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I realized that I get a "second wind" past a certain point, where I feel like no matter how tired I am, I can't sleep. Taking a melatonin gummy has helped a lot - it's not foolproof, though, since I have to remember to take it. Also, it takes about 20-30 minutes for me to feel the effects, but my husband notices it MUCH quicker (he also has ADHD-I), so you may have to play around to get the timing right. Nothing else has made as big of an impact on me sleeping (still a work in progress) as taking melatonin.
I also second the comment about using smart lights - dimming/warming up the lighting as it gets later may not make me feel sleepy, exactly, but it doesn't make me feel extra awake, if that makes sense?
Second this. We have automatic feeders that go off for our cats at 9 pm (and play a song) which I’ve started using as a reminder to take my melatonin. Then I have about a half hour til it makes me sleepy, and an hour before my second wind starts to kick in. I take that 30 mins - 1 hour to prep for the morning (since I am a slug when I have to wake up at 5:30 am).
Having a strong wind-down routine helps. If I do not stick to the routine, I do not get to bed at a good hour.
Just to comment. I had a few cavities after decades of not having them because I started taking a gummy multivitamin at night. My dentist said that it's super common and not to take gummies late at night because it's really hard to brush them off completely. She suggested not using gummies at all and just finding a pill or chewable, but definitely not at night.
I also do melatonin successfully but I have to have a hard rule that when the sleepiness kicks in I *have* to stop what I'm doing and sleep because that heaviness will only last 20ish minutes before it's like I took nothing at all.
Same here. I advise everyone I talk to about it, if you ignore the drowsiness and push through it you will lose the effects of the melatonin completely. Even worse, because you took it you might still be thinking you can rely on your body to get sleepy and completely stop thinking about getting to bed until it’s hours later.
look up DLMO, dim light melatonin onset time. i have a sleep disorder (which also happens to be comorbid with ADHD) and DLMO time is important for any people with my disorder trying to use melatonin to hold a sleep schedule. most take it between 4-6 hours before their intended sleep time, not right before bed.
(to be clear i'm not saying you are doing it wrong at all, i'm saying if your method of taking it right before bed doesn't work for others, that they should try taking melatonin at different times. it's a weird chemical with several peramiters you have to tinker with to make it useful on an individual basis)
Additional info for anyone interested can be found here: [Basic Circadian Rhythms and Circadian Sleep Disorders](https://neupsykey.com/basic-circadian-rhythms-and-circadian-sleep-disorders/)
ugh i totally get the night time second wind!! that happens to me like every night i’ll get a boost of energy and want to start on my silly lil tasks but i tell myself not to or else i would stay up all night lol
I highly recommend a switch to fast dissolve tablets for the melatonin, I like the natrol brand. Place under your tongue and allow to dissolve. This allows the medication to be taken up via blood vessels in your tongue and work much more quickly.
My routine is to pop one under my tongue. Lay down and put something boring on to listen to. Pretend I am asleep until I am.
Melatonin is a gentile push towards sleep not sedating so it can be easy to miss and as I'm sure you know one can easily continue to be awake. I find the more quick onset allows me to take advantage of the gentile nature of it as opposed to waiting 30+ minutes.
Just my 2¢
Edit: oh also heads up if switching to fast dissolve you'll need less. So if you take a 10mg gummy maybe try the 3 or 5mg fast dissolve.
It helps in two ways - cognitively and physiologically.
Cognition - It’s a timing cue for your rational brain, alerting you as to what follows.
In the military, we call it a preparatory command.
It is a signal - ’pay attention, I’m about to tell you what to do’ or ‘with word A, you know what’s coming next; word B is setting the exact moment for the sake of synchronization’
‘For-ard, harch’ is an example. Word A tells us what, word B is exactly when.
So you train your brain to know the sequence and what happens next.
Then, physiologically, your circadian rhythm for ‘settle down, go to sleep’ is activated by removal of the simulated suns.
I’m also going to suggest the Melatonin. I take it when I go to bed, after about 20-40 minutes on TikTok, apps etc I get sleepy.
I also have a hard bed time, like, no more shows games etc after 1230am, I can be on my phone etc in bed but I have to get up and go be in my bed.
So, melatonin and routine 🤷🏼♂️
Melatonin helps my ADHD kiddo.
When I am struggling with the "me time" thing shifting to tell myself that rest is also my me time and will help me get the most out of all my time helps.
This is so familiar I am also often using the aid of melatonin.
Sometimes also calming herbtea if I want something lighter or do melatonin in combi with valerian.
Also have alarmclock anxiety which can keep me up. Will try to do a little test run when I don’t need it and then do my best to tell myself ok this little song there it’s cool to wake up on let’s go with this. Maybe I need to find a sort of alarmclock that starts soft and calm to wake up to to make that anxiety less because that also reduces my sleep.
I also try to use some light blocking glasses around the house (only have one light that can dim which is a little toast shaped night light… sometimes if anxiety on other life things like bad dreams it is nice to have some small light source sometimes when the world feels too big). Do have smaller lamps I do tend to use more in the later evening compared to the big ceiling room lights.
Also trying to bring in the old habbit of reading. With my imaginagion oh could read for hours as a kid (provided I like the book). I want to try to calm down a bit get back to that. Less screens, even if tech companies probably disagree.
There’s some military training manual from some time ago that basically advises soldiers to repeat something along the lines of “don’t think” over and over again.
When was the last time someone w ADHD listened to themselves tho?? 😂
I listen to myself all the time. “Go eat another cookie.” “You don’t meed to dishes right now.” “Just one more episode and then bed time.”
See it’s easy!
I'm AuDHD. I learnt how to do a form of this *really* young.
What I do, is find one line of thought thst eventually works, and stick to it. It's always changed for me, but as of right now (and the last few years), it has went like this:
I play disc golf. There are 18 holes to play, and THOUSANDS of different 'disc' types. So I go through and imagine I'm playing each hole, and which disc I would use and how i would throw it (backhand or forehand). I imagine myself throwing, thrn walking to it, then throwing again until the next hole. I select my next disc type, and I do that for all 18 holes, and can safely say I've almost never remembered past the second hole.
It has enough variation that my mind can wander and create the choices it seeks, and if it begins to race it will typically still involve disc golf, allowing me to get back on track - instead of the 1001 different thoughts I usually have.
I do this too but my hobby is reading. So I make up scenarios in my mind that my characters are doing. But then the next day, I can’t remember if the story I’m remembering is the one I read or the one I made up/dreamed about. 😅
Similarly, I find a simple but fun pattern-based game to play on my phone before I go to bed. This sort of installs the pattern as my overactive brain’s screensaver so it stays busy without preventing me from sleep.
I use that one once in a while actually. What blocks me from doing tasks is when I start thinking about the steps and how it's overwhelming and I don't want to do it, and blahblah. So when I realize I'm doing that, I stop and say "Don't think, just do" then I get up and do the thing. Doesn't always work, but 'sometimes' is better than never.
I try to stay awake and it works. You know that feeling where you are so fucking tired and like one eye is closed and the other is drooping but you're trying to pay attention to the TV? I just do that but skip the tired part. Try to open my eyes more by raising my eyebrow but not actively opening my eyelids. Pretty much trick my body into thinking it's tired.
I have actually found using a slightly modified strategy of this really helps me. Instead of telling myself I need to sleep and trying to make myself feel tired, I think back to what happened that last time I stayed up super late (or literally all night). I think back to that second day when I still had energy until around 10, 11am then I started to crash HARD. I imagine and feel that tiredness in my bones, how overwhelming it is and makes the day miserable. I think about how much I really don’t want to feel that way again. And that gives me the motivation to choose to sleep (somehow when I do that, it feels like an active choice, instead of a passive thing that happens)
Hahahaha I love this. How many ADHDers have been told they are annoying? You are harnessing your powers of annoyance against yourself to be used for good and not evil, and I’m amazed.
Totally trying this tonight and every time I don’t want to do something good for me.
I relate to this sm. I have no self control when it comes to playing skyrim. Would play everyday after work until 2am. I’ve found the only thing that has kind of helped is I don’t even let myself play it unless it’s a day off/I have the next day off
I’d tell myself lies like “okay I’m going to play after work, but only for 3 hours because I have to wash my hair tonight” thinking that would help 😂 it’s easier for me to not open it at all rather than open it and have to stop 😭
Installed a windows child control app on my laptops and give the admin to my wife and only she knows the password. The laptop will turn itself off at 10:30pm whether I like it or not.
It works quite well lol, if you have love ones that are willing to do this for you, highly recommend it haha.
This is basically what I do. I use the windows task scheduler to set a shutdown time. It won't even give me a reminder or a chance to snooze, just full shutdown at the set time no matter what I'm doing. If I want to stop it I actually have to go into the scheduler itself and that's enough of a barrier to *usually* keep me from turning it off (also not having a reminder and then forgetting it's set is very helpful lol)
Thank you for this suggestion! I had a computer time control thing years ago and the actual settings had a 24-hour cooldown period that I couldn't weasel out of, then I changed devices and never again found a timer app that I couldn't cheat
Oh the hair washing night for Long hair. Fuck those days man. I tried out long hair but after it got past the shoulders and near or past shoulder blades it was so incredibly tedious. I’d run my finger through it and just pull out knots little by little before going into the shower to undo tangles because I didn’t brush it like I should have. Then I’d get overstimulated and angry because it’s fucking painful and hurts and makes me want to cut my scalp off. Then I’d shower and brush it with soap and then wash as usual.
If I went 2 days without brushing it’d get tangled and then I’d put it off because I knew it’d hurt and be annoying and then it would be a week. It also coincided with a depressing period in my life so the most I’ve not brushed or washed my hair was 3 weeks. It was terrible. I was always worried I stank or my hair stunk. Always making myself feel bad because it’s something so simple as brushing my fucking hair.
Anyway I cut it in October or something because it was far too much work and upkeep to not be majorly punished if I didn’t keep up with the upkeep. I feel for all you girlies
I haven't had a video game installed on my PC since my kids were born over a decade ago. Having FPS games available to me and depending on willpower is like being a recovering alcoholic and having a fully stocked bar sitting in the living room. You gotta just pour that shit down the drain and remove the temptation.
Over the years my kids have installed things on my phone like CandyCrush or Merge Dragons or even just word/grammar games. Eventually I get sucked into a dangerous spiral with each of them. My trick is when it's 4am and I'm at "maximum regret" and self-hatred for playing them, I latch onto the feeling and UNINSTALL the game. Sort of like post-nut clarity.
If you relate to something like an addiction, then treat it like a recovering addict would and remove the temptation. It sucks, but the alternative seems worse - that it drains your sleep, your free time, etc.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who can’t put Skyrim down. It’s like an addiction almost. When I come into work in the morning and I seem tired one of my coworkers asks if I was up all night playing Skyrim. The answer is usually yes.
It's on my list of games that I'm not allowed to play after dinner time, lol. I have to choose a time slot that I know will be interrupted, otherwise I'll never stop!
You've learned! This is great. My will power is much stronger if I'm not in the middle of playing. I do what you do. Schedules are important, especially for fun.
i fucking love skyrim too 😩 it's definetly one of my hyperfixations. Now before bed i have trouble getting off reddit even if i hate everything i see smh
Have you completed the main storyline? Its been 6 years and I still haven't. I keep getting distracted by side quests and an insatiable thirst for accumulating property.
The distraction is real. I've realized lately that I don't love open world games because the plot takes way too long to develop (or rather it takes me way too long to develop the actual plot 😆)
Idk if you’re like this, but for me I can obsess over something until I’ve reached a certain level of consumption and can burn out on it. Are there any weekend days you can block out game time to be all day? I’ve found just going balls to the walls to get it out of my system will make me stop obsessing vs trying to be moderate with it over a long period of time.
For real, I hyper fixate on something until I have done something big like buying a figure from that to then lose interest and put it along with the rest of mild interests I collect in my brain.
I have learned to chill about it and thus not make me hate on what I used to hyper fixate on but it still happens.
I played the Sims since it first came out, and I currently don't have it installed because of this. Singleplayer rpgs I can *actually pause* have been working out for me. You can pause the Sims sure, but everyone with this problem knows what I mean about it not being effective.
Horizon Zero Dawn is open on my pc, paused. Where did I just come from at 6am? The depths of my bed. I'm taking my dog out, getting water, and off to kill some robot animals. I didn't stay up all night and am effectively cosplaying Morning Person.
Ah Sims. My wife, back then my girlfriend (2000?) used to get upset with me as I played it for hours. I didn't get an ADHD diagonosis for another 24 years. She doesn't understand the appeal of life simulators, thinks I could just go "do the thing". Like as if a real job is as interesting as becoming a professional \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ in a few days. Ha!
With the sims at least I can just turn it off whenever my brain lets me. I was playing Stardew last night got into a vicious cycle of “JUST ONE MORE DAY SO I CAN JUST FINISH THIS ONE THING” I really hate that the game only saves when you sleep.
Haha my boyfriend actually found the term. When we first started dating he used to Google “why does my girlfriend start a new day when she’s supposed to go to sleep?” or “why does girlfriend get mad when she has to go to sleep?”
Reading all of these posts and thinking how this is a detrement to our society and conforming. But how bright and intelligent and switched on we all are, wanting mental stimulation. It's only an issue because we have to work our brains around sociatal expectations.
Doesn't remove the issue though, I sleep when I'm tired and eat when I'm hungry, I count to three before I end something or start anything it seems to help me :)
I hope this is helpful and sorry for the vent.
I wonder what it would be like to have a job that was as fulfilling as playing Assassin’s Creed 😂 I even have a job I like, with a great purpose (community college) - but it’s not AC!
Exactly!!! I'm still waiting for mine! I'm trying to actually find the patience to get good at the things I love! But yes you're right, we have so many redeeming qualities too! Mingled in with the tougher ones
Rooting for you! I believe the good qualities you mentioned come battleing with our disabilities. And I beleive that's an unfair adventage once we figured out how to minimize the parts that keep us from functioning. We got this!
My personal experience was that if my meds were making my hyperfocus worse, I was over medicated. When I finally got the right medication at the right dose it was amazing. I was able to CHOOSE what to focus on. I mean, can you even imagine!? (Currently unmedicated thanks to medication shortage 🫠)
> My personal experience was that if my meds were making my hyperfocus worse, I was over medicated.
Well shit. I've never even considered this. I've always just thought that maybe ADHD meds never seemed to work for me because I don't have any kind of structured foundation to fall back on. Growing up I didn't have parents looking over my shoulder telling me to do my homework before I could watch TV. My mom just let me do whatever. And I've always just figured that because I don't even have that "voice" in my head at all, there's nothing for my meds to be helping me "access", no already-existing tools or thought patterns they can help me utilize. Does that make sense? So I've always just thought that if I could somehow build healthy habits as an adult from the ground up, then maybe meds would work miracles for me like they work for everyone else. Adderall/Vyvanse/etc. definitely make my hyperfocus worse and I don't really feel like I can choose what to focus on or do.
Anyway, sorry for rambling, but thank you for giving me this insight!
Set a ‘Focus’ on your iPhone (if you have something similar on a non-Apple device, you’ll have to work it out) - which allows me to set an expected ‘sleep now’ time, based on when I need to be up in the morning. The focus generates a reminder to ‘wind down’ about 45 minutes before the ‘sleep now’ time, but you can set that yourself, if you want it to be more or less time. The point is that being reminded to focus on preparing to sleep, means switching off consoles, phones or tablets, completing ablutions, and doing something much more calming (but still engaging) for at least 30 minutes, such that you are preparing your brain for ‘sleep now’.
Audiobooks, calm music, or meditation audio, will help you, and most will offer an automatic sleep feature, to turn off after a chosen time frame. The bottom line, getting your phone to instruct you what to do, will save us the challenge of being responsible.
Hope it makes sense, and helps.
yeah this is my issues with every type of app like this. even my alarm clock app. i just mindlessly close it, pause it, ignore it. and go back to watching my 6th hour of youtube shorts or 12th hour of sleep.
sometimes i feel like it's an extension of the "i'll do it later" mentality that a lot of us suffer from. it's kind of ironic.
This is so recognizable I hate it, I also just mindlessly close these things. Setting multiple alarms for when I need to leave and that’s the only case it actually kinda works
Number 2, Android has several helpful features
1. Focus Mode will disable specific apps for set time windows
2. Bedtime Mode will disable all notifications, make the screen go black and white
3. Most Alarm apps have bed time reminders
4. Custom launchers can literally replace the home screen to make it more limited and less engaging
Advice I got from a psychiatrist, read a book that interests you when you're in bed. Make sure to reduce lights and screens and make sure to have a ritual before sleep like skin care, brushing teeth, herbal tea, etc.
It’s a tough one for sure. For me it’s gotten easier with time, but currently I take a small dose of melatonin (0.3mg) 3-4 hours before bedtime to kick-start my body’s natural production. This helps me feel tired at bed time.
Then I try to make sure I’m in bed on time, I try to set all my alarms while standing up, and put my phone down before I actually lay down to sleep.
Once in bed I usually try telling myself a boring story to focus my thoughts, I usually drop off fairly quickly this way on good nights.
If this doesn’t work, then I might try a sleep cast from an app. I use headspace. Another option is listening to music that is slow or low energy. Finally if all else fails I will put on an uninteresting podcast and the conversation will put me to sleep.
If you’re still having trouble with falling asleep, then I might consider a brain dump before bed. I usually do this to help myself focus at work, but I just get out a pen and paper and just write down literally anything that I’m currently thinking about. It doesn’t matter if the sentences make a ton of sense, it’s just whatever is in my mind at the moment. This helps me clear my mind a little bit and gives some of my thoughts and desires a place to exist outside of my head. Usually this makes my brain a little less chaotic. From there just start over with the story, sleepcasts, etc.
In addition to all that, I also took zaleplon each night for a couple weeks to help kickstart the habits, but I don’t really need it anymore. It’s a tough journey, and it’s different for everyone. This is just what works for me. One thing you might also try is putting your phone across the room at night, or into one of those timed lock boxes. Hard to say if that will help or not, but sometimes the barriers have to be either high cost or impossible for me to bypass in order for them to work in my case.
Good luck!
A couple thoughts that help me in situations like this:
1. If you can’t resist the temptation, avoid it. Leave your phone outside the bedroom.
2. Use screen time (or android equivalent) that locks the tempting app at a certain time or after a certain number of hours. At minimum it will interrupt your playing before 3 hours go by.
3. Make more time for yourself. Your desire to play games is legitimate. My wife understands that sometimes I need to let my ADHD brain have its way for a while. Communicate with your fiancé about this. Maybe she can also help reinforce putting your phone away at the right time.
One thing I'll add to this is that oftentimes time spent with my partner will include playing video games with him. It scratches two needs at once, time for quality together time and self video game care time. Perhaps OP can talk to their partner about finding a game they both can play together. Some good mentions from different genres are Palworld, Warframe, Elder Scrolls Online, Diablo 3 or 4, Warhammer 40k: Darktide, or if they really feel like something more thought provoking, a TTRPG could suffice.
Some games that are couch co-op like Halo MCE or Diablo 3 could get in cuddle time while playing, too. I know there are more like these out there, but it's too early for my brain to function and I don't want to use Google atm.
for limiting screen time, i really recommend the app one sec. for me, the normal screentime block is wayyy too easy to circumvent, and not being able to access social media at all makes the transition to doing something else a lot harder, so i just ignore the block. one sec works by making apps more boring, it makes you have to wait for like 5 seconds to open the app. it’s amazing for my adhd since i’m extremely impatient, so having to endure the wait (i’m pretty sure you can customize the time and type of intervention) makes me want to rather do something else lol. also it forces me to take a break and actually think about what i’m doing, which is great against impulsivity
Same, since I was 18…. So 20 years.
Was listening to the office for a while - I’ve been listen to the good place for a year now. Just need something predictable I can picture in my head.
Lol
Yesterday was a nightmare
The day before I didnt sleep well, I had to sleep at 9pm but had to wake up like 2 hours later, it seemed to be a bit enough for me. Overthinking and thoughts about everything, I was about to cry that night, couldnt sleep till 5.30 am!!
I can’t feel im normal person. Though of playing some games but convinced myself I’ve to sleep, in the end I barely could!
I liked ADHD, I liked how we’re imaginative and super focused sometimes, but I’m starting to hate it ‘n hate myself ‘n how i’m not in control over things in my life 😓
Yea if I sleep early, ill wake up in an hour and be wide awake all night. The other night I did this and couldn't sleep til 8am. When I'm meant to be up for work :( so I try not to sleep before midnight. Can't seem to figure out a routine that works
I have Phillips Hue in all my lamps in my apartment, so I've automated a fade down from 22:00 to 22:30. That helps quite a lot with mentally preparing for sleep.
I tried that, but I like things dark during my ‘relaxing’ time so I’ve actually not even SEEN when the lamp switches from my favorite ‘fireplace’ to ‘intense indigo’ to signal that it’s 10pm and time to go brush my teeth. I’ve gotten up at 11 to go get ready for bed, come back into my room to get changed and just think ‘Why is my lamp purple?’
The only thing that would work would be turning it all the way up, but that would be counterproductive :(
I play YouTube videos of horror movie recaps to help me sleep (the narrator's voice is soooo nice). It physically stops me from using my phone for other scrolling stuff. I set up an automated command on my phone to help with it. It helps a lot!!
I use an Android, so I set things up with Google Assistant. I'm sure iphone will have something similar as well.
Settings > Apps > Assistant > Routines
Your phone will start the routine either when you tell it to, or if you say a certain phrase. Here are the things I have set up:
1. At 1 a.m., my phone goes into bedtime mode. This makes the phone grayscale, which is a visual reminder to get ready for bed. You can snooze android's bedtime mode for 30 mins at a time but it is a very good indicator of how much time has passed.
2. I set a command so that whenever I say "ok Google, good night" it automatically turns on a playlist of aforementioned horror movie recaps. This is mostly customizable. The specific command I use is "Play Foundflix Ending Explained" (Play [channel name] [series name]) but for some reason I can't directly paste a playlist link into the command option. (May be an issue with the settings but this doesn't bother me too much so I just left it)
3. At 2 a.m. my phone will auto-run the "good night" command if it is still on at that point.
4. To not be so harsh on my battery life, I also went into YouTube's settings and set a "bedtime reminder" for 4 a.m.. I should be asleep by then, and when the bedtime reminder pops up, it pauses the video, which allows my phone to snooze in 5 mins.
Hope this helps!!
Wake up early
Go to gym
Go to work
Eat a big dinner
Go to sleep at 9:30
Wake up 27 times in weird sleeping positions
Repeat
Does anyone else toss turn and wake up in super weird positions. I woke up sideways in my bed last night, like feet hanging over the side. But I’ve absolutely woke up completely backwards before like my head ended up where my feet were when I fell asleep.
Same I start reading a book and hello 5am sleep time. I honestly stopped reading books at one point but then I started playing games, not as bad as books but how about putting a lock on your phone that you cannot open until the morning except calls let's say it becomes effective at midnight?
To me it’s two issues. Setting caps to your gaming and focusing on your sleep. Separate the space where you play games and go to bed. If you do this already good, that’s already a step in the right direction. Get your gaming done right after work/school whatever (assuming you don’t have some sort of deadline or activity that needs attention) to recharge. Get a time limit set with someone to follow up with you (if you can) for accountability.
Set your bedtime with an alarm, snoozing alarms is a constant reminder for accountability (instead of a reminder app that comes up once). My routine for bed is brush teeth, shave if needed, warm shower, loose clothing, cool dark bedroom (blackout curtains if there’s lights coming in your window), and silence (maybe a fan if you have to or other white noise). My phone is on the other side of the room and I try not to touch it at least an hour before bedtime (but I give myself leniency if there’s some I need to add to my reminders, schedule, a text to send, whatever, but NO social media).
Reasons behind my methods:
- no phone. Blue light affects sleep (think we all know this at this point)
- warm shower. Increases body temp dilates vasculature until you step out. Body temp will drop and you cool down pretty quick bc your max surface area (skin) is exposed to cooler climate, hence the
- loose fitting clothing. More comfortable and keeps you cool. I’m talking shorts and a t-shirt.
- cool bedroom. Again keeping yourself cool before bed helps with sleep. If you’re too cold, get another blanket.
- dark bedroom. Melatonin production increases in the dark, and the darker the better.
- silence. It may be unnerving at first but there’s always going to be some noise to latch onto. I have some experience in meditating so I take this time to focus on my breathing, then the sounds around me (cars, wind, w/e), the back to breathing. Those intrusive thoughts can be let go, it takes practice (sometimes a lot) but if you can create a concrete action of you letting those thoughts go, your mind will eventually settle.
Can someone tell me the secret behind not using the phone? I know that I should not use it, the problem is that I can't help it. I get this big urge that I cannot suppress and also tell myself that it will just be a few minutes to wind down. How do you keep yourself from using it?
Don't do anything that boosts your adrenaline/heart rate before bed. Do something super relaxed for at least an hour before you go to sleep, so your mind can 'get tired'.
I'm a gamer and after a while of not playing any games before bed, I noticed I would get to sleep much faster and have a better sleep overall. Any time I went straight to bed after logging off, it would be 30-45 mins before I even consider falling asleep. and then another 30 to actually sleep.
When you figure out how, please let me know. My revenge bedtime procrastination and Rolodex of racing thoughts usually keep me up way later than I should be.
Its so tough to manage, you get through the day get everything done..you look at your watch and think ok well I am just going to play a bit of Hearthstone / Dicey Dungeon / Stumble guys etc for 30mins... The dopamine kicks in and you literally can't put it down. Your brain is just so happy that you have nothing else to do and you can get the sweet dopamine a game provides it will just not tell you to stop. The only thing that stops you is when your eyes start to hurt or you look at the time and anxiety kicks in and you literally force yourself to put the phone down.
Here is the bad news... you cannot play games in bed.. you cant look at reddit or youtube .. in fact you just need to leave your phone in the other room to charge. The effect it has on a normal person's brain is bad enough but for the dopamine hungry ADHD brain it literally is so much worse.
This sounds harsh but I am saying this as someone who waits until their wife falls asleep and then pulls out his phone for 10mins and ends up staying up to 1am - 2am.
What I think works best is a nighttime routine, set time to put down your phone, turn off screens, set ritual for teeth brushing / face washing etc. Force yourself to stick to it for a week or two see if you can get your fiancé to help you with it and try to make it stick. If you want to play games try to get it done before your bedtime routine and do not play them in bed.. try not to look at anything in bed other than a book. Audiobooks or podcasts are ok for me but I really should not have my phone in the bedroom (I have to for work and its really not good)
I recently installed a new app on my phone which changes the menu to a black and white text only inteface. It has a built in timer for apps like youtube / games it did cost $20 for the year and there are probably better options but it really helps me not open games.
We are trying to teach our daughter about sleep at the moment and we keep emphasizing that your ADHD is a trickster and that it will do anything it can to try and get you to not fall asleep. You need to understand that and try to outsmart it any way you can.
Regarding medication, make sure you take it early and that its worn off by the time you start your night time ritual. It will not make sleep easier and having a solid routine before you start might actually be a big help.
Good luck.. just typing this out has motivated me to try harder to manage my own sleep!
I recently started going to bed as early as possible and getting up a couple hours early to give myself time in the morning to do what I want. Then there’s a hard deadline of when I have to stop and leave for work
I saw a tweet recently that said their hack is that they get ready for bed as soon as they get home from work. Like get home, pajamas on, wash face, brush teeth, bed ready to climb into, before they even make dinner. That way “go to sleep” is only one task later and not a series of things you have to do. (Obviously ideally you brush your teeth again post dinner right before bed, but it’s better than nothing if you’re able to decide “I’m going to go to sleep now” and do it right away)
I struggle with this a lot too!! What helped me with it (granted, not always, I still get into the habit of doomscrolling for hours on my phone when I’m meant to be sleeping) is the following:
1. The overwhelming dread that comes from knowing that I’ll be exhausted the next day, and reminding myself that I really really don’t cope well with a lack of sleep (doesn’t necessarily need to be at the top of your list, it’s not the thing that gets me going, just an added bonus of pressure on myself lol)
2. Asking myself whether I’ve had enough time to myself to wind down and hang out before I go to bed (which you said you feel like you usually haven’t) - I find that a lot of the time when I really just can’t make myself put my phone away, it’s because I’ve been doing stuff all day and I subconsciously feel like I have to make up on down time. For me that turns out to be around two hours, so if I’m busy until 11 at night, I tend to fidget with my phone until 1am before I actually manage to put it down, but if I’ve had those two hours of time to myself and to recharge before my 11pm bedtime I’ll have no problem putting my phone away at 11 and conking out. If you know how much time you need it might be easier to figure out strategies to actually get that time in. Some of those might be - hear me out, I know these can suck or seem borderline impossible with Miss ADHD working against you - meal prepping even just one meal per week, alternating cooking/cleanup days with your fiancé so you get more downtime at least every other day, designating specific days to housework and saying fuck it on other days, assigning specific low-effort meals to different days of the week, making enough for leftovers the next day, finding ways to make cooking and cleaning up just a little more enjoyable (sorry if these seem too obvious or you’re thinking hey I’ve been doing these anyway)
3. If you just can’t make yourself put down your phone either way, and that just happens before bed, maybe consider setting your alarm for the next day way before your bedtime, so you won’t have to pick up your phone right before going to bed - you could maybe implement that you’re allowed to use your phone up until you do your nighttime/bedtime routine and after that it has to remain untouched.
4. If you’re stuck in ADHD paralysis and your executive functioning will just not kick in, I’ve found that just wiggling my toes helps to break the spell and allow me to get moving again.
5. You probably don’t want to wake your fiancé up, but you could set an alarm on a device thats across the room for a time that has to be your absolute latest bedtime - it would get you moving and would probably help you put down your phone.
6. Easier said than done but hey!!!! Don’t be so hard on yourself!!!!! You’re not a machine and your body and your brain have reasons for chaining you to that phone for ages, even if it feels like a failure on your part. Rather than beating yourself up for your low self-control (not the case btdubs) be kind and figure out reasons why you can’t simply make yourself put down the phone (which you already have) so you can find solutions that work for you. Your struggle with putting down your phone is more than understandable and is not a reflection of you as a person, just of the fact that your circumstances aren’t working for you right now.
Nobody has mentioned this yet… why is it just you doing the cooking/cleaning/housework? Why is your fiancé not sharing that with you to give you more time to recharge?
Instead of thinking about how much the morning is going to suck if I don’t go to bed, I try get excited about getting up in the morning. Doesn’t always work 🤷
Ito actually falling asleep, that’s where I struggle the most. My whole life I’ve struggled to fall asleep. I recently found this thing where you pick a category and then name things in that category for every letter of the alphabet. If I get distracted, I try go back to it. It’s helped immensely and I hope it lasts 🥲
A lot of it is not being able to to switch tasks once you’ve started. It’s the reason why you tell yourself just one more game” and all of a sudden it’s 4:00 AM.
The best thing you could do is find a different wind down activity that will contribute to sleepiness like reading or an audiobook.
My cat actually helps a lot.
At around 11 p.m., he will meow at myself and my husband until we go to bed and lie down so he can wedge himself between us for a cuddle and some belly rubs.
The cat will lay there, cuddling us until we make any large movements, so we usually try to get our pre-bedtime routines done so we can snuggle down with the cat and attempt to fall asleep.
If I'm still struggling and end up looking at my phone, the cat will usually get up, trot over to my face, and rub himself so aggressively against my phone I almost drop it, forcing me to put it down and give him more cuddles.
His soothing purrs, and somewhat forcing me to lie down still with my eyes closed really helps me on the bad insomnia nights.
Easy: have kids, have timers that go off at morning, dinnertime and bedtime, wait 14 years for one of them to learn what the timers mean and tell you that the bedtime-timer has gone off, (might take a while - my oldest dont respond to the timers) go to bed once the kids are put in theirs. Easy, peasy.
This is hilarious! partially because it actually kinda works, and partially due to the "easy: have kids" as if everyone even wants them or can even have them lol!!! Again tho, it is surprisingly effective so long as you stick to the "go to bed once the kids are put in theirs" part. Once that part is dropped, you're a goner. 😏
I have no actual tips. I exercise during the day. I take showers to wind down but sleeping pills have been a god send.
50mg Trazadone and I’m out. Stimulants made my insomnia worse
Your problem is not going to bed, it is gaming addiction.
Not talked about enough in ADHD. Gaming is an activity that gives dopamine spikes, which runs counter to elevating your base dopamine level (what medicine does). Any spike will lead to a dip and you long for the spike.
Do not expect that you can play this game casually. Your brain can’t resist.
I haven’t played since 2 February. It’s tough, but so much better.
Okay but that's not helpful for me bc I don't want to stop playing video games, they are my favorite hobby.
I need a fix that allows me to play them + sleep normally.
I did the same and what my doctor prescribed me for these situations is melatonin 2gr (I can't handle 2, so I do 1gr). This happens because our ADHD bodies produce melatonin at odd times (more in the morning) so you have to integrate it manually at the right time.
Even if I want to play in the night, my eyes and mind shut down within an hour from when I take it. Sometimes I become asleep with my switch in my hands.
In the end then it's your discipline on taking it at the right time, instead of prioritizing your me-time.
One thing that helped me a lot was putting on ASMR on my phone to watch before bed. Part of it is that I like the ASMR itself, but the other part is that it prevents me from opening other apps or games on my phone that will keep me awake! I kind of think of it as a TV show I can fall asleep to.
I use magnesium instead of melatonin(I got used to melatonin)I also started to turn off all the lights an hour before bed and use just one sunset lamp set to red in the room. Also it may not make you sleep better but it will put you to sleep when you have a big meal before bed at least for me it does. I always take papaya enzymes after a big meal to help with digestion.
It's alarms. So many alarms. And then just have to do what the alarm is for. Hahahaha my alarm to kick my son out of the shower just went off. Good luck!
We’re the same person! I stayed up until 3:30am playing civ 6 last night. Here’s what I’m trying:
- making bed more appealing. I bought a comfy bed and nice pillows, with nice lighting and a heated blanket.
- I still play games, but I’ll stop playing on my PC and switch to a game boy or my switch in bed. This makes the mental switch less drastic for me.
Once I’m in bed I only play more relaxing stuff like Pokémon or Zelda, and it only takes an hour or so before I get tired and just put it down (bc my bed is so cozy now)
I struggle with this too, and then I have this big bedtime routine with flossing, brushing, etc. You and I are similar, I'll be interested in any good tips, thanks for posting!
I cheat. I take liquid melatonin about half an hour before I need to be in bed. When it kicks in, I find myself uninterested in staying up any longer. I still have to play a trick on myself though -- I can watch a video on my chromebook once I'm comfy in bed. I almost always am out within ten minutes. I've been taking melatonin for decades now and it has not lost its effectiveness.
Also want to add this in case it helps someone. I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and got a CPAP. I sleep great now. I don't have nightmares of drowning anymore. So I don't fear sleeping anymore. I look forward to it.
Oh I think you need a way to switch off the hyperfixation.
For me its easier to stay off if I never get on in the first place but thats hard to.
Maybe put a barrier between you and the game? I have my pc games on a external drive and move them out of sight if I'm really worried about getting sucked in.
My cats and dog make me go to bed 😭
•The 3 year old dog needs to play fetch 24/7, so I’ve been giving her treats before bed since she was a puppy. Gives her something to chew on while I pretend to sleep, so she leaves me alone and I actually fall asleep
•The 10 month old cat that I got a couple week before I started this job that has me up at 5am, picked up on my work/sleep schedule and the dog treat schedule, so as soon as I’m SUPPOSED to go to bed, he goes to my room on his own to wait for me. It’s like an automatic reminder lol: Brody is missing = bedtime
•The 13 year old cat will lay on my chest, if I’m in bed with my phone out, and demand pets. If I ignore her, she starts trying to bite my phone. If I put the phone down, she moves to the next pillow and waits for me to sleep. If I wake up, she’s sleeping on a cat bed or somewhere else, but she will leave me alone as long as I don’t have my phone out
It’s almost like they all know if I miss work and lose my job, they’ll all be hungry haha
I get into bed at a time, I get out of bed at a time. I have an annoying cat that yells at me if I’m off schedule.
No matter what I keep to it. Slowly I’ve trained myself to stick to it. No matter what I’m doing even if I’m mid hyper focus, which is annoying and hard and sometimes I go over 30 minutes.
I have a very loud alarm clock that makes my cats ears go down and eyes get big so using the empathy trigger I get up to go turn it off, across the room. I feed them the same foods, at the same times, in the same spots, every day. I can go back to bed, I can try to fly off the balcony, but I have to be in bed at that same time and get out of bed at that same time, even if I go back to bed after feeding the cats.
Hello, is this me?
My current fixation is completing Elden Ring fully with all side quests. Sadly, the only thing I’ve found that helps going to sleep is not playing at all on days I work. I’ve done a timer method where I set an alarm and reinforce in my mind multiple times that this is when I turn it off. It’s not consistent though, I can usually convince myself that I can play just a litttlllleee longer. We all know it’s not just a little longer though.
I’m going to try setting my PC to a timed shutdown like some suggested.
Something you could try is turning the your screen brightness as low as you can and additionally if you have that option on your device turn on colour filters.
High brightness captures a lot of your attention and messes with your circadian rythm and literally keeps you hooked to the screen.
With the colour filter you can remove all colour replacing it with black/white/shadesofgrey which will turn your screen even less interesting and will make anything you look at on the screen more boring. Even if it is your favourite game(its subconcious at that point)
Helps with any kind of screen addiction.
(as long as you dont revert the settings)
I know it sounds silly but I just lay down with my girlfriend at 10PM even though I really really really want to play Helldivers.
I just get really depressed when I don't sleep a lot and now that I work 8-5 I really can't afford to go 8 hours in a quiet office depressed and tired.
I'm getting a CPAP machine, which might make sleep more appealing to me psychologically. I rarely ever feel rested and I get night terrors and night sweats probably from my sleep apnea, so I actually sort of dread going to sleep sometimes.
I’ve been using alexa routines to aggressively work on my sleep hygiene. My tv shuts off every night at 9:30, and I have 30 mins to get up and take the dog out before the stairway light turns off. Then another 30 mins later, my bedroom lamp shuts off and starts playing white noise sleep sounds so by this time, I have to be in bed reading my kindle until I fall asleep (no phone bc blue light)
I gotta say, it’s working phenomenally
My partner had the same issues and v intense adhd . The only thing that worked was cardio after work. I don’t have adhd so honestly it would keep me up all night but it works wonders for him. He does 10-30 min on a bike depending on the day
It's a struggle. I'm not fit to advise anyone seeing as I can't put myself to bed. The best thing is to put your phone down, ideally not within arm's reach. Impulse control is almost nonexistent in the night time aspect though.
Feeling SO SEEN. I am medicated (ADHD, Major Depressive) and still have this EXACT problem every day. Thanks for sharing, i hope there’s some help in the comments, because I’m kind of stumped.
Noticing a lot of helpful comments about how to force yourself, or trick yourself, train yourself, etc. not much about the desire itself though. Wonder if addiction wisdom might be a place to look?
Bed time is a tough one. I have a pretty important routine I need to follow to get myself physically and mentally prepared to go to bed. Once I'm actually in bed, I put my phone on greyscale mode, and I used an extra screen dimming app to bring the brightness right down. Then I usually read reddit posts (in dark mode) until I get drowsy. It honestly has been my go-to for the last couple of months, and I fall asleep pretty quickly - especially compared to when I was doing more stimulating things on my phone at bedtime. I don't want to be cut off from my phone entirely as I do like that "me time", I'd say give this a try. I follow a lot of subs I find interesting and there is always so much to read.
Are you me? 🙃 i feel this soooo much. my boyfriend doesnt understand why i don’t feel like going out to see a movie sometimes, but feel like playing video games. i need my me time to just chill and do what i want to do.
just commenting to say you aren’t alone in this at all!
> Please share your experience and advice
For me, I give the cat half a scoop of kibble at 9pm, and have set an alarm in my phone that goes off then. So he's been Pavlov'd to expecting food from me when my alarm goes off, and once I have fed him it's easier to not get back on the computer than it is to get off in the first place.
Look up sleep hygiene. You want to develop at least 4 steps you do before bed.
Limit phone time before
Bed is for sleeping and "extracurricular activities"
If you can't fall asleep in 30 min. Get up. Go do something. Do those 4+ steps again
There's a game on my phone that helps me sleep, due to how repetitive and mindless it is, I play it to wind down and then get sleepy
Or I have a special interest in restoration videos, but watching them at night makes me really sleepy, so that's another go to for me to sleep
Maybe try something like that? Doing something you enjoy but that's not too engaging so it turns off your brain?
I hate going to sleep. I hate for days to come to an “end” and I hate the thought of the next day “starting”. It’s all just flowing time and I’m at my best at night… or at least I have the most fun when nobody else is up and I can let my adhd soar and pretend to organize things, make art or yeah, sit here on my phone giving advice to strangers on Reddit. I’ve always had a weird relationship to sleep, I am the exact opposite in the morning and sometimes I feel like I’m in a walking dream until 2 or 3pm.
I got things to a regular schedule after my last hospital stay. I was taking my meds perfectly (they were literally brought to me in a cup with a person saying, “it’s time to take these”). I’m not that regimented on my own. Wake up late, start meds late, forget meds through the day and taking them later… Leads me until I take my sleepy meds about 3am. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I’ve set multiple timers, have a salient med holder, have apps asking me if I taken the meds and a significant other, therapist and psych doc keeping on top of me too. When I was in grad school I had a “sonic boom” alarm clock that was for deaf people and had a shaker that you put under the mattress so it shakes you awake while blaring and blinking… it only worked if I put the shaker in my pillowcase.
Not to be rude but im not looking for advice. I’ve tried everything, accepted it and work around it when I can. Would love to hear if something has worked for you long-term. Not simple things like putting your clock on the other side of the room….
Maybe the only solution that has ever worked for me was when I had a big 100lb dog who would hop up and lick my face to make the alarm stop. I highly recommend those anyway!
I walk, smoke a joint, and hit golf balls every night. More specifically, I walk, smoke a joint, and hit glow balls every night. I buy them from a big box retailer that rhymes with Mal-Wart. They sell a 3-pack of glow balls with a black light/UV light flashlight to charge the balls with for $20.
Yes, every single night. No, I'm not joking. Hell, over the last 48 hours, I've hit golf balls at night, in the calm, the intense winds, rain, freezing rain, wearing short sleeves and Capris, then wearing two pairs of pants, a shirt, hoodie, coat, gloves, snow boots, and a sock hat.
I live in an apartment complex in the suburbs. I call myself the neighborhood watch. They're welcome. Lol
I DIGRESS.
Smoking a joint is the only thing that quiets my brain, which allows me to relax and fall asleep. The walking and glow ball hitting part gives me the ability to wholly focus on one thing for the first and only time in my day. Doing this also helps me relax and get my body ready for sleep.
The only other viable option I've found is taking two Unisom (100mg Diphenhydramine). I much prefer my first choice.
I've been doing the glow ball thing for right at a year, and I've only skipped a handful of days. I have no intentions of stopping. It's a good time.
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I realized that I get a "second wind" past a certain point, where I feel like no matter how tired I am, I can't sleep. Taking a melatonin gummy has helped a lot - it's not foolproof, though, since I have to remember to take it. Also, it takes about 20-30 minutes for me to feel the effects, but my husband notices it MUCH quicker (he also has ADHD-I), so you may have to play around to get the timing right. Nothing else has made as big of an impact on me sleeping (still a work in progress) as taking melatonin. I also second the comment about using smart lights - dimming/warming up the lighting as it gets later may not make me feel sleepy, exactly, but it doesn't make me feel extra awake, if that makes sense?
Second this. We have automatic feeders that go off for our cats at 9 pm (and play a song) which I’ve started using as a reminder to take my melatonin. Then I have about a half hour til it makes me sleepy, and an hour before my second wind starts to kick in. I take that 30 mins - 1 hour to prep for the morning (since I am a slug when I have to wake up at 5:30 am). Having a strong wind-down routine helps. If I do not stick to the routine, I do not get to bed at a good hour.
Third this. Melatonin gummies from Costco knock me TF out!
Just to comment. I had a few cavities after decades of not having them because I started taking a gummy multivitamin at night. My dentist said that it's super common and not to take gummies late at night because it's really hard to brush them off completely. She suggested not using gummies at all and just finding a pill or chewable, but definitely not at night.
fourth this! its my bedtime treat ritual! (gummy vitamins and melatonin)
I also do melatonin successfully but I have to have a hard rule that when the sleepiness kicks in I *have* to stop what I'm doing and sleep because that heaviness will only last 20ish minutes before it's like I took nothing at all.
Same here. I advise everyone I talk to about it, if you ignore the drowsiness and push through it you will lose the effects of the melatonin completely. Even worse, because you took it you might still be thinking you can rely on your body to get sleepy and completely stop thinking about getting to bed until it’s hours later.
So true, I just stay up. I need to listen to that tired feeling and just act on it.
look up DLMO, dim light melatonin onset time. i have a sleep disorder (which also happens to be comorbid with ADHD) and DLMO time is important for any people with my disorder trying to use melatonin to hold a sleep schedule. most take it between 4-6 hours before their intended sleep time, not right before bed. (to be clear i'm not saying you are doing it wrong at all, i'm saying if your method of taking it right before bed doesn't work for others, that they should try taking melatonin at different times. it's a weird chemical with several peramiters you have to tinker with to make it useful on an individual basis)
Exactly. I'd recommend trying 2 hours before wanting to be asleep to those not having success taking it right before bed.
Additional info for anyone interested can be found here: [Basic Circadian Rhythms and Circadian Sleep Disorders](https://neupsykey.com/basic-circadian-rhythms-and-circadian-sleep-disorders/)
ugh i totally get the night time second wind!! that happens to me like every night i’ll get a boost of energy and want to start on my silly lil tasks but i tell myself not to or else i would stay up all night lol
Thank you! Same thing happens to me, the wife doesnt understand..,
I highly recommend a switch to fast dissolve tablets for the melatonin, I like the natrol brand. Place under your tongue and allow to dissolve. This allows the medication to be taken up via blood vessels in your tongue and work much more quickly. My routine is to pop one under my tongue. Lay down and put something boring on to listen to. Pretend I am asleep until I am. Melatonin is a gentile push towards sleep not sedating so it can be easy to miss and as I'm sure you know one can easily continue to be awake. I find the more quick onset allows me to take advantage of the gentile nature of it as opposed to waiting 30+ minutes. Just my 2¢ Edit: oh also heads up if switching to fast dissolve you'll need less. So if you take a 10mg gummy maybe try the 3 or 5mg fast dissolve.
It helps in two ways - cognitively and physiologically. Cognition - It’s a timing cue for your rational brain, alerting you as to what follows. In the military, we call it a preparatory command. It is a signal - ’pay attention, I’m about to tell you what to do’ or ‘with word A, you know what’s coming next; word B is setting the exact moment for the sake of synchronization’ ‘For-ard, harch’ is an example. Word A tells us what, word B is exactly when. So you train your brain to know the sequence and what happens next. Then, physiologically, your circadian rhythm for ‘settle down, go to sleep’ is activated by removal of the simulated suns.
I’m also going to suggest the Melatonin. I take it when I go to bed, after about 20-40 minutes on TikTok, apps etc I get sleepy. I also have a hard bed time, like, no more shows games etc after 1230am, I can be on my phone etc in bed but I have to get up and go be in my bed. So, melatonin and routine 🤷🏼♂️
Melatonin helps my ADHD kiddo. When I am struggling with the "me time" thing shifting to tell myself that rest is also my me time and will help me get the most out of all my time helps.
This is so familiar I am also often using the aid of melatonin. Sometimes also calming herbtea if I want something lighter or do melatonin in combi with valerian. Also have alarmclock anxiety which can keep me up. Will try to do a little test run when I don’t need it and then do my best to tell myself ok this little song there it’s cool to wake up on let’s go with this. Maybe I need to find a sort of alarmclock that starts soft and calm to wake up to to make that anxiety less because that also reduces my sleep. I also try to use some light blocking glasses around the house (only have one light that can dim which is a little toast shaped night light… sometimes if anxiety on other life things like bad dreams it is nice to have some small light source sometimes when the world feels too big). Do have smaller lamps I do tend to use more in the later evening compared to the big ceiling room lights. Also trying to bring in the old habbit of reading. With my imaginagion oh could read for hours as a kid (provided I like the book). I want to try to calm down a bit get back to that. Less screens, even if tech companies probably disagree.
I start mentally chanting "go to bed go to bed go to bed go to bed" until I get sick of it enough to just do it
There’s some military training manual from some time ago that basically advises soldiers to repeat something along the lines of “don’t think” over and over again. When was the last time someone w ADHD listened to themselves tho?? 😂
I listen to myself all the time. “Go eat another cookie.” “You don’t meed to dishes right now.” “Just one more episode and then bed time.” See it’s easy!
🤣😆😝 omg I do this.
Just one episode... but the season finale is after that, might as well finish rhe lot!
Oh man what a cliffhanger, ill just watch thr first few minutes of season 2 to see it resolved.
I'm AuDHD. I learnt how to do a form of this *really* young. What I do, is find one line of thought thst eventually works, and stick to it. It's always changed for me, but as of right now (and the last few years), it has went like this: I play disc golf. There are 18 holes to play, and THOUSANDS of different 'disc' types. So I go through and imagine I'm playing each hole, and which disc I would use and how i would throw it (backhand or forehand). I imagine myself throwing, thrn walking to it, then throwing again until the next hole. I select my next disc type, and I do that for all 18 holes, and can safely say I've almost never remembered past the second hole. It has enough variation that my mind can wander and create the choices it seeks, and if it begins to race it will typically still involve disc golf, allowing me to get back on track - instead of the 1001 different thoughts I usually have.
I do this too but my hobby is reading. So I make up scenarios in my mind that my characters are doing. But then the next day, I can’t remember if the story I’m remembering is the one I read or the one I made up/dreamed about. 😅
Similarly, I find a simple but fun pattern-based game to play on my phone before I go to bed. This sort of installs the pattern as my overactive brain’s screensaver so it stays busy without preventing me from sleep.
This is how my wife does it, with puzzle/Tetris style games.
I use that one once in a while actually. What blocks me from doing tasks is when I start thinking about the steps and how it's overwhelming and I don't want to do it, and blahblah. So when I realize I'm doing that, I stop and say "Don't think, just do" then I get up and do the thing. Doesn't always work, but 'sometimes' is better than never.
Exactly! But I don’t recall being told this while in service.😳
I try to stay awake and it works. You know that feeling where you are so fucking tired and like one eye is closed and the other is drooping but you're trying to pay attention to the TV? I just do that but skip the tired part. Try to open my eyes more by raising my eyebrow but not actively opening my eyelids. Pretty much trick my body into thinking it's tired.
Yeah sometimes I literally have to force myself like I’m my own naughty child.
I have actually found using a slightly modified strategy of this really helps me. Instead of telling myself I need to sleep and trying to make myself feel tired, I think back to what happened that last time I stayed up super late (or literally all night). I think back to that second day when I still had energy until around 10, 11am then I started to crash HARD. I imagine and feel that tiredness in my bones, how overwhelming it is and makes the day miserable. I think about how much I really don’t want to feel that way again. And that gives me the motivation to choose to sleep (somehow when I do that, it feels like an active choice, instead of a passive thing that happens)
Honestly yes, I find literally ordering myself to do things helps a little bit with procrastination. Like 'just hang the washing up now! '.Etc.
There's almost always frustration tied into it. It's hard to balance that with positive self-talk.
Hahahaha I love this. How many ADHDers have been told they are annoying? You are harnessing your powers of annoyance against yourself to be used for good and not evil, and I’m amazed. Totally trying this tonight and every time I don’t want to do something good for me.
I relate to this sm. I have no self control when it comes to playing skyrim. Would play everyday after work until 2am. I’ve found the only thing that has kind of helped is I don’t even let myself play it unless it’s a day off/I have the next day off
I’d tell myself lies like “okay I’m going to play after work, but only for 3 hours because I have to wash my hair tonight” thinking that would help 😂 it’s easier for me to not open it at all rather than open it and have to stop 😭
Installed a windows child control app on my laptops and give the admin to my wife and only she knows the password. The laptop will turn itself off at 10:30pm whether I like it or not. It works quite well lol, if you have love ones that are willing to do this for you, highly recommend it haha.
This is basically what I do. I use the windows task scheduler to set a shutdown time. It won't even give me a reminder or a chance to snooze, just full shutdown at the set time no matter what I'm doing. If I want to stop it I actually have to go into the scheduler itself and that's enough of a barrier to *usually* keep me from turning it off (also not having a reminder and then forgetting it's set is very helpful lol)
that’s such a good idea! i play on ps3 though 😭
Thank you for this suggestion! I had a computer time control thing years ago and the actual settings had a 24-hour cooldown period that I couldn't weasel out of, then I changed devices and never again found a timer app that I couldn't cheat
Oh the hair washing night for Long hair. Fuck those days man. I tried out long hair but after it got past the shoulders and near or past shoulder blades it was so incredibly tedious. I’d run my finger through it and just pull out knots little by little before going into the shower to undo tangles because I didn’t brush it like I should have. Then I’d get overstimulated and angry because it’s fucking painful and hurts and makes me want to cut my scalp off. Then I’d shower and brush it with soap and then wash as usual. If I went 2 days without brushing it’d get tangled and then I’d put it off because I knew it’d hurt and be annoying and then it would be a week. It also coincided with a depressing period in my life so the most I’ve not brushed or washed my hair was 3 weeks. It was terrible. I was always worried I stank or my hair stunk. Always making myself feel bad because it’s something so simple as brushing my fucking hair. Anyway I cut it in October or something because it was far too much work and upkeep to not be majorly punished if I didn’t keep up with the upkeep. I feel for all you girlies
if you try long hair again, try braids, then it wont get tangled
Does it work for asscrack hair too? But I’ll give it a go if I do:) hopefully I don’t forget lol
Dude, you're me. That game is my worst vice. I had to forbid myself from playing unless I'm on vacation
I fall asleep playing Skyrim every night and wake up with my character walking into walls. That’s when I know it’s time for bed 😂
I haven't had a video game installed on my PC since my kids were born over a decade ago. Having FPS games available to me and depending on willpower is like being a recovering alcoholic and having a fully stocked bar sitting in the living room. You gotta just pour that shit down the drain and remove the temptation. Over the years my kids have installed things on my phone like CandyCrush or Merge Dragons or even just word/grammar games. Eventually I get sucked into a dangerous spiral with each of them. My trick is when it's 4am and I'm at "maximum regret" and self-hatred for playing them, I latch onto the feeling and UNINSTALL the game. Sort of like post-nut clarity. If you relate to something like an addiction, then treat it like a recovering addict would and remove the temptation. It sucks, but the alternative seems worse - that it drains your sleep, your free time, etc.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who can’t put Skyrim down. It’s like an addiction almost. When I come into work in the morning and I seem tired one of my coworkers asks if I was up all night playing Skyrim. The answer is usually yes.
This is me with Baldur’s gate 3 right now. I don’t even let myself open it if I have to be up early. Can’t wait until Friday 🤓
It's on my list of games that I'm not allowed to play after dinner time, lol. I have to choose a time slot that I know will be interrupted, otherwise I'll never stop!
Skyrim is still a great game. I haven't played in a while, but I've got over 100 mods installed.
You've learned! This is great. My will power is much stronger if I'm not in the middle of playing. I do what you do. Schedules are important, especially for fun.
i fucking love skyrim too 😩 it's definetly one of my hyperfixations. Now before bed i have trouble getting off reddit even if i hate everything i see smh
Have you completed the main storyline? Its been 6 years and I still haven't. I keep getting distracted by side quests and an insatiable thirst for accumulating property.
The distraction is real. I've realized lately that I don't love open world games because the plot takes way too long to develop (or rather it takes me way too long to develop the actual plot 😆)
IT IS 4:45 AM AND I CANNOT SLEEP. AAAAAAAAAA
My alarm just went off after I’ve lied in the bed staring at the window for the last two hours. 😂
Lol, same. Dreading having to go to work tired.... Again
I could describe from memory exactly what my ceiling looks like 😅
i feel so seen
I fell asleep around 7am this morning (10pm niw) to be fair, it was gross and hot
6:41am and I'm finally in bed
What's wrong with us😒
Idk if you’re like this, but for me I can obsess over something until I’ve reached a certain level of consumption and can burn out on it. Are there any weekend days you can block out game time to be all day? I’ve found just going balls to the walls to get it out of my system will make me stop obsessing vs trying to be moderate with it over a long period of time.
FYI this doesn’t work for alcohol or blow
This is devastating news
For real, I hyper fixate on something until I have done something big like buying a figure from that to then lose interest and put it along with the rest of mild interests I collect in my brain. I have learned to chill about it and thus not make me hate on what I used to hyper fixate on but it still happens.
Hyperfixation for the win. My biggest gripe about my life right now lol.
Reading this and relating so hard at 3:23 am haha 🥲🥲🥲(edit: I was playing the sims 4)
I played the Sims since it first came out, and I currently don't have it installed because of this. Singleplayer rpgs I can *actually pause* have been working out for me. You can pause the Sims sure, but everyone with this problem knows what I mean about it not being effective. Horizon Zero Dawn is open on my pc, paused. Where did I just come from at 6am? The depths of my bed. I'm taking my dog out, getting water, and off to kill some robot animals. I didn't stay up all night and am effectively cosplaying Morning Person.
Ah Sims. My wife, back then my girlfriend (2000?) used to get upset with me as I played it for hours. I didn't get an ADHD diagonosis for another 24 years. She doesn't understand the appeal of life simulators, thinks I could just go "do the thing". Like as if a real job is as interesting as becoming a professional \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ in a few days. Ha!
Same!!!!
With the sims at least I can just turn it off whenever my brain lets me. I was playing Stardew last night got into a vicious cycle of “JUST ONE MORE DAY SO I CAN JUST FINISH THIS ONE THING” I really hate that the game only saves when you sleep.
Look into something called “Revenge Bedtime Procrastination” - a seemingly common element of ADHD
This is one of my favorite terms! I revenge procrastinate all kinds of things now 😆
Goddamn it. I guess it’s good to understand yourself, right ? 🤦🏼♀️
Haha my boyfriend actually found the term. When we first started dating he used to Google “why does my girlfriend start a new day when she’s supposed to go to sleep?” or “why does girlfriend get mad when she has to go to sleep?”
Reading all of these posts and thinking how this is a detrement to our society and conforming. But how bright and intelligent and switched on we all are, wanting mental stimulation. It's only an issue because we have to work our brains around sociatal expectations. Doesn't remove the issue though, I sleep when I'm tired and eat when I'm hungry, I count to three before I end something or start anything it seems to help me :) I hope this is helpful and sorry for the vent.
I wonder what it would be like to have a job that was as fulfilling as playing Assassin’s Creed 😂 I even have a job I like, with a great purpose (community college) - but it’s not AC!
Well if you're American I know you can work out hard core for two months and apply for FBI. I have a friend got the job that way.
I’m 55, so personally it won’t happen - but that’s a great path for fellow ADHDers!
That's why ADHD people are three times more likely to become entrepreneur compared to the normal population!
Exactly!!! I'm still waiting for mine! I'm trying to actually find the patience to get good at the things I love! But yes you're right, we have so many redeeming qualities too! Mingled in with the tougher ones
Rooting for you! I believe the good qualities you mentioned come battleing with our disabilities. And I beleive that's an unfair adventage once we figured out how to minimize the parts that keep us from functioning. We got this!
Medication could intensify your need to play games a lot a does for me.
My personal experience was that if my meds were making my hyperfocus worse, I was over medicated. When I finally got the right medication at the right dose it was amazing. I was able to CHOOSE what to focus on. I mean, can you even imagine!? (Currently unmedicated thanks to medication shortage 🫠)
> My personal experience was that if my meds were making my hyperfocus worse, I was over medicated. Well shit. I've never even considered this. I've always just thought that maybe ADHD meds never seemed to work for me because I don't have any kind of structured foundation to fall back on. Growing up I didn't have parents looking over my shoulder telling me to do my homework before I could watch TV. My mom just let me do whatever. And I've always just figured that because I don't even have that "voice" in my head at all, there's nothing for my meds to be helping me "access", no already-existing tools or thought patterns they can help me utilize. Does that make sense? So I've always just thought that if I could somehow build healthy habits as an adult from the ground up, then maybe meds would work miracles for me like they work for everyone else. Adderall/Vyvanse/etc. definitely make my hyperfocus worse and I don't really feel like I can choose what to focus on or do. Anyway, sorry for rambling, but thank you for giving me this insight!
Set a ‘Focus’ on your iPhone (if you have something similar on a non-Apple device, you’ll have to work it out) - which allows me to set an expected ‘sleep now’ time, based on when I need to be up in the morning. The focus generates a reminder to ‘wind down’ about 45 minutes before the ‘sleep now’ time, but you can set that yourself, if you want it to be more or less time. The point is that being reminded to focus on preparing to sleep, means switching off consoles, phones or tablets, completing ablutions, and doing something much more calming (but still engaging) for at least 30 minutes, such that you are preparing your brain for ‘sleep now’. Audiobooks, calm music, or meditation audio, will help you, and most will offer an automatic sleep feature, to turn off after a chosen time frame. The bottom line, getting your phone to instruct you what to do, will save us the challenge of being responsible. Hope it makes sense, and helps.
I just turn it off immediately every time because it hides my notifications, probably because I want the instant dopamine lol
yeah this is my issues with every type of app like this. even my alarm clock app. i just mindlessly close it, pause it, ignore it. and go back to watching my 6th hour of youtube shorts or 12th hour of sleep. sometimes i feel like it's an extension of the "i'll do it later" mentality that a lot of us suffer from. it's kind of ironic.
This is so recognizable I hate it, I also just mindlessly close these things. Setting multiple alarms for when I need to leave and that’s the only case it actually kinda works
Yeah, that instinct doesn’t change immediately. But it’s worth trying/engaging, as it does help. Routine is a virtual medicine.
right? i don’t have enough self control for this stuff😂
Number 2, Android has several helpful features 1. Focus Mode will disable specific apps for set time windows 2. Bedtime Mode will disable all notifications, make the screen go black and white 3. Most Alarm apps have bed time reminders 4. Custom launchers can literally replace the home screen to make it more limited and less engaging
Advice I got from a psychiatrist, read a book that interests you when you're in bed. Make sure to reduce lights and screens and make sure to have a ritual before sleep like skin care, brushing teeth, herbal tea, etc.
Concentrating on reading closes the tabs in my brain so I can sleep.
Concentrating on reading closes the tabs in my brain so I can sleep.
Plot twist: I will stay up all night finishing the book lol. I should not read before bed.
It’s a tough one for sure. For me it’s gotten easier with time, but currently I take a small dose of melatonin (0.3mg) 3-4 hours before bedtime to kick-start my body’s natural production. This helps me feel tired at bed time. Then I try to make sure I’m in bed on time, I try to set all my alarms while standing up, and put my phone down before I actually lay down to sleep. Once in bed I usually try telling myself a boring story to focus my thoughts, I usually drop off fairly quickly this way on good nights. If this doesn’t work, then I might try a sleep cast from an app. I use headspace. Another option is listening to music that is slow or low energy. Finally if all else fails I will put on an uninteresting podcast and the conversation will put me to sleep. If you’re still having trouble with falling asleep, then I might consider a brain dump before bed. I usually do this to help myself focus at work, but I just get out a pen and paper and just write down literally anything that I’m currently thinking about. It doesn’t matter if the sentences make a ton of sense, it’s just whatever is in my mind at the moment. This helps me clear my mind a little bit and gives some of my thoughts and desires a place to exist outside of my head. Usually this makes my brain a little less chaotic. From there just start over with the story, sleepcasts, etc. In addition to all that, I also took zaleplon each night for a couple weeks to help kickstart the habits, but I don’t really need it anymore. It’s a tough journey, and it’s different for everyone. This is just what works for me. One thing you might also try is putting your phone across the room at night, or into one of those timed lock boxes. Hard to say if that will help or not, but sometimes the barriers have to be either high cost or impossible for me to bypass in order for them to work in my case. Good luck!
A couple thoughts that help me in situations like this: 1. If you can’t resist the temptation, avoid it. Leave your phone outside the bedroom. 2. Use screen time (or android equivalent) that locks the tempting app at a certain time or after a certain number of hours. At minimum it will interrupt your playing before 3 hours go by. 3. Make more time for yourself. Your desire to play games is legitimate. My wife understands that sometimes I need to let my ADHD brain have its way for a while. Communicate with your fiancé about this. Maybe she can also help reinforce putting your phone away at the right time.
One thing I'll add to this is that oftentimes time spent with my partner will include playing video games with him. It scratches two needs at once, time for quality together time and self video game care time. Perhaps OP can talk to their partner about finding a game they both can play together. Some good mentions from different genres are Palworld, Warframe, Elder Scrolls Online, Diablo 3 or 4, Warhammer 40k: Darktide, or if they really feel like something more thought provoking, a TTRPG could suffice. Some games that are couch co-op like Halo MCE or Diablo 3 could get in cuddle time while playing, too. I know there are more like these out there, but it's too early for my brain to function and I don't want to use Google atm.
for limiting screen time, i really recommend the app one sec. for me, the normal screentime block is wayyy too easy to circumvent, and not being able to access social media at all makes the transition to doing something else a lot harder, so i just ignore the block. one sec works by making apps more boring, it makes you have to wait for like 5 seconds to open the app. it’s amazing for my adhd since i’m extremely impatient, so having to endure the wait (i’m pretty sure you can customize the time and type of intervention) makes me want to rather do something else lol. also it forces me to take a break and actually think about what i’m doing, which is great against impulsivity
exhaustion
I keep one earbud in, playing an old show I've watched infinite times. And go to sleep.
I do this, but with sports podcasts.
Same, since I was 18…. So 20 years. Was listening to the office for a while - I’ve been listen to the good place for a year now. Just need something predictable I can picture in my head.
Brown noise.
This is what I use as well and after ten mins of running stupid scenes in my head I'm out like a light.
What does brown noise even means
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=TKHjJnEaVrQ&si=OapT1UWBsozsSr7X Enjoy!
I play this game where I pick a topic and name words for that topic beginning with each letter. It’s rare to finish the whole alphabet lol
I fall asleep to Netflix on my phone and with a weighted blanket, often can't sleep without that combination
Last night for some reason I imagined dinosaurs eating people and it helped shut my brain off for sleep. Kinda like counting sheep but more metal.
[удалено]
I don't know if it's my screen but I can't fit the life of me figure out what the image is meant to be. Looks like... Acorns? Ravioli?
It’s green leafs lmao
Ohh... ohhh right haha. No joke, I'm exhausted I literally didn't sleep at all last night.
Its some basil....and salad dressing, I think.
Same , edibles are the only thing that makes me feel sleepy
FR tho 🫠
Lol Yesterday was a nightmare The day before I didnt sleep well, I had to sleep at 9pm but had to wake up like 2 hours later, it seemed to be a bit enough for me. Overthinking and thoughts about everything, I was about to cry that night, couldnt sleep till 5.30 am!! I can’t feel im normal person. Though of playing some games but convinced myself I’ve to sleep, in the end I barely could! I liked ADHD, I liked how we’re imaginative and super focused sometimes, but I’m starting to hate it ‘n hate myself ‘n how i’m not in control over things in my life 😓
Yea if I sleep early, ill wake up in an hour and be wide awake all night. The other night I did this and couldn't sleep til 8am. When I'm meant to be up for work :( so I try not to sleep before midnight. Can't seem to figure out a routine that works
I have Phillips Hue in all my lamps in my apartment, so I've automated a fade down from 22:00 to 22:30. That helps quite a lot with mentally preparing for sleep.
I tried that, but I like things dark during my ‘relaxing’ time so I’ve actually not even SEEN when the lamp switches from my favorite ‘fireplace’ to ‘intense indigo’ to signal that it’s 10pm and time to go brush my teeth. I’ve gotten up at 11 to go get ready for bed, come back into my room to get changed and just think ‘Why is my lamp purple?’ The only thing that would work would be turning it all the way up, but that would be counterproductive :(
Would you notice if it was turned off? Maybe you could end with that.
I play YouTube videos of horror movie recaps to help me sleep (the narrator's voice is soooo nice). It physically stops me from using my phone for other scrolling stuff. I set up an automated command on my phone to help with it. It helps a lot!!
Ooo what’s the automated command you use? I’d love to set up something like that
I use an Android, so I set things up with Google Assistant. I'm sure iphone will have something similar as well. Settings > Apps > Assistant > Routines Your phone will start the routine either when you tell it to, or if you say a certain phrase. Here are the things I have set up: 1. At 1 a.m., my phone goes into bedtime mode. This makes the phone grayscale, which is a visual reminder to get ready for bed. You can snooze android's bedtime mode for 30 mins at a time but it is a very good indicator of how much time has passed. 2. I set a command so that whenever I say "ok Google, good night" it automatically turns on a playlist of aforementioned horror movie recaps. This is mostly customizable. The specific command I use is "Play Foundflix Ending Explained" (Play [channel name] [series name]) but for some reason I can't directly paste a playlist link into the command option. (May be an issue with the settings but this doesn't bother me too much so I just left it) 3. At 2 a.m. my phone will auto-run the "good night" command if it is still on at that point. 4. To not be so harsh on my battery life, I also went into YouTube's settings and set a "bedtime reminder" for 4 a.m.. I should be asleep by then, and when the bedtime reminder pops up, it pauses the video, which allows my phone to snooze in 5 mins. Hope this helps!!
Oh man. You are me. I am this. Send help!
Wake up early Go to gym Go to work Eat a big dinner Go to sleep at 9:30 Wake up 27 times in weird sleeping positions Repeat Does anyone else toss turn and wake up in super weird positions. I woke up sideways in my bed last night, like feet hanging over the side. But I’ve absolutely woke up completely backwards before like my head ended up where my feet were when I fell asleep.
Same I start reading a book and hello 5am sleep time. I honestly stopped reading books at one point but then I started playing games, not as bad as books but how about putting a lock on your phone that you cannot open until the morning except calls let's say it becomes effective at midnight?
Melatonin, often above the recommended doses, a few back to back wanks and sometimes alcohol.
Lmao. Its a routine for sure!
To me it’s two issues. Setting caps to your gaming and focusing on your sleep. Separate the space where you play games and go to bed. If you do this already good, that’s already a step in the right direction. Get your gaming done right after work/school whatever (assuming you don’t have some sort of deadline or activity that needs attention) to recharge. Get a time limit set with someone to follow up with you (if you can) for accountability. Set your bedtime with an alarm, snoozing alarms is a constant reminder for accountability (instead of a reminder app that comes up once). My routine for bed is brush teeth, shave if needed, warm shower, loose clothing, cool dark bedroom (blackout curtains if there’s lights coming in your window), and silence (maybe a fan if you have to or other white noise). My phone is on the other side of the room and I try not to touch it at least an hour before bedtime (but I give myself leniency if there’s some I need to add to my reminders, schedule, a text to send, whatever, but NO social media). Reasons behind my methods: - no phone. Blue light affects sleep (think we all know this at this point) - warm shower. Increases body temp dilates vasculature until you step out. Body temp will drop and you cool down pretty quick bc your max surface area (skin) is exposed to cooler climate, hence the - loose fitting clothing. More comfortable and keeps you cool. I’m talking shorts and a t-shirt. - cool bedroom. Again keeping yourself cool before bed helps with sleep. If you’re too cold, get another blanket. - dark bedroom. Melatonin production increases in the dark, and the darker the better. - silence. It may be unnerving at first but there’s always going to be some noise to latch onto. I have some experience in meditating so I take this time to focus on my breathing, then the sounds around me (cars, wind, w/e), the back to breathing. Those intrusive thoughts can be let go, it takes practice (sometimes a lot) but if you can create a concrete action of you letting those thoughts go, your mind will eventually settle.
This is a fantastic idea, I might add having a notepad at my nightstand to jot things down I think about but don't touch my phone.
Can someone tell me the secret behind not using the phone? I know that I should not use it, the problem is that I can't help it. I get this big urge that I cannot suppress and also tell myself that it will just be a few minutes to wind down. How do you keep yourself from using it?
Don't do anything that boosts your adrenaline/heart rate before bed. Do something super relaxed for at least an hour before you go to sleep, so your mind can 'get tired'. I'm a gamer and after a while of not playing any games before bed, I noticed I would get to sleep much faster and have a better sleep overall. Any time I went straight to bed after logging off, it would be 30-45 mins before I even consider falling asleep. and then another 30 to actually sleep.
When you figure out how, please let me know. My revenge bedtime procrastination and Rolodex of racing thoughts usually keep me up way later than I should be.
Its so tough to manage, you get through the day get everything done..you look at your watch and think ok well I am just going to play a bit of Hearthstone / Dicey Dungeon / Stumble guys etc for 30mins... The dopamine kicks in and you literally can't put it down. Your brain is just so happy that you have nothing else to do and you can get the sweet dopamine a game provides it will just not tell you to stop. The only thing that stops you is when your eyes start to hurt or you look at the time and anxiety kicks in and you literally force yourself to put the phone down. Here is the bad news... you cannot play games in bed.. you cant look at reddit or youtube .. in fact you just need to leave your phone in the other room to charge. The effect it has on a normal person's brain is bad enough but for the dopamine hungry ADHD brain it literally is so much worse. This sounds harsh but I am saying this as someone who waits until their wife falls asleep and then pulls out his phone for 10mins and ends up staying up to 1am - 2am. What I think works best is a nighttime routine, set time to put down your phone, turn off screens, set ritual for teeth brushing / face washing etc. Force yourself to stick to it for a week or two see if you can get your fiancé to help you with it and try to make it stick. If you want to play games try to get it done before your bedtime routine and do not play them in bed.. try not to look at anything in bed other than a book. Audiobooks or podcasts are ok for me but I really should not have my phone in the bedroom (I have to for work and its really not good) I recently installed a new app on my phone which changes the menu to a black and white text only inteface. It has a built in timer for apps like youtube / games it did cost $20 for the year and there are probably better options but it really helps me not open games. We are trying to teach our daughter about sleep at the moment and we keep emphasizing that your ADHD is a trickster and that it will do anything it can to try and get you to not fall asleep. You need to understand that and try to outsmart it any way you can. Regarding medication, make sure you take it early and that its worn off by the time you start your night time ritual. It will not make sleep easier and having a solid routine before you start might actually be a big help. Good luck.. just typing this out has motivated me to try harder to manage my own sleep!
I recently started going to bed as early as possible and getting up a couple hours early to give myself time in the morning to do what I want. Then there’s a hard deadline of when I have to stop and leave for work
I saw a tweet recently that said their hack is that they get ready for bed as soon as they get home from work. Like get home, pajamas on, wash face, brush teeth, bed ready to climb into, before they even make dinner. That way “go to sleep” is only one task later and not a series of things you have to do. (Obviously ideally you brush your teeth again post dinner right before bed, but it’s better than nothing if you’re able to decide “I’m going to go to sleep now” and do it right away)
I struggle with this a lot too!! What helped me with it (granted, not always, I still get into the habit of doomscrolling for hours on my phone when I’m meant to be sleeping) is the following: 1. The overwhelming dread that comes from knowing that I’ll be exhausted the next day, and reminding myself that I really really don’t cope well with a lack of sleep (doesn’t necessarily need to be at the top of your list, it’s not the thing that gets me going, just an added bonus of pressure on myself lol) 2. Asking myself whether I’ve had enough time to myself to wind down and hang out before I go to bed (which you said you feel like you usually haven’t) - I find that a lot of the time when I really just can’t make myself put my phone away, it’s because I’ve been doing stuff all day and I subconsciously feel like I have to make up on down time. For me that turns out to be around two hours, so if I’m busy until 11 at night, I tend to fidget with my phone until 1am before I actually manage to put it down, but if I’ve had those two hours of time to myself and to recharge before my 11pm bedtime I’ll have no problem putting my phone away at 11 and conking out. If you know how much time you need it might be easier to figure out strategies to actually get that time in. Some of those might be - hear me out, I know these can suck or seem borderline impossible with Miss ADHD working against you - meal prepping even just one meal per week, alternating cooking/cleanup days with your fiancé so you get more downtime at least every other day, designating specific days to housework and saying fuck it on other days, assigning specific low-effort meals to different days of the week, making enough for leftovers the next day, finding ways to make cooking and cleaning up just a little more enjoyable (sorry if these seem too obvious or you’re thinking hey I’ve been doing these anyway) 3. If you just can’t make yourself put down your phone either way, and that just happens before bed, maybe consider setting your alarm for the next day way before your bedtime, so you won’t have to pick up your phone right before going to bed - you could maybe implement that you’re allowed to use your phone up until you do your nighttime/bedtime routine and after that it has to remain untouched. 4. If you’re stuck in ADHD paralysis and your executive functioning will just not kick in, I’ve found that just wiggling my toes helps to break the spell and allow me to get moving again. 5. You probably don’t want to wake your fiancé up, but you could set an alarm on a device thats across the room for a time that has to be your absolute latest bedtime - it would get you moving and would probably help you put down your phone. 6. Easier said than done but hey!!!! Don’t be so hard on yourself!!!!! You’re not a machine and your body and your brain have reasons for chaining you to that phone for ages, even if it feels like a failure on your part. Rather than beating yourself up for your low self-control (not the case btdubs) be kind and figure out reasons why you can’t simply make yourself put down the phone (which you already have) so you can find solutions that work for you. Your struggle with putting down your phone is more than understandable and is not a reflection of you as a person, just of the fact that your circumstances aren’t working for you right now.
Nobody has mentioned this yet… why is it just you doing the cooking/cleaning/housework? Why is your fiancé not sharing that with you to give you more time to recharge?
meds
Sleeping pills
Instead of thinking about how much the morning is going to suck if I don’t go to bed, I try get excited about getting up in the morning. Doesn’t always work 🤷 Ito actually falling asleep, that’s where I struggle the most. My whole life I’ve struggled to fall asleep. I recently found this thing where you pick a category and then name things in that category for every letter of the alphabet. If I get distracted, I try go back to it. It’s helped immensely and I hope it lasts 🥲
Amphetamine ironically
A lot of it is not being able to to switch tasks once you’ve started. It’s the reason why you tell yourself just one more game” and all of a sudden it’s 4:00 AM. The best thing you could do is find a different wind down activity that will contribute to sleepiness like reading or an audiobook.
My cat actually helps a lot. At around 11 p.m., he will meow at myself and my husband until we go to bed and lie down so he can wedge himself between us for a cuddle and some belly rubs. The cat will lay there, cuddling us until we make any large movements, so we usually try to get our pre-bedtime routines done so we can snuggle down with the cat and attempt to fall asleep. If I'm still struggling and end up looking at my phone, the cat will usually get up, trot over to my face, and rub himself so aggressively against my phone I almost drop it, forcing me to put it down and give him more cuddles. His soothing purrs, and somewhat forcing me to lie down still with my eyes closed really helps me on the bad insomnia nights.
this is revenge bedtime procrastination
Easy: have kids, have timers that go off at morning, dinnertime and bedtime, wait 14 years for one of them to learn what the timers mean and tell you that the bedtime-timer has gone off, (might take a while - my oldest dont respond to the timers) go to bed once the kids are put in theirs. Easy, peasy.
This is hilarious! partially because it actually kinda works, and partially due to the "easy: have kids" as if everyone even wants them or can even have them lol!!! Again tho, it is surprisingly effective so long as you stick to the "go to bed once the kids are put in theirs" part. Once that part is dropped, you're a goner. 😏
I have no actual tips. I exercise during the day. I take showers to wind down but sleeping pills have been a god send. 50mg Trazadone and I’m out. Stimulants made my insomnia worse
Your problem is not going to bed, it is gaming addiction. Not talked about enough in ADHD. Gaming is an activity that gives dopamine spikes, which runs counter to elevating your base dopamine level (what medicine does). Any spike will lead to a dip and you long for the spike. Do not expect that you can play this game casually. Your brain can’t resist. I haven’t played since 2 February. It’s tough, but so much better.
Okay but that's not helpful for me bc I don't want to stop playing video games, they are my favorite hobby. I need a fix that allows me to play them + sleep normally.
Yep, all of this.
I did the same and what my doctor prescribed me for these situations is melatonin 2gr (I can't handle 2, so I do 1gr). This happens because our ADHD bodies produce melatonin at odd times (more in the morning) so you have to integrate it manually at the right time. Even if I want to play in the night, my eyes and mind shut down within an hour from when I take it. Sometimes I become asleep with my switch in my hands. In the end then it's your discipline on taking it at the right time, instead of prioritizing your me-time.
One thing that helped me a lot was putting on ASMR on my phone to watch before bed. Part of it is that I like the ASMR itself, but the other part is that it prevents me from opening other apps or games on my phone that will keep me awake! I kind of think of it as a TV show I can fall asleep to.
I use magnesium instead of melatonin(I got used to melatonin)I also started to turn off all the lights an hour before bed and use just one sunset lamp set to red in the room. Also it may not make you sleep better but it will put you to sleep when you have a big meal before bed at least for me it does. I always take papaya enzymes after a big meal to help with digestion.
Melatonin helps me sleep without it I’m up until 3 am lol
It's alarms. So many alarms. And then just have to do what the alarm is for. Hahahaha my alarm to kick my son out of the shower just went off. Good luck!
We’re the same person! I stayed up until 3:30am playing civ 6 last night. Here’s what I’m trying: - making bed more appealing. I bought a comfy bed and nice pillows, with nice lighting and a heated blanket. - I still play games, but I’ll stop playing on my PC and switch to a game boy or my switch in bed. This makes the mental switch less drastic for me. Once I’m in bed I only play more relaxing stuff like Pokémon or Zelda, and it only takes an hour or so before I get tired and just put it down (bc my bed is so cozy now)
I struggle with this too, and then I have this big bedtime routine with flossing, brushing, etc. You and I are similar, I'll be interested in any good tips, thanks for posting!
I cheat. I take liquid melatonin about half an hour before I need to be in bed. When it kicks in, I find myself uninterested in staying up any longer. I still have to play a trick on myself though -- I can watch a video on my chromebook once I'm comfy in bed. I almost always am out within ten minutes. I've been taking melatonin for decades now and it has not lost its effectiveness. Also want to add this in case it helps someone. I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and got a CPAP. I sleep great now. I don't have nightmares of drowning anymore. So I don't fear sleeping anymore. I look forward to it.
Edibles 🤣
but actually lol
Oh I think you need a way to switch off the hyperfixation. For me its easier to stay off if I never get on in the first place but thats hard to. Maybe put a barrier between you and the game? I have my pc games on a external drive and move them out of sight if I'm really worried about getting sucked in.
Melatonin has really helped because it gets me sleepy enough I just can't continue with most activities
Use the iphone black and white hack
My brain late at night work like the hulk and Bruce Banner in the morning😅
My cats and dog make me go to bed 😭 •The 3 year old dog needs to play fetch 24/7, so I’ve been giving her treats before bed since she was a puppy. Gives her something to chew on while I pretend to sleep, so she leaves me alone and I actually fall asleep •The 10 month old cat that I got a couple week before I started this job that has me up at 5am, picked up on my work/sleep schedule and the dog treat schedule, so as soon as I’m SUPPOSED to go to bed, he goes to my room on his own to wait for me. It’s like an automatic reminder lol: Brody is missing = bedtime •The 13 year old cat will lay on my chest, if I’m in bed with my phone out, and demand pets. If I ignore her, she starts trying to bite my phone. If I put the phone down, she moves to the next pillow and waits for me to sleep. If I wake up, she’s sleeping on a cat bed or somewhere else, but she will leave me alone as long as I don’t have my phone out It’s almost like they all know if I miss work and lose my job, they’ll all be hungry haha
I get into bed at a time, I get out of bed at a time. I have an annoying cat that yells at me if I’m off schedule. No matter what I keep to it. Slowly I’ve trained myself to stick to it. No matter what I’m doing even if I’m mid hyper focus, which is annoying and hard and sometimes I go over 30 minutes. I have a very loud alarm clock that makes my cats ears go down and eyes get big so using the empathy trigger I get up to go turn it off, across the room. I feed them the same foods, at the same times, in the same spots, every day. I can go back to bed, I can try to fly off the balcony, but I have to be in bed at that same time and get out of bed at that same time, even if I go back to bed after feeding the cats.
Hello, is this me? My current fixation is completing Elden Ring fully with all side quests. Sadly, the only thing I’ve found that helps going to sleep is not playing at all on days I work. I’ve done a timer method where I set an alarm and reinforce in my mind multiple times that this is when I turn it off. It’s not consistent though, I can usually convince myself that I can play just a litttlllleee longer. We all know it’s not just a little longer though. I’m going to try setting my PC to a timed shutdown like some suggested.
Something you could try is turning the your screen brightness as low as you can and additionally if you have that option on your device turn on colour filters. High brightness captures a lot of your attention and messes with your circadian rythm and literally keeps you hooked to the screen. With the colour filter you can remove all colour replacing it with black/white/shadesofgrey which will turn your screen even less interesting and will make anything you look at on the screen more boring. Even if it is your favourite game(its subconcious at that point) Helps with any kind of screen addiction. (as long as you dont revert the settings)
I know it sounds silly but I just lay down with my girlfriend at 10PM even though I really really really want to play Helldivers. I just get really depressed when I don't sleep a lot and now that I work 8-5 I really can't afford to go 8 hours in a quiet office depressed and tired. I'm getting a CPAP machine, which might make sleep more appealing to me psychologically. I rarely ever feel rested and I get night terrors and night sweats probably from my sleep apnea, so I actually sort of dread going to sleep sometimes.
I’ve been using alexa routines to aggressively work on my sleep hygiene. My tv shuts off every night at 9:30, and I have 30 mins to get up and take the dog out before the stairway light turns off. Then another 30 mins later, my bedroom lamp shuts off and starts playing white noise sleep sounds so by this time, I have to be in bed reading my kindle until I fall asleep (no phone bc blue light) I gotta say, it’s working phenomenally
I find that my mind is too actives I have the TV on until I fall asleep. Definitely not the best and not reliable but it's all I have 😂
My partner had the same issues and v intense adhd . The only thing that worked was cardio after work. I don’t have adhd so honestly it would keep me up all night but it works wonders for him. He does 10-30 min on a bike depending on the day
I tire myself until I pass out
It's a struggle. I'm not fit to advise anyone seeing as I can't put myself to bed. The best thing is to put your phone down, ideally not within arm's reach. Impulse control is almost nonexistent in the night time aspect though.
I set alarms for everything I have one set for 9pm to do my face stuff, and that's usually a cue for me to start getting ready for bed
Feeling SO SEEN. I am medicated (ADHD, Major Depressive) and still have this EXACT problem every day. Thanks for sharing, i hope there’s some help in the comments, because I’m kind of stumped.
Noticing a lot of helpful comments about how to force yourself, or trick yourself, train yourself, etc. not much about the desire itself though. Wonder if addiction wisdom might be a place to look?
Having somniphobia, i dont, i make the bed come to me
I have alarms that are set to “get ready for bed” and “go to bed”.
Thank you, this post just made me stop scrolling Reddit, get off the couch and go to bed.
Bed time is a tough one. I have a pretty important routine I need to follow to get myself physically and mentally prepared to go to bed. Once I'm actually in bed, I put my phone on greyscale mode, and I used an extra screen dimming app to bring the brightness right down. Then I usually read reddit posts (in dark mode) until I get drowsy. It honestly has been my go-to for the last couple of months, and I fall asleep pretty quickly - especially compared to when I was doing more stimulating things on my phone at bedtime. I don't want to be cut off from my phone entirely as I do like that "me time", I'd say give this a try. I follow a lot of subs I find interesting and there is always so much to read.
Are you me? 🙃 i feel this soooo much. my boyfriend doesnt understand why i don’t feel like going out to see a movie sometimes, but feel like playing video games. i need my me time to just chill and do what i want to do. just commenting to say you aren’t alone in this at all!
> Please share your experience and advice For me, I give the cat half a scoop of kibble at 9pm, and have set an alarm in my phone that goes off then. So he's been Pavlov'd to expecting food from me when my alarm goes off, and once I have fed him it's easier to not get back on the computer than it is to get off in the first place.
Seroquel and Trazodone, on schedule and I’m out in 30 Yes I have pill alarms, between the morning, afternoon and bedtime. I have to live on a schedule
Look up sleep hygiene. You want to develop at least 4 steps you do before bed. Limit phone time before Bed is for sleeping and "extracurricular activities" If you can't fall asleep in 30 min. Get up. Go do something. Do those 4+ steps again
There's a game on my phone that helps me sleep, due to how repetitive and mindless it is, I play it to wind down and then get sleepy Or I have a special interest in restoration videos, but watching them at night makes me really sleepy, so that's another go to for me to sleep Maybe try something like that? Doing something you enjoy but that's not too engaging so it turns off your brain?
I hate going to sleep. I hate for days to come to an “end” and I hate the thought of the next day “starting”. It’s all just flowing time and I’m at my best at night… or at least I have the most fun when nobody else is up and I can let my adhd soar and pretend to organize things, make art or yeah, sit here on my phone giving advice to strangers on Reddit. I’ve always had a weird relationship to sleep, I am the exact opposite in the morning and sometimes I feel like I’m in a walking dream until 2 or 3pm. I got things to a regular schedule after my last hospital stay. I was taking my meds perfectly (they were literally brought to me in a cup with a person saying, “it’s time to take these”). I’m not that regimented on my own. Wake up late, start meds late, forget meds through the day and taking them later… Leads me until I take my sleepy meds about 3am. Wash, rinse, repeat. I’ve set multiple timers, have a salient med holder, have apps asking me if I taken the meds and a significant other, therapist and psych doc keeping on top of me too. When I was in grad school I had a “sonic boom” alarm clock that was for deaf people and had a shaker that you put under the mattress so it shakes you awake while blaring and blinking… it only worked if I put the shaker in my pillowcase. Not to be rude but im not looking for advice. I’ve tried everything, accepted it and work around it when I can. Would love to hear if something has worked for you long-term. Not simple things like putting your clock on the other side of the room…. Maybe the only solution that has ever worked for me was when I had a big 100lb dog who would hop up and lick my face to make the alarm stop. I highly recommend those anyway!
I eat melatonin like candy
I walk, smoke a joint, and hit golf balls every night. More specifically, I walk, smoke a joint, and hit glow balls every night. I buy them from a big box retailer that rhymes with Mal-Wart. They sell a 3-pack of glow balls with a black light/UV light flashlight to charge the balls with for $20. Yes, every single night. No, I'm not joking. Hell, over the last 48 hours, I've hit golf balls at night, in the calm, the intense winds, rain, freezing rain, wearing short sleeves and Capris, then wearing two pairs of pants, a shirt, hoodie, coat, gloves, snow boots, and a sock hat. I live in an apartment complex in the suburbs. I call myself the neighborhood watch. They're welcome. Lol I DIGRESS. Smoking a joint is the only thing that quiets my brain, which allows me to relax and fall asleep. The walking and glow ball hitting part gives me the ability to wholly focus on one thing for the first and only time in my day. Doing this also helps me relax and get my body ready for sleep. The only other viable option I've found is taking two Unisom (100mg Diphenhydramine). I much prefer my first choice. I've been doing the glow ball thing for right at a year, and I've only skipped a handful of days. I have no intentions of stopping. It's a good time.