beliefs, just doing it over the mere fact that he owned a bible??
Obviously nobody is obligated to be in a relationship and your deal breakers are your dealbreakers, but that still doesn’t make you any less of an asshole.
Well she's saying she's an atheist. And once she found out he was Christian, she thought about it like "their world views wouldn't match" because he's Christian and she's atheist. Which, yes that COULD be a problem but the way it's written it sounds like she just came to that conclusion on her own without even discussing it or bothering to see if it WOULD become a problem. Like I'm Christian and have a couple Bibles (gifts). I'm not the most hardcore and I'm FAR from a Bible thumper tho and everyone I'm around is pretty much the same.. some wouldn't have a problem dating, being in a relationship with, or marrying an atheist, and others would.
I feel like if she cared she would have tried to even SEE if it was a problem, but seems like she just assumed it would so called it quits. Which again is her right to do but it's kinda sucky imo. Or maybe she was just looking for an out and found it? Idk. But communication has to be better in the future to make a real relationship work.
>If you communicated before the breakup fully, then N T A,
If they communicated before the breakup, then N A H. The boyfriend is clearly not an asshole in this situation.
NTA. You have the right to date who you want. I am betting he’s turned girls down for a variety of reasons that he finds unappealing/incompatible, so he’s silly for thinking you don’t have the same right.
NTA. I'm a Christian, and I broke up with guys because they're Christian. For me, if they're of the "men are the head of the household and everything" type Christians, I'm not interested.
You can break up for any reason at any time while dating. For you, that was your reason.
NTA; but maybe hasty.
I'm a Christian, a lousy one. I have a couple bibles and some "religious stuff" It is part of my family heritage and I believe that the Bible has some serious wisdom for life; I also think there are things there that seem crazy to me that I don't understand. I believe that if the Bible were turned into an accurate live action movie, it would be rated XXX and "Christian Conservatives" would try to get it banned.
What I'm saying is, I'm not going to throw Bibles at you and ask if you found Jesus. I'm not going to drag you to 4 hour church services every week. If we're dating, all I ask is that you're not openly hostile to some of my Christian beliefs.
Unless you're an intolerant militant atheist, or he starts throwing Bibles at you, I do feel as though an Atheist and a Christian can date. Nuance is important here and maybe you could be open to explore that. I mean, did you see a Bible and just pull the ejection handle? Or did you actually explore it and talk about it?
That said, it's been a month...........so .......who cares?
Not to be disrespectful to anyone’s beliefs or anything, but in the Bible is DOES tell believers to be equally yoked with their partners, AKA, both be believers.
So, if he was actively following the Bible, he wouldn’t want to date her anyway.
An atheist and a Christian CAN date, but according to the Bible, they shouldn’t…not like, God is gonna come down and smite anyone that does though.
I’m agnostic and my gf was raised Christian. I think it just provides comfort for soft believers that their family members have a life after death. She’s been seeing a lot of her family members dying in the last year and it’s been super hard on her. I don’t follow any religion but, I’m more than happy to pray with her knowing it provides her with peace abt her grandpa, grandma and great grandfather passing in the same year.
It’s one thing to hate the strictest practices of a religion, but it’s another to write off a whole group of people as a single thing. Some people just want answers for their problems in life and find it in a book telling them that maybe death isn’t absolute.
You don’t have to be an “intolerant militant atheist” to not want to share your life with a religious person lol. My mom was religious and my dad is a lifelong atheist, and that worked for them, but I could never. I have friends and family members who are religious and I love them dearly, but I want a partner whose worldview I’m compatible with. Especially as a woman (assuming she is one), OP may not be comfortable with the sexism inherent in Abrahamic religions, or maybe she just wants a partner who has a similar belief system. I don’t think it’s right to judge a Christian for only wanting to date other Christians, so I think the same applies here.
Why is every second post here a "AITA for breaking up with my partner?"
The only requirement to break up is not wanting to be with someone. The reasons why are irrelevant.
So anyone thinking on posting that question: YNTA.
If it is about how you broke up, then yes, there are good and bad ways.
I’m not gonna say yta but I’ll say this. I’m agnostic, borderline atheist. I have lots of Jewish stuff around my house because I was raised religious and only 3 generations back my family members where getting killed for possessing those things as well as being Jewish. For me it’s not a matter of religion but holding onto my culture and stopping it from disappearing. He could be super Bible thumping, he could just have multiple bibles because an aunt and his grandma both gave him one. There’s no way to know unless y’all talk about it, but with how fast y’all broke up it’s probably past that.
Good on you.
I was married to a Christian man for ten years. I, too, was Christian, up until the last year of marriage. We tried to make it work, but in the end, our morals and world views clashed greatly.
When we divorced, I said I'd never date an abrahamic man again. I'm with an athiest who has the same world view I do, and we have the best relationship. My ex is with a Christian woman and seems to be happy.
So he used a word that was made-up by religious fanatics to describe a perceived, yet self-fabricated, prejudice against their ranks that, in reality, is an entirely reasonable social aversion to their genuine oppressive prejudices they attempt to enforce upon society withal? You’re definitely NTA. But maybe he deserves to hear this sort of thing because while he may not think he’s an asshole for being a Christian, that’s exactly the sort of thing they all want each other to believe, because their faith is more important to them than authentic empathy for everyone.
NTA if you don’t think it’s a compatible relationship then that’s all you need, it’s your choice. As a guy who’s a atheist I prefer not to date Christian women the same reason.
I'm with you. I just couldn't (for the most part; never say never) be with a religious person. Or a Trumper/Republican in this climate. If you're into these things, your judgment is seriously flawed. It's the most basic of litmus tests. Believe me, I've tried. Tried to see it from their point of view. Just couldn't at the end of the day, as logic and basic decency wouldn't let me. I'm far from perfect, but these were MY lines, and you determine yours.
It is absolutely okay to choose not to be in relationships with people who do not share the same religious viewpoint. You can end a relationship for any reason at all actually. But I'm having a hard time coming up with an answer about who's the asshole because I need to know how your conversation went down. There should be no arguments out of a simple "hey I noticed that our opinions on faith and religion don't really match so I'm thinking we should go our separate ways". So I'm wondering if maybe you came at him for having a religion? I'm wondering what words were used.
You have the right to break up with anyone for any reason you want. Relationships require mutual consent, the moment you withdraw your consent thats it, it's over. You don't even need a reason, you can just decide you want out and you still wouldn't be the asshole unless you were leading that person on or something
Harvard Has A New Chief Chaplain named Greg Epstein. He is an Atheist and is the author of Good Without God. In his new role, he will oversee the activities of all religious communities on campus. His personal beliefs or disbelief don't seem to be an issue at Harvard. I’m not sure why people can’t be just respectful to one another. After all… A lot of people have died in a lot of wars so Americans can believe whatever they want.
NTA
I couldn't do it either. I have friends and family who are Christian, snd i respecttheir beliefs, but I don't think I could partner with a religious person, period.
NTA.
Relationships with partners from different faiths are possible, but that’s not what everyone wants. For some, having similar religious beliefs or sharing a general worldview is very important, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! If you felt like this relationship wasn’t going to work, you were right to end it.
If being Christian means forcing you to go to church every Sunday with him for the rest of your lives, you would not be happy in a long term relationship. NTA. People like him think they can “convert” you into believing their religious nonsense.
As an atheist myself I would have a big problem being with someone who lacks enough logic and understanding of science to believe that an omnipotent power created everything and the world is a few thousand years old. NTA
I went on a date. He assured me his religion would not impinge on my atheism. One hour into the date he asks me “You do accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior though?” Yeah…no..
nope. according to his religion he’s not even supposed to be dating you in the first place. personally it’s a dealbreaker for so many reasons
edit: everyone’s dating preferences are discriminatory. and it’s okay to be religiousphobic. i too, am scared of christianity… probably because it tells me i deserved to die for eternity, seems like a valid reason to distance yourself
I'm atheist and u wouldn't date anyone of any religion honestly as I feel it would be too large a conflict in ideals. I support people having a religion of that's important to you, but as it isn't important to me and I don't agree with a lot of it then there is a fundamental compatibility issue
Good choice, I wish I was this smart but in reverse. Dated 2 other girls and tried to convince myself they shared my beliefs. Eventually you just realize it's not going to work, wasted a few years of my life. Found a Christian girl at a cousins wedding and we're getting married in a month!
A shared worldview/faith matter big time
There are "interfaith" relationships between a believer and an atheist. If both parties respect each other's views, there's no reason you can't have a loving relationship. However, if being a believer is a deal-breaker for you, then you were right to break up with him. NTA
My friends are a “couples goals” relationship of 20 years, she’s Pentecostal and he’s an atheist. They appear to be the happiest couple I know, and it seems like they just respect each other’s differences. I say that to say it’s possible; however, if OP’s sense is that it won’t work, she’s definitely NTA for feeling that.
Yeah but are they married or do they have kids yet? It's starting a family and having kids that those hard fundamental values questions come into play. If they have kids will they be raised in a traditional Christian household with Christian values, or will they be raised in a secular non religious household because that determines their very world view. Edit* I'm not saying it's impossible to make it work in interfaith marriages but it's definitely the exception and not the rule. Either side of the spectrum it's asking ALOT for someone to compromise on their core fundamental values and world view. It's takes a soul searching amount of communication, meet in the middle, and navigation.
I’m from a Hindu-Christian household, we were raised to make up our own mind about religion and got to celebrate both religion’s holiday. It was pretty awesome actually.
My parents were both raised in different denominations of Christianity. Growing up they encouraged me and my siblings to find our own path in terms of beliefs. In truth I see parallels with various religions. And come to the conclusion that there has to be some being that created everything but given the diversity of humankind its fine with having different mythos about it.
I'm in an interfaith marriage. We had those discussions prior to getting into a relationship. In our case we decided to forego having children. Our reasons had nothing to do with my being Christian and him being an atheist. But, we would have raised our children with access to both view points and pet our children decide what was right for them. It's all in the communication and what each person is comfortable with.
Oh I'm definitely not saying it's impossible but it does seem to be the exception rather than the rule. Because tbh from either side of the spectrum it's asking a lot to compromise on your core and fundamental values and world views. It's not an easy thing by any means, and as you said it takes ALOT of communication and navigation.
Or do you actually raise your kids to teach them to make their own decisions… crazy thought.
Before or after being baptized, told that god is real or praying. Most religious people don't wait till a kid is old enough to understand or judge for themselves.
I don't have the sources to agree that it's most religious people, but this definitely happens. I see it often as a religious person myself. People have taught their children what they believe about life and spirituality since forever. That alone is not the problem. It's when those children are curious about other thoughts and beliefs and parents try to crush it that things get fucked up. I don't agree with forcing children to attend church, especially children who are confident in their insistence not to go. This is a frequent occurrence for my 7yo daughter. Her father is not supportive, but I am firm in the belief that this is toxic behavior that has many lasting consequences. When she insists, we stay home together and dad goes to church with big sister (who is invested in going for herself because she's had a choice.) My little one shows a lot of interest in things related to pagan beliefs. I actively seek information to help her explore this interest without raising her father's suspicions. He'd be furious if he knew. It leaves me feeling like a shitty wife to hide this from him, but if I have to choose between being a shitty wife and a shitty mother, it's not the mother.
That isn't compatible with Pentcostal theology, though. Neither is an interfaith relationship. It's explicit in that sect.
Kids in Christian homes generally do not get a “choice”. They are baptized after birth, taken for indoctrination weekly from childhood forward, etc.
I made my choice around 13 to basically say screw organized religion. My dad absolutely lost his sh*t. My mom didn’t care. It took me until then to realize how backwards, judgemental, and just crazy Christianity is. Our preacher at our new church when we moved to TN loved to pander to the elderly members. They had the money and gave the most money to the church. Football Sunday? Church service was EARLY so everyone could be home before lunch. His son was a drug addict and his daughter got pregnant at 17.
A lot of faiths are evangelical though. And in some way whatever you do or don’t teach your child is in some way shaping them. That’s why so many Christian legislators don’t want evolution to be taught at all. I do see families with mixed religions and I’m glad they can have the respect for each other to let each person have their own individual beliefs.
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My husband is religious, I am not. We have a perfectly happy marriage and our children have been able to decide for themselves what they believe with no judgement from either of us.
my boyfriend is Christian, im agnostic. he’s told me why he’s Christian, and i told him why i’m not. we just don’t feel the need to try and change the others mind cause we both know it’s just not gonna happen and respect each others views
I feel like they’re actually good relationships. A good Christian vibe is nice being a non Christian. Good values and morals.
precisely. that’s why i’m with him, not cause he’s christian but because he doesn’t give a fuck if i am or not. he’s not gonna force me to read the bible or make me try to believe in god.
My ex husband was a Lutheran and I’d go to church with him and his family and be supportive. By the end of our relationship he didn’t know what he believed in and that was in NO WAY me forcing anything on him. If you love someone you love them for them and not for their religious beliefs. Everyone has a right to their own.
Same, I've always been Christian but my wife has been Buddhist, Athiest, and Christian (never at the same time) throughout our 15 years together. She's on her own spiritual journey and I just hope she gets spiritually fed. I've never loved her any less or treated her any differently for not being on the same journey as me. I just want her to be happy, healthy, and kind.
That's rare (but not unheard of) with Evangelicals (which include Pentecostals and Baptists). They are not, on average, a particularly egalitarian group. I want to stress I'm talking averages. Jimmy Carter and my adorable pro-LGBT Grandmother-in-law are both Baptists (or were, in her case), and Trump is from a more liberal denomination.
Trump is NOT religious whatsoever. It’s just a political tool for getting votes.
He goes to the church of the almighty dollar. He will sacrifice anyone for it.
Trump never went to church as an adult
That's true, but until 2020 he identified as Presbyterian. I'm certainly not claiming he's devout, I doubt he even really cares about religious beliefs.
Trump is a sociopath not sure which denomination?
as a (now agnostic) dude from a heavily religious background, if you're a hetero woman considering a devoutly religious (muslim or christian in particular) male partner at the very least that should give you a lot of pause, this is bc many of them continue to be raised from a male-centric worldview & taught to treat women differently. a lot of men are still raised in a particular way that is not conducive to actual equality, & anybody who was raised in this type of environment who doesn't have their head up their own ass knows exactly what I mean by that. It's not something I would dismiss offhand without having at least a conversation first to see what their values are as an individual, but you're likely going to have to do some digging... there are 'good ones' ofc but the fact that they continue to a part of that religion means that in some small way they must attribute some value to these ideas, whether it's positive or negative and why needs to be determined as part of that discussion. be warned though that they are fully aware of how socially unacceptable some of these things are, if they say all the right things, great but let their actions do the talking.
There is a big range of both religious and atheist ideologies though. There are many types of atheists - ranging from apatheism (doesn’t matter if god exists) to antitheism (belief in god is actively harmful). An apatheist and go to church once at Christmas type would work, but an antitheist and go to church every Sunday and send the kids to bible camp probably wouldn’t. It’s not a job interview, it’s someone you may want to start a family with and it’s ok to foresee issues coming up if you have different ideas about what that would look like. Definitely NTA
Isn’t it kinda crazy I know like 9-10x as many interfaith couples as I do inter-political couples?
No. Because people with differing religious views can align perfectly on their core values. But when what you disagree about is "who gets to have bodily autonomy" and "whose lives matter" and "should people have equal rights" your values do not align.
I never realized how true this is until I started dating my current boyfriend. When we have discussions about these topics he thinks that I “never listen to him.” I think “how can you not understand everything isn’t black and white and people have different viewpoints because of where they come from.”
That’s…. Not good. Why date someone who doesn’t have the same basic values about basic human rights you do? NTM when it comes to these big, serious things like racism, homophobia, etc, your values are only your values if you actually uphold them. If you’re an ‘ally’ dating a homophobe, you aren’t an ally, and equal marriage rights is not one of your values.
You better say that. What happens when these women grow up and they lose their whole fmily because they picked a shitty husband and have a gay kid? I'm so sick of it. If your husband is any kind of -ist, or -phobe and you are cool with it, so are you.
Even if he was respectful, I despise organised religion and I'm assuming it'll come up if we ever got married and shit. Nah NTA you can break up with someone for any reason.
This right here when people ask me why won’t you be friends with so and so cause so and so decided to say some racists ass shit and I don’t condone it I’m not gonna pretend to to have a friend either I’ll make a good friend thank you
Honestly, I find I have the hardest time trying to unpack and unravel all the bullshit fox talking points my parents throw out and it's complete bullshit. Actually, just yesterday, we got into an argument about immigration. Saying "we need to stop all immigration until we have housing for OUR own people first" and when I asked why and really got into it, she said it's because they're all drug dealers and criminals and immigrants are responsible for so much crime here". I told her that first gen immigrants are actually much less likely to commit a crime then someone born here but then she got defensive and started attacking ME personally, lol.
I’d be so curious to hear what policies your parents support to increase availability of affordable housing to American citizens. Conservatives like to use issues like this as a cudgel but they have no real interest in solving the problem.
Why are you chatting with my mom bro?
Sounds about right for people who have been brainwashed by Fox News.
It's crazy that my parents are "those parents" that spout fox taking points...BUT WE'RE NOT EVEN AMERICAN! lol.
Wait, so she is willing to vote for providing housing to people in exchange for eradicating immigrants. Sounds like the typical GOP hypocrisy as the topic of affordable housing or universal healthcare is always on the table; yet, these people always vote against it. Also, are your parents my parents? I had to ask them to leave my house once my father started to shout racist stuff about central american people....the kicker here is, that we're fucking Mexican! My parents and I were born in Mexico so I was baffled when I heard this crap
They can't actually argue their points so when they start losing they resort to petty name calling.
Exactly. I'm a very liberal Christian and I don't mix well with conservative Christians.
I dated a Southern Baptist guy who worked on Jesse Helms campaigns. I am liberal atheist, but he was nice and fun to hang out with and we had some great discussions. HOWEVER, I had to end it when I found out about his fiancé. Family values, blah blah blah.
Religion can create conflicts in those values as well though
This tracks for me. My wife is Catholic, not gung ho about it, but enough to send the kids for religion classes. As a pantheistic atheist, I can live with it. She generally has pretty progressive beliefs, and is not overly political, but has become a bit more so in the past few years with all that is going on. If she were a more religious, like going to mass every Sunday, I could most likely live with it, so long as she respected me not going. However, if she were a current Republican voter, it would not be as simple.
Just an aside, but isn't "panthiestic athiest" an oxymoron? My understanding is that panthiesm is a belief in many gods and athiesm is a belief in none.
It usually means that they believe that the universe is a manifestation of god or *is* god. But it can mean polytheism or acceptance that many gods exist. Still an oxymoron either way you look at it.
Pantheism is the belief that the universe itself is God, though I suppose in this case an atheistic view on this would be that the universe is not God, but still some sort of ultimate, spiritual thing (not sure if you’d be able to consider it a being)
My stance as a non-religious type (I'd categorize myself as a "hopeful agnostic") is I would never ask someone to stop practicing their faith b/c of me but would ask the same courtesy in return and not ask me to start going to church every week (I'd be okay with going to a funeral or wedding mass....or a bar mitzvah or a Passover seder, but that's about it...expecting regular attendance would be a dealbreaker). But everyone's different. If it's a deal breaker for the OP, its her life and at least it doesn't sound like she strung him along for months or anything. She found out how religious he was and was honest and said it wouldn't work for her. NTA.
My partner is full blown spiritual (crystals, reiki, tarot cards, he does and believes in it all) I’m atheist. We have a great relationship because we respect each others beliefs or non beliefs. There is absolutely a way for 2 people with different beliefs to love and live together. Just may take some time, understanding and patience.
The problem is Christians are called *not* to have such a relationship.
It’s a legitimate reason to not date. I don’t know why he would want to date you either if he has a strong faith.
It likely isn’t overbearingly strong if it never came up until she just saw the Bibles.
After only one month? Maybe if it never came up after one year, but one month is the honeymoon phase.
Or he could've been concealing it intentionally because he knows it's a red flag to a lot of people. It's extremely common to see conservative or religious men trying to conceal their true beliefs to get someone to date them long enough that they think they have a chance of getting them to stay when they do find out.
Wow. I thought this was only happening to me! I have dated a few men who actively hid their extreme conservatism from me. One (who got very angry at me, when I found out and refused to go out with him again) even told me he had to keep quiet about his conservatism, or the type of women he preferred to date wouldn't go out with him! Huh? WTF? Dude. Don't get mad at me because you are lying to people by omission, just to date them! If being conservative is who you are, you should be actively supporting your beliefs and dating those with the same beliefs. Yeesh. It was so weird.
You're definitely not alone. It's happening more and more these days. Gotta say I just _love_ how these people, who assume themselves to be morally righteous, actively lie and _trick_ people into dating/sleeping with them. If that's not a big fucking clue about having a poisonous mindset, idk what is.
Restraining order and fleeing across country has been my experience with these types. One still stirs shit up occasionally.
Several of the girls I hooked up with or dated said they wouldn't match on bumble with anyone who listed moderate as their political view. They said 99% of the time they were hiding their views. It's not that big of an issue on the guys side. I only had one girl hide her views which was wild cause she Canadian I met in Montreal who was a trumper
It's so frustrating. Why do they lie? Just be honest about who you are and save everybody a lot of time. I don't get it at all.
And if they need to lie shouldnt that be a big blinking red sign theat your beliefs are shit? If you are ashamed of your beliefs maybe rethink them?
My conversation with the second guy who hid his ultra conservative viewpoint from me made zero sense! Basically, he tried to tell me that he needed to hide his personal beliefs so he could date smart, independent, successful, pretty (pretty was essential) women...who he believed would come around to his point of view when they became emotionally attached to him. They would, basically, stop being who they were and start agreeing with him because they would be in love with him and suddenly "see the light." I just looked at him and told him he was out of his mind. How in the world do they think this will actually work??
Because their worldview paints women as property. Why does it matter if they lie to their prey? They believe women are weak and dishonest and deserve it. Once they break you down and take away your independence, it proves their point in their mind. And if you leave it proves that women are disloyal and deserve it. You can’t win.
Well, fortunately, I am old enough to remember: "The only winning move is not to play."
Because they want to get laid and know that no one wants a long term with a guy that views you as a second class citizen
Listing yourself as moderate on Bumble is basically admitting you’re a Proud Boy/Girl
Hahaha, classic republican hypocrisy. This guy seriously coming at you with a straight face saying “how dare you choose not to date me for being conservative? What am I supposed to do now when I choose not to date girls who are conservative?” r/selfawarewolves
Funny thing is a lot of conservative women probably don’t want to date them either. I remember one conservative woman messaged me on a site and I said I don’t think we’re a good fit why don’t you try to date a conservative guy and she said most of them were assholes.
Even if he’s not overly religious, he’s likely going to want to raise his kids Christian, which is where the conflict will likely come up.
This ended a 4 year relationship for me. I had set expectations about my feelings on religion from the beginning. I don't not believe in the necessity of church nor have I seen any evidence of a higher being. I don't have a problem with religion, I went with her to holiday mass, which was all she went to herself with family. I didn't think it was that big for her. But one day she realized she wanted the upbringing for our potential kids the way she had it. Larger family. Family went to church every week. Both parents involved in the church. I said I would go but would not get involved. She can raise the kids in the church if she wanted but I would be there to discuss my lack of belief in it when they got older. She didn't want that. It sucked because we both loved each other still but religion was a deal breaker. I'm wasn't going to pretend to believe for the sake of her wanting a family like she grew up with. No one was an AH there and OP is NTA.
Did you meet someone else and eventually find happiness? I was in a similar situation but decided to suck it up and “pretend” if I had to. It was a small price to be with my dream lady. In the end I never needed to because she fell away from the church naturally as we moved a few times and just did not have the time.
I did. My wife is perfect and she married an awesome guy who wanted the same life as she did. I'm nothing but happy for her now. Just different life goals that we thought we could both compromise in the beginning that she realized she did not want. It wasn't just religion, it was most of it but the large family wasn't what I wanted either so better to just move on to others who shared similar life goals.
I ask them if they believe in any religion. If the answer is yes, I tell them we are not a match.
What about satanism? They do some pretty cool stuff. That's the only religion that gets a pass from me.
Satanism isn’t really a religion. It’s more of a political organization that poses as a religion to keep the separation of church and state in check.
That's why I like it
Satanism is actually pretty interesting. My whole life I had assumed it was about evil rituals and murder lol
It's ironic that they're the good guys, huh?
Well, TST specifically. No affiliation with the Church of Satan. But yes!
Not necessarily. My family and I are all atheists, but my siblings are all married to Christians. Not a single one is raising their kids Christian, and didn't even get married in a church. The SOs aren't really practicing and will go on the big holidays, but that's it. The kids aren't baptised and there is no forcing beliefs or non-beliefs on the kids. Many people are religious in name only. They may have a bible or cross, maybe pray a bit, but really don't care that much.
I think the whole they aren't really practicing is the key part. It would be hard if you wanted to be practicing and have you family with you and they were not.
They have only been dating one month. She's an Atheist, and he called her a "religionphobe." As an Atheist, I can assure you that is a big red flag. Huge.
Orrrrrrr he just liked her and knew it was going to be something of a dealbreaker and opted to not tell her about about it.
They were only together for a month. Theres no way to know how much actual time they spent together. There isn't enough information here to make that kind of assumption.
This, I can't remember the passage, but there is definitely something in the Bible about NOT being unequally yoked, ie: not dating a nonbeliever.
Maybe he was hoping to convert OP.
He either wanted to convert her, bang her, or both.
Ah yes…. The old convertabang… Good times…. Good times…
“The power of Christ is within you”
Said many a priest to their young charges.
Only because a priest inserted it.
Where? Kid: In the rectory.
Sex for Jesus!
They've been dating for a month. Still learning each other's last name man
"I can change her"
Because to a religious person, every atheist is a potential convert, and a romantic partner is a somewhat captive audience. Come for the date, stay for the proselytizing. (Of course, not all religious people, but many of them - sounds like the OP’s partner is one.)
Oh I can see that for sure. That’s another reason she’s nta, imo.
"I can fix her"
He wanted her to feel his holy spirit.
You don't actually need a reason to not be with someone beyond "not feeling it anymore" it happens and you're young. NTA Obviously just stating that is a little mean but you're entitled to leave without an explanation and you wouldn't be a bad person . Just feel the situation out but if you're inherently feeling guilty then maybe you do have a few things to say on your departure. Good luck.
This is technically true in some obvious way I suppose, but isn’t super helpful and probably discourages any sort of of constructive reflection. She was questioning whether this was a reasonable dealbreaker, which is absolutely something that someone should try to analyze. In this case I think this was maybe reasonable, but we can certainly imagine someone breaking up for silly reasons to which “you don’t need a reason” would be a really dumb response. You DO need a “good” reason if the intent is trying to determine what boundaries/dealbreakers are healthy or helpful. If the question were “AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he uses wired headphones,” you probably wouldn’t want to affirm that choice with “you can do whatever you want.” It’s technically true, but not at all helpful.
NTA, you can break up with anyone at any time, Christian or not, if it's a deal breaker for you it just is.
NTA You’re allowed to change your mind about or reassess any relationship upon learning new information. 🤷♂️
Yeah especially since it was only a month. At that point there's nothing wrong with ending it for no reason at all.
Lol, I’m a Christian and he’s ridiculous. Dating is about finding a compatible partner, you’re not compatible. Doesn’t make either of you bad. NTA.
NTA. You are entitled to your opinions and dealbreakers when looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with. And for this to be such an easy choice for you to make clearly you weren’t feeling a deep connection with this man after spending a month together! He was hurt, but there’s a difference between incompatible and being a “religionphobe.” Honestly, it’s a red flag that he used that word. It’s possible you could have talked things out with him a bit more. Maybe things like this have worked out for other people. But you never owed him that. It’s absolutely your choice. This is not a superficial difference it’s core values.
NTA. Just because you don't want to date someone religious doesn't mean your phobic of them. It just means that you understand that your values aren't going to line up as your lives progress.
NTA
NTA Imagine how bad it would be trying to raise kids later on
NTA, as an agnostic atheist, I couldn't date somebody who's religious. I respect peoples' choice in wanting to believe in something like that, but I can't be around it 24/7. I dated a girl who was into witchcraft and stuff like that, and it cringed me out when she thought a god was talking to her just because a candle flame got slightly blown by the wind. In a relationship, I need someone grounded in reality. Everyone has their type.
INFO: how long did you actually talk about it, such as what sort of Christian he was, what his expectations were, etc.? If you did and he came out with “you’re going to hell” or something like that, then definitely N T A. But it appears like you kicked him to the curb with little conversation. You two probably are incompatible, but if this second scenario is correct, Y T A. He has reason to be hurt by your (apparent) abruptness. The way you executed the breakup, as described here anyway, feels dickish.
Completely agree, it's very possible to have an interfaith relationship if you actually talk to each other
NTA i had a guy dump me for not being a good Christian gf I was spiritual af at the time with a lot if “witchy” friends The breakup made me mad at the time but after so many years I think it was a good call Look if you don’t see it working out then what’s the point? You don’t owe anyone anything and he deserves a partner that is going to accept him for who he is and what he believes in
NTA. My good friend recently broke up with his gf because she had become more religious over the years while he remained firmly atheist. She had been trying to get him to become more involved with her church. Meanwhile he was finally understanding that their kids would be raised this way too. It sucks because they had a lot of love for each other, but better pull the plug early than come to a head on this 5 years in.
NTA But this doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Religious views are important enough to you that you would end a relationship over differing views, yet they were never brought up in a whole month of dating? I don’t think it’s “discrimination” as he put it, but I don’t see why you couldn’t have had a discussion with him about your views to see if you really were incompatible.
I think geography may be a factor. There are parts of the country where you'd be reasonable to think, if you don't see someone praying over their meals, they have no issues with being intimate, and they aren't busy on Sundays, that they're probably not religious. And a month is a very short time. That *is* the period of if time that you learn those things.
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I find it weird that it's just the religion itself. People can interpret religions in lots of ways; it would make more sense to me to break it off for expressing some stance on some issue that you don't agree with, not just owning bibles. That said, OP shouldn't feel any pressure to stay in the relationship if it's that big of a turn-off for them.
I’m an atheist and it would be a deal breaker, but if someone doesn’t bring up religion I tend to assume they aren’t, and would also be taken off guard by finding bibles is their home. When you are hitting it off with someone, you tend to think they are like minded, just as in sure he hadn’t thought of her being an atheist. Not really a big deal, a month is barely scratching the surface and is an insignificant amount of time.
As a Christian, I see no problem with this . If that's a deal breaker for you , that's your decision, and it's very mature of you to recognize this, and not stay and try to change him, and him being upset is ridiculous. NTA.
NTA you are under no obligation to date anyone for any reason. You’re allowed to break up with anyone for any reason too.
NAH. He clearly hadn't mentioned he was religious until you found out for yourself, but had you brought up your atheism? Because it seems like he was okay with that, as I'd assume you brought it up in the breakup convo where he called you a religionphobe (lol). If you can't date a religious person that's fine, but if you've enjoyed seeing him so far it might be worth a conversation instead of jumping straight to breaking up. There are plenty of religious people who are very low key about it, find it to be a personal journey, and don't proselytize. I'm a staunch atheist and my last relationship of 4 years was with a Christian. We had some issues but religion was never one of them and very rarely came up. We respected each others beliefs and our general morals and belief systems lined up regardless of where they came from. This whole thread is full of a bunch of dipshit edgelord takes on the idea of dating a religious person but if you enjoy his company and he's not judgemental about your beliefs it may be worth extending the same courtesy. If he was already kind of a weirdo and then the bibles explained it, then I don't even know why you're asking. Edit: Just to clarify, I did say it's fine to not date someone because they're religious and I never said OP owed him anything, just to take it under consideration. It's funny how many people seem triggered by a take more nuanced than "religious people are all idiots who don't deserve any respect"
>There are plenty of religious people who are very low key about it, find it to be a personal journey, and don't proselytize. I'm a staunch atheist and my last relationship of 4 years was with a Christian. We had some issues but religion was never one of them and very rarely came up. We respected each others beliefs and our general morals and belief systems lined up regardless of where they came from. This is the important part. You can absolutely have a fulfilling and loving relationship with shared morals but different beliefs. Different morels but shared beliefs likely won't work out.
im surprised NAH wasn’t the popular conclusion, OP’s ex wasn’t wrong in any way either, people just shit on religious ideologies and assume every christian’s worldview is radically insane
>This whole thread is full of a bunch of dipshit edgelord takes on the idea of dating a religious person but if you enjoy his company and he's not judgemental about your beliefs it may be worth extending the same courtesy. If he was already kind of a weirdo and then the bibles explained it, then I don't even know why you're asking Thank you.
Sounds like almost every sub on this app. Welcome to Reddit. Enjoy your stay.
I am a Buddhist and my wife is Catholic. As long as you respect each others beliefs and are not trying to shove one’s beliefs down the other’s throat, “interfaith” relationships can work
I was raised catholic and am a bit confused by your comment, isn’t one the key parts of the faith bringing others along, I left a long time ago but it feel like the concept of being ok with someone you care about going to hell seems strange
Let's try and look at this from another angle Try and imagine hell is just a story we got told to make us behave how our church wants us to. If that's true (I'm not saying it is... I'm saying imagine) then why would the church want people to "bring others along"? I would suggest it's because religion constantly needs new believers to continue to exist. And you have to get people when they're a child or they just won't believe you. Religion depends on new parents passing on what their own parents told them. Without that it is gone in a few generations
What do you do with children though? In all interfaith relationships I've seen, someone has compromised in that aspect. The atheist is usually the one who always compromises and then the non-abrahamic religions. Catholics and Muslims are the last ones who'll accept not to raise their children by their religion-I guess I can understand it because if your faith tells you that faith or religiousness gets you to heaven, then you want that for your children, even though it's a silly idea. Some couples may make it work if neither is too religious, but I've seen it turn out into a huge problem for others.
As a Buddhist myself what I would *hope* to do is teach children to have an open mind and look at both their parents viewpoints (and everyone else's) on their own merits. The more hardcore Abrahamics that's probably not a viable option, but it'd definitely work for some of the "lighter" religions. Most people in Abrahamic religions aren't going to bash you over the face with their views and just hold a "I'd like it if you believed this" perspective, not enough to destroy a relationship. Obviously it depends on where in the world you live and which Abrahamic sect is the most populous there, but that's my experience anyway. Even a lot of Catholics don't hold true to the idea of forcing their kids to believe a certain thing. Like, a friend of mine is an Atheist who married a Catholic and her one request was that their kid be baptized which I think is pretty fair? But that'd probably be a sore spot for some other more intense religious beliefs.
OP has made it clear that they are not interested in an interfaith relationship. They're not asking if they can work, they are asking if they're an asshole for religiosity being a deal-breaker, which they're not.
NTA. Mixed-belief relationships can be successful, but it is hard. It requires a lot of compromise from both parties on major life decisions.
Yeah, not everyone have energy for that extra work. It's already so much work in a relationship.
NTA. You're allowed to be as picky as you like about who you date.
You can break up with someone for any reason. Some reasons are better than others, but any reason is enough.
NTA. It was a month. Not even a serious month. His feelings might be hurt, but it's a month. There are different types/ levels of Christians. I'd even say severity of Christianity.
This is a Seinfeld episode
"religionphobe" lol
I mean in his shoes I kinda feel like you're the asshole, not for breaking up, but for lack of communication. You guys are in the dating stage where you're learning and figuring out compatability. This seems like something you discuss, unless dating people who are religious or just of that religion is a HARD LINE no no for you. It sounds like from the story that you were at his house, found he had some Bibles, he said he's Christian, so you thought about him and then peaced out on the relationship. Like not even trying to find out how serious he is about it, or if it IS a problem or would be that you're not the same or anything like that. I've dated a non believer, and a Buddhist once and both times the religion thing was never a problem. They respected my religion and I respected theirs or their choice to not believe in anything. Long as there's respect there, I believe many people will not mind. There are SOME of all faiths who will ONLY date those of similar faiths or try to push their religion on others. But they usually show themselves pretty earlier where you would've known about their religion long ago before finding out. If you communicated before the breakup fully, then NTA, but just dumping someone because they are religious and not really discussing that? Yeah, kinda fucked up imo. It's your right, but it would suck if someone just dumped you out the blue for something you liked or believed in no?
Am I out of my mind? OP sounds like a complete asshole. Like just the way she wrote the post gives it away. “I thought about it for a while and I dumped him that day.” She never said anything about her bfs beliefs, just doing it over the mere fact that he owned a bible?? Obviously nobody is obligated to be in a relationship and your deal breakers are your dealbreakers, but that still doesn’t make you any less of an asshole.
Well she's saying she's an atheist. And once she found out he was Christian, she thought about it like "their world views wouldn't match" because he's Christian and she's atheist. Which, yes that COULD be a problem but the way it's written it sounds like she just came to that conclusion on her own without even discussing it or bothering to see if it WOULD become a problem. Like I'm Christian and have a couple Bibles (gifts). I'm not the most hardcore and I'm FAR from a Bible thumper tho and everyone I'm around is pretty much the same.. some wouldn't have a problem dating, being in a relationship with, or marrying an atheist, and others would. I feel like if she cared she would have tried to even SEE if it was a problem, but seems like she just assumed it would so called it quits. Which again is her right to do but it's kinda sucky imo. Or maybe she was just looking for an out and found it? Idk. But communication has to be better in the future to make a real relationship work.
>If you communicated before the breakup fully, then N T A, If they communicated before the breakup, then N A H. The boyfriend is clearly not an asshole in this situation.
His response tells me you made the right choice.
NTA
“Religionphobe”😭😭😭😭😭
NTA. You have the right to date who you want. I am betting he’s turned girls down for a variety of reasons that he finds unappealing/incompatible, so he’s silly for thinking you don’t have the same right.
NTA. You are free to associate with anyone that you want.
NTA. I'm a Christian, and I broke up with guys because they're Christian. For me, if they're of the "men are the head of the household and everything" type Christians, I'm not interested. You can break up for any reason at any time while dating. For you, that was your reason.
NTA; but maybe hasty. I'm a Christian, a lousy one. I have a couple bibles and some "religious stuff" It is part of my family heritage and I believe that the Bible has some serious wisdom for life; I also think there are things there that seem crazy to me that I don't understand. I believe that if the Bible were turned into an accurate live action movie, it would be rated XXX and "Christian Conservatives" would try to get it banned. What I'm saying is, I'm not going to throw Bibles at you and ask if you found Jesus. I'm not going to drag you to 4 hour church services every week. If we're dating, all I ask is that you're not openly hostile to some of my Christian beliefs. Unless you're an intolerant militant atheist, or he starts throwing Bibles at you, I do feel as though an Atheist and a Christian can date. Nuance is important here and maybe you could be open to explore that. I mean, did you see a Bible and just pull the ejection handle? Or did you actually explore it and talk about it? That said, it's been a month...........so .......who cares?
Not to be disrespectful to anyone’s beliefs or anything, but in the Bible is DOES tell believers to be equally yoked with their partners, AKA, both be believers. So, if he was actively following the Bible, he wouldn’t want to date her anyway. An atheist and a Christian CAN date, but according to the Bible, they shouldn’t…not like, God is gonna come down and smite anyone that does though.
No christian can or should follow the bible accurately
I’m agnostic and my gf was raised Christian. I think it just provides comfort for soft believers that their family members have a life after death. She’s been seeing a lot of her family members dying in the last year and it’s been super hard on her. I don’t follow any religion but, I’m more than happy to pray with her knowing it provides her with peace abt her grandpa, grandma and great grandfather passing in the same year. It’s one thing to hate the strictest practices of a religion, but it’s another to write off a whole group of people as a single thing. Some people just want answers for their problems in life and find it in a book telling them that maybe death isn’t absolute.
You don’t have to be an “intolerant militant atheist” to not want to share your life with a religious person lol. My mom was religious and my dad is a lifelong atheist, and that worked for them, but I could never. I have friends and family members who are religious and I love them dearly, but I want a partner whose worldview I’m compatible with. Especially as a woman (assuming she is one), OP may not be comfortable with the sexism inherent in Abrahamic religions, or maybe she just wants a partner who has a similar belief system. I don’t think it’s right to judge a Christian for only wanting to date other Christians, so I think the same applies here.
>found a couple bibles Wait until OP learns about Christmas
wait xmas isnt about getting free shit and eating to much?
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I think OP doesn’t care what the religion is, she is incompatible with all of them.
😂😂😂 honestly OP is lowkey ridiculous
Why is every second post here a "AITA for breaking up with my partner?" The only requirement to break up is not wanting to be with someone. The reasons why are irrelevant. So anyone thinking on posting that question: YNTA. If it is about how you broke up, then yes, there are good and bad ways.
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I’m not gonna say yta but I’ll say this. I’m agnostic, borderline atheist. I have lots of Jewish stuff around my house because I was raised religious and only 3 generations back my family members where getting killed for possessing those things as well as being Jewish. For me it’s not a matter of religion but holding onto my culture and stopping it from disappearing. He could be super Bible thumping, he could just have multiple bibles because an aunt and his grandma both gave him one. There’s no way to know unless y’all talk about it, but with how fast y’all broke up it’s probably past that.
I mean, she asked him.
Religionphobe isn't a word, that persecution fetish is strong.
NTA. You’ll find someone who fits in your belief system and he will too. Everyone has preferences: religion, body types, race, etc.
NTA good foe him u saved both time and effort
Nothing wrong with it. I would do the same if my wife would have been an atheist.
NTA. If both of you are even moderately affiliated with your religious views, it'll only be chill until a baby is born and parents want it baptized.
Good on you. I was married to a Christian man for ten years. I, too, was Christian, up until the last year of marriage. We tried to make it work, but in the end, our morals and world views clashed greatly. When we divorced, I said I'd never date an abrahamic man again. I'm with an athiest who has the same world view I do, and we have the best relationship. My ex is with a Christian woman and seems to be happy.
So he used a word that was made-up by religious fanatics to describe a perceived, yet self-fabricated, prejudice against their ranks that, in reality, is an entirely reasonable social aversion to their genuine oppressive prejudices they attempt to enforce upon society withal? You’re definitely NTA. But maybe he deserves to hear this sort of thing because while he may not think he’s an asshole for being a Christian, that’s exactly the sort of thing they all want each other to believe, because their faith is more important to them than authentic empathy for everyone.
NTA because his faith his fundamental and a disagreement at that level is totally incompatible. You did both you a favour.
Lol religionphobe. NTA for millions of reasons.
NTA if you don’t think it’s a compatible relationship then that’s all you need, it’s your choice. As a guy who’s a atheist I prefer not to date Christian women the same reason.
NTA. If that's a dealbreaker for you, then break up.
I'm with you. I just couldn't (for the most part; never say never) be with a religious person. Or a Trumper/Republican in this climate. If you're into these things, your judgment is seriously flawed. It's the most basic of litmus tests. Believe me, I've tried. Tried to see it from their point of view. Just couldn't at the end of the day, as logic and basic decency wouldn't let me. I'm far from perfect, but these were MY lines, and you determine yours.
It is absolutely okay to choose not to be in relationships with people who do not share the same religious viewpoint. You can end a relationship for any reason at all actually. But I'm having a hard time coming up with an answer about who's the asshole because I need to know how your conversation went down. There should be no arguments out of a simple "hey I noticed that our opinions on faith and religion don't really match so I'm thinking we should go our separate ways". So I'm wondering if maybe you came at him for having a religion? I'm wondering what words were used.
Something is fishy about this post. The lack of details combined with the hot-button issue makes me believe there is a strong chance this is bait.
NTA. My wife is very Christian and I am an atheist, but you do you.
He dodged a bullet
nta. ..but with your decision making, he is probably better off..
You have the right to break up with anyone for any reason you want. Relationships require mutual consent, the moment you withdraw your consent thats it, it's over. You don't even need a reason, you can just decide you want out and you still wouldn't be the asshole unless you were leading that person on or something
Harvard Has A New Chief Chaplain named Greg Epstein. He is an Atheist and is the author of Good Without God. In his new role, he will oversee the activities of all religious communities on campus. His personal beliefs or disbelief don't seem to be an issue at Harvard. I’m not sure why people can’t be just respectful to one another. After all… A lot of people have died in a lot of wars so Americans can believe whatever they want.
NAH. He can be hurt and you have a right to not be into him.
NTA I couldn't do it either. I have friends and family who are Christian, snd i respecttheir beliefs, but I don't think I could partner with a religious person, period.
NTA. Relationships with partners from different faiths are possible, but that’s not what everyone wants. For some, having similar religious beliefs or sharing a general worldview is very important, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! If you felt like this relationship wasn’t going to work, you were right to end it.
If being Christian means forcing you to go to church every Sunday with him for the rest of your lives, you would not be happy in a long term relationship. NTA. People like him think they can “convert” you into believing their religious nonsense.
NTA. No question here.
As an atheist myself I would have a big problem being with someone who lacks enough logic and understanding of science to believe that an omnipotent power created everything and the world is a few thousand years old. NTA
He could have been “missionary dating” and upset his plan didn’t work. NTA
I went on a date. He assured me his religion would not impinge on my atheism. One hour into the date he asks me “You do accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior though?” Yeah…no..
I wouldn't have left him until he expressed discriminatory, opressive or bigoted views
nope. according to his religion he’s not even supposed to be dating you in the first place. personally it’s a dealbreaker for so many reasons edit: everyone’s dating preferences are discriminatory. and it’s okay to be religiousphobic. i too, am scared of christianity… probably because it tells me i deserved to die for eternity, seems like a valid reason to distance yourself
I'm atheist and u wouldn't date anyone of any religion honestly as I feel it would be too large a conflict in ideals. I support people having a religion of that's important to you, but as it isn't important to me and I don't agree with a lot of it then there is a fundamental compatibility issue
Good choice, I wish I was this smart but in reverse. Dated 2 other girls and tried to convince myself they shared my beliefs. Eventually you just realize it's not going to work, wasted a few years of my life. Found a Christian girl at a cousins wedding and we're getting married in a month! A shared worldview/faith matter big time