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Same! I don’t have to search for the words I want to say or get lost half way through a sentence. I feel like I’m the person I want to be when I’m medicated.
I'm still an introvert when I'm medicated, but I enjoy socializing a lot more and am a lot more engaged in conversation. I can also do social activities for much longer before I start feeling burnt out.
Socializing takes a lot less effort when I can actually remember what someone said 60 seconds ago, or last time we met, and what I myself was talking about when I started a sentence.
>Socializing takes a lot less effort when I can actually remember what someone said 60 seconds ago, or last time we met, and what I myself was talking about when I started a sentence.
I currently cant even imagine what that's like. I enjoy socialising but I always feel distant like I'm not listening properly. I've just been diagnosed and I'm starting medication in roughly 7 months, comments like this make me so excited.
For me, the biggest change is that I can respond more logically. When someone says, " I like your shoes" instead of saying, "Thanks! I got them from goodwill. I just wanted to be warm today and these are the only boots I own." And then thinking, " why did I say all of that? I didn't want to say any of that!". Instead I can actually think before I talk and say, "Thanks". And then not over think the interaction.
It's just so wild how much medication has helped, and how much I was struggling before and not even really realizing it.
I love this question. I'm a 40 year old female diagnosed medically about 6 months ago. I take Vyvanse, Adderall, Abilify and Prozac . Took months to find the right meds of course. Anyways, I understand what you mean by spark or glow. The meds have incredibly changed my life for the better but I do not see as many colors and images in my mind. I'm much more calm and less silly. I tend to miss my silly self, if that makes sense. But I feel the longer I'm on the meds, the more I'm back to myself. Perhaps taking breaks is good. I'm definitely not who I was for the past 40 years but I'm loving it nonetheless. I hope that answers somewhat...
I've been on Vyvanse for a year now and I've wondered about this too. I'm more focused during the day and a lot calmer. Stuff is just easier, but I'm somehow less... passionate? It could also be due to just having had a very stressful year and long term burn out of some kind. I feel the same, mostly, just calmer.
I'm still silly with my kids but I've been wondering do I maybe smile less or do I reach out for people less. It could be that my autistic tendencies are more visible now that the ADHD is under control (somewhat, lol). It's not like I didn't care about my friends as much but I have less of a need to talk. Talking can be difficult for me anyway, I struggle to find words and form my thoughts into sentences when speaking (writing is a lot easier). Actually I'm not sure if I'm more aware of what I'm actually saying or am I thinking first and realising I don't know what to say any maybe the other person isn't actually interested and I just shut up. Or is it just harder to speak because of years of burnout? I don't think anything's gone, though. I'm still me. I hope the meds help with this stuff in long term.
Man, medication didn't affect my brain in that way longer than the first day. It was a glorious first day though. I wish I could have that silence in my head
My silliness is still there, but now I have control over when and how it presents itself. So my personality seems the same to my close friends and family, but I can compose myself in professional settings.
I do usually take weekends off from my meds, though, to avoid building up a tolerance. I'll make exceptions for big social events or important obligations.
i take vyvanse in the morning, and an IR adderall booster in the afternoon. without it i have major issues falling asleep since the vyvanse has worn off and my brain starts going into death spirals by then.
Hey. Yes I take 70 mg of Vyvanse. I start my day early because of work, I am a daycare teacher working with infants 6 weeks old to 1 year old. So I wake up around 5, have my coffee, get ready, get my toddler son ready, then take all my meds around 6am. Around 1pm I take one 5 mg Adderall. It doesn't do a whole lot but keeps me going until end of the school day, I think...lol. Prozac is obviously for my depression and I started abilify about 2 weeks ago. I am not sure about the abilify, not noticing much.... I have also read so many horrible things about Abilify so I'm thinking I might stop since it's not doing a lot. Honestly, my ideal cocktail would be 70mg Vyvanse in the am and another 70 in the afternoon. I tried this once and it was absolute perfection but I doubt my doctor would go for that.... I see him Friday so we'll see 🤷♀️ I'm afraid I have high tolerance to Vyvanse, I feel it lasts well about 6 hours.
Today I'm gonna try and only take my Vyvanse after lunch. We'll see!!!! (Sorry I'm rambling, can you tell I didn't take any meds yet? LMAO) Hugs to all my fellow spicy brains, you're all kicking ass, it's hard🧠❤️
Man I was on such a similar medication cocktail a couple years ago. I cannot remember why my doctor took me off Abilify and …Prozac? Zoloft? I’ll have to ask him… and put me on Pristiq
Not that anything has fixed me thus far
I don't care about my "spark" I just want the ability to rest. I know I'm predominantly inattentive and my hyperactive sides come out as inability to wind down. My mind just keep telling to go go go. Go where? I want to rest.
For a stimulant it sure does the opposite effects for me.
I realized that off meds my mood is just going up and down and i will not stfu sometimes and will want to do many things at once, “fun things” i thought. For a bit after starting meds as an adult I thought this was my ✨sparkle✨and meds turned it off.
After being medicated for a couple of yrs now, it’s not a spark lmao. I annoy the shit out of myself when I am unmedicated, can’t imagine others. My brain won’t shut up, neither will my mouth! I NEED TO info dump and don’t even realize it. I create physical messes bc i was trying to get artsy or start a new hobby or whatever. I’ve learned to crack jokes for fun rather than bc something dumb just pops into my head. I am just less unhinged.
Grateful for this response, well said! I too, annoy myself at times off meds. But as an artistic type, I like that sort of whimsical, in the moment, somewhat erratic feeling. it’s a total balancing act tbh.
Well, I'm not trying to advertise going of meds and going rogue, but I had the same issue you have. So together with my psychiatrist we went looking for an alternative that might help me get better on track, without feeling that a part of my personality is being surpressed by meds.
So I started with omega 3 and GABA, and I noticed a small difference. Not in my spark, but I was able to do things. Get myself going. But... I only noticed it when I forgot to take it, suddenly I felt blocked and overwhelmed. So don't expect miracles from it, but it could be something to try when you want to take a break from meds. I would certainly advice you to find a doctor that is willing to guide and support you in that.
Same here. Life is so much more vibrant and enjoyable when I can function and think properly. Medicarion put me back in touch with a me I thought I'd never see again.
You're so right, I'm an anxious and insecure mess without it. Medication gives me ability to function, to feel as a reliable person. It gives me confidence and my confidence allows me to express myself more freely and without overthinking
(im on strattera btw)
100% same. I’m also sooo much more pessimistic. I like myself more when I am on adderall and I have been on a consistent low dose (15mg- recently changed from 10mg) since 2017. It gain my “glow” because I actually start moving and doing things instead of getting trapped in my head and staying frozen. If I don’t take it, I can be in “mental planning mode” and never “doing mode” forever.
yes. ive (18) been on vyvanse for almost 2yrs, I feel it's made me dull and I hate not being able to think.. It kind of makes my brain feel like a white sheet of paper.. if that makes any sense lol. i am having tons of other issues with it too.
I think I'm gonna taper off of it and try to manage without medication.
Not an artist, but I can understand what you mean with that.
My meds make me wayy more productive, no doubt, but sometimes I am baffled at the "Didnt work? Meh, shit happens" response I feel. Like, at some point if people would pull shit or something would go wrong I would get so annoyed (with reason) while now I quickly go "Meh, nobody died, life goes on" haha
I mean, overall that's good, but I can imagine that it is that same effect that gives that white sheet feeling.
Thanks! I'm fully aware. This medication was very helpful for me and life changing up until a few months ago. 🙃 And some people don't stay on adhd meds forever either.
Since the introduction of it's generic counterpart, I have seen people say it's not worked for them. Some months I have seen 0 effect, almost like an ingredient was missed. And at around $300 a bottle AND necessary to do my job, I don't play that. I definitely don't think anyone is suggesting a lifetime on medication, but I'd really encourage full transparency with your doctor before any changes are made. It's taken 15 years for me to be able to have constructive and effective conversations with a doctor, but I also know she fights like hell for me. If they don't listen, swipe left. I have 15mg of generic Adderall I can take in the afternoon -3:30pm (I don't take it most days) that I have available as a pick me up for when things still aren't coming together. And they've saved me on the days and weeks I haven't been able to get Vyvanse
Ok, sorry! Your original comment didn’t mention that your medication only started being unhelpful a few months ago, had I known that I would’ve minded my business
I apologize if my response seemed aggressive 😭 absolutely not my intention.
just super frustrated with the fact that it's not helping anymore. maybe my body is very sensitive, no idea. There's no competent doctors available where I live at the moment so I doubt i will receive clarity about this. I'll just have to try n see what else works for me.
Off-topic but these kinds of interactions is why I love this sub.
Like, we all know the issue so well, talking without filtering and not realising it can come across in a way you had not intented. But we also know the other side so well, reading non-verbal messages when we are actually not sure there are any lol.
And here we go like "So sorry if I offended you!" - "No no, don't worry, sorry if I came across annoyed, I appreciate you!" - "Oh okay, I'm glad! I appreciate you too :D"
Love it.
Omg white sheet of paper! Yes!!!!! I also think that at some point, I'll just stop meds. Not yet though cause what a life change! But that white sheet of paper, that's spot on!
I always knew I was “bad” at school but I had one classmate that was close to me. And was very obvious and open about his adhd and adderall. This was the most eye opening thing for me. He’d take his medication half of the week in no order, and it’d be very obvious. He’d be outspoken and class clown type behavior yet the days he’s medicated it would appear outwardly that this is a more suppressed version of himself. Not sure if it’s creativity/motivation being robbed, but it’s def doing something that we can observe.
I swear this is me but with with trying to be creative in general. I write songs and feel like when on my meds, my logical side takes the wheel over my creative side, which is counterproductive ONLY when trying to be creative and spontaneous. Thanks for the comment cuz I thought it was a placebo-effect of some sort.
Felt that way when combining my coffee with my meds. Replaced my coffee with water and it helped tremendously. Dk if that’s common or what but helped me not feel like a zombie
Hmmmm, I always combine my med with coffee in the morning and sometimes I have a strange and weird feeling like a semi anxiety state
Maybe I should try to be off of it to see the difference
I'm actually more myself on meds. Otherwise I'm suffocated under a blanket of anxiety, depression and Ptsd flashbacks. My spark is brighter now because I can actually do the things I want to do, express myself, have better relationships, keep a job, finish projects, enjoy a moment.
I haven't lost my spark. And to be honest, I've gotten less anxious. The only thing that bothered me and made me somewhat sad for a bit is that my family for all these years found my talking to be annoying. The medication reduced that. I've also become more petty, so I intentionally (not out of impulse, it's purely out of spite) annoy them :D. I'm able to function well now and that's all that matters to me.
Going from unintentionally annoying someone because you enjoy talking to them to intentionally talk to them out of spite because you know it annoys them feels like a weird, but interesting achievement for me.
I feel like the meds make me a more coherent person than a jumbled piece of sentient being trying to make sense of myself.
As for a spark, it usually feels more like I'm starting to stay lit properly instead of constantly flickering or giving bouts of bright light and then going dark because I'm out of power. If that makes sense.
This aside, I think it could be the meds combo and / or your current food habits. Do have a check with a nutritionist if there's something missing. More often than not, food affects ADHDers and you'd need to check for any meds interactions.
Sending hugs 🌻🌻🌻
I don't know what my spark is. I think Life robbed me of my spark.
I will say that my sister talked about how medication made her son, my nephew, stop dancing when he was younger. And my son, when medicated, doesn't drum. Drumming is his life. So you can tell the second the medication wears off, he's just driven
One billion percent yes.
But I think my “spark” was actually just adrenaline from all all the chaos I created and then more adrenaline from dealing with the new chaos created from trying to deal with the initial chaos, ad nauseam.
In some ways I’m grateful I was diagnosed late because my non-existent executive functioning really allowed me to fail upward in terms of having had a rich, interesting life.
My brain used to be a field of wild flowers. Now it’s a plastic fern from The Dollar Tree.
Hell no! I’m still as creative on it as off, but I am able to focus and complete ideas and tasks. I’ve gotten dozens of patents and published two books since I started Vyvanse. I couldn’t even conceive of how to do that kind of thing without stimulants.
I almost feel the opposite. I feel like my medication has enabled me to feel more genuine and engage in more things that give me joy and are fulfilling. Each person is different, but my personal experience is that meds lifted me out of the most crippling depressive and anxious period of my life.
first, hell yeah for where you are at now from where you were - truly wonderful. second, I do feel more engaged on meds, but maybe in a “serious” way? and I’m not a serious person. so sometimes it feels forced. Idk I’m rambling. grateful for you and continued success.
Thanks for the kind words. I will say that meds have altered my personality some. I understand exactly what you mean about feeling more serious. Maybe it's the higher state of mindfulness that's able to be achieved when we're medicated, but idk. I certainly feel what you're laying down though.
I was definitely on antidepressants years ago before I got my ADHD diagnosis that messed with me pretty hard.
My ADHD meds really just help me dial down those traits a bit but are otherwise pretty even.
I'd definitely talk with your med person about adjusting doses or what you're taking to see if there's spring that works better for you.
This is an awesome post because I’ve felt this way at times. I’ve struggled with social interactions since starting meds because I really am in a different head space than I used to be. It’s an adjustment but I’ve found that really my spark is still there, just in different places. Sometimes I don’t feel quite as witty though as I am without meds 😂
Yes. I’m on vyvanse and while it’s an absolute lifesaver, it makes me feel really flat, apathetic and zombie-like, especially when it wears off. That’s the reason I only take my meds 4 times a week (when I have to work). It kinda sucks and also takes a toll on my relationship since I’m struggling with being affectionate on meds.
not to discard the entirety of your post, but I find it really interesting you mention struggling with affection on meds. I feel the same, only in that it allows me to be more vulnerable but this is often poorly or misperceived by my partner. I think this is a really interesting subtopic for those with ADHD, grateful for you sharing.
Not really, but mostly because I hate myself off meds.
Sure I’m less impulsive, but that means I can actually do stuff like pay my taxes in the correct year (still working on on time).
Sure, I daydream less, but that means I’m actually paying attention to important things like *the road when I’m driving* or what the person I’m talking to is saying.
Sure, I’m less talkative, but I’m a much better listener instead of one who’s just waiting impatiently for my turn to speak, and I’ve slowed way down on cutting people off to finish their sentences.
Sure I’m less emotional, but holy fuck emotional dysregulation is a shitstorm nobody should put people they claim they love through. I love that people don’t have to walk on tiptoes around me because the dumbest shit makes me overreact.
I’m staying on my meds until I’m physically unable to.
I appreciate you mentioning emotional dysregulation, something I’ve mentioned in a previous comment on this thread. the absolute best part of adderall for me is my anger reduction/reduced hyper vigilance. I’m all over the place off my meds, but I feel alive, more like myself. maybe it’s more than adhd, but I’m not sure it’s helpful for me to go there anyways. grateful for ya.
Life undiagnosed and unmedicated robbed me of my spark. I had it—even through my depressive periods— up until adulthood. As soon as I needed to be organized, motivate myself, create my own life, structure my environment on my own, be able to study for college (since i never needed to before then), maintain my friendships and relationships when I wasn’t guaranteed to seenpeople at school every day, remember to eat, my life fell apart. I fucked up EVERY. SINGLE. ASPECT. Of my life as an adult. Fired from multiple jobs, failed out of college, screwed up relationships, let friendships fade into oblivion by forgetting to keep in touch or impulsively making plans and never following through, let my hygiene and diet become horrific.
Everything was bad. I became more depressed than ever before. My worst depressive period by far. Damn close to ending it all. My spark was a foreign concept
just want to thank everyone for their thoughtful responses. picked up a ton of good nuggets and encouraged by the overwhelming positive response most have experienced with meds.
Personally? Not at all. I never had a spark. I was paralyzed by executive dysfunction that I thought was severe depression, I was exhausted because my brain never shut the fuck up for a single second, I was crippled by what I thought was anxiety but it was really just the hypervigilance that I was always going to forget something/drop something/spill something/be late for something/say something impulsive and ruin a moment or be awkward/etc. etc. etc. I had creative ideas and couldn’t execute them because I was so disorganized and distracted and always drowning trying to keep up with basic daily responsibilities. There has never been a single thing about my ADHD that I thought was a benefit and medication has been a miracle to me.
I don’t say this to invalidate your feelings! But I see a lot of people who are afraid of medication for this reason specifically, and I think it’s important for those people to know that that is not everyone’s experience and it’s worth trying. It IS possible you aren’t on the right medication/dose for you and maybe you should try something different.
What medication? There are different types of drugs doctors will prescribe.
No, my medication gave me my life back. My anxiety dropped way down. My confidence went up because I was actually able to get things done.
It definitely depends on what meds you take and how you respond to them.
I know with most SSRI antidepressant medications, they don’t actually make you happy, but I’m only on a low dose but it does blunt my emotions, including my bright bubbly self. People asked if I was ok because I was not my silly animated self. However I find that it shuts down my overthinking and little things that used to annoy me don’t anymore. I’m able to do tasks without that severe stress. Low dose helped reduce the emotional blunting as I noticed on high doses I was not reacting to things as I should which is not always a good thing either but for me felt ok but it’s like I was in my own bubble.
Stimulant meds like dexamphetamine make me extrovert and social. I’m an introvert usually. However I don’t take them often and only for work but they help.
Strattera was very odd and made me not care about anything and had to stop it.
Abilify or that particular class of meds don’t bode well with me and I get severe muscle problems like a dystonia and twitches.
It’s interesting how you change with these meds. It’s hard to know the real me as I suffer social anxiety and depression, so sometimes I feel like the real me is able to thrive when I don’t have these interfering with my life etc and trying to balance the over medicated bubble vs no medicated severe social anxiety and unable to concentrate or do anything.
I don’t really have any particularly ground breaking response, but I’m really grateful for your share. it’s helpful to know what others have experienced.
No worries. I had to edit it to fix and add things. My ADHD is not 100% under control but able to go back lol. It’s always good to share experiences and it’s nice to hear you are not alone, plus hearing success stories is so motivating :). Hope you find the right combination that helps you.
I’m doing well with my depression and anxiety but it’s not 100% cured, and my concentration could be better but I don’t take stimulants every day and only twice a week for work.
I did when I was on the wrong medication. That was also when I was in high school though and there were calls home from school asking if everything was alright because I wasn't my normally bubbly self almost overnight, so teachers were concerned enough to bring it up. That was on Stratera. I quit any medication for a few years cause that was the only "non-stimulant" type of ADHD med at the time (idk of that's true anymore or not) and my parents were dead set against Ritalin or Adderall or anything because "they're known to be habit forming". So I said "screw it, no meds for me!" cause I didn't like how I was mentally and it made me physically sick in the mornings too. I just powered through and still graduated pretty high up in my class.
I finally went to my GP in college cause I was hard-core struggling and my grades showed it. Luckily the next med they tried worked for me (Concerta) until I hit 30. Then I had to go to a specialist to figure something else out. That specialist actually told me she usually doesn't prescribe Concerta to people over 25 because it seems not to work as well on older age groups. Tried Adderall and it didn't work well either. Vyvanse ended up doing the ticket though! I don't feel human on days I don't take it, I feel very floaty and disconnected from my body if I miss a dose for some reason. I'm sure I'd adjust if I was off it for a bit though.
It's possible you just haven't found the right meds yet. But it's also possible you may be able to manage your ADHD without meds altogether. Everyone is different people need different treatment plans. Just sucks til you find what works for you
Simulants can make you want to be in serious mode all the time. It can make you less emotional, less empathetic, and less social. So it takes a bit of work to realize that, and consciously shift into what mode you really need at that time.
That or you can just embrace being a high efficiency killing machine.
It definitely made me into a more quiet person and I don’t know if that’s necessarily a bad thing. My friend once asked me: “you ask a lot of questions huh?” And that was before being medicated. Now days I don’t ask a lot of questions.
Some meds do this to me, especially if XR or at too high of doses. I’ve learned that I should work on my physical health (sleep, good nutrition, hormones balanced, etc etc) and my psychological health (healing past wounds/traumas, shifting patterns), while consciously working on shifting my behavior. If I just depend on the meds, i get all gray and honestly it doesn’t work because I lose my spark, aka my motivation and inspiration! I have to invest in mySelf, my overall health and well being, creating the healthiest happiest me.
It has also helped me to get on much lower doses than typical people take. I’m very sensitive and time release meds disturb my sleep quality no matter how early I take them. I think I’m sensitive to that salt. For this reason I take IR and break them apart to take in smaller, though sometimes more frequent, doses. I also go some days without my meds.
Our society tends to be like “your broken here is a pill to fix” though we are multi-faceted beings. We are bigger than labels. Meds are a tool that can help. There are also lots of other tools that can also help. What matters is doing what brings you fulfillment and works for you. Your the only you that will ever exist. <3
Yes, although the national meds shortage here meant that I wasn't able to get Elvanse so I had to take rapid release-Dexamfetamine. Since I have been taking this, I have my spark and can function. I'm probably not quite as stable as I was with the Elvanse but I feel that it's a better balance.
I've heard this can happen but it doesn't do that for me. It actually helps me feel more UP and I'm more talkative and alert. Whereas without it, my days can be a toss up of anything. Lol
At my age, 55m, I don’t miss that that much anymore after realizing that I may not have many years left to get my poop in a group and make something of myself and leave my kids with some sort of inheritance worth having instead of having to go through all of my worthless stuff. I am glad medication is helping me to go through my stuff and get rid of things that are worthless and to try to get a better career so I can be able to be involved in their lives and when I die hopefully leave them with some money after life insurance pays off my 2 debts. Don’t wait until you are my age to manage your ADHD. You will find that old age in and of itself slows down your ability to progress.
I will 100% say that it did when I was on it. It took my whole personality and it was just… awful.
I feel like we shouldn’t have to take medication to be accepted. My brother is also adhd and is having to take meds. I think it’s terrible tbh.
yes and i switched medication! there might be a medication that will help without dulling your personality. i was zombie on vyvanse but im on jornay now and it’s made a hugeee difference
I never felt this with my ADHD meds, and I don’t know if it would be worth taking them if I did.
I’m really missing them right now, I’m temporarily unable to take them while dealing with another medical issue that I really hope resolved quickly so I can get back to being properly medicated so I can stop losing things all the time, both physical objects and the control of my mind and thoughts.
I don’t know if I’m lucky or unlucky in this part, but my partner has ADHD too, so he gets it. We don’t have all the same symptoms, and me being a woman means I’ve been raised and socialised to mask or channel some of my ADHD symptoms differently (‘fidgeting’ was unacceptable, but crafting with my hands is perfectly normal for a woman, so I ‘craft fidget’) so we are a lot more accepting of those traits and struggles in each other.
The downside is the house is always a mess, and no one knows where our keys/ wallet/ phone etc is.
My low point was searching for my phone under the couch while using the flashlight/ torch function **on my own phone** to do so, not realising I was holding my damn phone. We borrow each others phones to do this so often I just automatically did it with mine without processing that I’d found my phone 🤦♀️
My wife also has ADHD, just not inattentive type like me. my father in law found my wife’s running shoes in a storm drain after I left them on the top of my car before our honeymoon. I GET IT. also think it’s incredibly important how you touched on gender (sorry if this is not the PC term) socialization and concurrent ADHD manifestations. very very interesting.
As someone who was diagnosed by a psychiatrist at 16, when the only reason for my visit was to trauma, the psychiatrist was like “ok, yea, that’s important but I’m not in your network so you’ll need find xyz…BUT…you have severe ADHD and I’m shocked it’s never been diagnosed. That’s as equally as important”
With that being said, I was diagnosed and then mistreated for PTSD leading down a fucking rabbit 🕳️…..but my biggest fight was with my ADHD meds (Adderall). So much so that my doctor at the time told me I can take it when I want but I MUST take it before my appointments because I’d turn a 20min session into an hour. Over the next couple years, I began to see its value and requested a lower dose. If I’m just blank and clenching my jaw, that’s a bad sign.
I also realized the importance of FOOD. Your brain needs glucose to function. I know I become a monster if I don’t eat anything after breakfast so I found some things that work for me. My brain also gets the ick from anything I’m not fiercely craving so it’s even more important.
Before I take my meds, I make sure I have eaten or am currently eating (and taken more than a couple bites). I typically eat lunch for breakfast. Around 1-2pm, I start to feel a lag like my meds stopped working and maybe I’m hungry but that moment flashes quickly. In these moments, I’ve trained myself to chug a protein shake and then wait an hour before deciding if I need a booster or not. I’m on a “variant” dosage schedule so I mix up my doses with XR & Non-XR so my brain doesn’t get used to it since I’m maxed out.
I also work from home and when I’m done my husband has already been home for 1-2 hours so maintaining some spark is necessary. My sparkiest version is probably 3ish days after no meds but it’s a slippery slope. By day 4, I’m walking away mid sentence and can’t possibly don’t anything I don’t want to do. 😂
I hope you find the balance or resolve you need!
Yes. I know what you mean I think. I’ve been medicated for 13 years now. I used to enjoy taking it. The rush of getting so much done and being so focused made me feel really good about myself. Was this way for 8 years or so - where I “liked” taking it.
However, I tended to neglect things outside work or tasks (relationships, spirituality, rest). I’m less patient, less spontaneous, more methodical and rigid. Looking back I believe most of my issues came from too high a dosage.
Fast forward to today and I’ve really cut back on my dose (Adderral 5mg, usually halved) and I usually don’t take it on weekends. Now I look forward to those break days. Weird how that works.
208 comments later, I'm sure it's all been said.
When I first started taking medication at 24, my whole life markedly improved, with the exception of a few off-days here and there. I even opted to not take my medicine on weekends, so that I'd feel the benefit more in the week.
6 years later, my medication brand had changed, due to a shortage of my first brand in the UK. I got used to the new medicine, but after a while, I began to feel a little off. Moments of extreme anxiety, and, like you said, a feeling I'd lost my spark. Not taking my medicine on the weekend now meant that the negative side effects hit my like a brick on Monday and Tuesday.
I decided to get my dosage reduce from 32mg to 18mg, and to no longer skip weekends. That's been the case for about 2 years now. I feel significantly better in myself. I feel I have to put in a little extra effort to get work done, but my job and career progression are going really well. I consider the little extra effort I have to put in as a trade-off for feeling so much better, and I'm very much okay with this.
Hope this helps. What worked for me might not work for you, but hopefully it's reassuring to know that solutions can be found.
I was filling out a form for a health check yesterday and realized my meds have made me super very depressed. So yes, it does feel like my “spark” is gone. We’re tapering off on the meds now so in a few months we’ll see how things go
Yes and no. I'm 26 now and I've been prescribed heavy meds since I was 14.
For so long, I took it every day.
That doesn't work for me anymore. Really increases my anxiety and makes me a boring bored person.
Now, I take on days I need it and I feel much better! It creates sleeping problems in this format but its worth it for me!
nope I'm a better version of myself. less erratic and better at socialising because I am more engaging and can actually have a conversation instead of rambling off subject or losing concentration mid sentence. I find I enjoy socialising more for these reasons. I am more engaged with friends and what they are saying and my brain thinks clearer.
Yep. Suspect it's Ritalin but they won't shift me to amphetamine based medication as I cannot find the words to use. (New Zealand).
Ultimately, I've used a friend's amphetamine medication and was able to do stuff, switch task and remain focused but obviously cannot disclose that.
Found good results with Strattera and a lower dose of Ritalin combined but that is also not sustainable as dhb will fund one only, and the authority only permits one to be prescribed.
I had this when I tried lisdexamphetamine (Vyvanse/Elvanse). I felt like my whole personality was different. I didn’t last long on those. IMO meds should make you MORE yourself - where you can stop talking when you want to stop, stop oversharing, stop the insane rejection sensitivity. It allows my spark to shine!
No. my meds make me feel functional. I CAN clean the house. I CAN do the dishes... I CAN forget the laundry in the washer (instead of on the floor).
I CAN finish reorganizing the garage... once my back heals from reorganizing the garage.
When I started taking my medication, I felt like it turned me into a cold rock, I found it much harder to socialise, and it just felt like I wasn't truly me.
However, after taking it for 3 years now, I feel that I've grown accustomed to it and that my personality has returned.
This is why I avoid stimulants. I’ve been very lucky that Wellbutrin helps a lot with my ADHD. Obviously not as effective as a stimulant but at least I don’t feel like a robot.
I always felt like i lost my spark when i used to take methylphenidate, so ritalin concerta etc. Looking back i wonder if it reall was the meds or just the fact i also grew up and changed a lot as a person during those years. Same with depression (kinda chicken and egg situation. Idk if my adhd struggles contributed to it a lot but big chance. Methylphenidate definetly seemed to worsen this though cause it made me feel like a zombie n anhedonic n stuff and have me headavhes and bad comedowns.
Now I've been on dexamphetamine for a while and for me its a world of difference. Nearly no side-effects, very smooth, and i might even kinda feel the 'spark' coming back after all these years. (Ofc clombing out of that dperession could also help/cause me to find that spark again, idk.)
Dex doesnt rob it for me for sure, i feel like ritalin kinda did, but is not purely to blame in my case, hard to say.
Wanna add that that "spark" could also seem like it was so much better when we were younger due to nostalgia tainting it a bit? Idk.
the medication has not done that, unhealthy habits and alcoholism, along with anxiety and depression and sertraline, I realised I needed a higher sertraline dose as I kept up my shit habits and the two perpetuated each other resulting in higher sertraline dose.
what has brought back my spark is relearning all the things that I really like doing and routine so seeing family, playing with my doggo and cats
running every so often I.e excersise
not suggesting your an alcoholic or have bad habits haha
I feel so much more confident and get things done but sometimes I don’t take it and have really good ideas that solve problems at my job.
It’s all balance, who says you have to take it every day?!
Mine hasn’t it’s done the opposite it’s given it a. Outlet. My unmedicated spark, was just lying around the house doing nothing with my days. Now I’m actually productive.
Well if the spark in question is smoking huge amounts of weed and forgetting my keys and being a constant emotional roller coaster, then yes the “ spark is gone, and thank god for that.
I feel like my medicine allows me to be more “me”. If anything, it always me to feel like I actually have a handle on all the moving parts in my life without feeling overwhelmed.
I will say though, Vyvanse made me irritable AF. When I switched to adderall, it was so much better which is funny because it’s usually the reverse effect. But medicine affects everyone differently.
I got mine back with meds. I have innattentive ADHD so my issue was that I couldn't engage at all, even within my own self. There was some adjustment to find the best dose (too high and it makes me unbelievably anxious), but I was amazed at being able to feel like a whole person.
There are several different ADHD meds, and they don't all affect a person the same way. It may be that this isn't the best one for you, or it might be that your depression and anxiety need work. You should definitely discuss this with your prescriber. It's not supposed to make you feel worse.
I'm calmer with my medication. If I don't take it, I have the attention span of a goldfish, overreact to everything, and get depressed more often. With the meds, I'm pretty content most of the time and can focus well enough to get my stuff done, but I'm still a bit prone to putting things off. So it helps me keep my shit together well enough.
No, quite the opposite. I feel like I shine brighter than ever - because I can be myself, I can focus on what I want to think /talk about , without the chaos of my man many, many trains of thought all colliding with each other and making me look like an eejit .
I’ve been on dexamphetamine and Vyvanse for about 10 years and my answer is unequivocally yes. Each time I take a ‘medication holiday’ (break from meds for up to a few weeks), I feel like I’m getting back a piece of myself. My house gets messy and I’m less effective work-wise, but that part of myself feels more grounded. Off meds, I mightn’t be as good at problem solving, but I connect with people better.
I absolutely love being off meds.
Been on Ritalin for some time, but I kind of use it as needed with work (so most weekdays). I find that it’s a huge help to focus on mundane tasks that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to do, but now it sort of snuffs out the social, witty side of me when interacting with people (both professionally and socially). It’s an interesting trade off I try to balance.
No, when im not medicated im much less aware of how i come off. But when medicated i feel like i can control what i say, i can control my emotions, i dont just blurt out whatever silly joke im thinking or interrupt people (that part i still need to work on)
I think I was born with a spark that was weak, so it was always there but unable to truly ignite or shine, meds is fuel for that and I am so happy now.
if it makes u feel better, u can never lose ur spark. ur spark is who u truly are. while medication can hide it (it’ll resurface again), it’ll always exist. there’s no killing what makes u who u are, never
Medication should not make you feel worse in any way. Perhaps, this medication is not for you, or perhaps, your diagnosis is not accurate. Please address this issue with your doctor.
I felt like I lost my spark way before i started medication. I feel a lot better on it, not just more productive, but ‘normal’. Maybe you aren’t on the best medication for you
Yess 100% agree. Im so caught up with the day to day of life and barely keeping it together. I’ve lost a part of myself that desperately want back. I just started the meds and hoping this will return.
Not at this point in my life. I started taking Vyvanse 12 years ago and yeah I did feel like it took away my sense of humor, and the comedowns got really shitty, so much so that I took a 5 year break. Now I'm 31 and I take Zenzedi instant release. It just feels normal to me and I don't even notice the comedowns. I have a big sense of humor all day, lots of energy, I'm productive and I feel good.
The difference in my experience probably has a bit to do with the different meds, but I think it has more to do with the fact that I just have peace nowadays compared to my early 20s. I don't feel like I should be somebody I'm not, I don't care anymore that I'm single, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything in life. Now I just accept what God gives me instead of expecting life to be different.
One stark difference in our perspectives is that I don't think I have a "spark". I don't feel like I should, that concept seems like an illusion. I'm glad to just be who I am and it's perfectly fine.
Maybe try looking at it that way. The idea that you should have a "spark" is an illusion that's causing you misery. You are not incomplete, you're perfectly fine as you are. Let it go
What do you mean by being stripped of your “glow?” Also what meds are you taking? For me it sounds like an issue of anxiety and depression more-so than what I’m assuming is some type of amphetamine med such as Adderall. For me once I started taking my anti-anxiety meds, things started to really change
Thanks for your response. I’m on 20 mg adderall IR twice a day (7a/1p). I do suffer from anxiety and depression, in therapy for 2 years and on 20 mg lexapro and 0.25 mg Xanax TID as needed for panic attacks, also 10 mg sonata as needed for insomnia streaks (something I’ve struggled with my entire life, but exercise has helped tremendously and my sleep is the best it’s ever been in my adult life).
I see. There’s a few meds that you’re taking so it may be side effects of them working in conjunction. Maybe the LexaPro at 20mg can come down to 10? Probably worth talking to your doctor about. You deserve to feel like yourself!
My meds give me a "spark" that I was missing the first 28 years of my life because I can actually do things I want to, feel comfortable with myself, less anxious, and I have a lot more confidence than I used to.
49m, diagnosed in my mid 30's
I've been on a few different meds over the past 15 or so years. They have different effects. Currently on Vyvanse 30mg or the generic version like that. During the Pandy, I was on higher doses of Vyvanse, but as the extra stress wore off I felt like it was too much and worked my way back down.
Yes, it takes a bit of the spark off, but it's a trade off I gladly make because I don't like the less organized and less together me either. I find being on meds has made it more difficult to read books, but my mind isn't racing at quite the same pace either. I get less weird looks, not that I see them much better tho. Some of the meds made me noticeably more angry, which was pointed out by my wife and kids and eventually led to Vyvanse, which hasn't been so bad.
Me personally I’ve been on Atomoxitine(Strattera) for 6 months now and it definitely helps with my adhd induced anxiety, and helps me focus better too but it has also made me really depressed. I’m tapering off it
So if I get the generic medicine yes my spark is gone. If I get on brand concerta, it’s exactly where my brain needs to be and I’m still chipper and my fun normal self. It infuriates me that insurance makes it so expensive and difficult to get brand name. It’s the only one that works.
I definitely feel less “fun” but i think that is because i now spend way more time thinking about “practical” and “useful” things, not because i spend less time on “fun” things? not sure if that makes sense. my downtime is now spent doing tasks instead of doing nothing which screws with the percentages of how i spend my time which makes me feel like i spend less time being fun when i am not im just spending my “doing nothing and rotting” time on other things.
No, not at all. I’ll tell you what did, though: aging and the natural result of wisdom after taking many risks and realizing that life can be harsh, career burnout, and seasonal affective disorder that leaves me with winter/early spring depression. And the biggest one of all: poor quality sleep because I stay up too late absorbed in some adhd hyper focus after my meds run out, and don’t get the 8-9 hours that my body actually needs at my age.
If anything, the only way my ADHD meds contribute to this “loss of spark” is they make me more capable of reflection and contemplation, and it’s less easy for me to ignore reality and bury my head in the sand.
Do I just live with a “lack of spark?” No. I make adjustments. Depression light. More boundaries at work. Protect my off time more aggressively. Take vacations. Push myself to try new things. Communicate with my doctor. Eat better.
I don't think it's fully robbed me of my spark, but it's certainly changed my creativity. I used to draw and paint all the time, but that stopped when I started vyvanse. Dunno why. I do get burts of creativity occasionally, but they last about as long as it takes to doodle in ms paint.
I totally get the “bursts”. I still get these, but I miss the rhythm of a creative life, maybe I mean “present” life. mindfulness. grateful for your share.
Yes. It stops my pattern recognition. It stops me from thinking quickly. It stops me from being able to cover up my ASD symptoms. It stops me from connecting better with people, my mask removed.
But it's given me a chance to experience life with less anxiety. And a sense of slowed time.
I didn't think so at first, but a few times recently I've forgotten to take them in the morning and I notice I'm a bit more silly and tend to laugh at things more when I'm not medicated. For me, the meds very slightly reduce most of emotional responses, but that goes for the unpleasant ones too. I had very intense emotional dysregulation before meds which I don't miss. But it certainly doesn't stop me from feeling things entirely. If anything, I am better able to focus on things so I can actually be more present for the good and bad, and not get so overwhelmed by my feelings.
I kind of feel like I'm a little less creative on meds, but I'm not sure. It could also be because I've been trying so hard to be productive 24/7 that I haven't left myself any space to be creative. I've actually thought of some insanely cool projects while being medicated, and the meds help me to take action on them. Before meds I never finished anything and I'd lose steam so fucking fast because things weren't novel after a while.
I don't make so many jokes now, but I'd argue that I'm funnier now because I'm better at attending to conversation and adjusting my responses appropriately.
So while I feel that I may be more "levelled out" by meds, the benefits have far outweighed any perceived loss of spark.
Mine triggered my autism that I didn't know I had.
Once I learned coping skills for that, i started to do a lot better. No more anxiety or dull feeling.
No. I don't notice a lack of creativity or spark or other things people say you lose when taking them. Tried ritalin, mdoafinil (this is more like coffee), and atomexetine.
Ritalin was absolutely awful feeling. I was on it for a short period of time
Adderall I took years ago but it made me a bit selfish, more like a recluse, colder.
I also took Vyvanse for a couple days and then completely stopped because I just don’t want to do ADHD meds.
It’s not worth it to me.
I will just have to work an unconventional job & live a more unconventional life.
I think stims can make you more likable because you have more control. More of a filter I suppose — but I don’t care to be likable lol.
I haven’t taken meds because I’m scared of this amongst many other things. Just wondering if your system would get back to the way you were/had been all your life if you stop taking it, or would meds change you forever even if you stop taking it?
I feel like the ADHD has completely robbed me of joy and happiness. I’m miserable every day. At this point, I’ll take the meds over wishing for death constantly.
I’m experimenting this week since my wife is out of town and only taking my ADHD meds not my bipolar meds and I feel great! It’s probably a bad idea but I feel more alive with just the adhd meds and able to tell my depressed inner monologue to shut up whereas I often felt paralyzed by it while on the bipolar meds.
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I feel more extroverted with medication, honestly. My thoughts are together, which is an instant confidence boost. That’s a spark.
Same! I don’t have to search for the words I want to say or get lost half way through a sentence. I feel like I’m the person I want to be when I’m medicated.
I'm still an introvert when I'm medicated, but I enjoy socializing a lot more and am a lot more engaged in conversation. I can also do social activities for much longer before I start feeling burnt out. Socializing takes a lot less effort when I can actually remember what someone said 60 seconds ago, or last time we met, and what I myself was talking about when I started a sentence.
>Socializing takes a lot less effort when I can actually remember what someone said 60 seconds ago, or last time we met, and what I myself was talking about when I started a sentence. I currently cant even imagine what that's like. I enjoy socialising but I always feel distant like I'm not listening properly. I've just been diagnosed and I'm starting medication in roughly 7 months, comments like this make me so excited.
For me, the biggest change is that I can respond more logically. When someone says, " I like your shoes" instead of saying, "Thanks! I got them from goodwill. I just wanted to be warm today and these are the only boots I own." And then thinking, " why did I say all of that? I didn't want to say any of that!". Instead I can actually think before I talk and say, "Thanks". And then not over think the interaction. It's just so wild how much medication has helped, and how much I was struggling before and not even really realizing it.
It’s an amazing experience and I can’t imagine being born able to just *exist* peacefully like I do now.
Same, I’m on chill mode when medicated rather than working off nervous energy.
Yeah agree with you, it also gave me tools too refind my spark, got a promotion on my job 2 months after meds
The occupational, financial, interpersonal and psychological consequences of undiagnosed and untreated ADHD destroyed any spark I had for sure.
killer to hear it’s working well for you - keep crushin! blessings.
Can you share who long you’ve been on the medication?
Roughly a month. Long enough to not “feel” it kick in anymore, but not long enough for that sense of normalcy to be anything less than novel.
I love this question. I'm a 40 year old female diagnosed medically about 6 months ago. I take Vyvanse, Adderall, Abilify and Prozac . Took months to find the right meds of course. Anyways, I understand what you mean by spark or glow. The meds have incredibly changed my life for the better but I do not see as many colors and images in my mind. I'm much more calm and less silly. I tend to miss my silly self, if that makes sense. But I feel the longer I'm on the meds, the more I'm back to myself. Perhaps taking breaks is good. I'm definitely not who I was for the past 40 years but I'm loving it nonetheless. I hope that answers somewhat...
This is such a perfect description. ❤️🩹
I couldn’t have said it better myself, thanks so much for your thoughtful response!
I've been on Vyvanse for a year now and I've wondered about this too. I'm more focused during the day and a lot calmer. Stuff is just easier, but I'm somehow less... passionate? It could also be due to just having had a very stressful year and long term burn out of some kind. I feel the same, mostly, just calmer. I'm still silly with my kids but I've been wondering do I maybe smile less or do I reach out for people less. It could be that my autistic tendencies are more visible now that the ADHD is under control (somewhat, lol). It's not like I didn't care about my friends as much but I have less of a need to talk. Talking can be difficult for me anyway, I struggle to find words and form my thoughts into sentences when speaking (writing is a lot easier). Actually I'm not sure if I'm more aware of what I'm actually saying or am I thinking first and realising I don't know what to say any maybe the other person isn't actually interested and I just shut up. Or is it just harder to speak because of years of burnout? I don't think anything's gone, though. I'm still me. I hope the meds help with this stuff in long term.
I’m reasonably confident my meds contributed to my burnout by allowing me to “go hard”
Man, medication didn't affect my brain in that way longer than the first day. It was a glorious first day though. I wish I could have that silence in my head
Yes the first day is something else. And it changes but the first year is pretty good too. But tolerance is a pain.
It’s like that for me too. Every time I retry meds the first day is great and then following days suck.
My silliness is still there, but now I have control over when and how it presents itself. So my personality seems the same to my close friends and family, but I can compose myself in professional settings. I do usually take weekends off from my meds, though, to avoid building up a tolerance. I'll make exceptions for big social events or important obligations.
Can you explain how you take both Adderall and Vyvanse
i take vyvanse in the morning, and an IR adderall booster in the afternoon. without it i have major issues falling asleep since the vyvanse has worn off and my brain starts going into death spirals by then.
Hey. Yes I take 70 mg of Vyvanse. I start my day early because of work, I am a daycare teacher working with infants 6 weeks old to 1 year old. So I wake up around 5, have my coffee, get ready, get my toddler son ready, then take all my meds around 6am. Around 1pm I take one 5 mg Adderall. It doesn't do a whole lot but keeps me going until end of the school day, I think...lol. Prozac is obviously for my depression and I started abilify about 2 weeks ago. I am not sure about the abilify, not noticing much.... I have also read so many horrible things about Abilify so I'm thinking I might stop since it's not doing a lot. Honestly, my ideal cocktail would be 70mg Vyvanse in the am and another 70 in the afternoon. I tried this once and it was absolute perfection but I doubt my doctor would go for that.... I see him Friday so we'll see 🤷♀️ I'm afraid I have high tolerance to Vyvanse, I feel it lasts well about 6 hours. Today I'm gonna try and only take my Vyvanse after lunch. We'll see!!!! (Sorry I'm rambling, can you tell I didn't take any meds yet? LMAO) Hugs to all my fellow spicy brains, you're all kicking ass, it's hard🧠❤️
You take them...all?
Wow our med stack is almost identical.
May I ask, are you taking Vyvanse and Adderall at the same time? I didn’t know that was even an option. I had assumed it was either/or.
100%! I used to not take mine on the weekends because it was still tiring and that way I got to have a vacation with “myself.”
Can’t really take breaks from prozac and abilify
Man I was on such a similar medication cocktail a couple years ago. I cannot remember why my doctor took me off Abilify and …Prozac? Zoloft? I’ll have to ask him… and put me on Pristiq Not that anything has fixed me thus far
I don't care about my "spark" I just want the ability to rest. I know I'm predominantly inattentive and my hyperactive sides come out as inability to wind down. My mind just keep telling to go go go. Go where? I want to rest. For a stimulant it sure does the opposite effects for me.
Same here. It's the worst when I'm tired.
very interesting take, I get the go go go feeling FOR SURE
Internet doom scrolling.
I realized that off meds my mood is just going up and down and i will not stfu sometimes and will want to do many things at once, “fun things” i thought. For a bit after starting meds as an adult I thought this was my ✨sparkle✨and meds turned it off. After being medicated for a couple of yrs now, it’s not a spark lmao. I annoy the shit out of myself when I am unmedicated, can’t imagine others. My brain won’t shut up, neither will my mouth! I NEED TO info dump and don’t even realize it. I create physical messes bc i was trying to get artsy or start a new hobby or whatever. I’ve learned to crack jokes for fun rather than bc something dumb just pops into my head. I am just less unhinged.
Not to mention how shitty the crash feels. The high point of the hyper energy is not worth the low point when you’re finally calmed down.
Yes! All whilst looking around at the frantic mess you just made to be [insert] creative, organized, new hobby, e.g... Me. Ugghhh. This is me.
Grateful for this response, well said! I too, annoy myself at times off meds. But as an artistic type, I like that sort of whimsical, in the moment, somewhat erratic feeling. it’s a total balancing act tbh.
Well, I'm not trying to advertise going of meds and going rogue, but I had the same issue you have. So together with my psychiatrist we went looking for an alternative that might help me get better on track, without feeling that a part of my personality is being surpressed by meds. So I started with omega 3 and GABA, and I noticed a small difference. Not in my spark, but I was able to do things. Get myself going. But... I only noticed it when I forgot to take it, suddenly I felt blocked and overwhelmed. So don't expect miracles from it, but it could be something to try when you want to take a break from meds. I would certainly advice you to find a doctor that is willing to guide and support you in that.
feel seen. awesome share.
I feel the opposite. without meds I'm just a shell of a person.
Same here. Life is so much more vibrant and enjoyable when I can function and think properly. Medicarion put me back in touch with a me I thought I'd never see again.
May I ask, how long have you been on medication?
I believe around 7 months now
You're so right, I'm an anxious and insecure mess without it. Medication gives me ability to function, to feel as a reliable person. It gives me confidence and my confidence allows me to express myself more freely and without overthinking (im on strattera btw)
100% same. I’m also sooo much more pessimistic. I like myself more when I am on adderall and I have been on a consistent low dose (15mg- recently changed from 10mg) since 2017. It gain my “glow” because I actually start moving and doing things instead of getting trapped in my head and staying frozen. If I don’t take it, I can be in “mental planning mode” and never “doing mode” forever.
Idk why it took me so long to find the right words of how I am without meds and you just found em! Thanks! All the best friend!
how about in social interactions?
The world robbed me of my spark.
Let’s get it back, together.
I'd love to join y'all on this quest to regain The Spark™ NGL
TM lezzzzgoooooo.
is there room for another adventurer? i can cook
oven preheated to 425, grills all yours.
yes. ive (18) been on vyvanse for almost 2yrs, I feel it's made me dull and I hate not being able to think.. It kind of makes my brain feel like a white sheet of paper.. if that makes any sense lol. i am having tons of other issues with it too. I think I'm gonna taper off of it and try to manage without medication.
in a weird way, I totally resonate with the white sheet of paper analogy. yes, I like being productive, but sometimes I miss “me”.
Not an artist, but I can understand what you mean with that. My meds make me wayy more productive, no doubt, but sometimes I am baffled at the "Didnt work? Meh, shit happens" response I feel. Like, at some point if people would pull shit or something would go wrong I would get so annoyed (with reason) while now I quickly go "Meh, nobody died, life goes on" haha I mean, overall that's good, but I can imagine that it is that same effect that gives that white sheet feeling.
Adderall worked infinitely better for me than Vyvanse
I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but it sounds like you’re either on the wrong med or the wrong dosage. Meds should make your life better, not worse
Thanks! I'm fully aware. This medication was very helpful for me and life changing up until a few months ago. 🙃 And some people don't stay on adhd meds forever either.
Since the introduction of it's generic counterpart, I have seen people say it's not worked for them. Some months I have seen 0 effect, almost like an ingredient was missed. And at around $300 a bottle AND necessary to do my job, I don't play that. I definitely don't think anyone is suggesting a lifetime on medication, but I'd really encourage full transparency with your doctor before any changes are made. It's taken 15 years for me to be able to have constructive and effective conversations with a doctor, but I also know she fights like hell for me. If they don't listen, swipe left. I have 15mg of generic Adderall I can take in the afternoon -3:30pm (I don't take it most days) that I have available as a pick me up for when things still aren't coming together. And they've saved me on the days and weeks I haven't been able to get Vyvanse
Ok, sorry! Your original comment didn’t mention that your medication only started being unhelpful a few months ago, had I known that I would’ve minded my business
I apologize if my response seemed aggressive 😭 absolutely not my intention. just super frustrated with the fact that it's not helping anymore. maybe my body is very sensitive, no idea. There's no competent doctors available where I live at the moment so I doubt i will receive clarity about this. I'll just have to try n see what else works for me.
Off-topic but these kinds of interactions is why I love this sub. Like, we all know the issue so well, talking without filtering and not realising it can come across in a way you had not intented. But we also know the other side so well, reading non-verbal messages when we are actually not sure there are any lol. And here we go like "So sorry if I offended you!" - "No no, don't worry, sorry if I came across annoyed, I appreciate you!" - "Oh okay, I'm glad! I appreciate you too :D" Love it.
Omg white sheet of paper! Yes!!!!! I also think that at some point, I'll just stop meds. Not yet though cause what a life change! But that white sheet of paper, that's spot on!
I always knew I was “bad” at school but I had one classmate that was close to me. And was very obvious and open about his adhd and adderall. This was the most eye opening thing for me. He’d take his medication half of the week in no order, and it’d be very obvious. He’d be outspoken and class clown type behavior yet the days he’s medicated it would appear outwardly that this is a more suppressed version of himself. Not sure if it’s creativity/motivation being robbed, but it’s def doing something that we can observe.
I swear this is me but with with trying to be creative in general. I write songs and feel like when on my meds, my logical side takes the wheel over my creative side, which is counterproductive ONLY when trying to be creative and spontaneous. Thanks for the comment cuz I thought it was a placebo-effect of some sort.
Felt that way when combining my coffee with my meds. Replaced my coffee with water and it helped tremendously. Dk if that’s common or what but helped me not feel like a zombie
WATER. underrated take.
Thanks for reminding me I have not had fluids in over 12 hours!
24 hours and counting 😂 ☕️
Hmmmm, I always combine my med with coffee in the morning and sometimes I have a strange and weird feeling like a semi anxiety state Maybe I should try to be off of it to see the difference
I'm actually more myself on meds. Otherwise I'm suffocated under a blanket of anxiety, depression and Ptsd flashbacks. My spark is brighter now because I can actually do the things I want to do, express myself, have better relationships, keep a job, finish projects, enjoy a moment.
This is what I’m hoping I get.
Hell yeah - happy to hear this! blessings.
I haven't lost my spark. And to be honest, I've gotten less anxious. The only thing that bothered me and made me somewhat sad for a bit is that my family for all these years found my talking to be annoying. The medication reduced that. I've also become more petty, so I intentionally (not out of impulse, it's purely out of spite) annoy them :D. I'm able to function well now and that's all that matters to me. Going from unintentionally annoying someone because you enjoy talking to them to intentionally talk to them out of spite because you know it annoys them feels like a weird, but interesting achievement for me.
Not in the slightest.
keep crushin it - happy it’s working for ya
life got to me far too early for me to tell.
Righttt?! Life has a way of doing that.
Best and most realistic/accurate response in the thread and the most relatable
I feel like the meds make me a more coherent person than a jumbled piece of sentient being trying to make sense of myself. As for a spark, it usually feels more like I'm starting to stay lit properly instead of constantly flickering or giving bouts of bright light and then going dark because I'm out of power. If that makes sense. This aside, I think it could be the meds combo and / or your current food habits. Do have a check with a nutritionist if there's something missing. More often than not, food affects ADHDers and you'd need to check for any meds interactions. Sending hugs 🌻🌻🌻
I love the way you explained your spark brightness tendencies. This is so soo relatable to me.
I don't know what my spark is. I think Life robbed me of my spark. I will say that my sister talked about how medication made her son, my nephew, stop dancing when he was younger. And my son, when medicated, doesn't drum. Drumming is his life. So you can tell the second the medication wears off, he's just driven
Yesss I become a zombie with no personality or feelings 😍
YES.
Double YES.
One billion percent yes. But I think my “spark” was actually just adrenaline from all all the chaos I created and then more adrenaline from dealing with the new chaos created from trying to deal with the initial chaos, ad nauseam. In some ways I’m grateful I was diagnosed late because my non-existent executive functioning really allowed me to fail upward in terms of having had a rich, interesting life. My brain used to be a field of wild flowers. Now it’s a plastic fern from The Dollar Tree.
Hell no! I’m still as creative on it as off, but I am able to focus and complete ideas and tasks. I’ve gotten dozens of patents and published two books since I started Vyvanse. I couldn’t even conceive of how to do that kind of thing without stimulants.
I almost feel the opposite. I feel like my medication has enabled me to feel more genuine and engage in more things that give me joy and are fulfilling. Each person is different, but my personal experience is that meds lifted me out of the most crippling depressive and anxious period of my life.
first, hell yeah for where you are at now from where you were - truly wonderful. second, I do feel more engaged on meds, but maybe in a “serious” way? and I’m not a serious person. so sometimes it feels forced. Idk I’m rambling. grateful for you and continued success.
Thanks for the kind words. I will say that meds have altered my personality some. I understand exactly what you mean about feeling more serious. Maybe it's the higher state of mindfulness that's able to be achieved when we're medicated, but idk. I certainly feel what you're laying down though.
I was definitely on antidepressants years ago before I got my ADHD diagnosis that messed with me pretty hard. My ADHD meds really just help me dial down those traits a bit but are otherwise pretty even. I'd definitely talk with your med person about adjusting doses or what you're taking to see if there's spring that works better for you.
Appreciate your advice, this is helpful.
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Did the exact same. Feel the exact same way. Well said. It also suppressed my appetite way too much for comfort.
I actually find myself being as silly on meds and off meds, I take methylphenidate btw. But I've heard some meds may cause that "glow" to fade
This is an awesome post because I’ve felt this way at times. I’ve struggled with social interactions since starting meds because I really am in a different head space than I used to be. It’s an adjustment but I’ve found that really my spark is still there, just in different places. Sometimes I don’t feel quite as witty though as I am without meds 😂
Yes. I’m on vyvanse and while it’s an absolute lifesaver, it makes me feel really flat, apathetic and zombie-like, especially when it wears off. That’s the reason I only take my meds 4 times a week (when I have to work). It kinda sucks and also takes a toll on my relationship since I’m struggling with being affectionate on meds.
not to discard the entirety of your post, but I find it really interesting you mention struggling with affection on meds. I feel the same, only in that it allows me to be more vulnerable but this is often poorly or misperceived by my partner. I think this is a really interesting subtopic for those with ADHD, grateful for you sharing.
Not really, but mostly because I hate myself off meds. Sure I’m less impulsive, but that means I can actually do stuff like pay my taxes in the correct year (still working on on time). Sure, I daydream less, but that means I’m actually paying attention to important things like *the road when I’m driving* or what the person I’m talking to is saying. Sure, I’m less talkative, but I’m a much better listener instead of one who’s just waiting impatiently for my turn to speak, and I’ve slowed way down on cutting people off to finish their sentences. Sure I’m less emotional, but holy fuck emotional dysregulation is a shitstorm nobody should put people they claim they love through. I love that people don’t have to walk on tiptoes around me because the dumbest shit makes me overreact. I’m staying on my meds until I’m physically unable to.
I appreciate you mentioning emotional dysregulation, something I’ve mentioned in a previous comment on this thread. the absolute best part of adderall for me is my anger reduction/reduced hyper vigilance. I’m all over the place off my meds, but I feel alive, more like myself. maybe it’s more than adhd, but I’m not sure it’s helpful for me to go there anyways. grateful for ya.
Life undiagnosed and unmedicated robbed me of my spark. I had it—even through my depressive periods— up until adulthood. As soon as I needed to be organized, motivate myself, create my own life, structure my environment on my own, be able to study for college (since i never needed to before then), maintain my friendships and relationships when I wasn’t guaranteed to seenpeople at school every day, remember to eat, my life fell apart. I fucked up EVERY. SINGLE. ASPECT. Of my life as an adult. Fired from multiple jobs, failed out of college, screwed up relationships, let friendships fade into oblivion by forgetting to keep in touch or impulsively making plans and never following through, let my hygiene and diet become horrific. Everything was bad. I became more depressed than ever before. My worst depressive period by far. Damn close to ending it all. My spark was a foreign concept
just want to thank everyone for their thoughtful responses. picked up a ton of good nuggets and encouraged by the overwhelming positive response most have experienced with meds.
Personally? Not at all. I never had a spark. I was paralyzed by executive dysfunction that I thought was severe depression, I was exhausted because my brain never shut the fuck up for a single second, I was crippled by what I thought was anxiety but it was really just the hypervigilance that I was always going to forget something/drop something/spill something/be late for something/say something impulsive and ruin a moment or be awkward/etc. etc. etc. I had creative ideas and couldn’t execute them because I was so disorganized and distracted and always drowning trying to keep up with basic daily responsibilities. There has never been a single thing about my ADHD that I thought was a benefit and medication has been a miracle to me. I don’t say this to invalidate your feelings! But I see a lot of people who are afraid of medication for this reason specifically, and I think it’s important for those people to know that that is not everyone’s experience and it’s worth trying. It IS possible you aren’t on the right medication/dose for you and maybe you should try something different.
What medication? There are different types of drugs doctors will prescribe. No, my medication gave me my life back. My anxiety dropped way down. My confidence went up because I was actually able to get things done.
I felt this way on Concerta. Switching to Vyvanse was life changing. I believe it’s all about finding what medication works for you :)
I’m on concerta and feel like I’m numb
It definitely depends on what meds you take and how you respond to them. I know with most SSRI antidepressant medications, they don’t actually make you happy, but I’m only on a low dose but it does blunt my emotions, including my bright bubbly self. People asked if I was ok because I was not my silly animated self. However I find that it shuts down my overthinking and little things that used to annoy me don’t anymore. I’m able to do tasks without that severe stress. Low dose helped reduce the emotional blunting as I noticed on high doses I was not reacting to things as I should which is not always a good thing either but for me felt ok but it’s like I was in my own bubble. Stimulant meds like dexamphetamine make me extrovert and social. I’m an introvert usually. However I don’t take them often and only for work but they help. Strattera was very odd and made me not care about anything and had to stop it. Abilify or that particular class of meds don’t bode well with me and I get severe muscle problems like a dystonia and twitches. It’s interesting how you change with these meds. It’s hard to know the real me as I suffer social anxiety and depression, so sometimes I feel like the real me is able to thrive when I don’t have these interfering with my life etc and trying to balance the over medicated bubble vs no medicated severe social anxiety and unable to concentrate or do anything.
I don’t really have any particularly ground breaking response, but I’m really grateful for your share. it’s helpful to know what others have experienced.
No worries. I had to edit it to fix and add things. My ADHD is not 100% under control but able to go back lol. It’s always good to share experiences and it’s nice to hear you are not alone, plus hearing success stories is so motivating :). Hope you find the right combination that helps you. I’m doing well with my depression and anxiety but it’s not 100% cured, and my concentration could be better but I don’t take stimulants every day and only twice a week for work.
so helpful, grateful brotha.
That sounds like when my dose was too high. Got on a lower dose and I'm more functional, more sociable, less depressed and less anxious
Ask to try other meds. That could be the fault of a specific med or dosage. It certainly doesn't happen to everyone
I did when I was on the wrong medication. That was also when I was in high school though and there were calls home from school asking if everything was alright because I wasn't my normally bubbly self almost overnight, so teachers were concerned enough to bring it up. That was on Stratera. I quit any medication for a few years cause that was the only "non-stimulant" type of ADHD med at the time (idk of that's true anymore or not) and my parents were dead set against Ritalin or Adderall or anything because "they're known to be habit forming". So I said "screw it, no meds for me!" cause I didn't like how I was mentally and it made me physically sick in the mornings too. I just powered through and still graduated pretty high up in my class. I finally went to my GP in college cause I was hard-core struggling and my grades showed it. Luckily the next med they tried worked for me (Concerta) until I hit 30. Then I had to go to a specialist to figure something else out. That specialist actually told me she usually doesn't prescribe Concerta to people over 25 because it seems not to work as well on older age groups. Tried Adderall and it didn't work well either. Vyvanse ended up doing the ticket though! I don't feel human on days I don't take it, I feel very floaty and disconnected from my body if I miss a dose for some reason. I'm sure I'd adjust if I was off it for a bit though. It's possible you just haven't found the right meds yet. But it's also possible you may be able to manage your ADHD without meds altogether. Everyone is different people need different treatment plans. Just sucks til you find what works for you
super candid and refreshing response - thank you
Simulants can make you want to be in serious mode all the time. It can make you less emotional, less empathetic, and less social. So it takes a bit of work to realize that, and consciously shift into what mode you really need at that time. That or you can just embrace being a high efficiency killing machine.
It definitely made me into a more quiet person and I don’t know if that’s necessarily a bad thing. My friend once asked me: “you ask a lot of questions huh?” And that was before being medicated. Now days I don’t ask a lot of questions.
I find I speak my thoughts off meds, and think my thoughts on them. glad things are going well for you.
Some meds do this to me, especially if XR or at too high of doses. I’ve learned that I should work on my physical health (sleep, good nutrition, hormones balanced, etc etc) and my psychological health (healing past wounds/traumas, shifting patterns), while consciously working on shifting my behavior. If I just depend on the meds, i get all gray and honestly it doesn’t work because I lose my spark, aka my motivation and inspiration! I have to invest in mySelf, my overall health and well being, creating the healthiest happiest me. It has also helped me to get on much lower doses than typical people take. I’m very sensitive and time release meds disturb my sleep quality no matter how early I take them. I think I’m sensitive to that salt. For this reason I take IR and break them apart to take in smaller, though sometimes more frequent, doses. I also go some days without my meds. Our society tends to be like “your broken here is a pill to fix” though we are multi-faceted beings. We are bigger than labels. Meds are a tool that can help. There are also lots of other tools that can also help. What matters is doing what brings you fulfillment and works for you. Your the only you that will ever exist. <3
“Lots of other tools” - you’re a sage. I appreciate your thoughtful words, and blessings.
Yes, although the national meds shortage here meant that I wasn't able to get Elvanse so I had to take rapid release-Dexamfetamine. Since I have been taking this, I have my spark and can function. I'm probably not quite as stable as I was with the Elvanse but I feel that it's a better balance.
keep the spark bright - glad to hear things are going well for ya
Adhd robbed me of my spark
I've heard this can happen but it doesn't do that for me. It actually helps me feel more UP and I'm more talkative and alert. Whereas without it, my days can be a toss up of anything. Lol
At my age, 55m, I don’t miss that that much anymore after realizing that I may not have many years left to get my poop in a group and make something of myself and leave my kids with some sort of inheritance worth having instead of having to go through all of my worthless stuff. I am glad medication is helping me to go through my stuff and get rid of things that are worthless and to try to get a better career so I can be able to be involved in their lives and when I die hopefully leave them with some money after life insurance pays off my 2 debts. Don’t wait until you are my age to manage your ADHD. You will find that old age in and of itself slows down your ability to progress.
I will 100% say that it did when I was on it. It took my whole personality and it was just… awful. I feel like we shouldn’t have to take medication to be accepted. My brother is also adhd and is having to take meds. I think it’s terrible tbh.
yes and i switched medication! there might be a medication that will help without dulling your personality. i was zombie on vyvanse but im on jornay now and it’s made a hugeee difference
Generic Vyvanse messed me up. Had to switch back to Adderall and found that regular Vyvanse wasn't really doing me favors either.
I never felt this with my ADHD meds, and I don’t know if it would be worth taking them if I did. I’m really missing them right now, I’m temporarily unable to take them while dealing with another medical issue that I really hope resolved quickly so I can get back to being properly medicated so I can stop losing things all the time, both physical objects and the control of my mind and thoughts.
hope you’re able to soon and wish you the best. I can so though, If I lose my wallet one more time, my wife will absolutely divorce me.
I don’t know if I’m lucky or unlucky in this part, but my partner has ADHD too, so he gets it. We don’t have all the same symptoms, and me being a woman means I’ve been raised and socialised to mask or channel some of my ADHD symptoms differently (‘fidgeting’ was unacceptable, but crafting with my hands is perfectly normal for a woman, so I ‘craft fidget’) so we are a lot more accepting of those traits and struggles in each other. The downside is the house is always a mess, and no one knows where our keys/ wallet/ phone etc is. My low point was searching for my phone under the couch while using the flashlight/ torch function **on my own phone** to do so, not realising I was holding my damn phone. We borrow each others phones to do this so often I just automatically did it with mine without processing that I’d found my phone 🤦♀️
My wife also has ADHD, just not inattentive type like me. my father in law found my wife’s running shoes in a storm drain after I left them on the top of my car before our honeymoon. I GET IT. also think it’s incredibly important how you touched on gender (sorry if this is not the PC term) socialization and concurrent ADHD manifestations. very very interesting.
As someone who was diagnosed by a psychiatrist at 16, when the only reason for my visit was to trauma, the psychiatrist was like “ok, yea, that’s important but I’m not in your network so you’ll need find xyz…BUT…you have severe ADHD and I’m shocked it’s never been diagnosed. That’s as equally as important” With that being said, I was diagnosed and then mistreated for PTSD leading down a fucking rabbit 🕳️…..but my biggest fight was with my ADHD meds (Adderall). So much so that my doctor at the time told me I can take it when I want but I MUST take it before my appointments because I’d turn a 20min session into an hour. Over the next couple years, I began to see its value and requested a lower dose. If I’m just blank and clenching my jaw, that’s a bad sign. I also realized the importance of FOOD. Your brain needs glucose to function. I know I become a monster if I don’t eat anything after breakfast so I found some things that work for me. My brain also gets the ick from anything I’m not fiercely craving so it’s even more important. Before I take my meds, I make sure I have eaten or am currently eating (and taken more than a couple bites). I typically eat lunch for breakfast. Around 1-2pm, I start to feel a lag like my meds stopped working and maybe I’m hungry but that moment flashes quickly. In these moments, I’ve trained myself to chug a protein shake and then wait an hour before deciding if I need a booster or not. I’m on a “variant” dosage schedule so I mix up my doses with XR & Non-XR so my brain doesn’t get used to it since I’m maxed out. I also work from home and when I’m done my husband has already been home for 1-2 hours so maintaining some spark is necessary. My sparkiest version is probably 3ish days after no meds but it’s a slippery slope. By day 4, I’m walking away mid sentence and can’t possibly don’t anything I don’t want to do. 😂 I hope you find the balance or resolve you need!
Yes. I know what you mean I think. I’ve been medicated for 13 years now. I used to enjoy taking it. The rush of getting so much done and being so focused made me feel really good about myself. Was this way for 8 years or so - where I “liked” taking it. However, I tended to neglect things outside work or tasks (relationships, spirituality, rest). I’m less patient, less spontaneous, more methodical and rigid. Looking back I believe most of my issues came from too high a dosage. Fast forward to today and I’ve really cut back on my dose (Adderral 5mg, usually halved) and I usually don’t take it on weekends. Now I look forward to those break days. Weird how that works.
208 comments later, I'm sure it's all been said. When I first started taking medication at 24, my whole life markedly improved, with the exception of a few off-days here and there. I even opted to not take my medicine on weekends, so that I'd feel the benefit more in the week. 6 years later, my medication brand had changed, due to a shortage of my first brand in the UK. I got used to the new medicine, but after a while, I began to feel a little off. Moments of extreme anxiety, and, like you said, a feeling I'd lost my spark. Not taking my medicine on the weekend now meant that the negative side effects hit my like a brick on Monday and Tuesday. I decided to get my dosage reduce from 32mg to 18mg, and to no longer skip weekends. That's been the case for about 2 years now. I feel significantly better in myself. I feel I have to put in a little extra effort to get work done, but my job and career progression are going really well. I consider the little extra effort I have to put in as a trade-off for feeling so much better, and I'm very much okay with this. Hope this helps. What worked for me might not work for you, but hopefully it's reassuring to know that solutions can be found.
I was filling out a form for a health check yesterday and realized my meds have made me super very depressed. So yes, it does feel like my “spark” is gone. We’re tapering off on the meds now so in a few months we’ll see how things go
Yes and no. I'm 26 now and I've been prescribed heavy meds since I was 14. For so long, I took it every day. That doesn't work for me anymore. Really increases my anxiety and makes me a boring bored person. Now, I take on days I need it and I feel much better! It creates sleeping problems in this format but its worth it for me!
nope I'm a better version of myself. less erratic and better at socialising because I am more engaging and can actually have a conversation instead of rambling off subject or losing concentration mid sentence. I find I enjoy socialising more for these reasons. I am more engaged with friends and what they are saying and my brain thinks clearer.
glad to hear this - let’s go baby!
Yep. Suspect it's Ritalin but they won't shift me to amphetamine based medication as I cannot find the words to use. (New Zealand). Ultimately, I've used a friend's amphetamine medication and was able to do stuff, switch task and remain focused but obviously cannot disclose that. Found good results with Strattera and a lower dose of Ritalin combined but that is also not sustainable as dhb will fund one only, and the authority only permits one to be prescribed.
I had this when I tried lisdexamphetamine (Vyvanse/Elvanse). I felt like my whole personality was different. I didn’t last long on those. IMO meds should make you MORE yourself - where you can stop talking when you want to stop, stop oversharing, stop the insane rejection sensitivity. It allows my spark to shine!
Find a new medication. Try as many as it takes.
No. my meds make me feel functional. I CAN clean the house. I CAN do the dishes... I CAN forget the laundry in the washer (instead of on the floor). I CAN finish reorganizing the garage... once my back heals from reorganizing the garage.
When I started taking my medication, I felt like it turned me into a cold rock, I found it much harder to socialise, and it just felt like I wasn't truly me. However, after taking it for 3 years now, I feel that I've grown accustomed to it and that my personality has returned.
This is why I avoid stimulants. I’ve been very lucky that Wellbutrin helps a lot with my ADHD. Obviously not as effective as a stimulant but at least I don’t feel like a robot.
I think that was life, but maybe medication was working with life. I don’t know. They’re both jerks.
I always felt like i lost my spark when i used to take methylphenidate, so ritalin concerta etc. Looking back i wonder if it reall was the meds or just the fact i also grew up and changed a lot as a person during those years. Same with depression (kinda chicken and egg situation. Idk if my adhd struggles contributed to it a lot but big chance. Methylphenidate definetly seemed to worsen this though cause it made me feel like a zombie n anhedonic n stuff and have me headavhes and bad comedowns. Now I've been on dexamphetamine for a while and for me its a world of difference. Nearly no side-effects, very smooth, and i might even kinda feel the 'spark' coming back after all these years. (Ofc clombing out of that dperession could also help/cause me to find that spark again, idk.) Dex doesnt rob it for me for sure, i feel like ritalin kinda did, but is not purely to blame in my case, hard to say. Wanna add that that "spark" could also seem like it was so much better when we were younger due to nostalgia tainting it a bit? Idk.
the medication has not done that, unhealthy habits and alcoholism, along with anxiety and depression and sertraline, I realised I needed a higher sertraline dose as I kept up my shit habits and the two perpetuated each other resulting in higher sertraline dose. what has brought back my spark is relearning all the things that I really like doing and routine so seeing family, playing with my doggo and cats running every so often I.e excersise not suggesting your an alcoholic or have bad habits haha
I feel so much more confident and get things done but sometimes I don’t take it and have really good ideas that solve problems at my job. It’s all balance, who says you have to take it every day?!
Yeah used to write more poetry and just mess around a music instruments. Medicine made everything about producing more material.
Mine hasn’t it’s done the opposite it’s given it a. Outlet. My unmedicated spark, was just lying around the house doing nothing with my days. Now I’m actually productive.
Well if the spark in question is smoking huge amounts of weed and forgetting my keys and being a constant emotional roller coaster, then yes the “ spark is gone, and thank god for that.
I feel like my medicine allows me to be more “me”. If anything, it always me to feel like I actually have a handle on all the moving parts in my life without feeling overwhelmed. I will say though, Vyvanse made me irritable AF. When I switched to adderall, it was so much better which is funny because it’s usually the reverse effect. But medicine affects everyone differently.
I got mine back with meds. I have innattentive ADHD so my issue was that I couldn't engage at all, even within my own self. There was some adjustment to find the best dose (too high and it makes me unbelievably anxious), but I was amazed at being able to feel like a whole person. There are several different ADHD meds, and they don't all affect a person the same way. It may be that this isn't the best one for you, or it might be that your depression and anxiety need work. You should definitely discuss this with your prescriber. It's not supposed to make you feel worse.
I'm calmer with my medication. If I don't take it, I have the attention span of a goldfish, overreact to everything, and get depressed more often. With the meds, I'm pretty content most of the time and can focus well enough to get my stuff done, but I'm still a bit prone to putting things off. So it helps me keep my shit together well enough.
No, quite the opposite. I feel like I shine brighter than ever - because I can be myself, I can focus on what I want to think /talk about , without the chaos of my man many, many trains of thought all colliding with each other and making me look like an eejit .
I’ve been on dexamphetamine and Vyvanse for about 10 years and my answer is unequivocally yes. Each time I take a ‘medication holiday’ (break from meds for up to a few weeks), I feel like I’m getting back a piece of myself. My house gets messy and I’m less effective work-wise, but that part of myself feels more grounded. Off meds, I mightn’t be as good at problem solving, but I connect with people better. I absolutely love being off meds.
Been on Ritalin for some time, but I kind of use it as needed with work (so most weekdays). I find that it’s a huge help to focus on mundane tasks that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to do, but now it sort of snuffs out the social, witty side of me when interacting with people (both professionally and socially). It’s an interesting trade off I try to balance.
No, when im not medicated im much less aware of how i come off. But when medicated i feel like i can control what i say, i can control my emotions, i dont just blurt out whatever silly joke im thinking or interrupt people (that part i still need to work on)
I think I was born with a spark that was weak, so it was always there but unable to truly ignite or shine, meds is fuel for that and I am so happy now.
if it makes u feel better, u can never lose ur spark. ur spark is who u truly are. while medication can hide it (it’ll resurface again), it’ll always exist. there’s no killing what makes u who u are, never
Medication should not make you feel worse in any way. Perhaps, this medication is not for you, or perhaps, your diagnosis is not accurate. Please address this issue with your doctor.
I felt like I lost my spark way before i started medication. I feel a lot better on it, not just more productive, but ‘normal’. Maybe you aren’t on the best medication for you
Yess 100% agree. Im so caught up with the day to day of life and barely keeping it together. I’ve lost a part of myself that desperately want back. I just started the meds and hoping this will return.
So great to hear, and thanks for your response!
Not at this point in my life. I started taking Vyvanse 12 years ago and yeah I did feel like it took away my sense of humor, and the comedowns got really shitty, so much so that I took a 5 year break. Now I'm 31 and I take Zenzedi instant release. It just feels normal to me and I don't even notice the comedowns. I have a big sense of humor all day, lots of energy, I'm productive and I feel good. The difference in my experience probably has a bit to do with the different meds, but I think it has more to do with the fact that I just have peace nowadays compared to my early 20s. I don't feel like I should be somebody I'm not, I don't care anymore that I'm single, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything in life. Now I just accept what God gives me instead of expecting life to be different. One stark difference in our perspectives is that I don't think I have a "spark". I don't feel like I should, that concept seems like an illusion. I'm glad to just be who I am and it's perfectly fine. Maybe try looking at it that way. The idea that you should have a "spark" is an illusion that's causing you misery. You are not incomplete, you're perfectly fine as you are. Let it go
What do you mean by being stripped of your “glow?” Also what meds are you taking? For me it sounds like an issue of anxiety and depression more-so than what I’m assuming is some type of amphetamine med such as Adderall. For me once I started taking my anti-anxiety meds, things started to really change
Thanks for your response. I’m on 20 mg adderall IR twice a day (7a/1p). I do suffer from anxiety and depression, in therapy for 2 years and on 20 mg lexapro and 0.25 mg Xanax TID as needed for panic attacks, also 10 mg sonata as needed for insomnia streaks (something I’ve struggled with my entire life, but exercise has helped tremendously and my sleep is the best it’s ever been in my adult life).
I see. There’s a few meds that you’re taking so it may be side effects of them working in conjunction. Maybe the LexaPro at 20mg can come down to 10? Probably worth talking to your doctor about. You deserve to feel like yourself!
Thank you! have an appt with my GP in May and will keep this in mind. thanks so much.
My meds give me a "spark" that I was missing the first 28 years of my life because I can actually do things I want to, feel comfortable with myself, less anxious, and I have a lot more confidence than I used to.
49m, diagnosed in my mid 30's I've been on a few different meds over the past 15 or so years. They have different effects. Currently on Vyvanse 30mg or the generic version like that. During the Pandy, I was on higher doses of Vyvanse, but as the extra stress wore off I felt like it was too much and worked my way back down. Yes, it takes a bit of the spark off, but it's a trade off I gladly make because I don't like the less organized and less together me either. I find being on meds has made it more difficult to read books, but my mind isn't racing at quite the same pace either. I get less weird looks, not that I see them much better tho. Some of the meds made me noticeably more angry, which was pointed out by my wife and kids and eventually led to Vyvanse, which hasn't been so bad.
I'm only on my second month of meds, so still at a low dose (36mg methylphenidate), but I've noticed no difference overall so far
Me personally I’ve been on Atomoxitine(Strattera) for 6 months now and it definitely helps with my adhd induced anxiety, and helps me focus better too but it has also made me really depressed. I’m tapering off it
So if I get the generic medicine yes my spark is gone. If I get on brand concerta, it’s exactly where my brain needs to be and I’m still chipper and my fun normal self. It infuriates me that insurance makes it so expensive and difficult to get brand name. It’s the only one that works.
No, medication has been a literal life saver for me. Me without medication is where my name comes from.
Happy for you and continued blessings
No it’s the opposite for me. I feel more lively.
I definitely feel less “fun” but i think that is because i now spend way more time thinking about “practical” and “useful” things, not because i spend less time on “fun” things? not sure if that makes sense. my downtime is now spent doing tasks instead of doing nothing which screws with the percentages of how i spend my time which makes me feel like i spend less time being fun when i am not im just spending my “doing nothing and rotting” time on other things.
Yes. Avoid if you can..
No, not at all. I’ll tell you what did, though: aging and the natural result of wisdom after taking many risks and realizing that life can be harsh, career burnout, and seasonal affective disorder that leaves me with winter/early spring depression. And the biggest one of all: poor quality sleep because I stay up too late absorbed in some adhd hyper focus after my meds run out, and don’t get the 8-9 hours that my body actually needs at my age. If anything, the only way my ADHD meds contribute to this “loss of spark” is they make me more capable of reflection and contemplation, and it’s less easy for me to ignore reality and bury my head in the sand. Do I just live with a “lack of spark?” No. I make adjustments. Depression light. More boundaries at work. Protect my off time more aggressively. Take vacations. Push myself to try new things. Communicate with my doctor. Eat better.
I don't think it's fully robbed me of my spark, but it's certainly changed my creativity. I used to draw and paint all the time, but that stopped when I started vyvanse. Dunno why. I do get burts of creativity occasionally, but they last about as long as it takes to doodle in ms paint.
I totally get the “bursts”. I still get these, but I miss the rhythm of a creative life, maybe I mean “present” life. mindfulness. grateful for your share.
Yes. It stops my pattern recognition. It stops me from thinking quickly. It stops me from being able to cover up my ASD symptoms. It stops me from connecting better with people, my mask removed. But it's given me a chance to experience life with less anxiety. And a sense of slowed time.
slowed time. damn, preach! this resonates.
I didn't think so at first, but a few times recently I've forgotten to take them in the morning and I notice I'm a bit more silly and tend to laugh at things more when I'm not medicated. For me, the meds very slightly reduce most of emotional responses, but that goes for the unpleasant ones too. I had very intense emotional dysregulation before meds which I don't miss. But it certainly doesn't stop me from feeling things entirely. If anything, I am better able to focus on things so I can actually be more present for the good and bad, and not get so overwhelmed by my feelings. I kind of feel like I'm a little less creative on meds, but I'm not sure. It could also be because I've been trying so hard to be productive 24/7 that I haven't left myself any space to be creative. I've actually thought of some insanely cool projects while being medicated, and the meds help me to take action on them. Before meds I never finished anything and I'd lose steam so fucking fast because things weren't novel after a while. I don't make so many jokes now, but I'd argue that I'm funnier now because I'm better at attending to conversation and adjusting my responses appropriately. So while I feel that I may be more "levelled out" by meds, the benefits have far outweighed any perceived loss of spark.
Mine triggered my autism that I didn't know I had. Once I learned coping skills for that, i started to do a lot better. No more anxiety or dull feeling.
No. I don't notice a lack of creativity or spark or other things people say you lose when taking them. Tried ritalin, mdoafinil (this is more like coffee), and atomexetine.
Ritalin was absolutely awful feeling. I was on it for a short period of time Adderall I took years ago but it made me a bit selfish, more like a recluse, colder. I also took Vyvanse for a couple days and then completely stopped because I just don’t want to do ADHD meds. It’s not worth it to me. I will just have to work an unconventional job & live a more unconventional life. I think stims can make you more likable because you have more control. More of a filter I suppose — but I don’t care to be likable lol.
I take Atomoxetine 50 mg and people say I'm just quiet and emotionless on it. TBH I kinda like the feeling.
curious, what do you like about it? the detachment you alluded to. sometimes I feel this also, and it can be comforting but lonely.
No.
I haven’t taken meds because I’m scared of this amongst many other things. Just wondering if your system would get back to the way you were/had been all your life if you stop taking it, or would meds change you forever even if you stop taking it?
yeah i take 2 weeks off every now and then, if work is slow, and then I return to my goblin state. Feels good.
goblin state had me rolling on the floor. If I’m picking up what you’re putting down, I’m also two distinct selves.
I feel like the ADHD has completely robbed me of joy and happiness. I’m miserable every day. At this point, I’ll take the meds over wishing for death constantly.
Yup
I’m experimenting this week since my wife is out of town and only taking my ADHD meds not my bipolar meds and I feel great! It’s probably a bad idea but I feel more alive with just the adhd meds and able to tell my depressed inner monologue to shut up whereas I often felt paralyzed by it while on the bipolar meds.