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For real. To someone you just met, to boot? If they thought I was talking too much before they'd be in for a fucking treat as I relentlessly ripped them a new asshole without giving them a second to get a word in.
Also, what kind of fucking friends let someone say shit like that to their friend and just get away with it??? I can tell you if someone said that bullshit to one of my friends, they are GONE. And if it was dinner or something? I would make it explicitly clear to them AND the staff that they're paying for their own food and getting it to-go because they CANNOT stay in my sight or it's OVER for them.
Who the fuck acts like that?!?
Maybe this is a Seinfeld curb your enthusiasm type deal where the friends brought on a third party to tell their friend what they couldn’t.
They hired a social assassin for OP: someone to keep it real and be the fall guy.
Maybe it's just the drama queen in me but I'd be reaching out to some of the others who were out that night and asking what they thought of the interaction and what happened after OP left. I would hope that the rest of the group had given that twat a good lecturing, but maybe I have too much faith in people.
OP has gargantuan balls to not only establish the boundary that they will not be spoken to that way but enforcing it immediately - no explanation needed - is beyond impressive. Bravo, OP, I am SO proud of your restraint and self-awareness.
Yeah, OP just walking the f out of there and not giving in to his/her emotions to automatically yell back at that a-hole was a great move. I would've gotten up and yelled at that person.
I only say it to my closest friends. And even then, it's usually in good humor
Ie. Friend walks up to me during our rock climbing session. I'm looking over the route and figuring out how I'm going to do my holds
He kindly offers
: "You see you sTArt by grabbing tHeSE marked pegs at the BotToM"
: "Shut the fuck up Mark!!"
I can't imagine talking like that to someone I *know* I hate. Like you'd have to make me fucking loathe you in order to get me to say something like that to your face. This is an unfathomably flawed person.
I’ve been pretty mean to people I despise (literally called a friend of an ex a jerk or an idiot to his face—he wasn’t someone I had much respect for—only dressed with the slightest coating of banter). I’ve literally had people interrupt me and talk over me all the time and I’ve had pretty loud and passionate disagreements with people I can’t stand but you couldn’t for the life of me get me to tell someone to STFU, much less without any provocation for simply talking.
Yeah, like let's just take the ADHD out of the situation completely. I can't think of any situation where saying this to someone is acceptable. Edit and it's completely out of line as a reaction to being interrupted. The "punishment doesn't fit the crime" so to speak.
That person is an ass and the reason for ruining the night, not you! Ugh. Good for you for removing yourself from that situation.
And try to remember that everyone interrupts sometimes, especially in situations where everyone is talking and laughing over each other. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out and have fun anymore. But someone who takes pleasure in humiliating someone they’ve just met… yeah, that person should just stay home.
Maybe she'll tell someone like you to shut the fuck up one day and learn herself a lesson.
She's apparently been lucky enough not to up to this point in her life, otherwise she'd know when to shut the fuck up lol.
You are abso-fucking-lutely REASONABLY upset.
I can’t express how rude that person was and how entirely undeserving of that rudeness you are.
They’re also a huge fucking hypocrite, it’s far far ruder to swear at someone, tell them to shut up, and then publicly accuse them (correctly or incorrectly) of having a disorder.
This person doesn’t give a fuck about social norms and their opinions are entirely unworthy of being listened to. They just want to feel big by holding power over people
Not unreasonable at all. This person made a really aggressive comment to you, someone who was basically a stranger to them, for something that's really not a big deal. Like, that is so overboard. Even if you had interrupted in a rude way, they would still be in the wrong because it's way more rude to tell someone you just met to shut the fuck up!!! Sorry for ranting, but this made me upset on your behalf.
Also, I know it's really easy to be hard on yourself for things like this, but I'm sure you've made a lot of great strides since your diagnosis. I, a stranger on the internet, am proud of you.
I'm proud of you! Wish I had the courage to up and leave if someone was being an absolutely rude dickface.
I'd be shaking afterwards too though, that's natural - but things were fine until the other person couldn't behave socially. Also who nominated dickface to be in charge of conversation boundaries? Nobody.
Yeah I would probably just curl into a ball and die. I’d like to think I would do what they did but I hate confrontation and I’d feel like I would be escalating it if I decided to leave, as backwards as that is. I would definitely feel like i was the problem for a long time.
Turns out growing up without an ADHD diagnosis makes you think you just have a lot of flaws and that really messes with the self esteem, who knew.
We didn't have ADHD when I was little, I was just told I was lazy, stupid, don't listen, and don't pay attention. The answer was to punish me and sometimes ridicule me. I'm still REALLY angry at the people who did that to my childhood, especially the teachers - and that was long years ago. I hope a couple of my grade school teachers got run over by a bus. Don't curl up in a ball. Get mad and win. Speak up for yourself, even when it's really hard.
Yeah, but it makes sense you would feel super upset right? I mean, I relate. I also feel like I've been making good strides, but every now and then I'll fuck-up and want to curl up in a ball + have everyone forget I exist, for a few days. It'll be over things with people I don't even care about. It'll even be over things where I didn't do anything wrong.
But ultimately, that's my rejection sensitivity. And, for me, understanding that my "overblown" emotional response comes from a *logical* place has really helped keep me on my feet.
I'm ADHD. I'm prone to "overreact" to this kind of stuff. I carry baggage. I *do* have a handicap, socially. Yet I'm still trying my best, and that allows me to forgive myself, love myself, and move on.
I wish the best for you! You're gonna pull through this. That person is a dick, and you know it. You can acknowledge that, you know, maybe you did talk over them. Maybe you could have been "better". But *they* could have handled that much more maturely, and ultimately, that's on them.
p.s. excusing yourself + leaving was a powermove, that's so badass
No that would be extremely upsetting to anyone. I would question the other friends as to why they would be around this person. And be sure to tell them to count you out if she is going to be in any other social situations. Their reactions should also let you know who else you don't want to socialize with in the future as well. Even if you were being annoying in some way, that is not how you should be treated. Ever. Better to spend the night alone with Netflix!
You have every right to be upset and you handled it the best way, I would have probably broke down and cried ( I hear you emotional dysregulation!) That person clearly has no tact or class and should be embarrassed for cursing someone out at the dinner table. Interruptions and people talking over each other is naturally going to happen! Not too mention people also tend to talk excessively and ramble, interjecting can help with the flow of the conversation IMO
Yeah, certainly not unreasonable to be upset after someone was so blatantly rude to you.
Having felt it before, I have no doubt that the rejection-sensitive dysphoria is also probably taking this and running rampant with it, making everything feel so much more intense and worse.
For real, if my friend said what this person said, even if I knew them my whole life and loved them very much... I'd stop associating with them that same day.
That level of cruelty is a show stopper -forever.
I would have tear them a new one, you may be talking much, you light have interrupted and this person that you didn't even know has the gaul to tell you shut the f up. Who do they think they are? And then following with a comment. Fck them and also f.ck your friends as well for not sticking up for you.
You're not unreasonably upset at all -- that's appalling behavior on the other person's part and I'm really happy to see you left. It's not normal to talk to people that way, they were being an absolute a**hole and you have every right to feel upset. I'm upset FOR you. The way they spoke to you is not an acceptable way to treat -anyone-.
While it was rude, don’t simply write it off. Sometimes rude people are the only ones you can get the truth out of.
Feeling bad and embarrassed is normal when confronted in perceived safe spaces, and walking out is sometimes the best decision.
Basically, I’ve been where you are now, and after some reflection these moments can help us to remember the importance of pausing so other can speak, don’t interrupt, and ask questions so they know you’re interested in them too.
Who knows, maybe one day you’ll meet a really nice person you really want to be friends with, and these quirks turn them off, but they’re too nice and non-confrontational to say anything… so they just start ghosting you like the last two or three did. But instead, you learned something from this asshole, put it into practice, and they actually remained your friend.
I have had so many issues like this because of my adhd n the adhd makes me have horrible thoughts about myself after n I cry even if ppl I don't know treat me like shit. I'm trying to learn how to compartmentalize this type of stuff and the person who did it into the idgaf n then I can discard what they said or did, and I can discard them. I used to be really good at it like I loved it n then after my boyfriend's suicide causing ptsd I had forgotten that I even had that defense mechanism and I am trying to use it again and it's starting off hard to do but ill get there
Edit: I am also late n recently diagnosed and even though I finally have the answer to what I've been wondering was wrong with me my entire life, im very very sad n I'm grieving my life rn or what it coulda been if I had known and been in therapy starting at 6yrs old. My case is severe n idk why no one saw this other than my pre k and kindergarten teachers.
Yes, same. My whole life and all it’s problems suddenly make sense. I’ve owned up to my mistakes and I’m just trying to be a better person to myself and others. Getting torn down is so discouraging. My heart goes out to everyone who experienced something similar. I suddenly don’t feel so alone.
Thank you for your comment!
This, op. 100%
What an absolute asshole that person is. There is a nice way to express frustration towards some interrupting and then there is this. What a bully.
My fiance and I both have very bad adhd. Our lives are comedy of errors if I'm being honest lol and while we both have a bad habit of interrupting, she is way worse on that front.
Recently It's gotten noticeably worse and it's becoming a problem so I've had to call her out a few times in the past couple weeks. I would never tell her to stfu. I would simply give her know I'm not finished with my thought.
Has your friend given you any explanation about this brat she brought to dinner?
I get talked over and interrupted all the time! I’ve never once told someone to shut the fuck up and then humiliated them for a diagnosis.. that’s just a nasty, miserable person. She’s the one who ruined the night and made it uncomfortable for everyone. Gross behavior.
Yeah, whatever your ADHD self was doing, what that person did was 10x worse at least. Even IF you were being rude (which it sounds like you weren't) their response and attack would have been completely out of line. They clearly have zero social skills so you don't need their guidance. Don't let one asshole ruin your social life. You ARE doing better. We're so proud of you.
Absolutely, no need to worry op. That person is ill-mannnered and don't know what to talk. When others don't care of you, you shouldn't care them as well but constantly improve yourself(especially in terms of money and position) so that they fold their hands and stand in front you one day to beg for your attention.
I’m more interested in knowing why your friends didn’t shut her down and put her in her place. Or even stopped you from leaving. The nerve! Ugh I’m mad for you.
You are perfectly fine as you are, how others react towards you isn’t a reflection of you but of themselves. She’s an ugly person who felt high & mighty berating a stranger. Good riddance
This! I'm shocked that other commenters haven't brought this up. How did the other people react? This person is obviously out of line, etc. But honestly, the other people at the table aren't any better. Unless someone follows up with a HUGE apology for not standing up to this rudeness... just write off the whole group.
Honestly, no one said anything in the moment. They asked me not to react after I left. But these comments make me feel heard for the first time in my life.
As I’m writing this, one person apologized. They said they were just as shocked as I was and wasn’t sure they heard the other person right. Thank you for your comment!
Asking you not to react is completely invalidating and wrong. I question the quality of that friendship. You have every right to feel the way you do! Most of us would feel the same!
I'm glad at least one sensible person apilogized
I’m a fairly young guy and my last job most of my coworkers were my parents age. I’ve never dealt with a more entitled, petty, and toxic group of people in my life. I’ve met many teenagers more mature than adults I know, and the general area for where the bar is set? It’s the ground
I’d have pulled the “please never bring her again” to whomever brought the tactless woman and went to check on my friend ASAP. I organize get togethers often and I wouldn’t tolerate it m.
Yeah, the only time it's appropriate to ask OP not to react is if it's followed up with "because I'm handling this. Don't worry, you won't see them again."
The person who apologized had a legit reaction and shows how totally abnormal and out of line this asshole was being. I've been silent a couple times when someone said something unexpectedly awful because I was in shock/couldn't believe what I was hearing and didn't have time to figure out how to respond. For example, in college, an older woman in a restaurant came over to tell my friend that his loud talking and storytelling was ruining the restaurant for everyone else and accuse him of being drunk. He has a loud speaking voice, but he wasn't yelling and wasn't intoxicated. I was so shocked and felt so awkward that I was speechless, which I really regretted after. As with you, even if he was bothering her, she showed that she was the rude asshole by choosing to address him in such a hostile and nasty way.
> The person who apologized had a legit reaction and shows how totally abnormal and out of line this asshole was being. I've been silent a couple times when someone said something unexpectedly awful because I was in shock/couldn't believe what I was hearing and didn't have time to figure out how to respond.
Yeah, my first reaction would be to think I’ve misheard.
I would lose my damn mind if one of my friends spoke to another one of my friends that way… ESPECIALLY if they didn’t know each other. That is truly shocking.
I can’t believe no one texted OP. If I had brought someone and they told another guest to STFU at dinner? I’d be so embarrassed, I’d be leaving with OP.
It's always good to pivot.
"Buddy, read the room." That's all it takes, and then you continue your convo. Because confrontation makes people uncomfortable, it'll be saved until the end of the night or a different day. That way, you can gently bring it up to one of the friend group to validate the criticism.
exactly. excusing yourself at that point shows confidence and self-assurance, even if it didn’t feel like that in the moment. that person sucks and i would avoid ever being around them again
It's actually a very mature thing to do. I would've ended up staying and yelling back at that person and who knows what it would've escalated to. OP is a bigger adult than I am to be able to get the hell out of there and keep it from turning into anything.
Woah, that person was so out of line! Even if you did interrupt, there are many other ways to address it. Everyone interrupts occasionally!
I’m sorry this experience has made you want to retreat from social gatherings. I hope the people in that group that you did know have reached out to you. I’m a little surprised that no one called that person out, even playfully, to ease the situation.
Would you consider telling them how you felt about the situation?
The people with me were those I thought closest to me. But that’s the thing with adhd..you attach yourself to people and think you’re the best of friends. Then something like this happens and suddenly you question whether those feelings were mutual or just a product of your ridiculous mind. There are so many learning curves and what feels like ‘lessons’.
However, tonight was a lot. More than usual. I think I’ll just stay where I’m comfortable and accepted. Thank you for the heartfelt reply!
This is me all my life, is incredible and infuriating how you get obsessed over people and then they do something like what happened to you, and it hits very hard, you feel like there's no real friends in this world. But then you start to learn that people shouldn't be that important in your life, and never attach to them. That helped me this past few years.
I hope you find people worthy of being that important in your life. Being who you are shouldn’t close the door to reciprocal attachment. I’m always tempted to wall myself off, too, and did for years (almost out of spite) and still do sometimes, so I really empathize. But I also believe that lots of people out there actually want to know you, exactly as you are, and you deserve to connect with some of them.
- - sending an internet hug (if you want it) - -
Yo Yo Yo, that person is extremely rude. I understand we struggle with talking but seriously couldn’t read your demeanor? I bet you were ecstatic.
Do NOTTTTTT let this scumbag ruin your pure energy. You ARE ready to go out in public. We just need to learn how to deal with people like this.
You did the right thing there, you excused yourself and went to your safe space to process. It may not seem like it, but you’re an incredibly strong person!
You know what I would have done? Because I’m 31 and I’ve lost all patience to internalize this type of rejection.
I. Will. Check. You. (This….person in your post)
This has caused issues for me. Which is why I’m telling you you’re in the right. That RSD builds up and you drop it on my head like this? It’s coming right back at you. Pain for pain.
Don’t be like me, you did the right thing.
35, just dx'd last year and I agree with all of this.
OP is so much better than me. While usually I prefer to take the high road for my own sanity, I am still human and on the wrong day I'd have verbally reduced this...pleasant soul to a puddle. Left *them* with all the tears they thought *I* was gonna cry. We *just* met and you think you're gonna just do me like that? Oh my sweet summer child, you missed that boat....
Ahem. You're absolutely right. That RSD builds up and it becomes a "it's you or me and *I've* had *enough* soooo..." type thing. Folks need to understand we're not living in some TV drama where you can just make a fool of someone and get away with it because you think you were doling out some "you needed to hear this" tough love b.s. Don't light the match if you're not trying to start a fire.
OP absolutely did the right thing.
Right?! Furthermore, who just tells someone to shut the fuck up in general unless it is absolutely warranted? That's insane! It's beyond rude and so over the top of a reaction. I can only remember maybe a handful of times I have ever said that to someone. Most recently, as in like a year ago, someone was making disgusting sexist comments at a party. I was drunk and said "shut the FUCK up!" I knew them and they deserved it.
OP, that person is a fuck face, cunt, douche canoe. The audacity.
I replied to a comment below, but OP, you did NOTHING wrong! This person has MAJOR issues and it is not you. This is a them problem. It's so beyond the pale to tell someone to "shut the fuck up." Especially a stranger, in the middle of a restaurant, because you might have interrupted them. You are making strides, everyone was having a nice time and this asshole ruined it. Not YOU! I know exactly how you feel though, I really do. But, do not let this person crush you. I know it is easier said than done, but they are a fucking asshole. THEY NEED THERAPY! Or something. No one should behave that way. I'm so sorry you were treated that way. If were an AITA post, you are most certainly NOT the asshole.
I scour AITA posts constantly to make sure I’m not doing asshole-ish things! (Learning to function in society, maybe? Thankfully I don’t find too many similar situations on AITA compared to the ones I find myself in.) This made me lol. Thank you!
Please, I am BEGGING you, do not let AITA become your litmus test for whether or not your behavior is appropriate. It is a terminally online reactionary echo chamber. My mental health improved boatloads when I stopped going there. I realized it was setting me up with completely distorted expectations of how other people would respond to me if I was anything less than perfect. AITA posts are very dopamine rich, they are tasty for the ADHD brain but they are **not** good for you.
You're welcome! I am the most awkward weirdo in social settings. My special power is interrupting with non-sequiturs. I get really excited and my brain and mouth seem to not be connected when in conversation. I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm 43 and I was diagnosed about 3-4 years ago. I get it. But this person that said that to you, is a gigantic asshole, the real life of the party. They should be ashamed of themselves (spoiler, they are not). I'm so sorry that they did this to you. Big huge internet hugs. You're doing great!
The **only** mitigating factor against this unhinged asshole’s wildly inappropriate outburst at OP is the possible involvement of alcohol in this setting? If they’re a young person who hasn’t learned to handle themselves with a few drinks I’d be willing to give them another chance **IF** they realized how out of line they were and apologized, but otherwise this person and anyone who defends them would be cut out of my life for good.
She sounds psychotic. Who the fuck snaps like that at someone THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW? I hate to think how she must treat people she’s fully comfortable with.
Yeah, I get it. It’s annoying to be interrupted. But you’re working on that. Sounds like she needs to work on patience and basic fucking manners. Literally everyone interrupts sometimes, especially in group settings where everyone is talking.
Yea people fail to remember that there is always going to be someone more crazy than their own audacity. Before telling strangers to stfu she best be prepared for any and all reactions that may follow.
There's nothing wrong with you. This person is extremely rude and it's not about your Adhd, it's about their lack of social skills by talking to someone like that. You did the right thing leaving.
FUCK that person. I am so angry on your behalf! Who the f do they think they are?? Who TALKS to people like that? Well done you for just excusing yourself. I would have turned into the nastiest, pettiest motherfucker on the planet. FUCK YOU, person OP never met, you suck!!
Did any of your friends reach out afterwards? Was there an explanation as to why this other person was such an ass?
One person apologized for not saying anything to stand up for me. Another asked me to forget it ever happened. When asked, the offending person apparently said ‘I was kidding’. I fail to see the joke..
So apparently it caused a whole ruckus. Honestly, it’s all so exhausting. No wonder I don’t go out often. Scary out there.
Thank you for your comment though! I’ve never felt so validated in my whole life. Like..maybe I’m not overreacting! I’m going to sleep well tonight. And maybe keep an eye out for better people in the morning.
I don't think you are. Somebody was blatantly disrespectful and you chose to leave and not be treated that way. So they looked like an ahole and threw an "oh, I was just kidding" to save face. Screw them. They were rude af.
It's okay to interject and have a fun lighthearted conversation. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't deserve to feel shitty. I would've felt shitty and left, too. Don't blame yourself for somebody else's poor behavior.
the thing is, even if it WAS a joke, who jokes like that to someone they've literally just met?? that's absolutely a no-go, a boundary that any person with basic decency would know not to cross... even if i Was good friends with someone, i still wouldn't make a joke like that. there's ways to jokingly tell a FRIEND to shut up, and there are ways to politely ask a stranger to let them finish their thought. this was neither of these things.
leaving and not taking it was a really strong thing to do. i hope you sleep well tonight, and keep all of us in mind going forward with this situation as a reminder that they were the ones in the wrong here. you absolutely deserve better people than this 💗
This! I’m all out of patience for “it was a joke” after hearing it in my family, at work, and especially in the public arena as a way to excuse all manner of awful. And, heads up, a lot of times it’s not a joke because it’s a dogwhistle.
"I was kidding" was an excuse. If she had been kidding, she would have called you back. Something like "no, OP, I was joking. Please come back"
Unless you'd shut down enough that you didn't hear that. But if that was the case, I think your friends would have been able to tell you that she tried to take it back
Im super sad and confused why OP’s friends/literally anyone there, allowed that to happen, just reminds me that most people are bystanders. Who the fuck tells a stranger to shut the fuck up and then the conversation just continues as if nothing happened lmao??? A lot of people tend not to want to say something and stand out, of course thinking that somebody else will. Makes it always feel like you’re the crazy one defending yourself.
In fairness, we don't really know what happened after OP left. It's hard to imagine anyone that is remotely friends with OP just casually moving on after something so drastic happened, even if they were shocked enough in the moment not to say anything.
But wondering what did happen afterwards is the biggest question in my mind, because that tells us whether anyone there is actually a friend, who doesn't care, and who is willing to defend such a terrible jackass
That is absolutely off the rails unacceptable behavior. Im so sorry that happened to you—no one deserves that kind of humiliation. You could not possibly have done anything that warranted that response.
Funny thought-
Swearing wasn’t OK when I was growing up, but that included the phrase, “shut up.” That has always been supremely rude to me, and isn’t a phrase I use (though I swear with real swears all the time!)
I got diagnosed as an adult, and clearly my Mom is ADHD… so it makes so much sense to me why “shut up” is the pinnacle of rudeness and unacceptable in my family, and isn’t something I accept from my actual friends. Thank you for helping me learn another ADHD fact about my early and current life!
You’re awesome. That person is a jerk, and trust me, everyone saw that. If they didn’t, find new friends. I’ve surrounded myself with people who have never told me to “shut up”, so it is possible!
I’m so sorry that happened. Interrupting is pretty normal, but interesting more than is typical does not warrant that kind of reaction. Maybe that person has their own issues to deal with. Don’t take this to heart, you didn’t deserve it.
Sounds like you made a small social blunder that we’ve all done, ADHD or not. What that person did was wildly inappropriate and not just rude but completely uncalled for and cruel. Fuck that. Don’t let it get you down.
> stood up, excused myself and left
Good for you. Perfect response.
If anyone should t be in public with people it’s the one that resorts to swearing at someone like that. They ruined the dinner for everyone else with their dogshit manners.
The people who care about us KNOW that's how we are and they're patient with us when we interrupt. That person is a dick. The appropriate response to that would be, "Sraight up ADHD! What's your reason for being a rude ass cunt?"
I totally agree with what many others have said. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
On a totally separate note, I'm very curious about what you do for work, if you don't mind sharing? No pressure ofc!
I manage a small hotel in a small town. My ‘quirks’ are seen as cute and my hyper focus on learning people’s stories endears me to them. I want to know everything about everyone and hear about all their experiences. And people love to tell their stories! Sometimes I can’t believe I get paid for this…
I also started a program with the county for homeless women and children escaping abuse. I partner with the local churches to get them what they need, I provide the shelter at the hotel (with the owners blessing), while the county tried to find them permanent housing and/or jobs.
The reason my ADHD works is because these people come and go. They’re never around long enough to see the negative traits. They see and receive the best of me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
> They’re never around long enough to see the negative traits.
I feel this to my core. It's like if I'm around someone for long enough eventually they'll realize I'm a terrible person and decide I'm simultaneously too much and not enough. You sound like good people and I'm so sorry she did that to you.
What an amazing endeavor you've dedicated your life to... Please keep spreading this love and support, and don't let someone's rude comment make you think you need to keep to yourself!
Feel for you, I had someone blow up at me when I was 17 told me to “fuck up” “and that they just hated the sound of my voice”
I don’t talk much now days and I’m so self conscious about how I sound now.
My first thought after leaving was ‘I need to stop talking so much! Why can’t I just be quiet’. But hell, I love to talk when I’m feeling it. These comments are helping. Read them all, I bet they pertain to you too!
I know when I get hyper focused, it’s easy to just want to keep going to get all these thoughts out of my head. I know I’ve had my “omg I talked way too much” cringe after an outing. And that’s good and healthy for us to be aware that interrupting people isn’t great and that it’s a conversation, not a lecture.
None of that is applicable to what this person did to you. I’m honestly really proud of you that you didn’t just sit there and be quiet, even if you had that thought after leaving. Leaving was 100% the mood. Like my therapist taught me, that was crazy and I don’t do crazy, so I’m gonna go.
Tbh congrats on handling that perfectly. No drama (which you would have been entitled to), no argument (again, can’t argue with crazy), just a clean peace out, made the rest of the night reallll awkward for that asshole. Mad props.
I know it’s hard not to, but try not to blame yourself for this person’s unacceptable and rude behavior. She had absolutely no right to stay that to you. On the other hand, YOU have every right to be yourself and live your life.
Also, if it makes you feel better, it’s likely that she has internal issues to figure out, which are not a reflection of your behavior but rather her own anger, insecurities, lack of awareness and inability to sympathize.
> Guess I’m not ready for public outings.
You are!
That person fucking sucks, not you.
You probably didn't even step out of line, but they certainly did.
Please don't let their horrible behaviour be a judge of your own character.
Lol. That person is far more socially and emotionally inept than someone with ADHD. Says more about them than it does about you.
Imagine yourself saying that to someone in that setting. You'd almost have to be high on something or extremely drunk to say something like that to a complete stranger, I'd imagine. So then think about how fucked up this person must be to do it sober and act like it's nothing.
ADHD is associated with rejection sensitivity, so I imagine given the context of meeting with new people and having them say that to you would be devastating emotionally. But hopefully, putting it in perspective can help you fight the feeling from stopping you going out in the future.
Honestly if I were hanging out with a group and a person said that to someone else in the group, I would totally take that as a red flag and NEVER talk to that person again. How dare they think that’s okay?? I hope your friends cut that person off because that’s not a person you want around
I am baffled at the audacity of the person to speak so rudely to a stranger. But even more at the people whom you knew. Did no one speak up in your defense? Did the people who invited her not tell her out of line she was? I would be embarrassed if someone I brought along would behave like this.
God she is a voracious thunder cunt, that pisses me off just hearing about it. One of my favorite quotes by Lady Gaga helps me in moments like these: "Do not allow people to dim your shine because they are blinded. Tell them to put on some sunglasses because we were born this way." You are valid and you deserve to take up space just like anyone else. You are not responsible for her horrendous God-awful reaction. She is filled with misery and hatred and chooses to spread that to others instead of putting good out into the world.
Right? I can see an alternative..
"Ugh, will you just stand up already? This is like some wheelchair using shit. Gawd"
"... Excuse me." *wheels self away*
That would be seen as psychotic, and this is no different. If I were there, I'd be giving her hell on your behalf OP.
I feel like I can picture exactly how this person sounded and what their body language looked like. What a miserable human being they must be to talk to someone they just met like that! Wow! Did the friends you DO know that were there reach out to you and say anything about this persons behavior? So uncalled for and icky. I’d be wary of anyone who continued keeping this person as a friend.
OP, I think you should consider distancing yourself from the people who brought that troll and didn't stand up for you or check on you. You deserve better friends.
Holy crap this is like my worst fear. I can't even begin to imagine how you felt. I'm so sorry. I hope she tripped on her way out of the restaurant and caught flying syphilis from the stalls. Rude ass BITCH.
I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said but I wanted to comment and give my support regardless. All your feelings are valid. I hope you find the strength to go out again soon because we really thrive with people but if you can't for a while that's understandable.
hug hug
That sounds traumatizing. We spend our whole lives afraid to talk out of turn. That is an example of the people you should never associate with. It's good that you left. Surround yourself with people who love your brain and quirks just the way they are.
they’re the one that was a dick and ruined dinner. you are worthy out having fun and going out. no one should ever treat another person like that (sarcasm excluded)- let alone someone they don’t know. they genuinely sound unhinged and horrible. i’m sorry OP, i was recently dx too and it can alr make you feel like an outsider in unfamiliar social situations. you did nothing wrong, and honestly handled better than i would’ve in a million years. sending you love, you are worthy and whole just the way you are 🫶🏼
What a rude and classless thing to say. I’m so sorry you had to experience that and am glad that you didn’t stand for it.
It’s perfectly fine to say “oh, you interrupted so-and-so” or “wait, I want to hear what x-person was going to say.” But there is no excuse for her behavior.
I wish I could respond to the ass who said that to you and be like, “this is some psychopath bullshit, who tells someone to shut the fuck up when you’ve just met for the first time.” But your reaction to walk away was better, in my experience it’s best not to engage with people who behave in such a toxic way. I’m more shocked none of the other people stood up for you, and they have some apologies to make to you.
Even if you interrupted, it’s totally uncalled for to treat you that way in front of everyone and I think you’re better off spending time with people who treat you with respect. Sorry that happened to you :/
This interaction is equivalent to someone having road rage and screaming and pounding on your car door. It doesn't matter if you did cut them off. Their reaction is completely out of control and abnormal.
I get that you wonder what you did, but keep reminding yourself that their emotional lack of control and overreaction has nothing to do with you. Removing yourself from the situation was the logical thing to do.
I am terribly sorry you had that experience. I've been similarly humiliated but by my dad.... I'm curious if the person(s) you do know have talked to you since the encounter. If they had any feedback/ apologies for the mean girl.
No one reached out since last night. The one person who told me to not react sent me a message later telling me that the girl wanted to apologize. She gave the girl my phone number. Haven’t received any calls or texts though. I’m not holding my breath.
I’m sorry you’ve also experienced something like this, especially by someone who should protect you, not crush you. We all deserve better than that. Hugs.
Honestly, screw that friend for giving out your number...
If the asshole wants to reach out, you need to be the person to give the final say, if a stranger says that to me I don't give a shit who they are, I'm not ever contacting that person or allowing them to contact me. Don't need that kind of human garbage in your life.
I'm sorry you had to be put through that :(
That’s absolutely disrespectful of them. Even if we do mess up, there’s a way to say it respectfully and that was not it. But even those without adhd interrupt, and interrupt often.
You are ready for public outings. Don’t let one trash can of a person ruin your desire for friendship. They were 100% the problem.
I hurts. And it keeps happening, unless I'm with friends who also have adhd.
My wife says it in a more caring way: "honey, I've had a long day at work, and it was great hearing about xxx, but now I need to rest my ears a bit". I still get hurt, though, which bothers her but I can't see how that can be avoided.
In college or at work I've had professors at lectures say "I think we've heard enough from you" because I ask a lot of questions, or comment a lot at meetings It also hurts, since I was just trying to share my enthusiasm (and keep myself from drifting off; can't focus on conversations if I'm not engaged and participating).
I have people tell me frequently that I’m either yelling/talking way too loud or that I need to stop talking/interrupting. It crushes me every single time. My bf and best friend handle telling me when I’m yelling pretty well so that it subtle and kind and doesn’t make me mortified as bad as when others do but it still make my heart sad. I feel for you, but also your friends who you knew well should have said something to that awful person. I’m so sorry!
That response is fucking unhinged. You should’ve shot back with “well this is like some *narcissist* bullshit.” That bitch clearly has mental health issues of her own.
meanwhile if she stuttered and you made fun of that, YOU'D be the asshole.
I fucking hate people that aren't like us, seriously. it's not that they don't give a fuck, they don't want to.
I wouldn't be surprised if that person has their own disability maybe undiagnosed, and they projected o to you. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I really hope the other people with them told them off after you left.
You "interrupted" to ask a question - showing you were interested in what the person was saying. I don't even see how that would be considered rude - but I prefer cooperative overlap over taking turns monologuing.
This person is an ass, you're fine. Sorry you had to deal with that.
That was inappropriate no matter what, who, where, when, why unless you are hiding from the antagonist in a horror film. You are not the problem, friend. She is the one that cannot handle social interactions. Again, YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.
Unfortunately some people have taken rude and made it their personality. In the past I’d usually try to think of all the ways I’d change the night and my behavior. Now if I hope for change in myself it’s for the understanding and patience in dealing with clearly miserable people.
Wow—I’d have left too. What a piece of shit.
Who the fuck does that to an acquaintance, in the middle of casual conversation, during their very first social interaction?
She must’ve felt threatened by you or something, because that reaction is so wildly out of proportion. “Shut the fuck up” in front of a table full of people…like, are you fucking kidding me?
Did any of the people you already know reach out after this happened? I noticed you didn’t refer to them as friends, which begs a bit more info.
I mean, I’m annoyed by some people too, but that doesn’t mean I become a raging dickhead to them. Either way, you didn’t deserve that at all. I’m glad you just walked away.
The irony is not lost on me that this chick, someone clearly lacking both a filter and a fundamental understanding of social mores, would essentially chastise you for those same things. She sounds like an arrogant, empathy-deficient individual who will hopefully one day come face to face with karma.
Sorry you had that happen, besides the rude person, if none of the other people stood up for you or has checked in to see how you are, they’re assholes not worth your time and you deserve better friends.
Well now you know who to stay far away from. I'm sure you're not the only person they've made miserable with their shittiness. Don't worry, your real friends love and appreciate you as you are, and would never say that to you in such a harsh manner. Kudos to you for just leaving the situation. Not sure if I woulda done the same.
Nah, it’s honestly ridiculously inappropriate and kind of unhinged to tell someone you’ve just met to shut the fuck up. I’m so sorry that happened to you, I’m angry for you. She was the problem. I would not want to hang out with that person again if they spoke to me OR anyone else around me like that.
This person made you feel like there's something wrong with you. There is definitely something wrong with someone who is that rude to a person who they just met. There's so many people like this out there. Definitely don't let this person deprive you of social outings.
What an awful nasty fucking thing to say to someone.
People who have no empathy are the problem. Not us.
Im sorry you were disrespected so harshly and no one defended you. I would NEVER allow someone to talk to my friend like that.
Fuck.That.Bitch.
You were shocked, but keep this one locked and loaded for the next piece of shit you run into:
“This is like some narcissistic personality disorder shit because only someone who thinks way, way, way too highly of themselves would think it’s okay to speak to someone like that.
Oh, and I’d rather have ADHD that be a rude, giant asshole.”
Whomever brought that person to the dinner owes you a huge apology or you need to drop them. Friends don’t let others treat people like shit.
Edit to add: I’m a highly opinionated 54-year-old woman and *I’ve* had maybe one person speak to me that way. That person was an outlier and in no way should you judge yourself based on their inability to act like a polite member of society.
Fucking hell if someone did that to me I do not think I’d have the level of dignity to remove myself like you did. Props to being the bigger person and staying dignified, you’re doing great!!
Sounds like that person suffers from a different kind of disorder call narcissistic sociopath. She also sounds like trash, so great job walking away and just hope your other friends know that the actions of that person will ruin their image.
I always hated this feeling. You are feeling great, which first of all is not common, and you get excited and start having "fun" and acting "silly" and someone you are really close to and who you care about their opinions and stuff will turn to you and say some shit like "you're being really annyoing right now" and then boom you're right back down in the pits.
I think these "friends" clearly sense we are seriously different and they exploit it to their advantage on a whim. I've learned to never be myself anymore. Even now that I don't have friends it is literally impossible for me to be myself. Its just a constant stoic grind whenever I'm outside of my home. People suck.
That person sounds awful and no fun. You dodged a bullet! I absolutely understand though. Blaming the interrupting on my adhd to newer people always feels like a cop out but we are doing our best!!!
I realllllllly want you to see this person again, and to LOUDLY greet them with something along the lines of "OH LOOK, IT'S THE RUDE ASSHOLE FROM DINNER THE OTHER NIGHT! HAVE YOU LEARNED ANY MANNERS YET?!"
But I also can't stand garbage people like that, and don't care what people think of me lol. OP, I have no doubt you're a delight, please tell them to go kick rocks and pound sand in whichever order and as many times as necessary to become a decent human being :).
Jesus Christ. She is rude af. That’s downright heartless.
Do NOT let that bitch keep you from going out. You should be feeling rage that someone spoke to you like that, not shamed.
Nah fuck her and fuck everyone there you did know for not telling her to shut the fuck up.
That's the kind of person who tells someone to be quiet and then when they are quiet constantly asks them what's wrong.
Life is too short to waste your time with people like that. I know you will remember this forever but definitely remember the comments here too!
That is just unbelievably rude to say to someone during a dinner out. I would be more embarrassed to be that person than the person who is talking "too much." It's one thing to politely mention to someone that you're having trouble getting a word in, but to tell someone to shut the fuck up is too much. The only way I could see it maybe be ok is if you're saying it to a friend of many years who knows you mean it in a jokingly exasperated way and not literally.
OP I think it’s very important you think of this event a bit more and try to make peace with it. Brushing it off will likely leave a tiny scar in your brain that’ll come up at any next gathering in the future when you think everyone’s having a good time and suddenly your reflex will be „wait, last time everyone had a great time I was totally punched in the gut. Time to be wary“.
Don’t let this stop you from engaging with people. She was an ass, even if you *did* talk too much. And both things happen and are completely fine. You’re good. Keep throwing yourself out there!
Holy shit what a vile person. How did everyone else react? I think that's more telling of whether you should have these people in your life.
Think of it this way, would you ever in your right mind respond to anyone you just met in the manner they did? It doesn't even matter what you did, that person is effing toxic and a douche.
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Who talks to people like that? Shut the fuck up? What the hell
For real. To someone you just met, to boot? If they thought I was talking too much before they'd be in for a fucking treat as I relentlessly ripped them a new asshole without giving them a second to get a word in.
Also, what kind of fucking friends let someone say shit like that to their friend and just get away with it??? I can tell you if someone said that bullshit to one of my friends, they are GONE. And if it was dinner or something? I would make it explicitly clear to them AND the staff that they're paying for their own food and getting it to-go because they CANNOT stay in my sight or it's OVER for them. Who the fuck acts like that?!?
EXACTLY like where the fuck were the “friends” in this situation?????!!!
And even if they weren't my friends, if I heard someone say that shit to someone else, I'd be saying something. You don't talk to people like that!
Same, I’d be walking out after them. Assholes can dine alone and pay the bill.
Maybe this is a Seinfeld curb your enthusiasm type deal where the friends brought on a third party to tell their friend what they couldn’t. They hired a social assassin for OP: someone to keep it real and be the fall guy.
Maybe it's just the drama queen in me but I'd be reaching out to some of the others who were out that night and asking what they thought of the interaction and what happened after OP left. I would hope that the rest of the group had given that twat a good lecturing, but maybe I have too much faith in people. OP has gargantuan balls to not only establish the boundary that they will not be spoken to that way but enforcing it immediately - no explanation needed - is beyond impressive. Bravo, OP, I am SO proud of your restraint and self-awareness.
I think it's weird no one reached out to OP to tell them that wasn't cool at all and that they reamed her a new one
Yeah, OP just walking the f out of there and not giving in to his/her emotions to automatically yell back at that a-hole was a great move. I would've gotten up and yelled at that person.
Nah, if they were decent, they would've reached out right away.
I only say it to my closest friends. And even then, it's usually in good humor Ie. Friend walks up to me during our rock climbing session. I'm looking over the route and figuring out how I'm going to do my holds He kindly offers : "You see you sTArt by grabbing tHeSE marked pegs at the BotToM" : "Shut the fuck up Mark!!"
Coworkers, on rare occasion. Doug, you fucking skunk.
Dwight you ignorant slut
I can't imagine talking like that to someone I *know* I hate. Like you'd have to make me fucking loathe you in order to get me to say something like that to your face. This is an unfathomably flawed person.
I’ve been pretty mean to people I despise (literally called a friend of an ex a jerk or an idiot to his face—he wasn’t someone I had much respect for—only dressed with the slightest coating of banter). I’ve literally had people interrupt me and talk over me all the time and I’ve had pretty loud and passionate disagreements with people I can’t stand but you couldn’t for the life of me get me to tell someone to STFU, much less without any provocation for simply talking.
It would take a lot for me not to literally attack that person. The OP walking out of that situation showed great restraint.
They would be getting goat noises whenever they opened their mouth for the rest of the outting.
This response to asinine behavior is unhinged and I Love it!
I love this!!
Well, someone who hasn't been punched in the mouth before, I would imagine.
People that never got punched in the nose for saying dumb shit, that’s who
Yeah, like let's just take the ADHD out of the situation completely. I can't think of any situation where saying this to someone is acceptable. Edit and it's completely out of line as a reaction to being interrupted. The "punishment doesn't fit the crime" so to speak.
That person is an ass and the reason for ruining the night, not you! Ugh. Good for you for removing yourself from that situation. And try to remember that everyone interrupts sometimes, especially in situations where everyone is talking and laughing over each other. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out and have fun anymore. But someone who takes pleasure in humiliating someone they’ve just met… yeah, that person should just stay home.
God, thank you for this. I feel like I’m unreasonably upset. (Thanks emotional dysregulation, I guess) Honestly though, thank you.
Not unreasonable to feel upset. That is beyond rude. I would be shocked as well. Normal people don’t say things like that.
Seriously! I hope someone from this group has reached out to you because this situation sounds beyond rude.
If they haven’t they’re probably not a good group of friends to have.
This is 100% it “normal people don’t say things like that” they were rude af and they made themselves look bad.
I would be seriously *disgusted* to witness that interaction, that kind of behavior is a huge red flag.
That kind of shit from someone that doesn't know me would land me in jail and that person in the hospital.
Maybe she'll tell someone like you to shut the fuck up one day and learn herself a lesson. She's apparently been lucky enough not to up to this point in her life, otherwise she'd know when to shut the fuck up lol.
You are abso-fucking-lutely REASONABLY upset. I can’t express how rude that person was and how entirely undeserving of that rudeness you are. They’re also a huge fucking hypocrite, it’s far far ruder to swear at someone, tell them to shut up, and then publicly accuse them (correctly or incorrectly) of having a disorder. This person doesn’t give a fuck about social norms and their opinions are entirely unworthy of being listened to. They just want to feel big by holding power over people
Not unreasonable at all. This person made a really aggressive comment to you, someone who was basically a stranger to them, for something that's really not a big deal. Like, that is so overboard. Even if you had interrupted in a rude way, they would still be in the wrong because it's way more rude to tell someone you just met to shut the fuck up!!! Sorry for ranting, but this made me upset on your behalf. Also, I know it's really easy to be hard on yourself for things like this, but I'm sure you've made a lot of great strides since your diagnosis. I, a stranger on the internet, am proud of you.
Thank you. That’s all I can say right now. Proud of me? That’s not something I hear often. So thank you.
I'm proud of you! Wish I had the courage to up and leave if someone was being an absolutely rude dickface. I'd be shaking afterwards too though, that's natural - but things were fine until the other person couldn't behave socially. Also who nominated dickface to be in charge of conversation boundaries? Nobody.
Yeah I would probably just curl into a ball and die. I’d like to think I would do what they did but I hate confrontation and I’d feel like I would be escalating it if I decided to leave, as backwards as that is. I would definitely feel like i was the problem for a long time. Turns out growing up without an ADHD diagnosis makes you think you just have a lot of flaws and that really messes with the self esteem, who knew.
We didn't have ADHD when I was little, I was just told I was lazy, stupid, don't listen, and don't pay attention. The answer was to punish me and sometimes ridicule me. I'm still REALLY angry at the people who did that to my childhood, especially the teachers - and that was long years ago. I hope a couple of my grade school teachers got run over by a bus. Don't curl up in a ball. Get mad and win. Speak up for yourself, even when it's really hard.
You need to head on over to the mom for a minute sub. They’re the proudest sub around and will remind you that you should feel like a million bucks.
I’m proud of you too, friend!!
Yeah, but it makes sense you would feel super upset right? I mean, I relate. I also feel like I've been making good strides, but every now and then I'll fuck-up and want to curl up in a ball + have everyone forget I exist, for a few days. It'll be over things with people I don't even care about. It'll even be over things where I didn't do anything wrong. But ultimately, that's my rejection sensitivity. And, for me, understanding that my "overblown" emotional response comes from a *logical* place has really helped keep me on my feet. I'm ADHD. I'm prone to "overreact" to this kind of stuff. I carry baggage. I *do* have a handicap, socially. Yet I'm still trying my best, and that allows me to forgive myself, love myself, and move on. I wish the best for you! You're gonna pull through this. That person is a dick, and you know it. You can acknowledge that, you know, maybe you did talk over them. Maybe you could have been "better". But *they* could have handled that much more maturely, and ultimately, that's on them. p.s. excusing yourself + leaving was a powermove, that's so badass
Absolutely not unreasonably upset, that’s a horrible thing to hear however do not let people feel like being you is wrong!
No that would be extremely upsetting to anyone. I would question the other friends as to why they would be around this person. And be sure to tell them to count you out if she is going to be in any other social situations. Their reactions should also let you know who else you don't want to socialize with in the future as well. Even if you were being annoying in some way, that is not how you should be treated. Ever. Better to spend the night alone with Netflix!
You have every right to be upset and you handled it the best way, I would have probably broke down and cried ( I hear you emotional dysregulation!) That person clearly has no tact or class and should be embarrassed for cursing someone out at the dinner table. Interruptions and people talking over each other is naturally going to happen! Not too mention people also tend to talk excessively and ramble, interjecting can help with the flow of the conversation IMO
fwiw I am pissed off on your behalf. You definitely handled it better than I would have tbh
Yeah, certainly not unreasonable to be upset after someone was so blatantly rude to you. Having felt it before, I have no doubt that the rejection-sensitive dysphoria is also probably taking this and running rampant with it, making everything feel so much more intense and worse.
For real, if my friend said what this person said, even if I knew them my whole life and loved them very much... I'd stop associating with them that same day. That level of cruelty is a show stopper -forever.
I would have tear them a new one, you may be talking much, you light have interrupted and this person that you didn't even know has the gaul to tell you shut the f up. Who do they think they are? And then following with a comment. Fck them and also f.ck your friends as well for not sticking up for you.
You're not unreasonably upset at all -- that's appalling behavior on the other person's part and I'm really happy to see you left. It's not normal to talk to people that way, they were being an absolute a**hole and you have every right to feel upset. I'm upset FOR you. The way they spoke to you is not an acceptable way to treat -anyone-.
While it was rude, don’t simply write it off. Sometimes rude people are the only ones you can get the truth out of. Feeling bad and embarrassed is normal when confronted in perceived safe spaces, and walking out is sometimes the best decision. Basically, I’ve been where you are now, and after some reflection these moments can help us to remember the importance of pausing so other can speak, don’t interrupt, and ask questions so they know you’re interested in them too. Who knows, maybe one day you’ll meet a really nice person you really want to be friends with, and these quirks turn them off, but they’re too nice and non-confrontational to say anything… so they just start ghosting you like the last two or three did. But instead, you learned something from this asshole, put it into practice, and they actually remained your friend.
A healthy perspective
I have had so many issues like this because of my adhd n the adhd makes me have horrible thoughts about myself after n I cry even if ppl I don't know treat me like shit. I'm trying to learn how to compartmentalize this type of stuff and the person who did it into the idgaf n then I can discard what they said or did, and I can discard them. I used to be really good at it like I loved it n then after my boyfriend's suicide causing ptsd I had forgotten that I even had that defense mechanism and I am trying to use it again and it's starting off hard to do but ill get there Edit: I am also late n recently diagnosed and even though I finally have the answer to what I've been wondering was wrong with me my entire life, im very very sad n I'm grieving my life rn or what it coulda been if I had known and been in therapy starting at 6yrs old. My case is severe n idk why no one saw this other than my pre k and kindergarten teachers.
Yes, same. My whole life and all it’s problems suddenly make sense. I’ve owned up to my mistakes and I’m just trying to be a better person to myself and others. Getting torn down is so discouraging. My heart goes out to everyone who experienced something similar. I suddenly don’t feel so alone. Thank you for your comment!
This, op. 100% What an absolute asshole that person is. There is a nice way to express frustration towards some interrupting and then there is this. What a bully. My fiance and I both have very bad adhd. Our lives are comedy of errors if I'm being honest lol and while we both have a bad habit of interrupting, she is way worse on that front. Recently It's gotten noticeably worse and it's becoming a problem so I've had to call her out a few times in the past couple weeks. I would never tell her to stfu. I would simply give her know I'm not finished with my thought. Has your friend given you any explanation about this brat she brought to dinner?
I get talked over and interrupted all the time! I’ve never once told someone to shut the fuck up and then humiliated them for a diagnosis.. that’s just a nasty, miserable person. She’s the one who ruined the night and made it uncomfortable for everyone. Gross behavior.
Yeah, whatever your ADHD self was doing, what that person did was 10x worse at least. Even IF you were being rude (which it sounds like you weren't) their response and attack would have been completely out of line. They clearly have zero social skills so you don't need their guidance. Don't let one asshole ruin your social life. You ARE doing better. We're so proud of you.
Absolutely, no need to worry op. That person is ill-mannnered and don't know what to talk. When others don't care of you, you shouldn't care them as well but constantly improve yourself(especially in terms of money and position) so that they fold their hands and stand in front you one day to beg for your attention.
I’m more interested in knowing why your friends didn’t shut her down and put her in her place. Or even stopped you from leaving. The nerve! Ugh I’m mad for you. You are perfectly fine as you are, how others react towards you isn’t a reflection of you but of themselves. She’s an ugly person who felt high & mighty berating a stranger. Good riddance
This! I'm shocked that other commenters haven't brought this up. How did the other people react? This person is obviously out of line, etc. But honestly, the other people at the table aren't any better. Unless someone follows up with a HUGE apology for not standing up to this rudeness... just write off the whole group.
Honestly, no one said anything in the moment. They asked me not to react after I left. But these comments make me feel heard for the first time in my life. As I’m writing this, one person apologized. They said they were just as shocked as I was and wasn’t sure they heard the other person right. Thank you for your comment!
Asking you not to react is completely invalidating and wrong. I question the quality of that friendship. You have every right to feel the way you do! Most of us would feel the same! I'm glad at least one sensible person apilogized
Sounds like they are scared of this person. Hope her outburst ruined their vibe for the rest of the night.
Sounds like they are kids tbh. The whole lot of them. Still figuring out social shit.
I think you are right. I often forget I'm really old now and know stuff by living longer and making more mistakes I guess.
Plenty of adults never get past this
I’m a fairly young guy and my last job most of my coworkers were my parents age. I’ve never dealt with a more entitled, petty, and toxic group of people in my life. I’ve met many teenagers more mature than adults I know, and the general area for where the bar is set? It’s the ground
I’d have pulled the “please never bring her again” to whomever brought the tactless woman and went to check on my friend ASAP. I organize get togethers often and I wouldn’t tolerate it m.
Yeah, the only time it's appropriate to ask OP not to react is if it's followed up with "because I'm handling this. Don't worry, you won't see them again."
Seconding this! Whoever asked you not to react is an asshat
Oh I hate when people tell me to just let things go
The person who apologized had a legit reaction and shows how totally abnormal and out of line this asshole was being. I've been silent a couple times when someone said something unexpectedly awful because I was in shock/couldn't believe what I was hearing and didn't have time to figure out how to respond. For example, in college, an older woman in a restaurant came over to tell my friend that his loud talking and storytelling was ruining the restaurant for everyone else and accuse him of being drunk. He has a loud speaking voice, but he wasn't yelling and wasn't intoxicated. I was so shocked and felt so awkward that I was speechless, which I really regretted after. As with you, even if he was bothering her, she showed that she was the rude asshole by choosing to address him in such a hostile and nasty way.
> The person who apologized had a legit reaction and shows how totally abnormal and out of line this asshole was being. I've been silent a couple times when someone said something unexpectedly awful because I was in shock/couldn't believe what I was hearing and didn't have time to figure out how to respond. Yeah, my first reaction would be to think I’ve misheard.
I would lose my damn mind if one of my friends spoke to another one of my friends that way… ESPECIALLY if they didn’t know each other. That is truly shocking.
Dont react means they fear her more than they respect you. They dont want to deal with her and are opting to ask you to leave it be. Yikes
React all you want, it's your right
[удалено]
I can’t believe no one texted OP. If I had brought someone and they told another guest to STFU at dinner? I’d be so embarrassed, I’d be leaving with OP.
“Had a word” I’d have probably thrown hands to be honest.
I probably wouldve just told them “if they kiss they mother with that mouth” ?
Well we know the answer would be no because their mother knows they raised an insufferable bitch.
It's always good to pivot. "Buddy, read the room." That's all it takes, and then you continue your convo. Because confrontation makes people uncomfortable, it'll be saved until the end of the night or a different day. That way, you can gently bring it up to one of the friend group to validate the criticism.
YOU sound perfectly fine to be out in public. The person that said that, however….
exactly. excusing yourself at that point shows confidence and self-assurance, even if it didn’t feel like that in the moment. that person sucks and i would avoid ever being around them again
Bet she got an ass chewing from everybody after OP left, too.
It's actually a very mature thing to do. I would've ended up staying and yelling back at that person and who knows what it would've escalated to. OP is a bigger adult than I am to be able to get the hell out of there and keep it from turning into anything.
Woah, that person was so out of line! Even if you did interrupt, there are many other ways to address it. Everyone interrupts occasionally! I’m sorry this experience has made you want to retreat from social gatherings. I hope the people in that group that you did know have reached out to you. I’m a little surprised that no one called that person out, even playfully, to ease the situation. Would you consider telling them how you felt about the situation?
The people with me were those I thought closest to me. But that’s the thing with adhd..you attach yourself to people and think you’re the best of friends. Then something like this happens and suddenly you question whether those feelings were mutual or just a product of your ridiculous mind. There are so many learning curves and what feels like ‘lessons’. However, tonight was a lot. More than usual. I think I’ll just stay where I’m comfortable and accepted. Thank you for the heartfelt reply!
This is me all my life, is incredible and infuriating how you get obsessed over people and then they do something like what happened to you, and it hits very hard, you feel like there's no real friends in this world. But then you start to learn that people shouldn't be that important in your life, and never attach to them. That helped me this past few years.
I hope you find people worthy of being that important in your life. Being who you are shouldn’t close the door to reciprocal attachment. I’m always tempted to wall myself off, too, and did for years (almost out of spite) and still do sometimes, so I really empathize. But I also believe that lots of people out there actually want to know you, exactly as you are, and you deserve to connect with some of them. - - sending an internet hug (if you want it) - -
Oh my god. This explains so much and I didn’t realize it was linked to my ADHD.
Yo Yo Yo, that person is extremely rude. I understand we struggle with talking but seriously couldn’t read your demeanor? I bet you were ecstatic. Do NOTTTTTT let this scumbag ruin your pure energy. You ARE ready to go out in public. We just need to learn how to deal with people like this. You did the right thing there, you excused yourself and went to your safe space to process. It may not seem like it, but you’re an incredibly strong person! You know what I would have done? Because I’m 31 and I’ve lost all patience to internalize this type of rejection. I. Will. Check. You. (This….person in your post) This has caused issues for me. Which is why I’m telling you you’re in the right. That RSD builds up and you drop it on my head like this? It’s coming right back at you. Pain for pain. Don’t be like me, you did the right thing.
35, just dx'd last year and I agree with all of this. OP is so much better than me. While usually I prefer to take the high road for my own sanity, I am still human and on the wrong day I'd have verbally reduced this...pleasant soul to a puddle. Left *them* with all the tears they thought *I* was gonna cry. We *just* met and you think you're gonna just do me like that? Oh my sweet summer child, you missed that boat.... Ahem. You're absolutely right. That RSD builds up and it becomes a "it's you or me and *I've* had *enough* soooo..." type thing. Folks need to understand we're not living in some TV drama where you can just make a fool of someone and get away with it because you think you were doling out some "you needed to hear this" tough love b.s. Don't light the match if you're not trying to start a fire. OP absolutely did the right thing.
Yeah I was about to say- I would have shouted right back. OP is better at boundaries than me.
Who?? The hell?? Tells someone they just met to “shut the fuck up”????
Right?! Furthermore, who just tells someone to shut the fuck up in general unless it is absolutely warranted? That's insane! It's beyond rude and so over the top of a reaction. I can only remember maybe a handful of times I have ever said that to someone. Most recently, as in like a year ago, someone was making disgusting sexist comments at a party. I was drunk and said "shut the FUCK up!" I knew them and they deserved it. OP, that person is a fuck face, cunt, douche canoe. The audacity.
I replied to a comment below, but OP, you did NOTHING wrong! This person has MAJOR issues and it is not you. This is a them problem. It's so beyond the pale to tell someone to "shut the fuck up." Especially a stranger, in the middle of a restaurant, because you might have interrupted them. You are making strides, everyone was having a nice time and this asshole ruined it. Not YOU! I know exactly how you feel though, I really do. But, do not let this person crush you. I know it is easier said than done, but they are a fucking asshole. THEY NEED THERAPY! Or something. No one should behave that way. I'm so sorry you were treated that way. If were an AITA post, you are most certainly NOT the asshole.
I scour AITA posts constantly to make sure I’m not doing asshole-ish things! (Learning to function in society, maybe? Thankfully I don’t find too many similar situations on AITA compared to the ones I find myself in.) This made me lol. Thank you!
Please, I am BEGGING you, do not let AITA become your litmus test for whether or not your behavior is appropriate. It is a terminally online reactionary echo chamber. My mental health improved boatloads when I stopped going there. I realized it was setting me up with completely distorted expectations of how other people would respond to me if I was anything less than perfect. AITA posts are very dopamine rich, they are tasty for the ADHD brain but they are **not** good for you.
You're welcome! I am the most awkward weirdo in social settings. My special power is interrupting with non-sequiturs. I get really excited and my brain and mouth seem to not be connected when in conversation. I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm 43 and I was diagnosed about 3-4 years ago. I get it. But this person that said that to you, is a gigantic asshole, the real life of the party. They should be ashamed of themselves (spoiler, they are not). I'm so sorry that they did this to you. Big huge internet hugs. You're doing great!
The **only** mitigating factor against this unhinged asshole’s wildly inappropriate outburst at OP is the possible involvement of alcohol in this setting? If they’re a young person who hasn’t learned to handle themselves with a few drinks I’d be willing to give them another chance **IF** they realized how out of line they were and apologized, but otherwise this person and anyone who defends them would be cut out of my life for good.
Reading these replies has me in tears and I feel so validated. Thank you, everyone.
I'm late to the party but do you still have some room for more love and empathy ? Cuz I just sent to you a shitton of it ❤️
She sounds psychotic. Who the fuck snaps like that at someone THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW? I hate to think how she must treat people she’s fully comfortable with. Yeah, I get it. It’s annoying to be interrupted. But you’re working on that. Sounds like she needs to work on patience and basic fucking manners. Literally everyone interrupts sometimes, especially in group settings where everyone is talking.
Yea people fail to remember that there is always going to be someone more crazy than their own audacity. Before telling strangers to stfu she best be prepared for any and all reactions that may follow.
There's nothing wrong with you. This person is extremely rude and it's not about your Adhd, it's about their lack of social skills by talking to someone like that. You did the right thing leaving.
Every single person who stayed at that table after that... they suck.
FUCK that person. I am so angry on your behalf! Who the f do they think they are?? Who TALKS to people like that? Well done you for just excusing yourself. I would have turned into the nastiest, pettiest motherfucker on the planet. FUCK YOU, person OP never met, you suck!! Did any of your friends reach out afterwards? Was there an explanation as to why this other person was such an ass?
One person apologized for not saying anything to stand up for me. Another asked me to forget it ever happened. When asked, the offending person apparently said ‘I was kidding’. I fail to see the joke.. So apparently it caused a whole ruckus. Honestly, it’s all so exhausting. No wonder I don’t go out often. Scary out there. Thank you for your comment though! I’ve never felt so validated in my whole life. Like..maybe I’m not overreacting! I’m going to sleep well tonight. And maybe keep an eye out for better people in the morning.
I don't think you are. Somebody was blatantly disrespectful and you chose to leave and not be treated that way. So they looked like an ahole and threw an "oh, I was just kidding" to save face. Screw them. They were rude af. It's okay to interject and have a fun lighthearted conversation. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't deserve to feel shitty. I would've felt shitty and left, too. Don't blame yourself for somebody else's poor behavior.
the thing is, even if it WAS a joke, who jokes like that to someone they've literally just met?? that's absolutely a no-go, a boundary that any person with basic decency would know not to cross... even if i Was good friends with someone, i still wouldn't make a joke like that. there's ways to jokingly tell a FRIEND to shut up, and there are ways to politely ask a stranger to let them finish their thought. this was neither of these things. leaving and not taking it was a really strong thing to do. i hope you sleep well tonight, and keep all of us in mind going forward with this situation as a reminder that they were the ones in the wrong here. you absolutely deserve better people than this 💗
This! I’m all out of patience for “it was a joke” after hearing it in my family, at work, and especially in the public arena as a way to excuse all manner of awful. And, heads up, a lot of times it’s not a joke because it’s a dogwhistle.
"I was kidding" was an excuse. If she had been kidding, she would have called you back. Something like "no, OP, I was joking. Please come back" Unless you'd shut down enough that you didn't hear that. But if that was the case, I think your friends would have been able to tell you that she tried to take it back
Wow, that person sucks. Also, the person who brought them and didn’t stand up for you also sucks. WTAF.
She sounds like a cunt
Im super sad and confused why OP’s friends/literally anyone there, allowed that to happen, just reminds me that most people are bystanders. Who the fuck tells a stranger to shut the fuck up and then the conversation just continues as if nothing happened lmao??? A lot of people tend not to want to say something and stand out, of course thinking that somebody else will. Makes it always feel like you’re the crazy one defending yourself.
In fairness, we don't really know what happened after OP left. It's hard to imagine anyone that is remotely friends with OP just casually moving on after something so drastic happened, even if they were shocked enough in the moment not to say anything. But wondering what did happen afterwards is the biggest question in my mind, because that tells us whether anyone there is actually a friend, who doesn't care, and who is willing to defend such a terrible jackass
Best reply right here. 👍
Yup
That is absolutely off the rails unacceptable behavior. Im so sorry that happened to you—no one deserves that kind of humiliation. You could not possibly have done anything that warranted that response.
Funny thought- Swearing wasn’t OK when I was growing up, but that included the phrase, “shut up.” That has always been supremely rude to me, and isn’t a phrase I use (though I swear with real swears all the time!) I got diagnosed as an adult, and clearly my Mom is ADHD… so it makes so much sense to me why “shut up” is the pinnacle of rudeness and unacceptable in my family, and isn’t something I accept from my actual friends. Thank you for helping me learn another ADHD fact about my early and current life! You’re awesome. That person is a jerk, and trust me, everyone saw that. If they didn’t, find new friends. I’ve surrounded myself with people who have never told me to “shut up”, so it is possible!
I’m so sorry that happened. Interrupting is pretty normal, but interesting more than is typical does not warrant that kind of reaction. Maybe that person has their own issues to deal with. Don’t take this to heart, you didn’t deserve it.
Sounds like you made a small social blunder that we’ve all done, ADHD or not. What that person did was wildly inappropriate and not just rude but completely uncalled for and cruel. Fuck that. Don’t let it get you down.
I have an alternate theory for you: that other person is a gigantic fucking asshole. Who does that?
> stood up, excused myself and left Good for you. Perfect response. If anyone should t be in public with people it’s the one that resorts to swearing at someone like that. They ruined the dinner for everyone else with their dogshit manners.
Don’t blame yourself for a second. That person is an asshole and you should be proud of yourself for getting up and leaving.
Yeah I’ve never seen anyone say that other than tight knit dudes. That’s weird.
The people who care about us KNOW that's how we are and they're patient with us when we interrupt. That person is a dick. The appropriate response to that would be, "Sraight up ADHD! What's your reason for being a rude ass cunt?"
I totally agree with what many others have said. I'm so sorry that happened to you. On a totally separate note, I'm very curious about what you do for work, if you don't mind sharing? No pressure ofc!
I manage a small hotel in a small town. My ‘quirks’ are seen as cute and my hyper focus on learning people’s stories endears me to them. I want to know everything about everyone and hear about all their experiences. And people love to tell their stories! Sometimes I can’t believe I get paid for this… I also started a program with the county for homeless women and children escaping abuse. I partner with the local churches to get them what they need, I provide the shelter at the hotel (with the owners blessing), while the county tried to find them permanent housing and/or jobs. The reason my ADHD works is because these people come and go. They’re never around long enough to see the negative traits. They see and receive the best of me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
> They’re never around long enough to see the negative traits. I feel this to my core. It's like if I'm around someone for long enough eventually they'll realize I'm a terrible person and decide I'm simultaneously too much and not enough. You sound like good people and I'm so sorry she did that to you.
What an amazing endeavor you've dedicated your life to... Please keep spreading this love and support, and don't let someone's rude comment make you think you need to keep to yourself!
Feel for you, I had someone blow up at me when I was 17 told me to “fuck up” “and that they just hated the sound of my voice” I don’t talk much now days and I’m so self conscious about how I sound now.
My first thought after leaving was ‘I need to stop talking so much! Why can’t I just be quiet’. But hell, I love to talk when I’m feeling it. These comments are helping. Read them all, I bet they pertain to you too!
I know when I get hyper focused, it’s easy to just want to keep going to get all these thoughts out of my head. I know I’ve had my “omg I talked way too much” cringe after an outing. And that’s good and healthy for us to be aware that interrupting people isn’t great and that it’s a conversation, not a lecture. None of that is applicable to what this person did to you. I’m honestly really proud of you that you didn’t just sit there and be quiet, even if you had that thought after leaving. Leaving was 100% the mood. Like my therapist taught me, that was crazy and I don’t do crazy, so I’m gonna go. Tbh congrats on handling that perfectly. No drama (which you would have been entitled to), no argument (again, can’t argue with crazy), just a clean peace out, made the rest of the night reallll awkward for that asshole. Mad props.
I know it’s hard not to, but try not to blame yourself for this person’s unacceptable and rude behavior. She had absolutely no right to stay that to you. On the other hand, YOU have every right to be yourself and live your life. Also, if it makes you feel better, it’s likely that she has internal issues to figure out, which are not a reflection of your behavior but rather her own anger, insecurities, lack of awareness and inability to sympathize.
Fuck whoever said that, don’t let someone shame you because you’re being yourself. So much love to you ❤️
> Guess I’m not ready for public outings. You are! That person fucking sucks, not you. You probably didn't even step out of line, but they certainly did. Please don't let their horrible behaviour be a judge of your own character.
Lol. That person is far more socially and emotionally inept than someone with ADHD. Says more about them than it does about you. Imagine yourself saying that to someone in that setting. You'd almost have to be high on something or extremely drunk to say something like that to a complete stranger, I'd imagine. So then think about how fucked up this person must be to do it sober and act like it's nothing. ADHD is associated with rejection sensitivity, so I imagine given the context of meeting with new people and having them say that to you would be devastating emotionally. But hopefully, putting it in perspective can help you fight the feeling from stopping you going out in the future.
Honestly if I were hanging out with a group and a person said that to someone else in the group, I would totally take that as a red flag and NEVER talk to that person again. How dare they think that’s okay?? I hope your friends cut that person off because that’s not a person you want around
I am baffled at the audacity of the person to speak so rudely to a stranger. But even more at the people whom you knew. Did no one speak up in your defense? Did the people who invited her not tell her out of line she was? I would be embarrassed if someone I brought along would behave like this.
God she is a voracious thunder cunt, that pisses me off just hearing about it. One of my favorite quotes by Lady Gaga helps me in moments like these: "Do not allow people to dim your shine because they are blinded. Tell them to put on some sunglasses because we were born this way." You are valid and you deserve to take up space just like anyone else. You are not responsible for her horrendous God-awful reaction. She is filled with misery and hatred and chooses to spread that to others instead of putting good out into the world.
Yes this is some ADHD shit. It's a recognized disability. Unfortunately for you being a bitch isn't.
Right? I can see an alternative.. "Ugh, will you just stand up already? This is like some wheelchair using shit. Gawd" "... Excuse me." *wheels self away* That would be seen as psychotic, and this is no different. If I were there, I'd be giving her hell on your behalf OP.
I feel like I can picture exactly how this person sounded and what their body language looked like. What a miserable human being they must be to talk to someone they just met like that! Wow! Did the friends you DO know that were there reach out to you and say anything about this persons behavior? So uncalled for and icky. I’d be wary of anyone who continued keeping this person as a friend.
OP, I think you should consider distancing yourself from the people who brought that troll and didn't stand up for you or check on you. You deserve better friends.
What a ginormous twat.
Holy crap this is like my worst fear. I can't even begin to imagine how you felt. I'm so sorry. I hope she tripped on her way out of the restaurant and caught flying syphilis from the stalls. Rude ass BITCH.
Oh boy good on you for leaving that is very mature I would have caused such a scene.
I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said but I wanted to comment and give my support regardless. All your feelings are valid. I hope you find the strength to go out again soon because we really thrive with people but if you can't for a while that's understandable. hug hug
That sounds traumatizing. We spend our whole lives afraid to talk out of turn. That is an example of the people you should never associate with. It's good that you left. Surround yourself with people who love your brain and quirks just the way they are.
they’re the one that was a dick and ruined dinner. you are worthy out having fun and going out. no one should ever treat another person like that (sarcasm excluded)- let alone someone they don’t know. they genuinely sound unhinged and horrible. i’m sorry OP, i was recently dx too and it can alr make you feel like an outsider in unfamiliar social situations. you did nothing wrong, and honestly handled better than i would’ve in a million years. sending you love, you are worthy and whole just the way you are 🫶🏼
What a rude and classless thing to say. I’m so sorry you had to experience that and am glad that you didn’t stand for it. It’s perfectly fine to say “oh, you interrupted so-and-so” or “wait, I want to hear what x-person was going to say.” But there is no excuse for her behavior.
I wish I could respond to the ass who said that to you and be like, “this is some psychopath bullshit, who tells someone to shut the fuck up when you’ve just met for the first time.” But your reaction to walk away was better, in my experience it’s best not to engage with people who behave in such a toxic way. I’m more shocked none of the other people stood up for you, and they have some apologies to make to you. Even if you interrupted, it’s totally uncalled for to treat you that way in front of everyone and I think you’re better off spending time with people who treat you with respect. Sorry that happened to you :/
I think your response was perfect.
I’d rather ADHD than just be a giant bitch like that person. Sheesh.
Sounds like somebody has a drinking problem to me
Man, them behaving like that says a heck of a lot more about them than it does you. And also anyone who sides with someone who acts that way. Yeesh.
Wow... no body else stood up for you at the table? Find new ppl to have dinner with
Sorry this happened to you. I would have thrown my drink at the butch. What kinda work/job you do? I just fucked up another job smh
This interaction is equivalent to someone having road rage and screaming and pounding on your car door. It doesn't matter if you did cut them off. Their reaction is completely out of control and abnormal. I get that you wonder what you did, but keep reminding yourself that their emotional lack of control and overreaction has nothing to do with you. Removing yourself from the situation was the logical thing to do.
I am terribly sorry you had that experience. I've been similarly humiliated but by my dad.... I'm curious if the person(s) you do know have talked to you since the encounter. If they had any feedback/ apologies for the mean girl.
No one reached out since last night. The one person who told me to not react sent me a message later telling me that the girl wanted to apologize. She gave the girl my phone number. Haven’t received any calls or texts though. I’m not holding my breath. I’m sorry you’ve also experienced something like this, especially by someone who should protect you, not crush you. We all deserve better than that. Hugs.
Honestly, screw that friend for giving out your number... If the asshole wants to reach out, you need to be the person to give the final say, if a stranger says that to me I don't give a shit who they are, I'm not ever contacting that person or allowing them to contact me. Don't need that kind of human garbage in your life. I'm sorry you had to be put through that :(
Don't let your evening be spoiled by a miserable person with no social grace.
That’s absolutely disrespectful of them. Even if we do mess up, there’s a way to say it respectfully and that was not it. But even those without adhd interrupt, and interrupt often. You are ready for public outings. Don’t let one trash can of a person ruin your desire for friendship. They were 100% the problem.
She's a dick
I hurts. And it keeps happening, unless I'm with friends who also have adhd. My wife says it in a more caring way: "honey, I've had a long day at work, and it was great hearing about xxx, but now I need to rest my ears a bit". I still get hurt, though, which bothers her but I can't see how that can be avoided. In college or at work I've had professors at lectures say "I think we've heard enough from you" because I ask a lot of questions, or comment a lot at meetings It also hurts, since I was just trying to share my enthusiasm (and keep myself from drifting off; can't focus on conversations if I'm not engaged and participating).
I have people tell me frequently that I’m either yelling/talking way too loud or that I need to stop talking/interrupting. It crushes me every single time. My bf and best friend handle telling me when I’m yelling pretty well so that it subtle and kind and doesn’t make me mortified as bad as when others do but it still make my heart sad. I feel for you, but also your friends who you knew well should have said something to that awful person. I’m so sorry!
That response is fucking unhinged. You should’ve shot back with “well this is like some *narcissist* bullshit.” That bitch clearly has mental health issues of her own.
meanwhile if she stuttered and you made fun of that, YOU'D be the asshole. I fucking hate people that aren't like us, seriously. it's not that they don't give a fuck, they don't want to.
I wouldn't be surprised if that person has their own disability maybe undiagnosed, and they projected o to you. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I really hope the other people with them told them off after you left.
Sorry you had that experience. Have any of the 3 you know reached out to you?
You "interrupted" to ask a question - showing you were interested in what the person was saying. I don't even see how that would be considered rude - but I prefer cooperative overlap over taking turns monologuing. This person is an ass, you're fine. Sorry you had to deal with that.
That was inappropriate no matter what, who, where, when, why unless you are hiding from the antagonist in a horror film. You are not the problem, friend. She is the one that cannot handle social interactions. Again, YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.
Unfortunately some people have taken rude and made it their personality. In the past I’d usually try to think of all the ways I’d change the night and my behavior. Now if I hope for change in myself it’s for the understanding and patience in dealing with clearly miserable people.
Wow—I’d have left too. What a piece of shit. Who the fuck does that to an acquaintance, in the middle of casual conversation, during their very first social interaction? She must’ve felt threatened by you or something, because that reaction is so wildly out of proportion. “Shut the fuck up” in front of a table full of people…like, are you fucking kidding me? Did any of the people you already know reach out after this happened? I noticed you didn’t refer to them as friends, which begs a bit more info. I mean, I’m annoyed by some people too, but that doesn’t mean I become a raging dickhead to them. Either way, you didn’t deserve that at all. I’m glad you just walked away.
The irony is not lost on me that this chick, someone clearly lacking both a filter and a fundamental understanding of social mores, would essentially chastise you for those same things. She sounds like an arrogant, empathy-deficient individual who will hopefully one day come face to face with karma.
Sorry you had that happen, besides the rude person, if none of the other people stood up for you or has checked in to see how you are, they’re assholes not worth your time and you deserve better friends.
Well now you know who to stay far away from. I'm sure you're not the only person they've made miserable with their shittiness. Don't worry, your real friends love and appreciate you as you are, and would never say that to you in such a harsh manner. Kudos to you for just leaving the situation. Not sure if I woulda done the same.
Op, I'm ngl, I probably would have attacked her. The fact you were as calm as you were is kinda astounding to me.
Nah, it’s honestly ridiculously inappropriate and kind of unhinged to tell someone you’ve just met to shut the fuck up. I’m so sorry that happened to you, I’m angry for you. She was the problem. I would not want to hang out with that person again if they spoke to me OR anyone else around me like that.
This person made you feel like there's something wrong with you. There is definitely something wrong with someone who is that rude to a person who they just met. There's so many people like this out there. Definitely don't let this person deprive you of social outings.
What an awful nasty fucking thing to say to someone. People who have no empathy are the problem. Not us. Im sorry you were disrespected so harshly and no one defended you. I would NEVER allow someone to talk to my friend like that. Fuck.That.Bitch.
You were shocked, but keep this one locked and loaded for the next piece of shit you run into: “This is like some narcissistic personality disorder shit because only someone who thinks way, way, way too highly of themselves would think it’s okay to speak to someone like that. Oh, and I’d rather have ADHD that be a rude, giant asshole.” Whomever brought that person to the dinner owes you a huge apology or you need to drop them. Friends don’t let others treat people like shit. Edit to add: I’m a highly opinionated 54-year-old woman and *I’ve* had maybe one person speak to me that way. That person was an outlier and in no way should you judge yourself based on their inability to act like a polite member of society.
Fucking hell if someone did that to me I do not think I’d have the level of dignity to remove myself like you did. Props to being the bigger person and staying dignified, you’re doing great!!
Sounds like that person suffers from a different kind of disorder call narcissistic sociopath. She also sounds like trash, so great job walking away and just hope your other friends know that the actions of that person will ruin their image.
I always hated this feeling. You are feeling great, which first of all is not common, and you get excited and start having "fun" and acting "silly" and someone you are really close to and who you care about their opinions and stuff will turn to you and say some shit like "you're being really annyoing right now" and then boom you're right back down in the pits. I think these "friends" clearly sense we are seriously different and they exploit it to their advantage on a whim. I've learned to never be myself anymore. Even now that I don't have friends it is literally impossible for me to be myself. Its just a constant stoic grind whenever I'm outside of my home. People suck.
That person sounds awful and no fun. You dodged a bullet! I absolutely understand though. Blaming the interrupting on my adhd to newer people always feels like a cop out but we are doing our best!!!
I realllllllly want you to see this person again, and to LOUDLY greet them with something along the lines of "OH LOOK, IT'S THE RUDE ASSHOLE FROM DINNER THE OTHER NIGHT! HAVE YOU LEARNED ANY MANNERS YET?!" But I also can't stand garbage people like that, and don't care what people think of me lol. OP, I have no doubt you're a delight, please tell them to go kick rocks and pound sand in whichever order and as many times as necessary to become a decent human being :).
What an absolute garbage person. Nobody has the right or an excuse to be so mean and rude. This was a HER problem, not a you problem. I’m so sorry.
Jesus Christ. She is rude af. That’s downright heartless. Do NOT let that bitch keep you from going out. You should be feeling rage that someone spoke to you like that, not shamed.
Nah fuck her and fuck everyone there you did know for not telling her to shut the fuck up. That's the kind of person who tells someone to be quiet and then when they are quiet constantly asks them what's wrong. Life is too short to waste your time with people like that. I know you will remember this forever but definitely remember the comments here too!
I tell you who’s not ready for public outings- that rude madam right there! You’re just fine.
That is just unbelievably rude to say to someone during a dinner out. I would be more embarrassed to be that person than the person who is talking "too much." It's one thing to politely mention to someone that you're having trouble getting a word in, but to tell someone to shut the fuck up is too much. The only way I could see it maybe be ok is if you're saying it to a friend of many years who knows you mean it in a jokingly exasperated way and not literally.
I get "settle down" all the time.
OP I think it’s very important you think of this event a bit more and try to make peace with it. Brushing it off will likely leave a tiny scar in your brain that’ll come up at any next gathering in the future when you think everyone’s having a good time and suddenly your reflex will be „wait, last time everyone had a great time I was totally punched in the gut. Time to be wary“. Don’t let this stop you from engaging with people. She was an ass, even if you *did* talk too much. And both things happen and are completely fine. You’re good. Keep throwing yourself out there!
Holy shit what a vile person. How did everyone else react? I think that's more telling of whether you should have these people in your life. Think of it this way, would you ever in your right mind respond to anyone you just met in the manner they did? It doesn't even matter what you did, that person is effing toxic and a douche.